by Ashley Lane
I nod in agreement and extend my hand, leading her to the bright red door that’s propped open with a brick that’s also been painted red.
Inside, there are six red tables, each surrounded by four mismatched chairs. On the walls, antique coffee grinders hang from old butcher’s hooks, and above the counter, a square of steel mesh is framed by old, dark timber and suspended from the ceiling by chains. Hanging from the mesh are assorted tea pots in different patterns and colors.
Oakley takes in the entire area and turns to me, still smiling. “Nothing in here matches… it’s perfect.”
“Jax, honey, how are you?” Belle, the barista, has been working at Hideaway since it opened its doors five years ago. She’s a crazy little old lady—in the best way—and a little loud, but she makes one hell of a coffee.
“I’m good, Belle, how are you?”
She nods as she flits around behind the counter. “Really good. So what’ll it be?”
I order our coffees and while I’m waiting at the counter, Oakley’s screech of… I’m not sure if it’s horror or delight, but it has me turning my head in her direction. When I see where she’s standing, I laugh.
“She found Bandit,” Belle says. “He makes all the girls scream.”
I pinch my nose between my thumb and finger. “Jesus Christ, Belle…”
“What?” She flicks her bright pink hair back over her shoulder and winks. “It’s the truth.”
Thankfully, Oakley’s voice allows me to avoid Belle for the moment. “JAX! Oh my God, there’s a lizard in here!” she calls from where Bandit’s tank is.
I give her a wink to let her know I’m on my way, and Belle laughs as she passes over the coffees that I carry to a table near the window.
“You like lizards,” I ask her.
She leans down to get a closer look at Bandit. “I do now. I’ve never seen one, I mean, not a live one like this.” She narrows her eyes. “Is that… is his blanket… a burrito?”
I chuckle. “Yeah, it’s a burrito. Bandit here is a bearded dragon. I’ll have to bring you back when it’s not busy, Belle takes him for a walk outside in the garden.”
Her eyes grow wide, then she squints as though I’m lying. “It’s true, ask Belle.”
“A walk… like a dog…?” she trails off. “But wouldn’t it get lost?”
“Nah, she has a leash for him, made it herself. It’s even got his name spelled out in beads.” I sit on the chair and with one last glance back at Bandit, Oakley sits and lowers her voice. “A leash?”
I nod and take a sip of the freshly brewed coffee. The rich aroma brings a welcome, calming scent. “He has a harness too, so he can’t escape.”
This time she only nods, then picks up her coffee and takes a mouthful. Her eyes dart back and forth between the mini dragon and me. “Well great. Now I want a dragon.” she pouts staring longingly at Bandit who’s chilling on his burrito blanket and all I can do is laugh, thinking all the while I could spend forever watching her pout and it would never get old.
Christ. This woman has already forced her way into my mind, and now, after spending less than a few hours with her, she’s pushing into the hollow cavity where my heart lies. For a fleeting moment, I wonder if I could make a relationship work with someone other than Maddox.
Belle, approaching our table, brings me back to the present.
“Jax, would you mind giving this to Angel?” She extends her hand and hands me a drill. “He helped me put together some shelves in the back for extra stock and left it here.” I take the drill and place it on the other side of the table. I’ll give it to Priest or Bullet at the garage tomorrow for them to pass along.
“Is he okay? I haven’t seen him for ages,” she adds.
I inhale, and when I exhale I attempt to school my features, but Belle must notice something, and as she opens her mouth to speak, a customer at the counter dings the silver bell. She gives me a look promising that this isn’t over and I exhale.
Saved by the bell… for now at least.
“So, how have you been,” I ask Oakley, hoping she didn’t pick up any tension during the exchange with Belle.
“Honestly, better than I have in a long time,” she admits then ads on almost bashfully, “I actually ended up getting a job at Corrupt.” she says, shocking the shit out of me. After the way Malcolm treated her, I honestly can’t believe she ever stepped foot in that place again. Also shocking the shit out of me is the rush of jealousy that has me feeling like I’m seconds from turning into the hulk at the thought of men seeing her so exposed. “Really?” I can’t hide the shock in my voice, but I do manage to hide the building jealousy. “How did that happen?”
Her smile is blinding then. “I ran into one of the girls that works there at the park one day. She convinced me to come back in, so I gave it a shot. She’s actually the roommate I was talking to in the store, I’m renting a room from her.” Happiness radiates off of her and I can’t help but be happy for her myself.
She pauses and her gaze turns scrutinizing—watchful. “And my boss is amazing. He doesn’t pressure me to dance or do anything I’m not comfortable with, so I’ve basically been sticking to waitressing right now.”
Well fuck. There’s no question that she knows who I am to Angel. And the fact that she’s almost trying to defend his character to me says she knows I was the one who broke things off with him. Oh little one, if you only knew I died the day I walked away.
“How about you, you work at Wicked Wrench, right?”
After a mouthful of coffee, I reply. “Yeah, I love it. Ever since I was young I was always tinkering with things, seeing how they worked and ran. There was never any question as to what I wanted to do. I’ve always been good with my hands.” What the fuck. Why did I say that? And where the hell did the suggestive tone come from? I pray it went unnoticed, but from Oakley’s face it didn’t. Well fuck.
Oakley’s cheeks turn pink and she bites her lip, but there’s a hint of a smirk there. “So, I hope this isn’t out of line, but you tried to help me once and now I want to do the same for you.”
“Jax,” Oakley says as she slides her hand over the top of mine. “Don’t give up on him. I know it’s not my place to say, but it’s easy to see you’re both in pain. You’re both good men. You deserve all the happiness you can get.” Why did that statement bring sadness to your eyes, sweet girl?
“What about you, Oakley? Do you have anyone in your life, because you deserve it too, you know.” The smile she’s had all day falters, and she averts her gaze.
“I don’t need anyone. It’s just been me for a long time and I’ve learned to be okay with that. Not everyone gets their happily ever after, Jax,” she whispers.
Challenge accepted, sweetheart.
Challenge accepted.
CHAPTER 14
JAX
“What do you mean you aren’t coming to dinner?” Fuck. Mama’s tone borders on hysterical. As though turning down dinner is one of the worst sins imaginable in the Mendez house.
I sigh. “Mama—”
“Don’t you Mama me!” The tapping sound in the background tells me she’s holding her wooden spoon with a death grip, tapping it on the counter in an attempt to calm herself. “I am getting old, mi hijo. Each day Padre Santo lets me wake up on His earth is a blessing. And yet you waste time with your mama? You cancel dinner…”
I roll my eyes at her dramatics. “You’re in perfect health, Mama. As a matter of fact, the last time we visited your doctor he wanted to know your secret,” I remind her.
She gives me a huff of indignation. “The secret is staying busy. Book club, church. Cooking for my children.”
God, I’m glad she can’t see my face right now, there’d be no way to hide my smirk. “In that case your wrinkles will be happy to cook for me again tomorrow night, si?”
“Wrinkles?!” she gasps before praying in Spanish, asking God to give her patience with unappreciative children.
The real reason for my call shov
es the laughter down and replaces my smirk with a sigh. Emotions wage war inside me. Hope clashes with fear and doubt. When I’ve been silent too long, Mama speaks again.
“Talk to me, my boy. Something is wrong, si?”
I clear my throat, trying to dislodge the lump that’s formed there.
“I’m meeting Maddox,” I admit, staring through the windshield of my truck while sitting in the parking lot outside Corrupt.
Mama hums under her breath. “Did he ask for this?”
I look away from the building and trace my finger around the leather stitching on the steering wheel. “Yeah. Said he wanted to talk.” And I couldn’t say no.
“Maybe the time away has done him good,” she suggests.
I snort. “We’ve broken up plenty enough times for him to know what it’s like when I’m not around.” I sound like an ass, but the truth is, the pain from our breakup still lingers. My heart is still in pieces, and most of those pieces are lodged somewhere inside Maddox.
“True,” she agrees “But maybe it took you walking away from him this time. Now Maddox might realize what he lost.”
Mama’s words hit me like a battering ram. I thought—hoped—the same thing myself when I saw the text on my phone earlier tonight. But hope is a dangerous thing, and I’ve been burned one too many times to have any sense of hope when it comes to Maddox.
It’s been weeks since I closed the door on him, and still, the pain tears at my insides, shredding me apart with each fleeting thought, each memory of his touch. Everything hurts like a motherfucker—everything aches, and he’s the only one who has the power to take it away.
“Do you still love him, mi hijo?” Mama asks.
I’ve loved Maddox for so long I can barely remember a time when I didn’t live and breathe for him. No amount of space and time will ever lessen the love I have for him.
“Mama, I have to go, love you.” Before she can continue her questioning, I promise not to miss tomorrow night’s dinner, then I hang up, focused only on the man I need to see.
***
I spot Rhys behind the bar as soon as I walk into Corrupt. “How’s it goin’, man?” I shake his hand over the bar.
“Good, I haven’t seen you around much lately, been busy?” he asks.
Clearly Maddox hasn’t made it known we’re no longer together. If he had, Rhys would definitely be uncomfortable around me. He’s always been loyal to Madd and the Guardians and would take their side in a heartbeat.
In one way, I’m glad Maddox didn’t mention us. It gives me hope that this meeting with him will go well. But there’s also the lingering doubt. Am I that forgettable that I’m not even worth mentioning? Shaking my head to free my thoughts, I take a seat at the bar.
“Yeah, the garage has been packed,” I tell Rhys. It’s not exactly a lie. Business at Wicked Wrench has been booming. In other words, it’s the time of year when all the granny’s in town bring their cars in for their yearly oil change. The average car needs an oil change every three thousand miles and for most folks that work and travel, which can equate to several changes a year. But for the silver hairs who only drive to church and bingo, a yearly is all they need.
They may seem sweet and innocent, but based on the looks they give us when we’re working on their cars, I’m convinced more than half of those ladies are closet freaks. I wouldn’t be surprised to find their bible shares a bedside drawer with a massive ten-speed dildo.
Rhys clears his throat. “Boss said to send you to your usual booth. I’ll let him know you’re here.”
With a nod, I make my way over to the booth. It’s in the middle of the two rooms. On one side we have a clear view of the bar and on the other, we can see into the dancefloor and the stage where the strip shows take place. Maddox prefers this spot so that he can keep an eye on everything.
Speak of the devil. Well, the angel. Angel slides into the seat opposite me. His face is pale and dark circles are visible beneath his blue eyes that aren’t as bright as they used to be.
“Have you eaten?” he asks.
I fight the urge to close my eyes as his voice washes over me. “Figured if we were meetin’ here we’d eat while we talk.”
Angel lets out a shaky breath and pushes his hand through his thick blond hair. The sadness in his eyes is nearly suffocating.
“Jax, I—”
I cut him off. “Why don’t we get something to eat first?” I offer. “I’m starving, and honestly, you look like you could use a good meal.”
A smirk tugs at the corner of his lips. “Is that a nice way of tryin’ to tell me I look like shit, Mendez?”
“Oh, I’m not trying to be nice. You look like dog shit,” I admit, and we both laugh.
“Hey there stranger! We’ve missed your face around here,” Shelly says as she plops down into the booth with me. I grin and pull her into my side.
“Yeah work’s been busy.” I look at Madd. “But hopefully it’ll ease up soon and I can be here more.”
Longing floods his features. He understands my deeper meaning, so I hold his gaze and pull back the shutter I’ve had in place since I let him go. For the first time, I let every ounce of pain and despair bleed from my soul through my eyes.
Madd takes in a shaky breath as his own eyes clench, unable to face the pain reflected in mine. My body aches as my muscles fight the ingrained response to go to him, to hold him and piece him back together until his pain is only a memory.
The familiar energy that surrounds us whenever we’re together electrifies the air, and I nearly groan as it envelops me. It’s a feeling I never thought I’d have to live without. If only he knew the power he wields over me.
I lied when I told Maddox that I couldn’t do this anymore. That I needed to walk away because he was killing me. While there was truth in the words, it wasn’t him that was killing me. It was knowing I had to walk away so that he could be free to find the person that could heal the hurt I never could.
The truth is Maddox Black can string me along for the rest of my life and I will willingly hang by that thread until God calls me home.
I read a quote once about love. It said something like If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it’s yours, if not it was never meant to be. The day I let Maddox go, I was under no illusion he would come back to me. The love I have for him could fill a thousand oceans, but no matter the depth, it will never change the fact that love alone is not enough.
My thoughts briefly turn to Oakley, we had such a great time at the coffee shop, and she’s perfect, but she’s not Maddox. I need him like I need the air to breathe. But there’s no denying there’s something about her, something Maddox doesn’t have. Something that’s calling to me. I shake my head and the thoughts from my mind, tonight is about Maddox.
And the devastating truth is that no matter how hard or fierce I love him; I can’t fill all those cracks inside. I can’t bury the bone deep pain he carries, and I can’t pull the truths from him if he refuses to share them with me.
Shelly picks up on the tangible tension surrounding the table and pauses her rambling, which I completely blocked out while my mind was caught elsewhere.
“Um… I kinda feel like a voyeur right now,” she admits, and fans herself with her order pad. “I’m just going to get your usual orders put in…” she trails off and hightails it toward the kitchen.
“Looks like we scared her off.” I smirk, trying to lighten the mood.
“Jax, I need to talk to you.” My gut tightens. I’ve never seen Maddox so serious, and I’m terrified of what he’s going to say.
“Why don’t we head upstairs? Have this conversation somewhere a little more private.”
Maddox shakes his head. “We both know the second I get you alone, I’m not going to be able to control myself.”
I groan as blood rushes to my dick—that is one hundred percent on board with that plan. At least that hasn’t changed—our attraction to each other is second to none. No amount of time or hurt can ch
ange the carnal response our bodies have toward one another.
“As much as I wish that was all we needed to fix us… it’s not.” He swallows. “Before we go there again, you deserve to know the truth about me. The whole truth.”
The room spins on its axis. Years of trying to fight my way inside the walls this man has built up are finally coming to a head. I can’t believe this is happening. He’s about to let me inside and the triumph I imagined I’d feel if this moment ever came to fruition is nowhere to be found. Fear takes its place. I’m so goddamn terrified of the truths he’s going to reveal.
“Okay.” The sounds of the room are drowned out as the pounding of my heart takes their place.
Maddox looks down at his hands resting on the table. My eyes are drawn there as well, noting the way they tremble. He takes a deep breath, and another before he lifts his head and meets my gaze head on.
I take one last moment to tell my defenses, preparing for the potential impact of his words. With bated breath, I wait.
“I was twelve the first time my step-dad raped me.”
The admission, whispered into the air between us, may as well have been screamed out from the top of his lungs.
A pained wail escapes my chest as it caves in upon itself. No amount of time could have prepared me against the destruction of his words.
His voice is almost child-like, softer and quieter than I’ve ever heard it. “It went on for two years before the school realized something was seriously wrong and they called it in.”
“Two years?” I roar. My heart races wildly in my chest, beating so hard I fear it’s about to break through my ribcage. “Where—where the fuck…?” I grasp at my chest; each heaving breath only serves to increase the pressure on my heart. “Fuck, Madd, where was your mom? Why didn’t she stop him?” I choke on a sob.
Maddox never told me much about his mother or his childhood. All I knew was that she was killed in a car accident not long after he graduated high school. How could she let this happen?
He raises his voice. “She didn’t know.” He shakes his head and looks away in shame. Lowering his voice, he continues, but it’s clear from his take-no-shit tone that he won’t stand for any negativity toward her. “She was so fucking happy, you know? She always struggled to provide for us, but that changed when she met—” He pauses as though the mere thought of mentioning his mom’s husband’s name will destroy him. “I couldn’t… I couldn’t take that away from her.”