by Martha Long
Hairy came out an handed me two stale loaves. I put them in me pillacase an put it over me shoulder, an decided te go out the back way. As I was passin the chapel, I saw a bicycle parked outside wit a black saddlebag strapped on the back. I peeked inta the chapel te see wha was goin on. The priest was sayin Mass. I shut the door quickly, tha must be his bike! I hesimitated fer a minute an put down me pillacase. I’ll just have a look in the bag. I undid the straps, an the bag was filled wit ten-pack Carroll cigarettes! Me eyes lit up. Cigarettes! Jackser! Ah, no, he doesn’t smoke these. He’d only smoke Woodbines. Then I had an idea. I filled me pillacase wit the cigarettes an rushed off. Aroun by the childre’s home, past the farm, down the back lane, out the gate, an on te the road headin fer Drumcondra. Down the hill I flew, across Griffith Avenue wit the Whitehall police station on me right.
I stopped at the traffic lights, an gave a quick look over te see if the alarm had been raised an they were searchin fer me. Me heart was pumpin. I took out a ten pack of Carrolls an walked inta the shop an put them on the counter. ‘Me da says I’m te bring these back, cos it’s ten Woodbines he wants. I got the wrong ones!’
The woman looked over the counter at me. ‘Did ye buy these here?’
‘Yeah, I did!’
She looked at them an looked at me. ‘I don’t remember servin you.’
‘Oh, yes, Mam! I bought them here all right!’
She looked me straight in the eye. I didn’t move a muscle. ‘All right, then.’
I let me breath out slowly. She handed me ten Woodbines, an change! I was out the door an inta the next shop. A few people were waitin te be served. I looked around. It was a vegebale an grocery shop. There were shoppin bags wit food lined against the walls waitin fer collection. Gawd! They’re very respectable, the people livin aroun here, they get their messages done fer them.
I hesimitated fer a second – nobody lookin! I grabbed one of the shoppin bags an flew out the door. I tore up the hill an sat down on a bench outside the Bishop’s Palace, an opened the bag. I pulled out a chicken wit some of its feathers still stuck te it, an it still had its head an the eyes were closed, an I was very disappointed. A chicken! But it wasn’t cooked, an me ma doesn’t know how te cook. I left the chicken beside me on the seat wit its two front legs stickin up in the air an looked in the bag. A packet of tea wit a picture on it of a woman holdin a basket full of tea leaves. I put tha down beside the chicken. A red jelly, an me ma can’t make jelly either! I asked her once, when I came outa the hospital, te make jelly, an she said ye need an ice box. Maybe we can eat it raw. A jar of marmalade an a packet of Jacob’s Cream Crackers. Tha’s the lot. I opened the side of the bag an found a purse. It had half a crown ! Ah, Gawd! Me ma’ll go mad wit delight, an Jackser will be over the moon wit his Woodbines.
I put everythin back in the bag an rushed on, goin from shop te shop until I had got rid of all the Carroll cigarettes an changed them fer Woodbines. I kept the half-crown fer me ma an spent the change from the cigarettes. I bought a packet of oxtail soup fer the meat, an a half-pound of margarine, an a pound of sugar. An I bought sweets fer the childre an a banana fer the babby Harry. An a choc ice fer meself an a Bunty comic. I better not let Jackser see the comic or he’ll rip it te shreds. He goes mad if he catches me lookin at comics. He says I’m idlin, but I just love te look at the comics, especially the Bunty. I can’t read them, but I look at the pictures an follow the story tha way. But tha’s not enough fer me any more. I want te know wha they’re sayin. So I’m mad te learn te read. I know the letters, an now I’m goin aroun spellin all the signs on the buses, an the shop names, an the billboards on the walls. Anywhere I see writin, I spell it, an then break it in half an get the sound, an then put them together an say the word. I do tha now wit me comics, an I’m nearly gettin there. Soon, I’ll be able te read.
Jackser’s gone mad on the drink. Our nerves are gone very bad, sittin in the dark waitin fer him te come home. Me ma sits on the chair lookin out the winda. I go te bed an pray there will be no more trouble. I roll meself inta a ball, cos every night Jackser kicks the legs an back off me, cos he says I’m te get me fuckin legs away from him. I don’t know I’m touchin him, cos I’m in me sleep. An he stretches his feet all the way down te me back. Me ma keeps mutterin te me from the winda. ‘Oh, Jaysus! Me nerves are gone wit this bastard,’ she says. ‘He’ll come in now, mouldy drunk, an upend the place.
‘Here he is! Here he is!’ she suddenly says, an me heart starts te pound.
‘Don’t say anythin, Ma. Please, Ma! Don’t say anythin. He’ll kill us. Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!’ I beg. Me teeth are chatterin, an I’m shakin all over. Dear God, don’t let him start any more trouble. Keep us safe. I don’t know whether te dive under the blankets, or get up te save me mammy. I sit up in the bed, holdin me hands, an me ma jumps up an rushes inta the scullery.
He stumbles inta the hall an slams against the door. ‘Ma! Ma! Let him in,’ I croak.
‘Open the fuckin door, Mrs. Come on!’ An he bangs on the door wit his fist. I jump outa the bed an open the door. He pushes the door an flattens me against the wall, bangin me head wit a thump. ‘Where is she? Come outa there, ye fuckin aul hag, ye!’ An he stumbles inta the scullery an drags me ma out. ‘Ye won’t keep a man locked out of his own home.’ He shakes her by the neck an then starts punchin her. Me ma screams, an Harry sits up in the bed. He doesn’t know wha’s happenin an screams from fright. Teddy wakes up, an his face is blue from the shock, an he crawls over Charlie an puts out his arms fer me te lift him.
Jackser tears the hair from me mammy’s head an throws her aroun the floor an kicks her. I jump outa the way an press meself inta the corner. ‘Ah, no, Jackser! Please! Please! Don’t hurt me mammy. Please, Jackser! We’ll do whatever ye want,’ I’m sobbin, too afraid te scream.
Jackser whirls aroun on the balls of his feet an glares at me. His eyes are mad, an the spits are leakin outa his mouth. He grabs the chair an swings it through the air, an smashes the winda. ‘I’ll kill ye’s all!’ he screams. ‘I’ll do time fer ye’s! They’ll fuckin hang me!’
The glass smashes on te the ground an inta the room, an I’m screamin. Charlie charges outa the bed an dives underneath. Jackser lunges fer the bed an just misses Charlie, an grabs Teddy instead an picks him up by the legs. An Teddy catches his breath, an he swings him out the broken winda, an me ma can’t get up from the floor. She’s holdin her stomach, an she gives a piercin scream an says, ‘Murder! He’s murderin me child! Get help, Martha! He’s goin te kill the lot of us.’
I tear me face from me ma an look at Jackser flingin poor Teddy across te the bed. I charge fer the door, an he grabs me by the hair an punches me in the face. An me nose shoots out blood like a fountain. Then he opens the door an slams me across the hall, flyin through the air until I hit the woman’s door opposite.
I lay like a heap of rubbish on the ground, pumpin blood everywhere, I was chokin on it. The woman came runnin out an screamed at Jackser te stop his blackguardin cos she was goin across te Store Street police station te bring back the police. She had her coat thrown on, an she ran fer the police. I was crawlin aroun, tryin te get up, but the blood was pourin outa me like a tap. An I wanted te get up te try an stop him from killin everyone, but I was winded, an the pain in me back an chest wouldn’t let me breathe. I was desperately lookin out the hall, hopin someone would come, but it was dark. An the only noise was our screamin. Jesus! Jesus! Please don’t let him kill us. Make him stop.
The door of the old man’s flat opened, an he came out slowly, afraid of his life. ‘Sweet Jesus!’ he whispered, comin towards me. I pulled meself up slowly, holdin on te the wall. The blood wouldn’t stop pumpin from me nose, an I had te keep me head down an let it flow, or it went down me throat an choked me if I lifted me head. He held me arm an asked where all the blood was comin from, an saw it was me nose, an said he’ll get somethin te stop the bleedin. Then he let me go an put his head in the room slowly an said, ‘Are ye’s all right?’
Jackser roared, ‘She won’t leave me alone! Day an night I have te listen te her complainin! Mornin, noon an night. It never stops. Well, I’m puttin an end te it here an now. I’m goin te get rid of the lot of them. I’d be better off locked up.’
‘Ah! Don’t be sayin tha. It will be all right.’
‘No!’ Jackser roared. ‘I’ll fuckin finish them off.’
‘Take it easy! Take it easy,’ I heard the old man say.
I crept over te the door an put me head in the room, spillin pools of blood after me. I saw straight away Teddy was hurt. Blood was pourin outa him. His neck an hands an face was covered wit blood, an he was screamin. He was pressed inta the corner of the bed, his back against the wall. Harry was leanin himself against the wall, too, the side of his face pressed against the wall. An he was watchin te see if someone was goin te hurt him. An he was sobbin his heart out, his chest heavin up an down, an his eyes was like huge saucers. Me ma was on the floor, holdin herself up by the side of the bed, an she was in terrible pain. She couldn’t get up.
‘No more! Oh, stop him! Oh, Jesus help us! Tha’s enough! Don’t do any more,’ she was implorin.
‘Shut up!’ Jackser screamed at her, lungin wit his fists, bendin his head inta her face.
I screamed, an the childre were hysterical, an the young girl from next door ran in. Her mother must have told her not te come out. But she ran in, probably worried about her mammy. She took one look an grabbed me. ‘Come on! Get out.’
‘No! No!’ I screamed, an Jackser ran inta the scullery an grabbed the knife. The young one lunged fer Teddy an dragged him off the bed an ran wit him. I got te me senses an grabbed Harry. An I was screamin, ‘Help! Murder! He’s goin te kill me ma. Charlie! Get outa there! Get outa there!’ an I was runnin te get outa the room.
I saw Jackser jump on me ma wit the knife. He had his knee on her stomach. The woman came tearin back inta the hall an rushed past me, screamin at her daughter te lock the door. ‘Lock the door!’ she was screamin. The old man was shoutin, ‘No! No! Let her alone!’ I ran inta the room behind the daughter, carryin the babby covered in my blood. An the woman screamed, ‘Jesus, Jesus! Stop! Stop! It’s a slaughter house.’
Charlie came runnin in behind me, shoutin, ‘Save me! Save me!’ The girl was cryin an slammed the door, an opened her winda an climbed out, cos it’s low on the ground, an she went runnin. ‘Help! Help! He’s goin te kill me ma!’ she was screamin at the top of her lungs.
I heard runnin feet an people shoutin, ‘It’s in here!’ An they came tearin in through the hall. I heard a man shout, ‘Get the fuck off!’ an Jackser roarin. More people came, an the girl opened the door. Two women came in wit her, an their eyes were shocked. They had coats thrown over their shoulders, an they said, ‘Oh, God forgive him fer his badness.’ They grabbed a towel from the scullery an started wipin the blood from Teddy’s neck an face. An the other woman grabbed a cloth an was holdin the cloth te me face te stop the blood. We couldn’t stop cryin. The girl put on the kettle, an the woman pulled the frock over me head. It was soppin wit blood, an I stood in me skin, shiverin an covered in blood, but I didn’t care.
‘Mammy! Mammy! I want me mammy,’ an we were all cryin fer me mammy.
‘Shush, shush! She’s all right. No harm will come te her, we’ll see te tha.’ An they washed me down. ‘This poor little fella’s neck has a very bad gash.’ The woman held the towel on the back of his neck, an the girl looked te see where Harry was bleedin from. But he wasn’t cut, it was only my blood. When the bleedin was stopped an I was cleaned up, the woman put a frock an cardigan on me belongin te the girl. Me face was in a bad way. Me eye an cheek was swollen, an me nose was swollen, too.
The screamin from next door died down, an I could hear voices an glass bein swept up. The woman came in. ‘Are ye’s all right? Oh, Jesus! I never want te see the like of tha again, Mrs. I’m not the better of it!’ she said te the two women.
‘Ah, the man’s an animal. He should be locked up fer life, no one’s safe aroun him. Look wha he’s done te the poor childre, he’s destroyed them fer life. They’ll never be the same!’
‘Is me ma all right?’ I asked the neighbour.
‘Ah, she’ll be grand. But she’ll have te go te hospital fer a little while. But there’s nothin fer ye te worry yerself about.’ Then she whispered somethin te the two women. Me heart stopped. She must be goin te die. Wha’s goin te happen te us? Charlie started cryin again. I looked at him, an his face was the colour of marble.
‘Here, chicken! Drink this, it will do ye good. An eat the egg an the bit a bread an butter. It’s not much, but it will bring yer strength back. Where’s the babby’s bottle? I want te give him a hot sup of tea.’ An I looked over at Harry, sittin on one of the women’s laps at the fire. He was very pale but was content te sit an let the woman rock him. Teddy was bein fed an egg by the girl an was eatin it an holdin a bit of bread in his hand. An Charlie was sittin on the floor in front of the fire, eatin bread an spoonin egg inta his mouth. I gave a big sob an started te drink me tea an eat me egg. People were tired an talkin in whispers. The room was warm an peaceful, an I couldn’t hear any more noise from our room, just the sound of people busy comin an goin, fixin somethin te block the winda. An there was no more shoutin.
The old man came in an smiled at us an shook his head te the women, puttin his eyes te heaven. An he looked very white an tired. ‘Are ye’s all right now?’ he said in a very quiet voice, lookin at us. ‘Ah, it’s all over now. Ye’s will be all right, thank God.’ Then he went inta the scullery an was whisperin te the women. They made him sit down an have a drop of hot tea. An one of the women went off te her own place an said she wouldn’t be long. Then an ambulance arrived an stopped outside the door. I jumped up, wantin te see wha was happenin.
‘No, no! You sit there, chicken, don’t move. They’re only goin te take yer mammy inta hospital fer a little while. She’ll be all right.’
I sat down, afraid te upset anyone, but I wanted te see me mammy, te see if she was all right. An wha was happenin te Jackser? Are they goin te take him away an lock him up? Oh, please God, get him locked up. But I was afraid te say anythin. So I didn’t move an just sat quiet, an tried te stop me heart from racin. I was so afraid of everythin, not knowin wha was goin te happen te us. I was afraid te die, an I was afraid te live.
I looked at me brothers. Harry was lyin on the woman’s chest, holdin on te her, his hand restin on her chest. An she was holdin the bottle of tea in his mouth an croonin te him very softly. He was lookin up at her, lettin the bottle rest in his mouth. Then he gave a big sigh an went back te suckin his bottle an nestled his head inta her chest, gettin a tighter grip of her wit his other hand. The woman smiled over at me an said, ‘He’s a lovely child, God bless him.’ An then she said, ‘I think I’ll take him up wit me fer the night. He can sleep in wit me. He seems te have settled now.’
Teddy was dozin on the bed, an the girl was lyin beside him wit his head on her stomach, an she was gently strokin his hair. The blood had clotted on the back of his neck, an the bleedin was stopped. The girl lifted the cloth an whispered, ‘Mammy, the gash is very deep. It probably needs stitches.’
‘Leave the poor mite where he is. Put him under the covers. An you, chicken,’ she said te me, ‘get in beside him, ye’re all done in. Wha ye need now, the lot of ye, is a good night’s sleep.’
The other woman came back from her place an brought a loaf of bread an cheese an corn beef. ‘Ah, ye shouldn’t have!’ ‘Not at all!’ the women said te each other, ‘There’s plenty more where tha came from!’ I climbed inta bed beside Teddy, an Charlie got in beside the wall, wit Teddy in the middle between the two of us.
‘I’ll take your little fella up wit me fer the night, an he can sleep wit my childre,’ the woman who just came in wit the food said.
‘Tha’s very good of ye. Tha way then, I’ll sleep next te Ellie, me daughter, an Maggie here is takin the babby up wit her.’
; ‘Ah, tha’s grand. We’re all sorted out now. An I’ll make us all a nice sup of tea. Jaysus, we could do wit it after the night we’ve had!’ An they all laughed wit relief.
‘How are things now?’ an she lifted her head te our room. The man an the women whispered te each other, an I turned away, puttin me arm aroun Teddy. An he moved inta me, holdin onta me. The pain was easin in me, an the quiet whispers an the heat from the fire was soothin me. The light was off in the room, gettin light only from the scullery an the blazin fire. I started te doze, an then I felt meself sinkin inta a deep sleep.
A noise woke me up, an me eyes shot open. I tried te lift me head, but it was too heavy. An the pain shot aroun me head, an I was in pain everywhere. The woman from upstairs, Maggie, came in wit Harry an she looked down at me. Me eyes were too swollen, an I could see only through slits. ‘Oh! God Almighty, ye’re in an awful state, ye poor cratur!’
‘Lie there, don’t move yerself,’ me neighbour said. ‘Have ye a pram fer the babby?’ she asked me quietly.
‘No, it’s gone,’ I said. Not sayin Jackser had sold it fer ten bob down in Capel Street an drank the money.
‘Never mind, I’ll manage,’ she said.
It was mornin, an the fire was lightin. Teddy moved beside me, an Charlie sat up an rubbed his eyes. ‘I’ll go off an see if I can get somethin te put the babby in. I don’t mind takin him fer a few days,’ Maggie said.
‘Yeah, an I can keep the childre here fer a while. We’ll see wha happens. Ellie, give Charlie a sup of tea an help him te put his clothes on.’