by Martha Long
‘Are ye’s comin or wha?’ Jackser roared down through the ceilin.
‘Gimme a hand wit this child!’ me ma roared back.
Jackser came runnin down, ‘Holy Jaysus! Do I have te do everythin meself?’ He pushed past me, an Charlie came rushin himself behind me. Dinah was screamin.
‘Come on, Charlie! Grab Harry’s legs. He won’t wake up!’ I went up the stairs backwards, holdin Harry under his arms. Charlie held his feet, an we slapped his arse on the stairs goin up. An he woke up twistin himself an kicked out, knockin Charlie off his balance. An he tried te stand up an fell backwards, takin me wit him. An we all rolled down the stairs, screamin in fright just as Jackser came rushin aroun the corner wit Dinah screamin in his arms. An he toppled over us, sendin Dinah flyin te land on me lap as I was tryin te get up. He hit his face straight inta the stairs an was stretched out on top of the lot a us.
‘Wha happened?’ Jackser asked, lookin aroun in shock.
Me ma came rushin wit Teddy rubbin his eyes. ‘Wha happened?’ me ma asked, lookin shocked.
‘I think me chin is broken, Sally!’ Jackser said, slowly rubbin it.
‘I don’t know,’ I said, lookin at Dinah sittin in me lap, lookin aroun wonderin wha happened.
‘It’s them bleedin stairs!’ Jackser said, haulin himself up by the banisters. ‘I knew they were bad news as soon as I clapped eyes on them.’
‘They’re very treacherous, all right!’ me ma said, grinnin an rollin her eyes up te heaven, lookin down at me an pretendin te cough inta her hands.
‘I’ll put a sup a tea on,’ Jackser said. ‘They left us the gas cooker. You go on up te bed, an I’ll bring it up.’
I carried Dinah up the stairs, restin her on me knee an holdin onta the banisters. She held me tight aroun me neck an wrapped her legs aroun me belly, an looked back at me ma comin up behind us. We came onta a landin wit three doors. I went left inta a huge room wit a big winda an a fireplace, an a big press just inside the door. The bed was under the winda, an I put Dinah down in the middle, an then I went over te the press in the wall an opened it. It was huge, enough room te keep all the clothes.
Me ma struggled in, tryin te get her breath. ‘Jaysus! I’m not the better of them stairs.’
‘Look, Ma. A big press! Ye can put yer coat in here.’
‘Come on! Put these te bed,’ she said, whippin Dinah’s hat an coat off. Charlie landed Harry up onta the bed, an they were laughin, makin straight fer the winda te look out. Teddy was tryin te climb inta the press, but he couldn’t get his leg up. I grabbed Harry, pullin his shoes an trousers off. An Teddy gave up an came rushin over te climb up on the bed an look out the winda.
‘Lookit! Lookit! We’re in the air,’ he shouted.
‘Ye’ll be flyin through it if ye don’t get them clothes off!’ me ma warned him. ‘Where’s the cot?’ me ma asked, lookin aroun.
I looked. ‘There it is, Ma! Down in the corner behind the press.’
‘Put her in fer me.’ I carried Dinah over te the cot an put her lyin down. She was delighted an closed her eyes straight away as I covered her up. The rest a them dived under the blankets, coughin an stretchin an titterin, delighted te be in bed at last. Me ma slipped outa her skirt an hauled herself inta the top of the bed. ‘Put the coat in the press fer me an get inta bed.’
I threw me ma’s clothes inta the press an dived in beside Teddy, pushin him te make more room fer meself. An I went out like a light.
‘Come on, will ye ever get a move on, Mrs. The day will be gone before ye get goin!’
‘I’m comin! Jaysus Christ!’ me ma shook her head at me. ‘Will tha man ever take his time?’
‘Yeah, Ma! OK, go on.’
‘Now remember! Make sure ye look out fer them Vincents deliverin the bed. Stay by the winda where ye’ll see them comin!’
‘I’m fuckin leavin without ye!’ Jackser roared in the hall.
‘Go on, go on, Ma!’
‘Jaysus, me heart is broken wit tha man,’ me ma moaned, rushin herself after him an down the road, tryin te catch up.
I shut the front door, not wantin the gang a kids all leanin against the wall outside, gapin in wit their mouths open, seein any more of our business. Charlie was lookin out the winda at the childre playin outside. ‘Do ye want te go out an play, Charlie?’
‘No!’ he shook his head slowly. ‘No! They don’t want te play wit us. Me an Teddy went up an tried te play chasin, or cowboys an injuns, an they just threw stones at us an wouldn’t let us play. An a big young un said we were gypsies an we were smelly.’
‘Don’t be mindin them. Go on out an play in the big back garden. Or do ye want te play school? I’ll be the teacher.’
‘No! Cos ye always hit me. I’m goin te play on me own!’
‘Go on, then, see if I care.’ I was annoyed, cos I had te watch the winda an wouldn’t be able te play while Jackser was gone out.
I leaned me head on the glass, watchin the young ones playin piggybeds on the footpath outside. ‘My turn! Ye skipped on the line, ye’re out!’ An a young one ducked down te pick up the polish tin. Ye fill it wit stones or sand te make it heavy when the polish is all gone.
‘Gimme tha back! I’m not out!’
‘Ye must be blind then! Cos I saw ye.’
‘Right! Tha’s it, gimme back me tin box. I’m goin home, an I’m never playin wit ye again fer callin me tha!’
‘Take it!’ the big young one wit the mop of roarin red hair screamed, throwin the tin down. ‘I’m goin te get me own, an it’s a lovely new one tha had the good lavender polish in it.’ An I watched her swing herself aroun an march off wit her head held high in the air. Me eyes peeled on the other one, standin there wit her mouth open. She was ragin.
‘Ye’re a liar!’ she screamed. ‘Yer ma never polished anythin in her life! Youse don’t have anythin te polish. An another thing, ye’s don’t even wash yerselves!’
‘Wha did ye say?’ screamed the red-haired one an came flyin back. God! They’re goin te kill each other. I leaned over te get a better look.
The other young one stood her ground fer a minute then flew off screamin, ‘Ma! Ma!’ Aw Jaysus! I’m missin it, I can’t see a thing.
The door behind me was pushed open, sendin Dinah flyin outa the way. She’d been crawlin aroun the floor, happily mindin her own business, lookin fer somethin te put in her mouth an chew on. Sometimes ye have te watch her, she can choke herself. Everyone was screamin. ‘Teddy fell on Harry’s head!’ Charlie screamed.
‘I didn’t. He threw stones at the cat sittin on the wall next door!’ screamed Teddy. Harry screamed an rubbed his head, an spat at Teddy.
I ran te pick up Dinah, lyin on the floor roarin her head off. Then there was a bang on the door. We all caught our breath, then I remembered. The bed! I rushed te open the door. ‘We have yer bed from the St Vincents!’
‘Yeah! It’s this house, Mister.’
The door opened in the next house, an a man an his son, he was about twelve, an a young one about ten, my age, came out an gave us a queer look an marched on. An the childre gave us a quick look an hurried after the da an got inta the black shiny Ford Anglia. I admired them no end. God! They’re very respectable altogether. The motor car started, an a yella arrow shot outa the side of the car te show he was movin off. An the childre gave us looks from the back of the car, lookin like they were afraid of us or somethin!
‘Open the door wide fer us, will ya!’ I sprang inta action, closin me mouth an shook meself te wake up. I grabbed the door. ‘Right, Harry! Up the stairs,’ an the two men twisted an turned the big bed spring te get it over the banisters. The man roared, ‘Get them kids outa the way!’
Jaysus! Dinah will be kilt, she was crawlin under the men’s feet tryin te make it out the door. ‘Charlie! Harry! Get inta the sittin room!’ I lunged under the bedspring te grab Dinah, gettin meself a kick in the head.
‘Where’s yer mammy?’ shouted the older man, tryin te get the spring inta the air an up the
narra stairs.
‘Wha’s goin on?’ roared Jackser from the gate. Me head nearly swung offa me shoulders wit the fright at seein Jackser appear from nowhere.
I shook Dinah on me hip. ‘The bed’s here, Jackser!’
He looked at the bed an forgot about me. ‘Martha!’ me ma roared, hangin onta the gate. ‘Tell him te hurry himself. I think the babby’s startin.’
‘Wha? Wha babby, Ma?’ I looked at Dinah gettin heavier on me knee.
‘This babby!’ Her eyes looked like daggers.
‘Oh, yeah!’ I said, lookin at her stomach hangin te the ground. I rushed up te Jackser, me ma draggin herself in behind me. ‘Jackser! Me ma wants ye,’ I roared up the stairs.
‘Put her in the pram an get me a loaf a bread an milk,’ me ma said.
I rushed te put Dinah in the pram. ‘Charlie, get them outside te the back garden!’ I whirled aroun the pram an pushed Dinah out te the back garden. ‘Come on, youse!’ I screamed at Teddy an Harry.
‘Are we gettin anythin te eat?’ Teddy was whingin at me ma.
‘Yeah, eat!’ Harry was moanin.
‘In a minute,’ me ma roared. ‘Get them outside!’
‘Come on, Charlie. Grab them.’
I shut the back door, leavin them roarin an bangin on the door, an rushed in, takin the half-crown from me ma. ‘Don’t be long!’ she roared after me.
I was back in minutes, an Jackser was waitin at the door fer me. ‘Gimme the messages. Run te the phone box an call fer an ambulance.’
I raced up the road an aroun the corner. A woman was talkin on the phone. I waited, an she kept talkin. I watched, hopin she’d see me, but she kept her back te me an kept on talkin. I waited a long time, but she wouldn’t stop talkin. Then I knocked on the phone box. ‘Yes?’ she looked at me.
‘It’s me ma! I’m te ring fer an ambulance fer her, she says the babby is comin!’
‘Why didn’t ye say tha! I didn’t know!’ An she put the phone down an rang fer an ambulance. ‘Come on,’ she said, rushin outa the phone box an gallopin down the road on her high heels.
We hurried in the gate an the door was wide open. Jackser heard us an came rushin down the stairs. We could hear voices from upstairs an me ma roarin an gruntin. ‘It’s too late! We can’t move her now,’ Jackser shouted.
The woman rushed up the stairs, an Jackser flew inta the bedroom. I rushed up behind the woman. ‘No! No! You can’t come up here, ye have te stay outside.’
I moved back down the stairs, slowly lookin back, feelin very disappointed. Lovin te see wha was goin on upstairs.
32
I was on me knees on the floor wit me arms out wide ready te catch Dinah. ‘Come on. Come te me, Dinah.’ She grabbed the bars of the cot an pulled herself up again, watchin me an half smilin, ready te let go. ‘Yes! Tha’s it,’ I said slowly an quietly. She let go an staggered a foot, then the other one, an flew, takin three steps, an I shot forward, catchin her before she hit the floor. ‘Hurray!’ I screamed, kissin an squeezin her. She screamed, delighted, an dropped on her knees, headin fer the cot again. This time she was too fast, turned aroun, took a half-breath an lifted her chin an tried te run. Smack! Down she went. ‘Ah! Dinah fell! Bold floor,’ an I smacked the floorboards. She lifted her face te me in shock, not knowin whether te cry or laugh. ‘Whee!’ I lifted her up, laughin. ‘Let’s have another go,’ an she giggled wit excitement. I put her down at the cot, an she looked up at me. ‘Yeah!’ I shook me head up an down. ‘Ye’re walkin. Come on, over te me!’ An I knelt down, waitin wit me arms held high. She stood up an hesimitated. ‘Come on!’ I saw her eyes measurin the distance te me, an she lifted her leg slowly, then the other one, then got movin an kept goin. I crept back slowly, not takin our eyes offa each other, an she was halfway across the room before she went down. I grabbed her, screamin wit delight. ‘Dinah’s walkin! Wait till me ma sees ye, Dinah!’
Then I heard the others screamin an shoutin down the stairs. ‘Martha!’ screamed Teddy, slammin in the door. ‘Tell him he’s dead!’
‘I’m not!’ screamed Charlie.
‘I’m the injun, an I got ye wit me bow an arra. An then I even took Harry’s scalp.’ Harry was cryin an rubbin his scalp.
‘Youse are all dead. I’m the cowboy!’ screamed Charlie. ‘I shot ye’s wit me gun.’
‘Ye haven’t got a gun,’ screamed Teddy. ‘Ye only have yer hand. I have me arra. Lookit!’ Teddy screamed, an held up a piece of stick. Charlie grabbed the stick, an Teddy nearly lost his mind. ‘Martha! Me stick, me arra.’
‘Gimme me tha stick!’ I roared at Charlie.
‘No!’ an he laughed an whipped out the door. Then I heard the gate openin, an me heart lurched. ‘Quick! Everyone stay quiet. They’re back.’ I grabbed hold a Harry an rubbed his head te stop him cryin. ‘Shush! Shush! Ye’re all right now, me ma’s back.’
I heard the key in the lock, an Jackser came in wit a long face on him. ‘Give yer mammy a lift in wit the pram.’ I waited till he was past me, an he lashed out at me head wit the back of his hand. ‘Move, ye lazy aul hag!’ An I shot forward te lift the high pram over the step an inta the hall.
Me ma’s eyes locked on mine. ‘Jaysus! All tha fuckin waitin fer nothin. A few nappies an the cans a Cow an Gate milk fer the babby.’ I backed up the hall, pullin the pram wit me.
‘Are ye all right, Ma?’ I whispered, not likin the look a her. She was very white an tired lookin after the new babby.
‘A course I’m not! I’ll never be fuckin right wit him in there tormentin me day an night.’
Me heart sank. Wit me ma sick an up in the bed most of the time now, tha aul fella can get his hands on me whenever he wants. I felt meself gettin desperate. ‘Ma!’ I said suddenly, lockin onta her eyes an leanin inta her an puttin me hand on her arm. ‘I don’t like bein left on me own wit Jackser,’ I whispered, holdin me breath, feelin me heart poundin.
She stared at me, an we stayed like this, readin each other’s eyes. Then the light went outa her face, an she gave me a dirty look an turned her head away slowly, lookin at nothin. An she closed her eyes an clamped her mouth shut. An took a big breath, an said, ‘Oh, leave me alone. I’ve more than enough trouble! Don’t be botherin me!’ Then she reached inta the pram an lifted out the new babby. I felt me shoulders heave, an a terrible pain went through me, like someone put me in the bin, thinkin I was only dirt. Fit only fer the dump. I was born a child, but I’m not a child. I couldn’t get a breath. I’m suffocatin.
I raced fer the door an whipped it open, hesimitatin fer a split second. Jackser was in the scullery makin the tea, can’t go tha way! I lashed up the stairs an inta the big back room, an raced over te the winda. I opened it an let in the air, an leaned me head out. I hate me ma! I never want te be like her. I looked at the young one flyin up an down on the swing next door, gettin pushed higher an higher by her friend. I’d love te be in the garden wit them now, playin an laughin, but they won’t even look at me. They’re too well dressed an respectable. Their daddies have jobs, an they’re very quiet, an they even give the young ones pocket money.
I looked aroun me at the new bed from the Vincents. It was black iron, but Jackser kept the black hairy blankets tha came wit it an gave me the aul overcoats te put over me, an a smelly aul blanket te sleep on tha’s full a holes an smells a piss. The bed is full a hoppers an tears me alive at night, eatin the skin offa me. I have te keep runnin down at night te the scullery te get the box a DDT te shake all over me an the bed. But it doesn’t kill them! There’s too many! I looked aroun the room. Nothin te look at, only the bed an the bare pink plaster on the wall. No wallpaper an bare floorboards. But I don’t care, cos I can sleep here by meself. No, I can’t! I feel sick again, cos tha Jackser bastard sneaks in an jumps inta the bed beside me when he gets an opportunity. Now he’s doin it more an more. I felt a rage comin up inside me. The bastard! I’ll hang him, I’ll get him lagged. No! They’ll only put us all away. Jackser promises te bring me ma down wit him if I ever say anythin.
An everyone will be locked up, he says. No! I can’t do tha. I’ll run away te England an make sure I don’t get caught.
‘What are ye fuckin doin up there?’ Jackser roared up the stairs.
I jumped an ran te the landin. ‘I’m comin down, Jackser.’
As I reached the bottom step, he lifted me off me feet by the neck. ‘Get the fuck in there an help yer mammy wit them childre. I’ll give ye idlin!’ An he gave me a kick in me back an sent me flyin inta the room, smackin the side of me head against the pram.
‘Mind wha ye’re doin!’ me ma screamed at him. ‘Ye nearly knocked me over wit the babby in me arms.’
‘Then stop complainin nobody’s helpin ye!’ Jackser roared, an went back inta the scullery te eat the grub he’d cooked fer himself.
I staggered te me feet, rubbin the pain outa me back an rubbin the shootin pain in me head. Me ma stood up an carried the new babby girl over te the cot, leavin the half-empty bottle on the table. ‘She won’t take any more fer me. The nurse in the clinic said she should be takin the full eight ounces by now!’
I sat down on the chair, watchin out fer Jackser, suddenly too tired te move or care. The life was outa me. ‘Get me one of them nappies an the borax powder!’ me ma asked.
‘Ask him!’ an I pointed te Charlie.
Me ma swung aroun an gritted her teeth. ‘I’m fuckin warnin you. He’ll tear ye apart if ye give me any more of yer guff!’
I looked at the door an stared at me ma, darin her. ‘Yeah, Ma! An I’m runnin away from here. An ye can look out fer yerself!’
‘Get him in here!’ me ma said te Charlie.
I jumped up. ‘I’m gettin it, Charlie!’
Me ma turned back te the babby an started te take off the dirty nappy. The shit was yella, an she rolled it up an handed it te me. ‘Here! Put tha in the tilet an rinse it out, an then leave it in the bath fer washin.’ I emptied the nappy down the tilet an rinsed it in the sink under the cold water. An then looked at the bath full a dirty clothes tha had been lyin in the dirty water fer months, waitin te be washed. I put it on top an pressed it down inta the water tha smelt te high heaven. We never got te have a bath in tha, cos it’s always full a dirty washin!