by Lexie Ray
“I just don’t understand that your mind could just turn its back on everything,” I said. “You really didn’t have any memories?”
“Of course I didn’t,” Jonathan said. “Jane, on more than one occasion, accused me of faking it, but I never understood why anyone would want to do that — until I got my old memories back, of course.”
“When you still didn’t know who you were … well, I guess it’s ironic, in a way.”
“What is?”
“You were running away from marriage, and yet you proposed to me,” I said, feeling troubled. “You were running away from a sort of heritage — leading your family’s company — and yet when you were back in Chicago, it became the most important undertaking of your life to prove yourself worthy of the CEO position.”
“I’m guessing my mind wanted me to be a man,” Jonathan said. “To have a chance to marry someone I loved. To lead a life of my choosing.”
“And yet, even then, there were people moving against you to ensure that you wouldn’t,” I said, lowering my eyes to my hands woven through his. “They took everything from us, Jon.”
“We’re still here, aren’t we?” he said, putting a finger under my chin and lifting it so I was forced to meet his eyes again. “After every stupid thing, we’re here now, together, right?”
I couldn’t figure out why my heart was pounding so hard. “After everything, you would still want to be together — with me?”
Jonathan pulled me close enough that he could put an arm around my shoulder, then pulled me in even closer, so that I was pressed against his chest. My eyes fluttered closed, and I inhaled deeply. This was what I’d been needing all this time, but I’d only just been able to realize it.
I’d needed my husband.
“I think that trying to be anywhere else or do anything else after everything would be a waste of time,” Jonathan said. “Think about it. The universe wants us to be together, Michelle.”
“Are you always this metaphysical?” I asked, looking up at him and smiling. “The Jonathan I used to know was pretty straightforward.”
“And the Michelle I used to know would never look in me in the face like you’re looking me in the face right now,” Jonathan said. “Let’s face it, baby. We’re different people now. You said it yourself. But you know what?”
“What?”
“We get to fall in love all over again,” he said, kissing my forehead. “How many people get to do that?”
“Nobody I know,” I said, kissing Jonathan deeply.
“Exactly.”
Chapter Nine
“We are gathered here today to celebrate the renewal of the sacred marriage vows of Jonathan and Michelle Wharton.”
We smiled at each other as the minister from our wedding talked about commitment and faith and loyalty and love. I had to squint — the summer sun was very bright, and all of the Queen Anne’s lace was making it particularly hard to see.
I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
“We are here to bear witness to the love that these two people share,” the reverend continued. “I understand that you have prepared some remarks.”
“Yes,” Jonathan and I said at the same time, then ducked our heads, smiling. I couldn’t stop smiling. I never wanted to stop smiling.
“Jonathan, you can go ahead,” the minister said.
My husband fumbled in the pocket of his suit jacket for a moment, and I squeezed his hand. It was endearing that he was nervous. We were already married, of course, and this was just a renewal of our vows.
Of course, I had to admit that it was a little more than that. When we’d gotten married, Jonathan and I had been entirely different people. He didn’t have all of his memories, and I wasn’t willing to be exactly who I was, either. But now, after everything, we were ready to fully commit to each other — to every aspect of each other.
Jonathan finally located the piece of paper he’d been looking for and unfolded it, grinning sheepishly. I looked over at our guests. Ash and Hans were trying their best to stifle their laughter, and Collier was grinning. Felix looked a little confused by all of the proceedings, and Rowan and Lucy just looked happy to be out of the city with the sun on their faces and the fresh breeze in their hair.
Everyone who was important to us was standing in the field beside the cottage, watching Jonathan and me have our second chance. We were lucky as hell, and I didn’t want anyone to miss it.
We’d both agreed that it wasn’t a good idea to invite Jane, especially in light of the fact that she’d been the one to pretty much cook the whole thing up. And on this special day when we had a chance to do it all over again, we agreed that Amelia wouldn’t be a very welcome presence, either.
Our original wedding had seen hundreds of guests, but Jonathan and I had known hardly any of them. Though there were notably fewer people at our vow renewal ceremony, it felt even more important as a consequence.
These were the people we cared about who we knew cared about us, and that was all that mattered.
“Michelle, our love started out like we were in a fairy tale,” Jonathan read, his blue eyes flicking upward from the sheet of paper to meet mine. “What we had was magic, and no matter how hard I get hit on the head in the future, I’ll never forget it.”
Collier chuckled openly at that one, and I smiled at my husband. Leave it to Jonathan to make light of the thing that had hobbled him for so long and nearly destroyed us.
“We’ve been through some tough things together, and made plenty of mistakes,” he continued, the grin fading from his face. “In fact, most people live their entire lives without having to deal with the things we’ve dealt with.”
He looked up from his piece of paper slower this time, and I held his gaze. I would never leave him again. I squeezed his hand even tighter, and he balled up the piece of paper and let the wind take it from his hand.
“Baby, if I could change things, I would,” he said, choking up. “If I could go back in time to do certain things differently, I absolutely would. I would do anything for that to happen, to transform the worst of it into what should’ve been the happiest moments of our lives.”
I swallowed and tried to stay strong for my husband. Rowan had done some light “tear proof” makeup for me, but I needed to let Jonathan get through this. I couldn’t get too upset, not in front of our friends. Ash and Collier knew everything, of course, but everyone else thought this was only a vow renewal ceremony.
This was much more than that. This was the beginning of the rest of our lives together — whole, and completely devoted to each other. There were no lies, no more mystery, just Jonathan standing in front of me and pledging himself to me forever.
In a few moments, I would do the exact same thing.
“We now know the worst of it, and you know what?” Jonathan continued. “I’m glad. I’m glad the worst of it already happened. That means we can use the rest of our lives to experience the best moments, the happiest moments, only the brightest moments that we’ll cherish forever. It hurt us, Michelle, everything hurt us, but we’re past that. We knew how dark life could be without each other, and now I’ll never let go of these hands.”
His fingers threaded through mine, Jonathan squeezed so hard that it hurt, but I didn’t care. I would never let go.
“I love you,” he whispered, and I knew this part was only for me. “I love you, and we are going to chase our dreams together.”
“I love you, too, Jon,” I said, unable to keep the tears at bay any longer. He kissed them away, kissed me breathless, kissed me so deeply that I forgot about everything — including the minister clearing his throat in front of us.
“I believe Michelle has some things to say before you start kissing again,” the old man said, making us both flush. All of our guests laughed good-naturedly at us.
“I’m sorry for cutting you off,” Jonathan said. “I hate seeing you cry, baby. I’ll do anything to stop you from crying.”
“Ar
e you ready, Michelle?” the minster asked.
Was I ready to renew my vows to the man I’d loved all along, through everything? Was I ready to put all of the horror and tragedy of the past behind me? Was I ready to pick up where we left off, but without all of the fear and angst over the unknown?
Was I ready to be Michelle Wharton again, pledged to the man I loved?
“Absolutely,” I said.
I didn’t have a piece of paper to lean on. In fact, I hadn’t even thought about what I was going to say. How could I put into words how I felt about the man standing right there in front of me? We had hurt each other so profoundly, and I had never thought I’d come out on the other side of it, loving Jonathan even more now that he was whole.
Was it complicated? Definitely. But was I afraid of it? No. I was supposed to be with this man. I was supposed to find him in the woods that stormy day, and we were supposed to end up back here, one way or another.
Jonathan peered at me, his face inquisitive, and I realized I was supposed to be making a speech — the one that I hadn’t known how to write — for his and our guests’ benefits.
“The universe meant for us to be together,” I said, smiling as I repeated Jonathan’s own words from our very passionate reunion in his office, “and may no one — not even ourselves — forget that. I love you so much, Jon, and I can’t believe how lucky we are for another chance to do this right. We are already well on our way, and with the support of the people we love, there will never be another tear again.”
“That’s right,” Jonathan said softly, rubbing his thumb across my cheek as another tear traced down it. “So no more crying, okay, baby?”
“Okay,” I said, smiling for him. “I want to kiss you now.”
“Ask the old man,” he said, holding his hand out to the reverend, who shook his head and tried to hide his smile.
“Let us all bear witness to this renewal of vows, this reaffirmation of love,” the reverend intoned. “Jonathan, you may now kiss Michelle — again.”
Everyone laughed as my husband did just that, dipping me backwards so that the flowers in my hair tumbled to the ground. I didn’t care. I had flowers in my heart.
-----
It had been difficult coming back to the cottage after everything that had happened, but the best thing was having Jonathan at my side. I could face anything as long as we were together.
However, I hadn’t been able to bear to go into the cottage knowing what was in there — all of the baby clothes and supplies I’d been stockpiling for the child we’d lost. Jonathan volunteered to box it up and get it out of sight, which I was grateful for. I spent my time in the garden, weeding the errant plants that had grown in the time I’d been away, repairing the bird netting around its borders, and investigating the state of the barn. The chickens were long gone, which I expected. I liked to think of them out in the woods, feral, but the reality was that a predator had likely had quite a feast.
George the goat, on the other hand, surprised me by bursting out of a hole in the barn, where he’d apparently been taking shelter all this time.
“George, buddy!” I cried, hugging the little guy to me. “I can’t believe you stuck around.”
He nosed at my pockets for some treats, but I had nothing to give him.
“Let’s see what I can find for you,” I said, rustling through the various sacks in the barn. He’d done a good job of foraging for food, plus he had the offerings of the field at his disposal. I didn’t know how he’d come out on the other side of winter all right, but I was through asking questions when good things happened.
“Here we are,” I said, coming upon a sack of dried corn that had been too high up for him to get at. “Have all you want, buddy. You definitely deserve it.”
I’d have to replace the chickens, but at least George was still here. It was something of a miracle seeing him again. He was a link to bittersweet times, but I wouldn’t hold it against him.
There was much work to be done in the barn, but I knew that Jonathan was having the worst time of it. He was in there, looking at all the things I’d gotten when I was so sure I’d be bringing a new life into the world. I drew on my strength and turned to the house to help him with it. Nobody should have to package up baby stuff that they couldn’t use because of a tragedy, and I wasn’t about to let Jonathan do it alone.
I walked into the cottage, but all of the bottles and blankets and books and toys were nowhere to be seen.
“Hey. I thought you were going to be down at the barn.”
I turned to see Jonathan standing in the doorway, looking a little sweaty and out of breath.
“I decided you needed me more up here,” I said, “but I was wrong.”
“I boxed everything up as quick as I could,” he explained. “Figured there wasn’t any reason to draw it out.”
“That’s for the best,” I agreed, trying not to cry.
“Come here, baby.”
After being strong on my own for so long, it was so wonderful to have somebody else’s shoulder to cry on for a change. Jonathan held me to his chest until I was all cried out, empty and ready to start anew.
“Let’s get this place ready for all of our loved ones,” I said, leaning back and smiling up at Jonathan.
“I think I have a better idea,” he said, raising an eyebrow in a way that made me laugh.
“We don’t have that much time, Jon,” I said, giggling as he nibbled at my neck. “Seriously. Everyone’s going to be here in just a couple of days, and the place is a mess. Besides, shouldn’t we save this for after the ceremony? It would mean more then, don’t you think?”
“It would mean just as much now as it would any other time,” he said, tracing first the line of my jaw, then my hairline. My hair had grown out just enough to curl, and I’d gone to a salon to give me back my original color. The brunette dye would’ve eventually faded, but I was more interested in going back to normal as soon as possible.
Jonathan wove his fingers through my curls and brought me close to his face, kissing me deeply. All of my resolve melted away, and I knew that I wanted nothing more than to rechristen this cottage with my husband.
This is where everything began, after all. It was only fair for us to celebrate the rest of our lives beginning, too.
We undressed each other sweetly, each piece of clothing dropped and forgotten until we were naked in front of each other. Jonathan touched me everywhere, making me shiver and shudder and crave even more. We’d had sex plenty since we’d hashed everything out and reconciled, but it still felt like Jonathan was getting to know my body all over again, like a long absence had passed.
It had been a very long time since we’d been together at the cottage. I didn’t count the night I lost everything. We hadn’t been in our right minds — neither of us — during that terrible evening, and I had no wish to think about it any longer.
Especially not with the way Jonathan dipped his hand between my legs and palmed my clit, pressing against it in the most cloying way possible.
That was one pretty kinky perk to him having all of his memories back. He made love to me now in ways I didn’t expect out of him. That wasn’t to disparage our love making from before. That had been sweet, tender, and innocent, both of us acting as each other’s firsts — mine literal and his figurative.
But now everything had a raw edge to it, and it was completely sexy realizing that my husband knew exactly what he was doing in bed. I was never left unsatisfied.
That day, however, we didn’t quite make it to the bed. My knees got so weak from him pulsing his hand against my pussy that he took us to the floor right there in the kitchen, lying on his back and drawing me astride him. The wooden planks digging into his back couldn’t have been comfortable — they dug into my own knees as I sank onto his steely cock, impaling myself in the most delicious way possible. When Jonathan noticed me wincing at the hardness of the floor, he readjusted me, drawing my knees toward him and positioning my feet on the grou
nd.
Oh — this position was incredible, stretching me and filling me in new and intoxicating ways. I was able to, essentially, squat over him and control each and every thrust — its pace, depth, and intensity. Jonathan had not only taken away my discomfort. He’d given me complete and utter control of our first encounter at the cottage in this brave new existence.
It was my prerogative to make us both feel good.
Moving myself up and down was a workout, but it wasn’t impossible. With Jonathan there to guide me and give me the strength I needed, I could go for as long as I needed to. This was what it was supposed to be about, being with him. We were supposed to lend each other the strength to go on, take away everything bad that was going on in our lives, and work together to make it all positive.
Which we were definitely doing now.
Jonathan looked up at me with his beautiful blue eyes, and I knew he was giving it all up — all of the anger and insecurity and regret. He was giving himself over to me, and whatever was said at the ceremony later, whatever we would vow to each other, it was all being said right now with the ways our bodies were moving together.
He filled me up and emptied me out, showed me the world with each tiny movement, with the way he kissed the palm of my hand, the touch of his lips against my sweaty skin.
It was my pace. I was controlling our session completely, but I wouldn’t have anything without him. He made me feel so incredible, so helpless, and in so charge all at once. This was marriage. This was partnership. This was the beginning of the rest of our lives together.
Up until now, Jonathan had been only lifting me when he felt that I needed the assistance. I’d been doing all the work — and sweet work it was. Each time I lowered myself, his cock made contact with my G-spot. It was well worth the burn in my thighs and ass that I was sure would be an ache tomorrow.