“Come again?” he asks.
I close my eyes, already knowing I’ve fucked this whole thing up. I may as well be honest with him now. “You loved her, and you didn’t split up. It wasn’t like you fell out of love and went your separate ways. She died…” I whisper the last two words, allowing my eyes to travel to Ruben, but he’s staring out into the distance, and I’m not even sure he’s hearing me right now. “I saw you, remember? I saw how desperately sad your life became, and how devastated you were. I saw you at your worst. You don’t hit that spiral unless the person you lost meant everything to you, the kind of everything that can never be replaced. I thought that I was willing to be second best, just to be with you. I’ve more than liked you since I met you all those years ago.”
I feel Ruben move, but ignore him to carry on. “I was willing to be the runner up to the person you really wanted, knowing I’d never compete with a ghost. But honestly, Ruben, I just don’t think I have the strength to always be second guessing myself. And I also think I have enough self-respect to want someone who wants me more than anyone else.”
It’s when I stop talking and look back to Ruben, I see his eyes have turned liquid hot and there’s something animalistic behind them.
He moves so his face is almost touching mine, then he speaks and when he does our lips brush with every word. “Every possible future I can think up, in any reality, containing any people dead or alive I still see you. Me and You. You’re all I see,” he says and I feel the emotion creep across my body as he kisses me again. This time closed mouth, soft, gentle touches. Slowly owning every part of me, while only touching one.
Chapter Sixteen
My hands move of their own accord, and I quickly pull back before Laurie ends up under me naked. I want nothing more right now, and it takes everything within me to calm down. If I go much further, I won’t be able to stop. Five years is a long time to go without sex. First, though, I need to make sure her head is on straight where we’re concerned.
“Laurie,” I say her name, watching as her eyes open. Her face is flushed, her hair ruffled by my fingers and her lips swollen. I try not to swallow my tongue and instead focus on getting things clear with us. “I know I said I haven’t been with a woman for years, but before that, apart from Amanda, I didn’t do relationships, I’ve never wanted one.” Her eyes sparkle as the green stands out like a beacon pulling me in. “I figured when I met the one, I’d know and that’s when I’d want to have a relationship. So here we are, I’ve met you and I want a relationship.” Hoping that my explanation goes some way to convince her and help sort out her head.
I’m surprised when, with a worried look on her face she says, “What about Amanda? You must have thought she was the one?” Her eyes dart to the side, looking away.
“Look at me, Laurie,” I demand and her eyes travel back to mine. “Loving Amanda first, doesn’t mean that I love you second. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Laurie’s eyes widen. “You’re saying that you love me?” she gasps out.
I’m momentarily stunned into silence. I didn’t connect what was coming out of my mouth to my brain. I spoke from my heart, and now that I’ve said it I understand what I’m feeling inside. These last few weeks, getting to know Laurie better, really seeing inside her, meeting the people she cares about and being around her almost every day, it’s happened so gradually that I never noticed. But now there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. I’m too far gone. I can’t and don’t want to take those words back.
“Yeah. That’s exactly what I’m saying,” I reply.
She climbs onto my lap, straddling me. “I’ve lived so much of my life in the past. There are still issues I need to face. I’m trying, really I am… but it’s slow going, Ruben. There’s always been an attraction to you for me. When you came back, I thought we were going to do round two, and I wasn’t sure I could face what I went through with you last time.” I open my mouth to speak, but she places a slender finger against my lips. Which I promptly suck into my mouth. She gulps, her eyes trained on my mouth and I almost chuckle. If she can straddle me after I’ve just told her I love her, then it’s on.
Fixed in place, her eyes watching her finger, I let it go. “You were saying?” She jerks at my words, rubbing her hips against me in the process and I almost groan.
“Oh, y-yeah. We’ve spent a lot of time together, and I’ve gotten to know you, too. You amaze me and obviously I think you’re gorgeous.”
I grin with satisfaction at her words.
“But there are a lot of gorgeous men out there.”
My face falls and I raise my eyebrows, which causes a smile to spread across her face. She absolutely takes my breath away.
“Over this last month or so, you’ve opened up.” She places her flat palm against my chest. “I doubt you allow many people in there. But you’ve let me in.”
“You crawled under my skin, past all my barriers,” I tell her.
“I could say the same about you. This is what I want. You are what I want. I just had to ask, I had to know that you weren’t living in the past, that I would be enough. I never want you to forget your past, just as I’ll never forget mine. I just needed to know that you wanted me, loved me… just for me.” She smiles through her words this time and I run my hand around the back of her head, pulling her face to mine.
“Just you. It’s only you.” This time, she devours my mouth as soon as the words leave me. I run my hands up the inside of her top and slip it over her head, breaking our kiss. She looks down at her chest then mine, her eyes hooded. Biting her lip she tugs at my top and I reach over my head and grab it from my back. Throwing my top to one side, I notice Laurie’s eyes have widened. She stares at my chest and I can’t help the chuckle that escapes.
“I’ve been working out for a long time. I have nowhere else to expel my energy… well, not until now. This is the result.” A frown mars her face as she bites her lip. “What?” I ask, concerned at the turn of emotions.
Her eyes flick to me. “Seeing this…” she says touching my right pec, “…in all its glory, and now knowing it’s the result of not having sex, I’m not sure whether I want to have sex, in case you expend all your energy and the gym visits stop.”
I belt out a laugh at her comments, but soon stop, watching her tits bounce up and down with my movements. It’s too much and I know my control just snapped. Growling, I reach around her and unclasp her bra, pulling it down her arms and chuck it across the room. Glancing at her face for a second, which seems suspended in wonder, I run my tongue over her nipple before seizing it in my mouth. Laurie’s head drops back with a low moan and it hits me deep in my gut, sending shivers of anticipation through me. Taking my time, moving from one breast to the other, playtime is over when she runs her hand down my chest and grips my dick through my jeans.
With a loud growl I stand up, taking her with me. Once again in my arms, she wraps her legs around my waist. There’s no way she can’t feel the monster erection that’s digging into her heat. She leans forward into me, sucking my neck as I walk back out the doors and down the small hallway, going to the only one that’s closed. Seeing it’s slightly ajar, I kick at the bottom and it opens, revealing a bedroom. Twisting, I boot the door closed then take the two strides separating me from the double bed before dropping her gently on her back. I waste no time in removing both her pants and the rest of my clothing.
Now I’m standing there naked, my dick is at full height, so ready to slip into her that a few drops of pre-cum dribble out. I can’t move, though. I just stare at probably the sexiest creature I’ve ever seen. Her whole body has a natural tan. She’s small, dainty, slender, and is wearing a pair of black panties with a thin layer of lace around the top. Moving forward, I slip them down her legs. Her cheeks heat at my slow moments.
“I’m taking my time, because once I’m inside you, I won’t last long. Not this first time,” I explain with a wicked grin, and her hooded eyes flash with awareness then s
he grins. I place both hands on her ankles and push them apart, moving up her body. My hands slide up the inside of her thighs, continuing to push them apart as I go. Leaning low, I occasionally nip, suck and lick her body. Laurie’s eyes are glued to mine, and I smile as I lean over her center and let my tongue travel across her, inside her, around her. Sucking her clit into my mouth, and slipping two fingers deep into her.
Fuck she’s tight. It doesn’t take long to bring her to the edge. Before she crashes over, I pull away and she whimpers. Smiling, I know in the future, this woman will be getting it from me more than once each time. Tonight, though, there’s no way I’d be able to hang on so she could orgasm again. I move over her, letting the tip of my dick rub against her folds.
“Do you have a condom?” I ask, feeling slightly stupid and hoping she both does have one, but at the same time she doesn’t.
“Err… no,” she whispers squeezing her eyes tightly.
“Shit. I never planned this, I don’t carry them anymore. Fuck.” I let my head drop forward, knowing I’m going to have blue balls.
“I’m on the pill.” She shrugs one shoulder. “Always have been, since Larissa got pregnant.” She stops talking and I move to take her mouth with mine, kissing her, covering her with my own version of a balm.
“Are you sure you want to do this? I mean we both know we’re clean, but I can wait, Laurie.”
She doesn’t respond verbally, instead crossing her legs over my butt and urging me toward her. I kiss her mouth again then slip into her, right to the hilt.
“Ahhh,” I can’t help groaning out.
She makes her own moan down my throat as I kiss her again. I continue taking her mouth as I move back and forth. And don’t stop as I grind myself down on her. My lips stay on hers as the release washes over her and then me. Collapsing next to her, our lips are still locked.
I pull back and lay my head on her pillow. She turns her face to mirror mine, her cheeks are glowing from post-coital bliss. Her hair messed up. With my dick still inside her, I watch her eyes soft and happy.
“I love you, Laurie,” I say quietly.
“I’m so in love with you, Ruben,” she replies.
For the first time in so long, I feel whole.
Chapter Seventeen
“You working tomorrow?” Amber asks from opposite me.
“Yeah. What are you doing?” I reply, deciding to avoid the elephant in the room, for as long as is humanly possible.
“Checking out a new bookstore with Judd,” she answers then shovels a fork full of egg into her mouth. I pick through my own food, not really feeling hungry as my stomach twists uncomfortably.
“You can say it, you know. It’s okay to talk about. In fact, it’s probably going to be good to get it out, because whether you want it to or not it’s going to happen, Laurie.” Amber says, sliding her hand across the table and covering my palm. It’s an unusual move for her and I know she’s worried about me.
Sighing, I push the stiffness from my limbs and turn my hand palm up so I can wrap my fingers around her wrist, mirroring her hold on me. “I know it’s happening, I just want to bury my head in the sand. I love you, and even though you’ve only been living with me for a couple of years, you’re my family. I worry about you… that’s all,” I explain, swallowing down the prickly emotion climbing up my throat.
“Laurie,” she says my name and I look back at her, into her eyes, blinking away my unshed tears. “You know I love you. I know I don’t say things like that very often, but it doesn’t make it any less true. You’re the only family I’ve ever really known. You took me in, cared for me, gave me so many things that I couldn’t begin to explain, let alone thank you for. Now it’s your time. You have a good thing at the center. You know that you’ve got a great chance of taking over Derick’s position when he leaves later this year. Plus, there’s Ruben. You’ve had your life on hold for years. Now it’s your time, grab it with both hands.”
“When did you become the grown up?” I ask with a smirk, trying to cover the mixture of sadness and pride that’s running through my veins.
“I learnt the wisdom I possess from you, oh great one… now the student has become the master,” she tells me with a wink and then pulls back, the deep discussion forgotten as she picks up her fork and digs back into her eggs with gusto.
It’s been six weeks since Ruben and I admitted how we felt. It’s not just been six weeks, it’s been six amazing weeks. We’ve talked, laughed, loved and shared our lives, in a way that I never thought would be possible for me. While the time has passed quickly, it’s also been full, it’s like we’ve squeezed as much love and enjoyment into each and every moment. Next week will be the first time that Ruben has spent a considerable amount of time away from me. He’s returning to work, taking his helm back in a way that he hasn’t for years.
On top of that, Amber is heading off to college this weekend. Ruben’s helping take her to the dorms. I both hate and love it, all at the same time. I know Amber is right, though, now it’s my time. I need to focus on me. She’s flying the nest and Ruben is finally pulling his life back together. I love them both, and now I have to make sure I love myself, right?
I move the brush across the wall, coating the dirty gray area with a pastel green. Letting out a little squeak of pride as I take a step back and look at my handy-work. When I first came to the center I wanted to make my mark. The building holds so much possibility, but it’s hampered by a gloomy, broken down look that screams depression. I decided it was finally time to brighten this place up. The paint I’ve stained the walls with isn’t much, but it’s one step toward my overall goal. We need some funding desperately if the center is going to remain open, but for now, a lick of paint is enough to cheer me up.
“Hey, this looks good,” Ruben says, appearing behind me as if by magic. He drops a soft kiss to the corner of my neck and I close my eyes, the happiness spreading through my body like an electrical current.
“Thanks. It’s amazing what you can do in just two days,” I say wiggling my eyebrows in jest.
“Yeah, one wall. Amazing,” Ruben adds dryly, cocking his eyebrow.
“Shut up,” I tell him, then turn, touching the tip of his nose with a wet green finger.
“Oh, you want to play that game, huh?” He gives me a wicked grin, and I back up, but it’s too late. Lifting me like I weigh nothing, Ruben throws me over his shoulder and fakes to the left, then the right, like he’s going to push me against the newly painted wall.
“Okay you two, enough already. I have to put up with this at home, I don’t need it here, too,” Amber calls out from the doorway. Ruben spins around and as I’m still hanging upside down and pinned against his back, I can’t see her. Reaching down to his waist, I rest my hands there, pushing my body sideways, until I’m looking at an upside down Amber. Ruben chuckles and gently lifts me up, before dropping me down. He wraps his arm around my shoulder, bringing me into his side and plants a kiss on my temple, which warms my whole body.
“Nah, I’m kidding. It’s good to see you loved up. At least, I know I’m leaving you in safe hands,” Amber says looking between the two of us. “Anyway, Judd’s picking me up. I’m heading home to pack the last few bits in his truck.” Smiling she turns to walk away then stops and twists back around. “You’ll be home soon, right?”
The words are offhand, she’s trying to mask her feelings, but the shy way she said them, makes her seem like a young girl and not a young woman about to head out into the world on her own. After all these years Amber’s still guarded, afraid that she’s going to be trodden on. The thought cracks my heart open a bit, but I know my little warrior, she’s a survivor and an amazing human being in every way. She taught me that it’s okay to care about someone again, it’s okay to have family. The new people she lets into her life will be lucky to be so blessed.
“Yeah, we’re just finishing up,” Ruben tells her with a genuinely warm smile, which makes my heart flutter.
“O
kay.” Her own smile fills the bottom half of her face. And as always her beauty takes my breath away, I watch with watery eyes, my weakening knees barely holding me up, as she spins back around and dashes off.
“Hey, it will be okay,” Ruben soothes, pulling me into him full frontal, holding me up and rubbing up and down my back in long, languid strokes, designed to relax and calm me.
I can’t speak, just letting out a mixed up hiccup squeak as I try to contain my sniffles while my stomach is spinning.
“Let’s get you home to your girl,” he whispers in my ear before we clean up my mess and he bundles me into his truck to deliver me home.
“Come on!” Amber shouts, running up the steps two at a time.
Shaking my head, my mouth smiling while my eyes are desperately trying not to water, I feel Ruben’s hand on my lower back. “Let’s go, baby.”
We follow Amber up the stairs and see girls milling about everywhere—parents and boxes in tow. Looking left and right along the corridor, Amber pokes her head out of a doorway. “In here!” she shouts excitedly and I can’t help the snort that pops out of my mouth. As we make our way down the long corridor, other girls’ moms all eye Ruben appreciatively. It’s the first time I’ve really thought about other women liking him.
When I met him, he was a drunk and too hung up on Amanda to be sleeping with different women. Since he’s come back into my life, all his attention has been on me, so even when I’ve noticed the gazes from females in the past, the thought of another woman wanting him has never seriously crossed my mind. Not until we walked along this corridor. It’s like he’s a piece of meat on display for them all, that’s how they watch him. There’s no consideration for me or some of their husbands or kids. Just plain downright rude, ogling.
What's Left of Me (Finally Unbroken Book 2) Page 9