“Can’t I have my coffee first?” he teased while sitting up and then pulling me on top of him.
I shoved at him before moving my hips down on him. Bringing my lips to him, I smothered the words he was about to speak. No doubt, they would be playful.
I needed to feel my lover’s body and not just his words. I needed to be taken as far away as my mind and body would let me escape. I needed to pretend that this was the only problem we had to face and everything else had been resolved.
I wanted to pretend he could be my knight in shining armor, and I didn’t have to be his savior instead. Because he might be able to solve this problem, but I can’t solve his.
*****
Most people were excited when they arrived back in their hometown, but I felt anything but. I was anything but welcome, and I could thank my mother for that. She had always alienated me and saw to it that I was alone, except for when I had Thad.
I stared at the papers neatly typed and printed and folded to perfection from the lawyer’s office. I knew from dealing with my mother for all the years that I had that more than likely she would not give up, and by that, I mean she would go for my jugular.
Ford had stopped making conversation with me when he repeatedly got one-word responses. I knew he was only trying to help me, but he couldn’t possibly understand what I was going through at this moment. It was something nice I was trying to do for Thad, and in return, my mother used that to see that I had received money, and now she wanted it.
I was blind to the fact that my mother had received money from Thad’s dad throughout his childhood, and she always made sure she spent that on him. The only way I saw it was when Thad took care of me with his money she had given him.
He had planned to make sure I received the money to help me, knowing what I had been through and witnessing it firsthand, but Lisa would see to it that was taken from me too.
One thing I have learned—and trust me, my life was nothing but lesson after lesson or letdown after letdown—was that no amount of money was worth anything. People said that all the time, but I felt it, lived it even.
Ford had a wealthy family, and he agreed with how I felt about it. Although I knew his parents had helped pay for his apartment through college, he didn’t want anything from them. He saw it the same way as I did. Money was fluid and usually ended up complicating things more than solving anything.
But I would be lying if I didn’t say it was nice knowing I had a sort of nest egg to fall back on as I started my life with Ford. After all, it was a piece of Thad he had left for me; one last attempt to show how much he loved me. And there were no words for the amount of love I had for my brother.
After pulling up to the cemetery, Ford asked me the same question he always asked when we arrived at Thad’s resting place. “Do you want me to get out with you or ...?” he asked, not sure if I needed my own space. Yep, Ford always thought of me before himself, making sure I was okay.
“Could I just go by myself for a bit? I just want to be alone with him for a few minutes.”
“Okay, sweetheart, I will wait for you here. If you need me, just give me a look, and I’ll …”
“I know you will, Ford. Thank you. I love you.”
I didn’t wait for him to respond but jumped out of his truck and walked slowly and somberly to the new headstone I wanted to see yet hated to see.
I listened to the grass slightly crunch under my steps and watched where my feet landed, not wanting to disrespect any other residents of the cemetery.
When I came face to face with the beautiful granite headstone, I was speechless. I had been here many times since my loss, but seeing his name so beautifully carved in the stone made it even more real. More final.
I ran my hand over it gently as if it was possible for me to hurt it. I touched his name and then the carving “loving brother” and then his date of birth and date of death.
My heart stopped just as it did every time I visited here. And just how it paused when I lost him that day.
“Thad, I know you aren’t really here … and you are probably looking down at me first with pity and then with your sad smile. Your smile would change a bad day into a rainbow, and I wish … I just wish I could see again.”
I began to weep just as I always did and then moved to my knees to sit in front of him.
“I hate that you aren’t here with me … I wish that everything could have been different.”
I paused.
“I really need you here to give me advice, yet if you were here, I wouldn’t have this money anyway. Or maybe I would. You always took care of me.
“I hope you like the headstone I had made for you. It is in no way big enough to give you even half of what you did for me. I could never repay you for the love you gave me.” I paused. “I have a favor to ask … I really need your help on making sure that Ford beats this tumor he has. I am scared to death and trying to be strong for him and failing miserably.”
I heard someone walking up behind me but didn’t move because I figured it was just my husband checking on me. I knew he had come here even without me to talk to Thad or check on things. He never came out and told me, but Terry let it slip a time or two on accident.
I sat in silence, listening to the wind and staring at what I had left of my brother. The headstone and my favorite picture that I carried in my purse. It was an old photo of us making funny faces with his arm around my shoulder just as he always had in pictures. It was his way of saying I was a part of him. And I’d be damned if all the good that I was from him.
I heard a throat clear and turned around to see a face I had hoped I would never see again. I recognized his eyes immediately and backed up slightly to distance myself.
Bryan.
I stood on alert, looking toward the truck to verify that Ford could see me. He seemed to be looking down at something but finally did look up.
“Why are you wearing a …?”
“Man, I have pictured seeing your face when you first see me in my uniform for years.” He laughed, but it wasn’t out of anything but amusement.
I could see Ford walking toward me with a concerned look on his face but not in a panic yet. He had no idea why a police officer would be talking to me, and sure as hell didn’t know who that said police officer was.
Bryan had the same build as Ford; in fact, he was maybe bigger. I couldn’t look at him too long from the nervousness that was filling my body. I wasn’t scared per se, but I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I knew nothing would happen with Ford here.
He started to walk a little closer as if he was paying his respects to Thad himself. Ha! That was a joke. He had never liked Thad, and Thad loathed him.
“So sad that your brother, your protector, died so young, isn’t it?” He snarled the words with a goal to poke at me.
And it worked.
Ford walked up beside me and put his arm around me ready to take care of whatever issue was occurring.
“Something I can help with, officer?” he asked stern and demanding.
Bryan had a look of disgust on his face, not the least bit intimidated. His eyes looked at Ford like he was getting ready to say something, and I prayed that it wasn’t something to get Ford worked up. Granted, I wanted Bryan to get his ass kicked, but there wasn’t any ass kicking that would help the pain he inflicted.
I looked at Bryan, waiting for his next move, and then back at Ford, trying to figure out what was going on.
“No, just patrolling the cemetery to make sure there isn’t any vandalism. You know how teens are?”
Ford shook his head but didn’t say anything. Maybe he sensed who it was or maybe he had no clue. I didn’t know and frankly didn’t care right now.
“Let’s get going, Ford. We need to get to town anyway.”
“Okay, sweetheart.” He leaned in and kissed my forehead and took my hand, leading me to the truck as Bryan openly watched us.
There was only one other time I felt so disgusted and
nauseous. I clutched my shoulders and then leaned down to vomit.
Damn him.
Ford
Accompanying Elise to Liberty was never pleasant. It was a place of pain for her and frustration for me. Anger even that I couldn’t do the impossible, bring her brother Thad back, quite literally kill Bryan, and relocate her vicious mother.
I had been depressed and barely able to face the days ahead, but when someone was trying to hurt Elise, I came out of it. I wanted to be able to put the depression behind me, and I felt like I could. For today, anyway. I had hoped that the headache today would remain at bay or at least not be as excruciating as yesterday.
What kind of person continued to put their child through hell even after she had been out of her life? I just couldn’t grasp it. My parents were sure as hell no saints, but this?
After accompanying Elise back to the truck, she got sick, and I couldn’t do anything but stand beside her watching.
“Are you okay, baby?” I reached into the truck and grabbed a stack of napkins that we had gotten on the way here when we had grabbed food.
She stayed hunched over on her knees, trying to catch her breath from getting sick or from getting sick again.
“I’m okay … just give me a minute and grab my water so I can rinse my mouth out.”
I helped her into the truck and gave her a few minutes to settle before pulling away to head to the next disaster we had to deal with today.
“Are you sick? Do I need to get you anything?” I asked with concern. She was pale and breathless. I was taking care of her now, which was unusual.
“Let’s just get out of here.”
I put the truck in drive and pulled out toward the town until hitting the light, the only light in Liberty.
“Did you know that police officer? He seemed to be trying to talk to you, and I saw your face when you looked over at me like you had seen a ghost.”
She hesitated to answer and that sent concern throughout my entire body. I wanted to protect her just as I had promised.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and uttered a name I had hoped to never hear again. “It was Bryan. He apparently is a police officer in Liberty now.”
A honk awoke me from my state of shock, and I had forgotten how to drive for a minute as I tried to compute that I was standing face to face with the man who had raped my wife. And I did nothing. All the things I had wanted to do to him for taking so much from her were left unfinished.
“I was standing face to face with the man who … and you said nothing?”
“Ford … the last thing we need right now is to deal with him. We came here for Thad and to deal with this joke of a lawsuit from my mother. He is in my past…”
“Don’t you get it, Elise? Don’t you get that I hate him for what he did to you, and today, I could have done something about that.”
“Hitting him isn’t going to take back what he did to me.”
“No … but it would make me feel better.”
“You make me feel better, Ford. You have made me better. I never knew my father, and all I had was Thad. Then Bryan. And he crushed any ounce of trust I had in guys. And then you.”
“That doesn’t take back the fact that he … and that everything that should have been easier for you was harder. Not that I am complaining. I was willing to prove to you that I loved you and that you could trust me, but dammit, he took something that you had a right to …”
“Yes, I know. And not a day goes by without me knowing it.”
I took her hand and kissed it.
“I love you, Elise Kelly.”
She smiled at me, responding without words.
Elise
After my stomach had settled after running into Bryan at the cemetery, of all places, I had to get myself together. Ford watched me with anger and confusion after he yelled at me for not telling him who it was. The last thing I needed was another fight on my hands, and I knew Ford had always wanted to pound his face. Now, standing in a police uniform would only add flame to the fire.
Ford parked the truck in front of Law Office of Liberty County and walked around to let me out of the passenger door. He looked around, observing the surroundings as if he was a security guard or secret service ready to take a bullet without a second’s thought to protect me. That was the thing with Ford; he would have without ever looking back.
“Take a deep breath and relax. We will be in and out of here in no time,” he reassured me.
We really hadn’t discussed what I would do or what I would say, but I already knew. I knew actually as soon as I opened the letter and saw my mother’s name staring at me from the neatly sealed paper.
“I’m here to see Garrett Walker regarding a lawsuit.”
The secretary looked at me as if she possibly recognized me but would not get in that position. Instead, she picked up the phone that looked older than she was and let the lawyer know that I was here waiting to be seen.
“You can have a seat, and he should be with you shortly,” she said sweetly but on the sly.
We sat in the chairs on the left side of the room closest to the exit as if we needed to know that there was an escape if needed. The office smelled of moth balls and had furniture from the seventies.
I looked up, occasionally making eye contact with the secretary who was checking me out for an unknown reason.
“Do you know her?” Ford asked, and I shook my head.
“She keeps eyeballing you.”
“Jealous maybe?” I smiled and took his hand, touching his wedding ring that he hadn’t taken off since the day we said I do.
“Yeah, that’s probably it.” He smiled.
The door opened, and the man who came out looked nothing like I expected. I guess I was counting on an older balding man wearing a polyester suit. Instead, the man looked to be around the age of my mother, maybe a bit younger, and was in a tailored suit. He couldn’t have been from around Liberty because he had a style that was something I had only seen in movies or TV shows.
“Ms. Riley?” He moved toward me followed by greeting me with a handshake.
“Actually, it is Kelly now.”
Ford stood with me as I introduced him. “My husband, Ford Kelly.”
“Nice to meet you both. Let us go to my office and see what we can do to resolve this issue.”
He led us to the office and watched as we took our seats around a conference table that probably cost more than all our furniture in our apartment put together. Here was clearly where they spent the money in the law firm. Although spending this amount of money on a table was a crime in itself.
I took the envelope out of my purse and set it in front of me, ready to go over it and negotiate.
“All right, let’s get started. This, as you know, is being filed by Lisa Riley, your mother. From the facts to the best of my knowledge, you were left money by your brother, Thad Johnson, that was not his to give to you.”
The knot in my throat choked me when he said my brother’s name. He might not have been visible, but he was here with me right this minute. He had to be; otherwise, I wouldn’t have felt as strong as I did.
“Sir, that is not accurate, but to be honest, this doesn’t shock me. My mother, Lisa, has always been this way to me.”
“This is outrageous, and I still don’t know why we didn’t bring a lawyer to solve this for us, sweetheart,” Ford blurted out, defending me.
“Ford, please, let’s just get through this.”
Our eyes met, but he didn’t look pleased. He stopped only because he knew that I was serious.
“I would like to agree to her having the money. In fact, I can get a cashier’s check out to her in the next couple of weeks less the money for Thad’s headstone that I bought and my college tuition. She can have the rest because it isn’t worth it to me to fight.”
“I’m not sure she is going to be happy with that Ms. Riley … Kelly.”
“With all due respect, you have no idea what this woman who was s
upposed to be my mother has put me through. My brother, Thad, saw it, and that is why he left that money to me. It was for my college and my future—something my own mother has never cared about. How many mothers do you know are like that?”
“That isn’t the issue here, ma’am. The issue is that you were gifted money that didn’t belong to him.”
“Bullshit. Thad wouldn’t have left me that money if it didn’t belong to me.”
“He was mistaken.”
I stood, furiously slapping my hands on the table that had been polished to the point of slipperiness.
“You can say whatever you want to me about me but don’t you dare bring my brother into this. You will not use his name in vain.”
Ford stood beside me, ready to fight whatever battle that needed to be fought.
The lawyer closed his manila folder and then backed his chair up enough to let me know he was getting up.
“I will take the offer to my client and then call you.”
His client, my mother. She devil.
“Okay, but in the meantime, why don’t you ask my dear mother all the things she did to me, and especially why I left Liberty. Let her enlighten you. And then next time we talk, you can tell me what you think I deserve or not.”
I marched out the room without paying any attention to how close Ford was to me. I knew he would follow, and he would be giving a death glare just as I was. He hated my mother, and he knew that if Thad was brought up, a war would ensue.
We walked out of the office, and I stood on the sidewalk, taking a deep breath of the fresh air after inhaling the manure in that office.
“Your mother is a real piece of work, Elise,” Ford muttered as if I didn’t know. I didn’t respond but rather just looked up at the sky.
“Why didn’t you tell me what you had decided to do with the money? That is not what Thad would’ve wanted you to do, baby. He wanted you to have that money.”
“Ford … I know that. But do you think it is worth it? Especially when we have more important things to worry about.”
He looked at me as if I had spoken a secret that wasn’t allowed to be heard out loud.
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