by Kaitlyn Rice
She opened her cabinet, heaven knows why, and stared inside without seeing. “I feel so useless.”
Gabe shut the cabinet door and pulled her against his chest, surrounding her with strong arms that felt so good.
So right.
The only right thing in her life at the moment.
He felt nothing like a brother.
“It’ll be okay,” he murmured against her hair. “I believe Lilly will be fine eventually. Callie and Ethan will move mountains to discover the cause of the seizures. They’ll urge the doctors to move mountains.”
“I hope they find out soon and get them stopped.”
“I do, too. But whatever happens, with Lilly or with Rick Blume, you’ll handle it.”
“I hope so.”
Gabe rotated her in his arms and tipped her face to his, offering a smile not as dazzling as usual but very real. Very Gabe. “You’re a brave, strong woman, Josie Blume. You’ll handle it.” He kissed her temple.
She wanted so badly to connect to him in a deeper way. To stop denying what she craved from him.
What she’d needed from him for a long time.
She stood on tiptoe and caught his eyes, communicating her desire psychically.
If he’d had those feelings for her at all, he would recognize her invitation.
He cocked his head slightly. After noting her gaze, he let out a barely perceptible snort, then bent and touched his mouth to hers. But he held the kiss at a simple peck, like those he’d given her before.
Brotherly.
She moved forward for a second try. Instead of pursing her lips and smacking them quickly against his, as she usually did, she kept her mouth soft.
Showed him her need.
He backed away just a whisper, then held there, making her wonder a thousand things in that tenth of a second. Then, at last, he settled his lips over hers again.
He kissed her long. Tenderly, softly. Communicating returned desire even while maintaining an element of respect and caring.
His kiss wasn’t too hot, but it was sweeter than anything she could imagine. It also revealed a truth that neither of them had ever dared voice.
They each wanted more.
NEARLY TWO WEEKS LATER, Josie stood at that same kitchen counter, loading the dishwasher while her family filled the room with their sounds and motions. Luke finished a slice of cherry pie at the table, while Izzy’s sweetheart one-year-old, Darlene, sat at a high chair nibbling on a breadstick. In a second high chair, a calm but sleepy Lilly fingered a bowl of pumpkin puree.
Callie and Isabel flanked all three kids, discussing baby-food brands and recent baby firsts. Ethan and Trevor sat at the table with Rick, arguing over the calls in one of yesterday’s televised bowl games.
They all made such an appearance of normal.
Josie was glad that Rick had decided to come, even without Brenda. He’d debated it, by his own admission, and had ultimately concluded that he couldn’t resist the chance to meet his grandchildren.
And the day had gone well. Josie’s lasagna had been a hit, the conversation had flowed and the kids had been delightful. The entire evening could be considered a complete success.
As Josie listened to the men’s conversation, she made a few comments—after all, she was as much a sports fan as either of her brothers-in-law—but she spent more time trying to pinpoint the source of her agitation.
“How did you celebrate Thanksgiving when you were a child, Rick?” Callie asked during a moment of quiet. “Did you have big family dinners?”
“Not like yours,” he said, turning to her. “I grew up on a farm, and we always had a turkey and fixins’. We never had other people there, though. Just me and my parents. And now it’s mostly just me and Brenda.”
“Sorry she couldn’t make it today,” Izzy said.
“I know. One of the dogs is ready to deliver. We always try to have some pups ready for Christmas.”
“I’m sure that’s a good idea.”
Isabel sounded so cordial.
And that was it, wasn’t it?
That was what was bothering Josie. Her sisters were so polite, treating Rick as though he was a distant uncle or respected acquaintance rather than the father that had gone missing over twenty-seven years ago.
Once again, she felt different and moody and confused. Why wasn’t anyone asking questions? And why wasn’t Rick trying harder to explain his absence from their lives?
Josie slammed a coffee cup into the top rack and hit another, causing a clank that had everyone else looking up. “Oops,” she said in an overly sweet tone. “Wouldn’t want to break such nice coffee cups.”
She washed a handful of forks, dropped half on the floor and swore a little too loudly as she bent to pick them up.
“You okay, hon?” Callie asked.
Before she could answer, Luke popped out of his chair. “I’m done,” he said. “Can I be skewzed?”
“May I be ex-cused,” Callie corrected.
Luke repeated his mother’s words using the same inflection. As soon as Callie said yes, Luke grabbed the toy tractor he’d received from Rick today. “May I go out-side?” he asked.
“Yes,” Ethan said, grinning. “But wear your coat and stay in the yard.”
Luke found his coat quickly, then submitted to Callie’s buttoning before grabbing the tractor again. As soon as Luke opened the back door, Darlene shrieked, as if she wanted to go outside, too. The noise made Lilly cry, and the parents rushed to their babies.
Okay. Her sisters had an excuse for their restrained behavior. They had the kids to think about, and plenty of distractions just getting everyone fed and de-gooped.
Besides, they hadn’t had a lot of time or energy to process this situation Josie had dropped into their laps.
Maybe Josie should talk to her father alone. She was in the mood to ask questions without restraint.
She dropped the forks into the utensil tray and dried her hands on a towel. “Excuse me, Rick. Maybe we should give the parents some time and space to settle the babies. Let’s go relax.”
She led her father into the living room and chose a seat near him.
After another couple of banal comments about her living-room decor, she grew weary of all the hemming and hawing. She answered Rick’s question about her sofa’s slipcovers and asked, “What did you think when you saw the house again? I mean, obviously we’ve made changes over the years, but did you realize you’d missed it? Does it bring back old memories?”
“Looks the same, but different,” he said. “Didn’t Isabel say she’d redone it after a flood?”
Argh. More nothing talk. “She put in new floors and countertops.” Josie’s voice faltered as she realized that Rick’s attention drifted everywhere in the room but to her eyes.
She couldn’t fathom why.
Her sisters entered the room and put the baby girls on the carpet. Lilly on her tummy—she didn’t sit up yet—and Darlene next to her.
“Where are Ethan and Trevor?” Josie asked.
“Finishing the dishes,” Isabel answered.
Callie sat in the chair next to Josie. “This will give us a chance to talk,” she said. Although she didn’t elaborate, her nod toward their father indicated that she meant it was time to get down to business.
Finally!
Unaware that he was about to be ambushed by three neglected and curious daughters, Rick eyed the baby cousins, who were obviously more taken with one another than with the rag dolls he’d brought for them. “Those are cute kids,” he said. “One so much like Calliope, the other like Isabel. And I can tell you two are devoted to them. You get that from your mother.”
“Thanks,” Callie said. “Not to put you on the spot, Rick, but were you aware before you left that our mother wasn’t quite right?”
“Elly had her faults from the day I met her, but she was a good mother.” Rick firmed his mouth and stared at Callie. “She was strong-minded but sharp.”
“Oh, absolutely.”
She shook her head. “This is so tough. I wasn’t ready to meet you at all. I always figured you didn’t deserve to have your daughters in your life.”
He scowled. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I only left because I believed that a couple of smart little girls should learn what they could from Elly.”
His defense of their mother was interesting, but Josie was stuck back on his statement: a couple of smart little girls?
She decided to ignore the omission. He hadn’t learned of her existence until very recently and he still wasn’t comfortable around her or her sisters.
“Mama wasn’t people smart, though,” Isabel said from her spot on the floor between the baby girls. “She acted as though she was afraid of men. She made us wary of them.”
Rick studied her. “Have you girls heard your mother’s history?”
“She wouldn’t talk about the past,” Isabel said. “She told us only that her parents had died when she was sixteen and that she had no siblings.”
“That’s correct,” Rick said. “Her dad had a farm over near Woodbine. I lived down the road, and he hired me to help harvest his summer wheat. I was fifteen years older than Elly, but I might have been her only friend. She was pretty quiet.”
“Mother was comfortable in this house with only three kids for company,” Callie said. “Guess she was used to the isolation.”
“That she was. When her parents died in a barn fire, she was brought to Wichita, to the home of an elderly grandfather. She finished school a year early and made her way back to Woodbine to find me. She told me she detested her grandfather—that I was the only person she really liked. That she dreamed of marrying me and starting a family.”
Josie lifted her brows. “So you married her, just like that?”
Rick’s face colored. “She was really pretty back then, and I suppose I was dazzled. I didn’t realize until later that she saw me as a person she could manipulate.”
God. That had to be the truth. Awful as it was, it sounded typical of her mother. Josie’s thoughts were echoed in the pained expressions on her sister’s faces.
She hoped they’d forgive her for opening their lives to this new turmoil.
“Elly’s father might have molested her,” Rick said. “She never wanted to talk about him, and she wasn’t a virgin on our wedding night. Maybe her grandfather hurt her that way, too. She would never say, but I had suspicions.”
Josie and her sisters glanced at one another. Before anyone could speak, he continued. “But she did a good job with you girls. It does me proud to know that you two, in particular, are happy and successful.” He moved his gaze between Callie and Isabel.
This time, he had no reason to leave Josie out of his story. No reason to avoid her eyes.
“Josie is happy and successful, too,” Callie said. Obviously, she’d finally caught the omission. “She has tons of friends and she’s working on a huge contract, decorating a series of model homes in northeast Wichita.”
“That’s excellent,” Rick said. “I told her before, she’s creative. Like Elly.”
“She’s also a go-getter,” Isabel said. “Your visit today was mostly her doing. I mean, I’m glad I met you now, but Josie had to sell the idea to me.”
Their father nodded, scowling. “That was really nice of her, then. I guess she could tell I yearned for a chance to speak to my two daughters.”
Every adult in the room stilled. The only sound was a quiet rustling as Darlene tried to remove her new doll’s sewn-on dress.
“Surely you meant three daughters,” Isabel said at last.
Rick glowered at her. Isabel and Callie glared back at him.
And Josie had a moment of clarity.
Rick sat up straight in the chair, his eyes bugging out behind his glasses. “Oh!” he said, gaping at Isabel. “Oh!”
Immediately, Ethan and Trevor filed in, grabbed a baby each and said they’d bundle the girls in their coats and go out to the yard to play with Luke. Apparently, they’d heard at least part of the conversation from the kitchen.
“Well. I suppose I didn’t make myself clear before,” Rick said.
“Try again,” Callie said calmly.
“When I left, your mother was pregnant.”
Callie frowned at him, apparently believing he was just a confused old man.
But something else was happening. Josie recognized that now. She sat bracing herself, anticipating the jolt of news she didn’t want to hear after all.
“But we hadn’t been together in that way for over a year,” Rick finished.
Of course.
He’d said that before, during her second visit to Woodbine. Now it made sense. Josie waited, completely focused on the words that would likely change her view of the world from here on out.
“Elly and I had been fighting. We couldn’t afford a third baby and she was set on a dozen.” He chuckled humorlessly. “Even if she’d won the argument, I didn’t…you know. The baby couldn’t have been mine.” He shook his head.
“Our mother seldom even spoke to anyone,” Callie argued, her face pale. “Especially not to men. She wouldn’t have had an affair, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”
Rick met her gaze. “I wouldn’t have thought so, either.”
Callie, Isabel and Josie all glanced at one another, communicating pain and wonder in their expressions. Callie’s and Isabel’s faces also showed sympathy.
They were getting it now.
Josie wasn’t their full sister.
“I thought she might have done something stupid that day,” Rick said. “She went into town by herself.”
He was looking at Josie now. Focusing on her alone for the first time. He was letting her know: this was her story to hear.
She nodded, prompting him to continue.
“She didn’t usually like to go out at all. She sent me. For some reason that day, she said she had a hankering to go into town without the kids. She wanted to shop. She was getting stronger, she insisted.” He paused, shaking his head again. “She was gone three hours.”
“That wouldn’t necessarily mean anything,” Callie said.
“Believe me, I told myself that. For a while. Then she started smiling for no reason. She’d rest a hand on her belly. When she dug out her maternity clothes and said she was just getting fat, I was almost certain. Elly had a thin frame. Only got big when she was pregnant.”
“Why didn’t you ask her?” Josie asked.
He didn’t hesitate. “She’d have bitten my head off. Actually, her attacks were already increasing. I couldn’t challenge her without getting into some God-awful clash in front of you kids. I had to leave.”
Josie didn’t need to question him further. Now she knew. She felt different because she was different. Everything made perfect sense.
But Rick kept talking. “I found work with a buddy up in Woodbine. I thought it was the only way.” He studied Josie. “I’d be proud to be your father,” he murmured. “I’m just not.”
After a moment that felt endless, Josie felt Callie’s hands on her arms. Her oldest sister—good God, her half sister—pulled her out of the chair. “Come here, hon.”
They exchanged a long hug, then Callie took her hand and led her into the kitchen. “You okay?” she whispered as they stood near the table.
“Sure. I’m—” She broke off and simply nodded. Then she moved backward, deciding she’d sit, and nearly missed the chair.
Callie caught her and helped her, then crouched in front of Josie. “Well, I’m stunned, hon. I had no idea.”
Josie sighed, then ran the side of her hand against eyes that threatened to water.
She wouldn’t cry.
“I can’t understand how I could have met him twice without figuring it out,” she said, trying to smile. “What an idiot!”
“He never told you,” Callie said as she sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Josie. “He thought you knew or something. Didn’t Gabe go with you the last time?”
Gabe.
God. Things had been so odd between her and Gabe. After that kiss, she’d been unsure about how to talk to him. She’d avoided him, using the excuse that she was swamped with dinner preparations. That she was worried about Lilly and also the strangeness between her and her father.
All true. All still excuses.
What could she say to Gabe? They’d indulged, and long enough that their kiss couldn’t be considered an “Oops, was that you?” mistake. Perhaps they’d mention the experience eventually, probably in a joking way.
Remember the time we slipped?
Something was changing between them. Whether or not they should get involved physically, they were more involved emotionally. She figured she should let all this other turmoil die down and then contemplate how to handle this new complication between her and Gabe.
And then again, she wished he were here right now.
“Yes, Gabe went with me,” she said to Callie.
“He must not have known, either. Right?”
Josie thought about Gabe’s reactions at Rick’s house. “No, he couldn’t have known, or he’d have realized that I didn’t. He’d have told me.”
She bit her lip, remembering about her abruptness with Gabe over the phone this week. Was she exactly like her mother? She sure as heck wasn’t like Rick Blume.
Small wonder.
“This explains a lot, doesn’t it?” Josie said.
“What do you mean?”
“You and Izzy are tall and quiet. I’m chunky and loud.”
Callie lifted herself onto her knees and caught Josie’s eye. “You’re gorgeous and vivacious. I’ve always envied your curves.”
Josie studied Callie. Her sisters had been dead on, she realized. They might all have been better off if she’d heeded their mother’s warnings concerning their father.
She’d have been better off.
Now she’d lost another piece of her identity—she was only Callie and Isabel’s half sister, and she still had no clue about her real dad.
“She wanted a baby,” Josie said, laughing hoarsely as she thought about it again. “Can you imagine our mother doing that? Going to town to find some guy and get pregnant?”
“No.” Now Callie moved up to a chair next to Josie’s. “I suppose I can understand her desperation, though. I felt it, to some degree, before I had Luke.”