Darcy's Passions

by Regina Jeffers

  It was funny; Darcy often visualized Elizabeth at Pemberley—the two of them together—Elizabeth and Georgiana; the images were always so clear! Yet, he never imagined making her his wife. That was the step in the equation he could not quite figure out. He instinctively knew Elizabeth belonged at Pemberley; she, naturally, fit into his plan for the estate, but marriage to Elizabeth could not be reconciled in his thoughts. It was not as if Darcy would ever dishonor Elizabeth Bennet; he did not think of her that way; his thoughts of Elizabeth were always honorable. He just could not accept actually professing his feelings for her and making a proposal. He could not marry her! Being a Darcy would never allow him to do so.

  The splendid colors, which adorned Lady Catherine’s estate, were lost on him. Staring out the carriage’s window, a pair of thickly lashed watery-green eyes sparkled back at him. His cousin, being finally aroused from his journey’s boredom, began a watch for Mr. Collins. “I understand,” Edward laughed, “from our aunt that Collins’s book room fronts the road.The chap dutifully watches for the carriages to come along. I want to see if he is watching for our arrival.You know our aunt apprised him of our visit. Look, Darcy, is that he? He resembles a windup doll; Collins is waving frantically. Wave, Darcy!”

  “I do not think waving at our aunt’s clergyman is in order,” Darcy grumbled.

  “Darcy . . . Edward, at last you arrived,” Lady Catherine intoned. “Anne and I both expected you hours ago. Anne’s health would not allow her to wait longer. She went up to rest.You will renew your relationship at dinner.”

  “We apologize,Aunt,” Darcy bowed to his mother’s eldest sister. “The roads were affected by last week’s weather.”

  “We are most joyous at seeing you, Lady Catherine,” the colonel added quickly. “I will be happy to see Anne feeling better and joining us this evening; it has been too long since we saw her.”

  “Excuse us, Lady Catherine,” Darcy interrupted,“we will freshen from our travels and join you shortly for some tea.”

  As the two gentlemen left the blue salon, Darcy gave his cousin a wary glance.“What?” Edward queried.

  “We look forward to seeing Anne?” Darcy began.“Why do you not just pronounce the vows while you are about?”

  “Do you suppose Lady Catherine still expects a marriage proposal?” Edward teased.

  “She has,” Darcy moaned,“thought of nothing else since Anne and I were children. My father took up the practice of allaying her ‘hopes,’ but with his death, I have no protection, it seems.” He shot his cousin a frustrated glance.

  Edward spoke a bit too enthusiastically. “You do not wish to marry our cousin?”

  “If I were to take a wife I did not love, I would want a woman whose health might withstand childbirth. An heir for Pemberley has to be one of my concerns,” Darcy was matter-of-fact.

  “Anne is just suppressed by our aunt. She has good manners and money. Her attributes are many,” Edward cautioned.

  Darcy could not believe Edward presented Anne as a reasonable proposition. When did Edward take up Lady Catherine’s cause? “Anne is tolerable, but her wealth and station will not tempt me to favor her when she has been previously . . .” Darcy froze with the realization he recently said something very similar about Elizabeth Bennet; he changed his mind about Elizabeth’s charms. Could Anne have charms of which he was not aware? He shook his head and said,“Never mind,” and then excused himself quickly to his chambers.

  Behind the chamber door, Darcy was angry with himself for allowing Elizabeth’s memory to invade his being once again. He had not even seen her, and Darcy already had trouble ending his preference for the woman. He must master his romantic thoughts.

  The first evening at Rosings passed slowly. Lady Catherine required divine attention; Darcy applied to her vanity although it vexed him most wholly to do so. His cousin Anne barely managed a greeting; the least effort seemed to drain Anne of her energies. Darcy noted she was a bit more animated when Edward plied her with humorous anecdotes of his military service. She smiled at Edward briefly for a fraction of a second.Yet, all Darcy could see was the futility of a match with his cousin. Even if affection was not a prerequisite for his marriage,Anne could not oversee Pemberley; the task would be too daunting for her.

  On the morning after their arrival at Rosings, Mr. Collins presented himself to the gentlemen. Lady Catherine was making calls on some of her tenants. Collins fawned and preened as Colonel Fitzwilliam found amusing the obvious insincerity of the man.

  “Do you return to the Parsonage?” Darcy asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

  “Indeed, Sir, I do.”

  “Then may my cousin and I join you? I would like to give my congratulations to Mrs. Collins, and the colonel here has not had the pleasure of meeting your wife or your cousin.”

  Collins was beside himself. “You do my household a great honor, Sir. We would deem it our pleasure to share our humble abode with two gentlemen of such consequence.”

  “Then it is settled,” Darcy bowed slightly. “Come, Edward, we are off to Hunsford to pay our respects.”

  Edward looked at Darcy in total disbelief. Never had his cousin considered it necessary to pay his respects to anyone of such asinine tastes before—he might have shown disdain, but respect—that was out of the question. “Yes, I am looking forward to the pleasure of the acquaintance,” Edward added with some uncertainty.

  The doorbell announced the three gentlemen. Collins led the way into the room, followed closely by Colonel Fitzwilliam; Darcy came last. He tried not to look directly at Elizabeth as soon as he entered the room; steadying his nerves, he took on his usual reserve and first offered compliments to Mrs. Collins, and then with an appearance of composure, which belied his actual thoughts, he likewise did the same toward Elizabeth.Their eyes locked momentarily, and he noted the usual flash of curiosity, but Elizabeth merely curtsied to him without saying a word.

  Edward stepped forward saying,“Mrs. Collins and Miss Bennet, it is with great pleasure we finally meet. My cousin spoke most fondly of his time in Hertfordshire. It is nice to be able to put faces to some of his stories.”

  “Did he now?” Elizabeth began, and Darcy anticipated more, but she was quickly stifled by her friend’s grasp on her arm.

  Edward let the tone of her brief remark pass. “Yes, indeed,” he added quickly. “Mrs. Collins, your improvements to the Parsonage are duly noted. I never saw it look so much like a home. Do you not agree, Darcy?” he prompted.

  “Yes, Mrs. Collins, the place, I find, took on new life,” he stammered. “It is as if I am seeing it for the first time.” Darcy could not recall ever being to the Parsonage before. He felt so foolish; could he not hold a conversation in the woman’s presence without guarding his every word and thought?

  Edward enjoyed the humor developing out of his cousin’s presence at Hunsford. He knew Darcy never before would consider paying “respects” to Mr. Collins. He was not sure what the situation was, but he planned to find out. For right now, he continued his assessment of Darcy’s behavior, wondering why he was so anxious to come to Hunsford if he was not going to say anything once he got here. Eventually, Elizabeth Bennet interrupted these thoughts.“Come, Colonel, tell us more about you.”

  Without realizing what was happening, Darcy’s agitation increased; Elizabeth gave her attentions to someone else again. He allowed himself to appear in control as he watched his cousin engage Elizabeth with his usual readiness while Darcy made small talk with Mr. and Mrs. Collins, but, try as he may, Darcy spoke very little to anyone. He could not stop staring at his cousin and Elizabeth; his response dwelled on anger, but he really had nothing of which to be angry. Elizabeth did not belong to him; she was free to choose whomever she pleased, but he did not think he could tolerate her choosing his cousin. She would then be a part of his family, but she would not belong to him. In fact, the thought of her choosing anyone else repulsed him. If Elizabeth could not be his, he started, but he could not finish the thought.
The sound of soft laughter came from the corner in which Darcy watched his cousin and Elizabeth. It was that delightful gurgle of hers, which he so enjoyed. Wanting to be a part of what they were saying, he found himself moving toward them. Not sure how to begin, he offered up the required pleasantries. “May I inquire, Miss Elizabeth, as to the health of your family?”

  “My family was in health, Sir, when I left Hertfordshire,” she answered in the usual manner. “Thank you for asking.” Then he watched as a thought flashed through her eyes.“My eldest sister has been in town these three months. Have you never happened to see her there?”

  Did she know his involvement with Bingley and her sister, or was she just making conversation? Either way, her words chilled Darcy to the bone. His attempt at engaging her in conversation diverted to his prejudice toward her connections. He faltered,“Regrettably, Miss Elizabeth, I did not have the good fortune as to meet Miss Bennet there.” And as quickly as he moved to speak to her, Darcy withdrew. He could not speak to her on so delicate of a subject without betraying his part in her sister’s separation from Bingley. With little else to discuss, Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam finally left for the great house.

  Darcy cursed himself for getting caught up in the unknown that was Elizabeth Bennet. Being near her made him feel he was on trial; did she take such great joy in tormenting him? He nearly showed himself; he flirted with his own destiny. He vowed to be rid of Elizabeth; this was to be his test. Both his cousin and Elizabeth waited for his response. Could they read his face? He foolishly succumbed; that was decidedly brutal honesty; Darcy could not soften the truth. He must not let it happen again.

  He spent a week buried in the paperwork of his aunt’s estate. He passed his time sequestered from everyone else in the household and, more importantly, in the neighborhood. Mentally exhausted, he took some pride in having avoided Elizabeth. It did not mean she was not a consideration in his every choice, but he succeeded in placing some immediate distance between them.

  While Darcy was busy with the estate’s business, his cousin Edward either drove out with Anne in the carriage or paid a call on the Parsonage. Neither prospect appealed to Darcy. Spending time with his cousin would increase Lady Catherine’s desire for a marriage proposal. Spending time at the Parsonage would only prove as much as he denied his feelings for Elizabeth, his heart had its own ideas. She is not what I need in a wife. She cannot be! Yet, he knew he cared for Elizabeth as he cared for no one before.

  Lady Catherine oversaw Easter Sunday services with Mr. Collins jumping around and performing like a puppet. Because society demanded it, Lady Catherine asked the Collins’s household to Rosings for tea in the evening. Darcy placed himself away from Elizabeth, but the distance could not prevent his attention being drawn toward her. He spent the last few days jealously listening to his cousin enumerate Elizabeth’s charms, desperately wanting to hear the least fragment Edward offered. Yet, whenever Edward spoke of Elizabeth, he entertained images of tossing his cousin into the nearest pigs’ sty for his obvious interest in the woman. Darcy summoned his habitual reserve, but as on the first evening at the Parsonage, Elizabeth’s presence played havoc with his emotions. He could not draw his attention away from her.

  Colonel Fitzwilliam seemed really glad to see them all; anything was a welcome relief to him at Rosings.The colonel enjoyed Elizabeth Bennet’s company; she was the type of woman with whom a man could talk easily; they compared notes on Hertfordshire and on Kent; they discussed places they visited; and they considered the possibilities of new books and music.

  Darcy tried to ignore the rest of the room and concentrate on his aunt’s diversions, but his cousin and Elizabeth possessed so much life when they spoke it was difficult to ignore them. Even Lady Catherine could not draw her attention from them, and, as usual, Darcy was lost to the woman. His eyes strayed to where the colonel and Elizabeth sat, and he looked upon them with much curiosity. Was Edward taken with Elizabeth? The question he considered since coming to Rosings resurfaced. Could he lose her to his own cousin? Why not to Edward? Darcy did not want her, or so he told himself.

  Eventually, Lady Catherine’s scruples would not allow her to control her curiosity; she demanded to become part of their conversation. “I must have my share of the conversation if you are speaking of music.There are few people in England, I suppose, who have more true enjoyment of music than myself, or a better natural taste. If I had ever learnt, I should have been a great proficient.And so would Anne, if her health had allowed her to apply. I am confident she would have performed delightfully. How does Georgiana get on, Darcy?”

  “Georgiana attends to her lessons studiously.” Darcy waited for her reproof to his sister, but instead it was directed toward Elizabeth.

  “I often tell young ladies that no excellence in music is to be acquired without constant practice. I have told Miss Bennet several times, that she will never play really well unless she practices more; and though Mrs. Collins has no instrument, she is very welcome to come to Rosings every day and play on the pianoforte in Mrs. Jenkinson’s room. She would be in nobody’s way, you know, in that part of the house.” His aunt called out to her.

  Darcy could not believe Lady Catherine offered Elizabeth such an example of rudeness and ill breeding at its height. He often, of late, found his aunt’s continued rudeness shameful although he made no comment. He was a man torn between two worlds. Like Elizabeth, he clearly had his own connections sometimes lacking in propriety, but how could he criticize his aunt without criticizing his own standards? Did not Lady Catherine, because of her social standing, deserve some latitude in her opinions? He knew he often erred on the side of prejudice, especially when it was someone of impeccable ancestry; he admittedly had a value for rank and consequence, which blinded him a little to the faults of those who possessed them. So, where did the answer lie? He did not know how to accept one form of impropriety and condemn the other.

  As the evening progressed, Darcy looked on as his cousin maneuvered Elizabeth to the instrument and drew a chair near to enjoy the music and her company. His heart ached with his cousin’s treachery; Darcy wanted desperately to replace Edward, to be the one to whom she directed her attention, and to swim in the green pools of her eyes. Staring intensely, he visualized himself next to Elizabeth. Lady Catherine tried to engage him again in trivialities, but his mind rested with Elizabeth; only to Elizabeth did he pay his attentions. He rose from the settee and walked deliberately toward the pianoforte; commanded by his heart, he stood where he could have a full view of Elizabeth’s countenance.

  She could not help but observe this change in Darcy’s attitude toward her; when the music allowed, she turned to him with her usual provocative smile and said, “You mean to frighten me, Mr. Darcy, by coming in all this state to hear me? I will not be alarmed though your sister does play so well.There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage rises at every attempt to intimidate me.”

  Ah, he thought. He so missed this playfulness. His heart jumped in his chest; the connection between them was still there. She teased him deliberately. He assured Elizabeth he had no design to alarm her. “I shall not say you are mistaken because you could not really believe me to entertain any design of alarming you; and I have had the pleasure of your acquaintance long enough to know that you find great enjoyment in occasionally professing opinions which in fact are not your own.”

  Darcy watched as Elizabeth enjoyed the picture he painted of her nature, and she was content with laughing at herself; he would gladly abandon his reserve for her lightness; he would gladly abandon his life for her love. Eventually, she turned to Colonel Fitzwilliam, but she still possessed Darcy. “Your cousin will give you a very pretty notion of me and teach you not to believe a word I say. I am particularly unlucky in meeting with a person so well able to expose my real character, in part of the world where I had hoped to pass myself off with some degree of credit. Indeed, Mr. Darcy, it is very ungenerous of yo
u to mention all that you knew to my disadvantage in Hertfordshire—and give me leave to say, very impolitic too—for it is provoking me to retaliate, and such things may come out as will shock your relations to hear.”

  Darcy relished this moment; he missed her so; she had impertinence, true, but Elizabeth never excited angry annoyance in him. “Miss Elizabeth, you may speak as you see fit. I am not afraid of you,” he said smilingly.

  Colonel Fitzwilliam enjoyed the way Elizabeth affected his cousin, and he egged her on. “Pray let me hear what you have to accuse him of. I should like to know how he behaves among strangers.”

  “You shall hear then—but prepare yourself for something very dreadful.The first time of my ever seeing him in Hertfordshire, you must know, was at a ball—and at this ball, what do you think he did? He danced only four dances! I am sorry to tell you, but so it was. He danced only four dances, though gentlemen were scarce; and, to my certain knowledge, more than one young lady was sitting down in want of a partner. Mr. Darcy, you cannot deny the fact.”

  So, Elizabeth still desired an apology for his actions at the assembly hall. He could handle that; it was long overdue; Darcy planned an apology since her time at Netherfield. “I had not at that time the honor of knowing any lady in the assembly beyond my own party.”