by ML Michaels
This was not what she needed. She came to the cabin to get away from everything. Not to walk straight into another reminder that she wasn’t enough. The memory of Derek’s face when she’d walked in on him and the TA on the couch she’d bought at a swap meet the month before. The one Derek always joked couldn’t come with her when she moved in to his place.
Emma touched the empty space on her finger where the engagement ring used to rest. It still felt strange without it, but she knew she had to get used to it. A lump rose in her throat, and she swallowed it down.
Derek had thought she wasn’t enough, so he found something more. She was used to feeling almost. She was used to standing in someone else’s shadow. It was hard not to feel that way, especially with Evelyn as an older sister. Still, she never gave up the hope that she was worth more. That was why she wasn’t wearing the ring now, despite Derek’s incessant calls and the dozen bouquets he had sent to her apartment. He wanted to make up, but she didn’t know if she could forgive him for making her feel like she’d always felt – like she was invisible.
Suddenly, the cabin felt too small. Even the lofted ceilings weren’t tall enough. Emma had to get out. She didn’t even stop to change her soaking clothes before grabbing the keys off the end table and running out the front door.
***
Freddy’s Convenience store hadn’t changed in all the years she’d been coming to the mountains, and it was a deep relief to her that it still hadn’t. It still smelled like over-cooked hotdogs and cheap coffee. Suzanne, the older woman who ran the store with her three sons, still watched reruns of soap operas on a little TV behind the counter. When Emma walked in, soaking wet, the woman looked up and smiled.
“Is it June already?” she asked, looking out the window as though she genuinely expected to see summer out the window instead of a blustery November. Emma shivered and shook her head as she walked to the coffee stand in the middle of the store.
“It’s just me, for now,” she said, pouring some thick vanilla creamer into a steamy cappuccino. Stop telling people that, she chided herself. It was bad enough that she was staying in a cabin completely alone without broadcasting it to everyone within a ten-mile radius. Suzanne smiled and nodded. “That’s nice, dear,” she said before turning back to the television.
Despite herself, Emma smiled. She and Evelyn always loved coming to this store on the way to their wakeboarding trips on the lake. When they were younger, Suzanne used to let them have free slushies. Twins get discounts, she used to say. Never mind that she and Evelyn were two years apart – they weren’t about to correct her and lose the possibility of free slushies. Emma brought the coffee cup to her lips, blowing on the scalding liquid before testing it with her lips. It was still too hot. She grabbed two packs of sour candy and a couple of microwave meals, balancing them all on one arm as she walked up to the cash register. She’d forgotten to actually buy groceries on her way up.
The door opened behind her as she dropped the food on the counter for Suzanne to ring up.
“No way,” a male voice said behind her. “Emma?”
She turned, though she knew who it was from the voice.
Kevin Bluevein smiled, holding out his arms out. He had barbeque chips in one hand and a case of beer in the other. He looked a little different than she was used to seeing him in the summer – his tan skin was a little lighter, though his blonde hair was still so blonde that it was almost white. He had a slight tan line around his eyes from his snowboarding goggles, and the same wide, clean smile she was used to seeing next to Evelyn every summer.
“What? Eve didn’t tell me that you were all going to be up here!” he said, and Emma shook her head. Before she could speak, Kevin turned and yelled over the aisle.
“Blake! The Kincaides are here!”
Emma shook her head, suddenly very aware that she was still wearing her soaked clothes and that her mascara was probably smeared across her cheekbones. Of course. Of course they’re seeing me like this. Of course. Because this day can’t get any worse.
Blake and Daniel Bluevein, Kevin’s cousins, rounded the aisle behind him. Daniel had a bag of sour straws clenched in his teeth and Blake had several twelve-packs of beer resting in his muscled arms.
“Emma! You guys are never here for the winter season!” Blake said, looking over the twelve packs to smile at her.
Emma shook her head and turned to Kevin. “No, it’s just me.”
She tried to pretend she didn’t notice how his smile faltered, even if she had to give him credit that it stayed on his face at all. Evelyn was as good a big sister as she could have been to a younger sister with a completely different personality. She’d always invited Emma out with all her and her friends, but Emma never quite fit in. She’d always been too shy. Too careful.
“Decided you wanted to see Stonewall Mountain in all its frozen glory?” Kevin joked, recovering his easy smile as he walked past her to set his wares on the table for Suzanne to ring up.
Emma smiled and nodded.
“Wait. I’m such a dick! Aren’t you…?” Kevin looked over his shoulder as he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket.
Emma realized too late what he was going to say, and she tried to hide the wince as the next words spilled out of his mouth.
“Aren’t you getting married soon, or something? I talked to Evelyn a few months ago and she was all bent out of shape that her little sis was getting hitched before she was.”
He said it with the same light tone that made everyone love him. Kevin Bluevein was the voice at the party that shouted out when you walked through the door. He was the one always calling for the next level, the next shot, the next firework to set off from his roof. She couldn’t blame him for not stopping to look down at her bare finger.
Daniel walked past her, pulling the bag of candy out from his teeth. His shaggy hair fell over one eye as he looked down at her hand. “Dude. You’re like the biggest moron.”
“What?” Kevin asked as Suzanne handed him his paper bag.
Blake set his case of beer on the counter, and Emma backed towards the door. She hoped that they’d be too distracted for follow-up questions. She wanted to get out and get back to her cabin, sit in front of the fire, read the books she’d brought, and never see another human again.
“What?” Kevin pressed again. “Excuse me for being a gentleman and inquiring about the fine lad who has won our Emma’s heart–”
“No,” Emma blurted, quickly covering the sound with a smile. “I’m not. I was, you know. Engaged.” The front door was so much farther than she remembered it being, and she felt her face growing hot with embarrassment as she took another step back. “But we’re not. Anymore. That’s kind of why I’m here. I wanted to just… get away, for a while.”
Kevin’s easy grin slipped from his face, and he met her eyes.
“Shit. I’m sorry, Em,” he said. He’d always called her that, even when Evelyn had told him over and over that Emma hated that nickname.
“Told you, idiot. Look at her finger. No ring,” Daniel said, coming up beside his cousin. Kevin reached over and slapped Daniel upside the head. It was playful, and Daniel reached over and knocked the bag out of Daniel’s hand.
“Well, I’ll see you around,” Emma said, turning and making a beeline for the door.
“Wait! Em!” Kevin called.
Emma stopped and turned around.
“We’re having The First Snow party tomorrow night. It’s a tradition.”
Emma knew about it. She and Evelyn always begged their parents to let them come back up for the First Snow Party. Stonewall Mountain was one of the best places on the east coast for snowboarding, and the locals always wanted to be the first to taste the fresh powder. When the weatherman said the first snow was close, the Blueviens opened up their lakeside manor for a giant blowout. Sometimes it lasted for days. Now that she was older, Emma could see why her parents didn’t let her and Evelyn attend.
“I’m not really in a party mood,” Emma said.
“But that’s the thing. A party is exactly what you need,” he goaded, a smile slinking up his lips.
“I think I’m just going to hunker down. Maybe go on some runs, try and finish some homework.” Emma could see Kevin taking a breath to contest her again, so she held a hand out. “I’ll think about it, okay?”
Kevin pointed to her. “Think about it. And, maybe rethink that running idea, too,” he said.
Something about how he said it was wrong. He looked down to the side, catching Blake’s eyes before looking away. It was almost like he was… scared, or something. It made an alarm in Emma’s mind ting… Kevin Bluevein wasn’t the type to get nervous. Then, just as suddenly as it came, her worry disappeared and was replaced with irritation. Would he ever tell Evelyn to stay away from the running paths on the woods? Would Jake?
What is with the men on this mountain thinking they can tell me what I can and can’t do? Emma thought.
“Have a good night, boys,” she said suddenly, turning away and walking out into the freezing air. The rain had stopped, but the clouds were thick and dark above her head. Just above eye level, Stonewall Peak rose up, visible through the parting mist. Emma could see Stonewall Lodge at its base, its lights flickering through the night. It used to be a big tourist attraction, her parents told her, but the number of people visiting had declined over the years. A series of bad animal attacks frightened off the clientele one year, leading to Stonewall earning the title of “Blood Mountain” by the nearby towns. It was just media hype, Emma knew. Her family had come up here every summer for years and had never even seen a mountain lion. Still, she guessed a title like “Blood Mountain” wasn’t so easily shaken. Eventually, the Stonewalls themselves, the founders of the lodge and most of the businesses on the mountain, stopped coming. Evelyn had told Emma that only Trina Stonewall, the family’s youngest daughter, still came up the mountain to see to her family’s once-prominent business.
Emma shivered as she pulled her eyes away from the shadow of the mountain peak and slipped into the car. This entire trip was about getting away from everything. It was about being on her own and getting away from New York and Derek and law school and all the other things that chewed her up and spit her out. She needed to focus on that.
She cranked the heater up as far as it would go as she drove home, but nothing could shake the deep chill from her bones.
***
Emma sat next to the fire later that night. She had a glass of red wine and a good book, and she was curled up in her favorite cashmere blanket. Still, she kept looking out the window toward the Blackthorn’s cabin just down the hill. She’d thrown Jake’s phone number on the kitchen table along with the receipt from the convenience store. If she admitted coming to the cabin was a mistake, then she’d have no choice to go back to school.
Maybe that’s why she still sat there, staring at the pages but reading nothing.
She’d been accepted into law school on early acceptance, where she met the man of her dreams. Derek had proposed to her the summer after their first year. She finally felt like she’d grown in her own skin. After years of being in Evelyn’s shadow, after years of feeling like she wasn’t outgoing or precocious enough to be Seamus and Kyla Kincaide’s daughter – she finally felt like she was standing on her own, finally making her own life.
How stupid was I, she thought bitterly.
Derek had said he had to work late, but she’d gone over to his apartment to make him dinner and surprise him. She didn’t notice the sweater on the back of the couch or the fact that his messenger bag was on his desk chair. She didn’t realize he was in his bedroom with someone else until the leggy blonde walked out, stark naked, to get some water.
Emma was in shock, but still managed to get the girl a glass and set it on the sink before she took off. Derek called. He’d sent her flowers to her work in the university admissions office. He’d knocked on her door and left her dozens of voicemails. It had been a month, and she hadn’t answered any of them.
Emma was realizing that she never really belonged anywhere.
Tears sprung up behind her eyes, and she blinked them away. She wouldn’t cry. She couldn’t let herself. Somehow she knew that if she started crying, she wouldn’t be able to stop. The thought of getting away had seemed so perfect. When she’d stopped by her parents’ house to grab the key from her dad’s desk, she was certain that this place was the answer to all her sorrows.
No one knew she was up here. Not Derek, not Evelyn, not anyone. As she thought about that, she realized she felt more alone than ever.
This was stupid, she told herself.
She knew what she had to do.
She was going to leave the next morning.
***
When she woke in the morning, her resolve to leave was stronger than when she’d drifted off. As she nibbled a granola bar at the sink, she looked out at the woods. The sky was still dark, but the ground had dried overnight. From the kitchen window at the back of the house, she could see the path she and Evelyn used to run on summer mornings. It looked clear enough, and she’d brought her favorite bright pink running shoes. She was still going to leave, but she could go for a run first.
The air bit at Emma’s face as she sprinted through the woods. Her breath came out in puffs of steam, and the emerald trees streaked by in a smear of green. She forgot how good it felt to run. Her muscles burned, but she pushed herself harder. The trail dipped, and then turned sharply to the right.
There was nothing in front of her except trees and dense, rolling fog.
For a moment, she remembered the warnings about the woods, and a chill crept up the base of her spine. She shook it off. It was nothing but mountain lore, designed to add a little mystery to a town that had become nothing more than a summer haunt for college kids.
She ran faster, the music in her ear buds thudding out a steady rhythm that matched her footsteps.
At first, she thought she was imagining the sounds.
Then, she thought it was a trick of her ear buds.
She stopped at a fork in the road and turned her music off. All was silent in the woods, except for the call of birds and the chatter of squirrels.
The sound split the again, and Emma couldn’t ignore it.
It was a cry – like a man calling out in pain. Fear spiked in her veins, and she pulled her ear buds out and wrapped them around her finger before stuffing them in the pocket of her running jacket. She pulled her cell phone out before remembering that there wasn’t service this deep in the woods.
Go back. Call an ambulance.
The sound reached her ears again, though it was muffled this time, like whoever was in pain was trying to be quiet.
Her mind spun. By the time got back to the cabin, called for help, waited for the paramedics and showed them to this place, it could be too late.
She heard the groan again, and took off toward it before she could talk herself out of it. Whoever it was needed her help.
Emma left the path and ran toward the noise, stopping every few feet to make sure she was getting closer. She ran down a ravine, turned left around a row of boulders, and stopped.
Jake Blackthorn lay next to the base of a tree. He was wearing jeans and a thin t-shirt, even though it was freezing outside. His hand gripped his side, trying to stop a flow of blood that ran down his torso and onto the frigid dirt.
“What the hell?” Emma breathed, rushing forward and dropping next to him.
He looked up at the sound of her voice, like he was seeing her for the first time.
“Emma? What are you doing here? What is this?” his air was steam against the cold, and his lips were almost blue. She met his eyes and pulled her jacket off.
“What happened?” she asked, pressing the fabric over the blood on his side.
“You need to leave. Now,” Jake said, reaching out and grabbing her forearm.
“We need to get you back to
the cabin and back into cell range. You need a doctor,” she whispered.
His fingers moved, and she saw the wound. There were several gashes along his ribs. Like claw marks, she thought, but quickly pushed the thought away as fear rose in her throat.
“We don’t need to do anything, Emma. You need to go.”
“I don’t know how long it will take me to get back and call an ambulance, and you’re bleeding pretty bad–”
“You aren’t going to call an ambulance, Emma. You’re going to go back to your cabin and mind your own damn business,” he growled, looking up at her. His ice blue eyes were lit.
Something in her snapped.
“I am so sick of people telling me what to do, okay? You’re hurt. And even though I think you’re pretty much the biggest asshole to ever set foot on this mountain, I’m not about to leave you bleeding out on the frozen ground.”
Jake opened his mouth, but a snapping twig cut him off. He pushed himself more upright with a wince. “You need to get out of here, Emma,” he whispered. Emma looked behind the tree into the woods. She couldn’t see anything, but looked back to him.
His eyes weren’t angry, now. There was something else in them – a plea.
“Please,” he begged.
She shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t just leave you, Jake. I won’t.”
“It’s dangerous. You don’t understand.”
“Then let’s get out of here and you can explain,” she hissed back at him.
His eyes met hers, and she didn’t blink.
She leaned closer. “I’m not leaving until you let me help you back, and I’m cold. So. You’d be doing me a favor,” she joked. It felt natural.
Jake breathed heavily out of his nose, and a hint of a smile played at his lips as he looked around the woods. His face was ashen.
“Well, then. A favor is an entirely different matter.”
Emma helped Jake stand, and then pulled his arm over her shoulder.