by ML Michaels
She hadn’t cried in ten years. Not since the last time she saw him.
“Please?” Noah said, earnestly. “I really want to… just talk.”
Lily felt numb. She opened the door and stepped outside onto the porch.
They walked over to the rocking chairs out front. She sank down in one and he sat in the other. Lily tucked her feet underneath them, just like when she was a kid. She was wearing her pajama shorts and a loose top, her hair down her back, not a stitch of makeup on. It didn’t matter anyway.
Noah handed the letter over to her.
She could still remember what it said.
Dear Noah,
I don’t know how to say this, but I’m going to put it in a letter.
This might sound crazy or like I’m a stalker, but I have been watching you for a long time. I watch you when you go out of your way to make someone feel better when they give the wrong answer in class. I watch when you help a freshman in the hallway if they are lost. I watch you cheer for people at the track meet even after you lose. You’re always helping people. That’s something I watch.
I also like to watch your smile. You smile so much. Sometimes I wish that you’ll smile at me. And you do. But at the same time, I feel like you don’t really see me. Not like how I see you. Like you want to see the inside of my soul.
I want to see the inside of your soul. I think I can see it sometimes in your eyes. But I wish that I could look there and find you looking back. Noah, you are so kind and handsome. You make my heart do things it’s never done before. You make me smile for no reason. Just looking at you.
I know we never really talk. Just in groups. So that’s why this might seem so weird. And if it does, just chuck this into the river below. But this is my last chance before everything changes. This is my last chance to tell you.
Noah, I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time. And I needed to tell you.
You don’t have to say anything. But just know. And the only thing I ask is that you look at me, just one time, like I’ve always wish you would.
I love you.
Love,
Lily
***
Lily’s lower lip quivered holding the letter in her hand. She thought she was going to cry. Right here in front of Noah.
The truth was that she had meant what she’d said in that letter. Every word. When she wrote it, she had felt that way for a long time.
And God help her, she still meant it, even now.
After she had given Noah the letter, she had watched him read it. It had taken him a long time. It felt like he was staring at her words for fifteen minutes, a half hour, an hour, eternity.
And then he had looked up.
She had thought he was looking at her. She rose. She was ready. Her heart pounded. She’d been waiting for this. She needed this. It was the last day of high school, their graduation. Everyone was at a party at the river, and she was about to get her final wish.
The only thing she had wanted and needed before she left.
Lily had taken a really deep breath.
But then, all of a sudden, there was another girl beside him. Clara was there. And Noah had looked at her. Then he grabbed her and kissed her.
Lily had fled. She left the party. She left the river. The next day she left town, and she never looked back.
She couldn’t. She couldn’t imagine a more humiliating moment.
Until now.
“You didn’t have to do this,” Lily choked out. Now the tears were falling. The tears she had held back for ten years since she’d felt so betrayed. Since everything had blown up in her face. “You didn’t…”
Noah placed his hand under her chin. He turned her face towards him. Her eyes were red and full of tears, but he looked at her. He stared into her eyes. And she could see his soul. Then he leaned in. And through the salty splash of her tears, she could taste him.
Noah kissed her.
The kiss was soft and sweet. It was careful and caring, just like Noah. His lips melded against hers. He didn’t pull away.
It was everything she had imagined. For more than ten long and lonely years.
Lily didn’t know what else to do but kiss him back. Her lips pressed against his. Their mouths were closed, chaste, but there was so much passion and tenderness there. She could feel a current throbbing through her body, the energy of his essence. It was incredible. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced.
He pulled away. Way too quickly. No, her soul cried out. She was craving more. But he was staring at her again. She felt a shiver run down her spine. She wanted him to keep staring at her like that forever.
“I--” Lily said.
Noah shook his head again. This time, he placed a finger against her slightly damp lips.
“You never gave me a chance,” he whispered with anguish.
“You kissed Clara,” Lily whispered against his finger. “I didn’t think…”
“She kissed me,” Noah said. “I wasn’t expecting it. And then when I looked up, you were gone. Just like last night. You know what, Lily? You’re a hell of a runner. You should have been on the track team. Not me.”
Lily laughed. It was the first truly delighted laugh she’d felt in a long, long while. Then she threw her arms around Noah.
This time she kissed him.
***
“It’s about time,” her mom said from the doorway. Lily jumped and pulled away. Noah just laughed. Cindy leaned against the doorframe, staring at them from the other side of the screen.
“Why do you think I fell down and broke my arm?” Cindy said, with a smirk. “I knew he was still single.”
“Mom!” Lily gasped out, horrified. “Noah just laughed.”
“He’s been a blessing,” Cindy said seriously, coming out onto the porch. She sat in the other rocking chair facing them. “I wanted you to come back, Lily. You’ve been gone so long. You had no idea what you were missing.”
Lily had to admit that her mom was right. Her heart was still beating a million miles a minute. She couldn’t believe this was happening. Her wildest fantasy had just come true.
Was this real life? Seriously?
Noah had just kissed her. Her childhood crush from forever just kissed her.
Lily couldn’t stop smiling.
“Now Noah, tell her the plan before she runs away again,” Cindy said, looking at him insistently.
“Well,” Noah said. He had a big smile on his face as well. It was glorious to see. Lily knew that she was the reason for that smile, and she felt so good.
“I have plans for the town,” Noah said. “My plan for your mom is… well I want to have more festivals downtown. Your house is just a mile from downtown. People could walk there from here if they wanted. The road is safe and it’s so beautiful here in the summer. So what I was thinking is that we could turn your mom’s place into a bed and breakfast. You’ve got a lot of rooms. We could convert them. We’ll hire an innkeeper to look after everything. Your mom would have her own private apartment in the house, and she could help run the place.”
“I love it!” Cindy exclaimed. “I would get to meet people from all over the world! And best of all, I get to do something with this big empty house. We could use it for good. We could use it to revitalize this town.”
Lily nodded, but she had to think. “Who would be paying for this?” She asked.
“I would,” Noah said. “As part of my investment.”
“So you would own it,” Lily said. “You want to buy the house for this business deal.”
“I would invest in it,” Noah said. “But your mom would be a partner. And you too… if you want.”
Noah looked at her earnestly once again.
Lily felt flushed. Her heart was beating too hard for this. There was so much to process.
Noah had just kissed her.
“I have to think about this,” Lily said.
***
“So that’s what happened with the deposition this morning,
” Sarah said, on the other side of the Skype call. “Anything else you want to know?”
“That was all handled wrong,” Lily said, with a frown. “Who did that?”
“Wallace,” Sarah rolled her eyes. “You know how he is.”
Lily did. She hung up and made notes. She tried to concentrate.
But she couldn’t.
There were two more days left. She was supposed to be heading out of here on a plane going back to her glamorous life in New York where everything made so much sense. When she controlled her time and the world.
Only she didn’t really she now realized. She worked 80 hour weeks. She never had any time to herself. She barely had a social life. Or a love life. She didn't have her family. And she didn’t have Noah.
Noah. That was a game changer. When he had shown her the letter, a painful reminder of the whole reason she had left town, she had thought it couldn’t get any worse. Then he kissed her. And her world shifted.
She felt torn.
Lily jumped when she heard a knock on the door. She opened it.
Noah stood there, smiling on the other side.
“Hey,” he said, quietly. “Are you okay?”
Lily looked him over. She had been honest with him once. With the letter. She thought it had burned her. But maybe it didn’t.
Maybe it was time to start to be honest again.
Lily shook her head. She was feeling so conflicted that she didn’t know where to start.
It turned out that she didn’t have to think about it. Noah swept her up into his arms.
He kissed her. Gently at first but then more urgently. He kicked the door closed behind him.
They ended up on her bed. The bed where she had fantasized about Noah so many time. He was on top of her, his weight so comforting and soothing over her body. His lips moved expertly over hers and they were so soft. They fit together like they’d been kissing forever. His tongue rolled over hers as she wrapped her legs around his waist and pressed herself further into him.
He breathed against her mouth as they kissed, whispering sweet words to her.
“You’re beautiful,” he said. “I’ve been waiting for you for so long.”
His words made her heart jump. She kissed him harder. There was passion behind the kiss. Years and years of longing and loving. Being in his arms kissing him felt so right. It was everything she’d been waiting for.
But what about her life in New York?
Her phone rang like the answer to her question. It was her work phone. It buzzed hard, like it wouldn’t be satisfied until she answered it.
Noah slowly pulled away.
“Lily,” he said. “Just… let me say one thing. We…could have a life here. I know it might not be ideal for you. I know you left for a reason. Maybe this small town doesn’t have enough to offer you. But…I think that it could be something great. I have a lot of plans on how we could make this town great. I just need someone to help me. I think that person could be you.”
Her phone was still ringing. Lily frowned, feeling torn. Noah pulled back and stood up. He pulled out a folded envelope from his pocket.
“This is for you,” he said.
He handed her the envelope while her phone continued ringing. Noah watched her for a long moment.
Lily took a deep breath and grabbed the phone. “I have to take this,” she said.
As soon as she pushed talk, Noah was gone.
***
“What are you doing, Lily?”
Lily looked up. Her mother stood in the doorway as Lily put her clothes in her suitcase.
“Mom,” Lily said, impatiently. “The case is falling apart without me. I have to go back to New York.”
“What?” Cindy said.
Lily felt overheated even with the AC on as she continued to repack her suitcase. She’d been on the phone for over an hour in an impromptu conference call where everyone was screaming. Lily’s case was falling apart after Wallace’s failed deposition, and the firm wanted her back immediately. They threatened that she wouldn’t make partner if she didn’t come and fix this disaster.
Lily didn’t know what to do.
Becoming partner was everything she’d work for. She couldn’t give that up because of one kiss and a crush she’d had in high school. Right?
Noah’s letter was on the table. She wasn’t going to read it.
It would be too hard.
“I just have to do this, okay?” she said, without looking up. But then her mom was there, a concerned arm on her shoulder.
“Why are you doing this?” her mom asked. “What are you running away from?”
“Mom!” Lily said. She was surprised with out her voice caught in her throat.
“You’ve always been a runner,” Cindy said, her voice quiet. “Somehow you never quite believed you were as lovable as you are. You’ve given up so much running and protecting yourself. I think it’s time that you sit down and think about what you really want.”
Her mother tapped her temple with a knowing smile.
“Food for thought,” she said.
Lily looked after her mother as she ambled out of the room. She couldn’t help but think about what kind of woman her mother was. She’d kept going after Lily’s father died when she was young. She was here by herself in this big house with all this land, keeping it going all by herself until one day she just had an accident. She was proud but not in a way that made her seem like a snob. She was strong without rubbing it in your face. She had faith. She had loved and been loved.
Those were things that Lily couldn’t say about herself. But she wanted to. She wanted to say those things. She wanted to love. She wanted to be part of something great.
Lily sat down at her childhood desk. This was where she used to study for chemistry tests and gossip on the phone with her friends about boys. Now she carefully opened Noah’s letter. She began to read.
Dear Lily,
I want to begin this how I did so many years ago. See, I wrote a response to your letter back then. I carried it around with me for a long time. I thought I might see you again. I carried it in my pocket and in my backpack. I thought I’d see you the summer after our first year in college. I thought I’d see you again after your college graduation. I thought I’d see you at our five-year reunion. Ten-year reunion.
But I didn’t see you.
I kept the letter though. And I kept the feelings. Of course, there were women. But I didn’t get close to them. I needed to stay focused. The whole time I was at Ohio State, I had a dream. I wanted to become a real estate developer and help revitalize our town.
And that’s what I’m doing now. I’m proud of it.
But I had another dream. One I wasn’t sure was going to come true.
I wanted to see you again.
I wanted a second chance. See, I didn’t mean for Clara to kiss me. I hope you believe me. As soon as she did, I pushed her away. Clara was really offended. We laugh about it now. She’s married and she has three kids.
Ten years later, I have no one.
Waiting for you was a huge risk.
But it was the only choice I had.
Sometimes I think your mom threw herself down the stairs on purpose. Don’t tell her I said that. But I was walking around your place, and I appraised it. I said, I wish I could see Lily again. The words just slipped out.
And then, here you are.
This has to mean something. I believe in fate. I don’t think this is by chance. Or rather I think that this means this is our second chance.
Please give me a chance to show my real self to you. Give me a chance to show you my soul.
I’ll be at the bridge. If you care, if you want to give it a shot at all… please come there.
I love you.
Love,
Noah
***
Lily ran. But for the first time in her life, she wasn’t running away from something. She was running towards something. The future she always wanted.
&nbs
p; She ran the mile to downtown. The wind felt heavenly over her warm skin. She hadn’t run like this since she was a teenager. The city didn’t have any room to run. Here, she had all the room in the world.
Once she got downtown, she slowed to a walk. She took the time to look around. This town had so much character. There was something for everyone. The small bowling alley that was in a dingy basement but still so much fun. The guy with the popcorn-ball cart on the corner. The permanent bouncy house set up in the downtown park. When she passed, she could hear all the children laughing.
And then there was the river.
It felt like home.
Mostly because Noah was there, standing there.
Waiting for her.
He was handsome as ever. Tall and solid, with a smile wider than hers. Though it was a hard competition. Her smile was pretty big.
Lily stepped on the bridge. He waited for her to come closer. Then he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in closer. Lily tipped her mouth up towards his, eagerly kissing him back when his mouth covered hers.
This felt like it was always meant to be. Then Noah pulled away and he looked at her. They stared into each other’s eyes for a long time.
His eyes were green, deep enough to swim in. They were so clean and clear she felt like could drown in them, in the best way. She saw her future there. Their booming real estate development business, starting with her mom’s bed and breakfast. Their future children. Two boys and one girl. His soul was beautiful. It was kind and caring and honest, and best of all, it was waiting for her.