Years ago he’d sworn to her mother that he’d protect her child; look after her as his own. He’d tried every day to keep that promise, and loved Chloe with all of his heart – but he’d let her struggle through these feelings on her own. He was ashamed.
“Chloe, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize, I didn’t think…” He looked down at his daughter, she was already fast asleep. He cursed quietly to himself and walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
Chapter eleven
“Heather, we should talk.” Tanner stood in the doorway to the living room, just as she was on her hands and knees clearing away the last of the popcorn. She hurriedly moved to a more dignified position up on the edge of the sofa.
Tanner sat down on the armchair, keeping a physical distance between the two of them. He ran a hand through his hair in agitation.
“You need to know, I didn’t – well, I wasn’t exactly the one that…invited you here.” Tanner finished his sentence lamely.
“What do you mean?” Heather folded her arms across her chest.
“Well. I didn’t send off the application form, it was Chloe.” Tanner bit out the words and then raised his eyes to meet hers. “I actually had no idea about any of this until you were already here.” He forced a half smile, hoping she’d see the funny side of the situation.
Heather’s heart sank. Quickly replaced by the heat of utter shame and humiliation spreading across her body.
“Oh my god, what must have you thought of me?” Her arms clenched tighter, hugging herself as if she could make herself so small she might disappear.
“No – please. It’s not like that, Heather. I’m sorry to have…” Tanner hesitated trying to find the right words, “inconvenienced you.”
“The letter, then – that wasn’t you at all, was it?” She’d been such an idiot.
“Letter? No. That was Chloe, I haven’t actually seen that letter.”
Heather closed her eyes, as if she could block out the reality of her current situation. She’d made a complete fool out of herself in front of a man who was not only a complete stranger who had no idea who she was, but also a complete stranger that she was developing inappropriate feelings for.
“I’ll leave tonight, I’m so sorry about this.” Heather looked down at the carpet, desperately wanting to flee from the room.
“No!” Tanner burst out, then amended more quietly, “no – please don’t go. Chloe would be heartbroken to find you gone. I was thinking that maybe, maybe we could give this a try.” He paused, waiting for Heather to respond. He was met by complete silence, so he continued, “for Chloe’s sake. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea?”
Heather was stung by his words. On the one hand it was a relief that she wouldn’t have to leave without saying goodbye to Chloe, but it was also utterly gut-wrenching to realize that Tanner was clearly so unattracted to her, with no romantic intentions whatsoever. The sentiment she’d been flattered by in the letter, had read over and over again, had pinned her wild dreams on, had been written by a ten-year old girl.
“I need some time to think, I’m not…I’m not sure about this, Tanner.” Heather looked desolate. He’d seen her face crumple at his revelation, and he wanted to find some way to comfort her - but had no idea what to do without scaring her off with the intensity of his real feelings, feelings that even he found bizarre and strange. Better to keep her at a distance, at least for now.
“I understand. Please think about it though. Both Chloe and I would love to have you stay with us.” Tanner cursed himself privately, why did he have to sound so wooden?
Heather stood up; she smiled at him, tightly and briefly. There seemed to be nothing more to say. He was a nice man. He was being polite, and perhaps he was right. Maybe it could work – maybe she could stay, looking after Chloe, living here amongst the fresh air and wild land of Jackson. There would be a freedom in that for her; away from the mayhem of New York, far away from the empty shell of a life she’d lived before, the cloying world of Bertram and AyerCooke.
“Heather, wait.” Tanner moved to block the doorway. “I’m saying this all wrong.” He reached out his hand, placing it on her upper arm. He held her that way, at a distance, while she kept her eyes on his chest. She didn’t dare look up, and risk him seeing the disappointment and defeat in her eyes.
Tanner hadn’t anticipated the reaction he would feel when touching her. His nerves went haywire; energy pulsed through him, hot and urgent. His senses focused sharply in on her, and he became hyper-aware of her soft lips and their cupid bow curve at the top; the light smattering of freckles that danced about her nose and cheekbones; the thick curve of her eyebrows, and the lustrous waves of hair that fell down her back and around her shoulders.
“Heather, look at me.” His voice came out hoarse and broken. It was his tone, not his command, which made Heather look up. She met his brown eyes, noticing for the first time the golden flecks around the iris and their look of burning intensity, so at odds with what he’d been saying a moment ago.
Tanner lowered his head down to meet hers. She drew back by an inch, confused as to what he was doing. The hesitancy on her part should have been enough to stop Tanner, to bring him back to reality, but despite the confusion in Heather’s eyes, he saw his own lust reciprocated. He broke the space between them, pressing his lips sweetly onto hers.
Heather broke the kiss first, taking a step backward. He let her, dropping his hand from her arm. They stayed like that for a heartbeat, neither of them breathing.
“Tanner, I should -” He didn’t let her finish the sentence. He thrust his fingers deep into her hair, twining its strands around his fingers, pulling her forward by the back of her head. His lips dove down to meet hers, forcefully this time, pushing his mouth hungrily, deeper into the sweet taste of her mouth, molding her lush lips to his.
Heather reached her hands around his waist, drawing them upward and clinging onto his broad back to push their bodies closer together. At her willingness, Tanner delved his tongue into her mouth, caressing hers in a motion that made her insides melt, and sensations shooting throughout her body that she could feel in the tips of her toes.
Tanner reached his hands down toward her backside, greedily grabbing her flesh, thrusting her toward him. His body kept urging him onward, seeking satisfaction in Heather’s warm, sweet scent and her softness. Heather groaned softly against his mouth, and Tanner felt a familiar sensation growing in the pit of his stomach. He was about to turn.
Shit, Tanner mentally swore. He couldn’t let this happen. Not here, not now. He dragged his lips away from hers, with effort. His whole chest ached as he caught his breath. He took a few steps back, holding out an arm to warn her not to come any closer.
“Heather – I’m sorry, I can’t -” he gasped.
“No – I’m sorry, that shouldn’t have happened.” Heather fought to reclaim her sanity, her head spinning from the intensity of the kiss, and the visceral reaction of Tanner just now. What the hell had just happened? She turned and left without looking back at him. This time Tanner didn’t stop her.
Chapter twelve
“Well, well, well. If it isn’t my lucky night. Two Holt boys in one room.” Kellie Lane drawled, pushing her cleavage up on the bar and smiling seductively at Tanner. “What can I do you for?”
“Just a beer thanks, Kellie.” Tanner replied, trying to keep his response polite. After the kiss with Heather he’d felt restless and irritable, so had come to Jake’s Place – the seediest bar in Jackson Hole, where his brother would be the musical act tonight.
“Your brother’s out back,” she continued as she flipped the lid off the bottle, “want me to fetch him?”
“Nope. I’ll wait. Thanks.” Tanner knew his brother got nervous before a show, any show – no matter if it was the same tired bar he’d played at for the last five years.
He didn’t have to wait long. His brother’s hulking figure could be seen weaving his way through the small tables that
populated the barroom. He was roughly the same size as Tanner, but his features were lighter; blonde hair, blue eyes and most people commented that he had a slightly more cheerful and child-like countenance compared to Tanner, who was the elder of the two.
“Nice surprise to see you here brother, what’s the occasion?” Wyatt Holt grinned, and came to sit down on the adjacent bar stool.
“Advice.” Tanner deadpanned.
His brother laughed loudly, “Tanner Holt coming to me for advice? We’re in dire straits, people.”
“You don’t need advice, Tanner, you need a good woman.” Kellie interrupted, pushing a double whisky Wyatt’s way. She winked at Tanner and then sashayed away to serve another customer.
“My problem exactly,” Tanner muttered under his breath.
“You got women trouble?” asked Wyatt, “you’ve come to the right place.” He gestured around the bar. There were quite a few women gathered together at various tables, all glancing quite obviously over at the two men.
“Not that kind of trouble.” Tanner took a sip of beer. It was cold and refreshing, and he felt himself start to relax. He’d come to Jake’s Place in the past to pick up women, it was easy – there were plenty of women who’d happily keep him company for a night and then disappear off in the morning before Chloe saw them. It was the ones that wanted more who occasionally caused him headaches: Kellie Lane was one such woman.
“Shall we take a seat?” Tanner asked his brother, aware that Kellie could easily eavesdrop on their conversation.
“Sure.” Wyatt looked sidelong at his brother. He’d never seen Tanner like this. Well, he amended, apart from the night that he’d discovered Chloe’s mother-to-be at his door.
Tanner took a long sip of his beer. “I think I’ve found my mate.” Someone on the makeshift stage dropped the cymbals of a drum set; they clattered to the floor making an ungodly racket. Tanner smirked. It perfectly exemplified his feelings.
“Mate? Shit. That’s big, bro.” Wyatt raised his eyebrows, waiting for more details.
“Yeah. Feels big.” Tanner ran his hands through his hair, and stared at the beer mat. “Chloe actually sent off for her – through one of those mail order bride things.”
“What? She’s ten. How the hell’d she do that?” Wyatt exclaimed.
“Internet. I’m putting in a child lock or something on that thing next week. Anyway, a woman came – Heather. I saw her just the once, and my bear took over.” He glanced up at his brother’s worried face, “not like that – I just had to run it out. But it was instantaneous. I had no control.”
His brother looked at him with understanding. Wyatt had never met his true mate, but he understood the bear well – he was the same as Tanner, a shape-shifter from birth.
“Have you thought about telling her?” Wyatt tentatively suggested.
“Are you kidding? Wyatt, she’s an angel – she’ll hate me.” Tanner had vowed never to reveal that side of himself to anyone, not even Chloe. She had no idea who her father really was.
“But if she’s your mate, then it won’t matter.” Wyatt argued.
“Where you hear that?” retorted Tanner.
“I’ve thought about it, that’s all. Your true mate wouldn’t reject you, it wouldn’t work like that, otherwise how would we breed?” Wyatt reasoned. He had waited years to meet his mate; it was something that gave him hope. He knew that he and Tanner were the loneliest guys in Jackson Hole – and at least Tanner had Chloe. He had no one. Just a horrible secret, a fledging career, and an expensive drinking habit.
“I don’t believe that. If you met her you’d realize. She’s amazing – beautiful, curvy, her hair…She’s incredible with Chloe too. That girl’s eyes light up whenever she’s around – I haven’t seen anything like it.” Tanner could have gone on all night, but he stopped on seeing the longing in his brother’s eyes.
“Sounds like you struck gold, brother – don’t let you be the problem.” Wyatt drained his whisky and motioned to Kellie at the bar to bring him another.
“Easier said than done. I don’t know how to handle this at all.” Tanner looked imploring at his brother, half hoping that he’d have the answers.
“Well,” Wyatt was aware he wasn’t remotely an expert, but tried to think of something constructive to say, “have you been nice – you know, kind and gentlemanly?”
“I don’t think so, not really. I was just kind of shocked, and I don’t really know what to say to her. We kissed.” He drained the last of his beer, and stared down the empty bottleneck.
“That’s a start. What happened after?”
“I came here.” Tanner replied shortly.
“You just left?” Wyatt asked disbelievingly, “what kind of dumb-ass move is that?”
“My bear was coming out.” Tanner growled back in reply.
“She doesn’t know that!”
“Jesus Wyatt, I was looking for advice – not a hard time.” Tanner felt totally lost, he was well and truly out of his depth.
His and Wyatt’s upbringing had been a far cry from ideal, and he supposed this is when that kind of thing showed. When you had to man up and tell your mate how you felt about her, when you had to trust that the two of you collided for a reason, and that you had to grab the chance, while you could.
“I’m sorry. Truth is, I don’t know anything about this stuff. But I’d tell her who you really you are. Otherwise you haven’t got a hope in hell, brother.” Wyatt smiled as Kellie approached with a drinks tray.
“Bought you a whisky and a beer,” Kellie winked at Tanner and he nodded his thanks in return. “I was thinking you and me, we should do something later this week – I got nights off.”
“Err, sure.” Tanner kicked himself as the words came out, and tried to call Kellie back to tell her that he was busy on the ranch this week, but she’d already left.
“Smooth, brother,” quipped Wyatt.
“Shut it. She’ll forget.” Tanner replied, only half believing himself.
“I’d happily take that bullet for you.” Wyatt laughed loudly at his own joke.
“Really - Kellie?” Tanner raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah, really. I haven’t got a hope in hell of meeting a mate. I got nothing waiting for me but lonely nights, empty sex, and emptier bottles. I’m not complaining,” he amended, “it’s just the truth of it. And I could do worse than Kellie.” He drowned his second whisky. “You might want to think about that, before you freeze out that woman of yours.”
Wyatt stood up and left the table, slapping his brother on the back and slinging a leather jacket over his shoulder. Tanner watched him go.
Chapter thirteen
Heather sat luxuriating in the warm breeze, watching a hawk swoop, dip and soar across the sky as if putting on a performance for the diners. She was seated on the patio of The Rusty Parrot Lodge, Jackson Hole’s one and only four-star restaurant. The view was breathtakingly beautiful; the patio looked out onto the Grand Teton mountain range, the snowy peaks glittering in the sun which was rapidly making its descent as the evening approached.
Tanner had gone to speak to the chef, an old friend of his. Heather had been amazed at how many people he knew in Jackson Hole, everywhere they went he was greeted enthusiastically – many going out of their way to show him fresh produce at the various groceries they’d past, new stock at the hunting store, or mothers who wanted to show-off their new born babies and enquire after Chloe. Tanner was always patient and warm in these exchanges, and Heather was pleasantly surprised to see him so relaxed and at ease.
When she’d woken up this morning she’d come downstairs to discover a different man from the one she kissed last night. She’d been dreading seeing him again, so embarrassed about the kiss they’d shared, and his swift exit from the house straight after. She needn’t have worried; he had been making pancakes for her and Chloe when she saw him, and he treated her with warmth and grace. He’d asked her if she wanted to come and see the town with him, she’d hesitated but
ultimately complied when Chloe had joined in and insisted that she went. It was only later, when Tanner had left the room, and Josiah came in asking where Tanner was because they had a busy day ahead, did she realize that he was going out of his way to make her feel at home. Whatever she felt for him, and whatever he didn’t feel for her, she appreciated the sacrifice and happily climbed into his Chevy Silverado pick-up truck, ready to spend the day in his company.
“Okay, so – the chef’s doing something special for us, no idea what it’s going to be, but I know it’s going to be good.” Tanner smiled down at her, and took his seat.
“Great. How do you know him?” she enquired, politely. Heather suddenly felt nervous; they had spent the entire day in one another’s company, but it had been full of sightseeing and activity. Now it was just the two of them, and Heather couldn’t help but notice once again how broad his chest was, how ripped his arms were in the t-shirt he wore, and how attracted she was to him.
“Actually, he tried to teach me how to cook.” Tanner grinned, “not that any of it stuck.”
“What? You had a chef teach you, and you still didn’t learn anything?” Heather had to laugh, “okay – there’s really no help for you, Tanner Holt.”
The atmosphere changed as she finished her words. Tanner looked at her intently, his eyes soft on hers, and she felt her stomach flip over in response.
“I like the way my name sounds on your lips.” He leaned forward and with his thumb he gently skated her bottom lip. Slowly removing his hand, he leaned back in his chair again, watching her. Heather blushed and looked down at her napkin and cutlery, trying to hide a small smile spreading across her face.
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