by Joanna Blake
And I had to believe, that even if I was fundamentally unworthy of her, I was pretty sure she was starting to love me a little too.
After all, she had let me put it in her backdoor.
"How do you feel?"
I put my arms beneath her, allowing her to float without the slightest effort.
"Hmmm... good."
"I didn't hurt you?"
She smiled.
"No. You didn't."
Her eyes opened. In the sunlight, with the blue waves all around us, they were startling. I saw colors I hadn't noticed before. Dark green, gold and a slate blue, with little speck of yellow.
"Jesus, you're beautiful."
"No I'm not."
She blushed pink and swam away, splashing me. I caught her foot and dragged her up against me. Her eyes widened.
I was hard again.
"Don't you know?"
She avoided my question, wrapping her arms around me.
"I'm going to prove it to you. I'm going to show you how beautiful you are. Every day, if you will let me."
She rolled her eyes.
"What, you don't believe me?"
"Trent... you are an amazing guy. And I know you like me. But this is just a fling. Isn't it?"
I frowned at her, gripping her tightly.
"What are you talking about?"
"You. Your lifestyle. I can't possibly compete with all those women. And I don't want to."
"You don't have to. You are so much more than any of them ever were to me."
Her eyes widened. But she still didn't believe me. She kissed my cheek.
"You have opened up a whole new world for me. And I will never forget it."
Then she swam away.
I watched her saunter back to the cabana, throwing a flirtatious look over her shoulder. She thought I was a fling. A good time. She didn't want me for real.
The sun lost its sparkle. The waves were suddenly a cheap and cheesy blue. The beach looked like a worn out old photograph. A postcard someone forgot to mail.
Hurt and anger flooded my body. She wanted to use me? Well, two could play that game.
I would use her right back.
I walked past the cabana toward the hotel. I didn't stop, even though I heard her feet padding behind me. Once inside I started throwing clothes into the luggage.
"Trent?"
"Let's go. The captain is ready to take us back."
She looked at me, surprised hurt in her eyes.
"I thought we didn't have to leave until tonight."
I shrugged. She started to say something and stopped.
"What?"
"Nothing."
Her voice sounded so small, so hurt. For a minute I wanted to pull her into my arms, to tell her that I would be whatever she wanted. A fling. A friend. The love of her life.
Instead I just stared at her, making sure my eyes were cold as ice.
"Spit it out Lexi."
She shook her head and walked into the bathroom. I stared at the luggage, pulling out the gorgeous silk dress I'd bought her to wear to dinner tonight. I'd made reservations at the fanciest place on the island. It was almost as good as the surf shack. I'd wanted to show her everything I loved about this place, top to bottom.
I stuffed the dress back in, pulling out the tank dress and cashmere cardigan I'd bought her for the flight back.
I laid it out on the bed for her and left, heading to the hotel bar. I needed a drink. Or twelve.
I would not be sober for the flight back, that much was certain.
Lexi
Trent was angry with me. I knew it. I just didn't know why. He'd disappeared while I got ready, showing up only to grab our luggage and throw a hundred bucks on the pillow for the maid.
I'd said nothing, feeling confused and sad but not sure why.
Now we were in the air. So far he'd spent the flight staring at me from across the cabin. He wasn't even sitting next to me.
The seatbelt light went off.
"Lexi. Come over here."
I jumped. There was something cold in his voice that scared me. But I did as he asked.
He pulled his shirt off and unbuttoned his jeans. Then he patted his lap. I started to sit on his lap but he shook his head. He guided me face down over his lap.
"What?"
"Lay down Lexi."
I felt ridiculous but there was something commanding in his voice. Something that made me do as he said without hesitation.
Slowly, he pushed my dress up and over my ass. I gasped as he pulled my panties down. I moaned as his hand rubbed my bottom softly. The he lifted his hand and brought it down with a loud smack.
"Ouch!"
His hand was back on my ass, making soothing circles. My skin felt super sensitive. And for some reason, I felt myself getting wet.
"That didn't really hurt. Did it Lexi?"
I bit my lip. He was right. It hadn't hurt exactly.
"No."
"Good."
His hand came down on me again. I moaned this time. With pleasure. He laughed humorouslessly, his hands stroking me.
This time he stroked the petals between my legs too.
Ohhhh...
SMACK
The combination of the slight fission of pain, followed by the pleasure of his fingers on me... it was too much. I arched my back, angling my pussy towards his fingers.
"Please Trent..."
"No."
He let his hand linger on my bottom, not moving. Making me wait to see what he would do next. I wiggled without meaning to and his hand clenched, holding me in place.
"Did you enjoy your little fling? Was it as cheap and dirty as you hoped for?"
His finger stroked the line between my lips while he spoke. I was slick with desire. He continued teasing me around the edges of my pussy.
"I- oh-"
He stopped touching me, waiting for my answer.
"Did you?"
SMACK
"Yes!"
"I wouldn't want you to forget me."
His fingers were back, toying with my folds now. I rocked my hips against his hand and he stopped again. I moaned in frustration.
"I- oh God Trent- I won't!"
SMACK
"I know you won't. I'll make sure of it."
I lost track of time as he stroked and spanked me. We hit a little turbulence but he didn't stop. I could feel his erection against my stomach. I reached up his thigh, hoping to make him stop this. And do other things instead.
I moaned as he toyed with me again. This time his finger circled my clit lightly.
"You want me to fuck you? One last time?"
"Yes- yes please."
He lifted me easily, laying me on my back. He was methodical and cold as he pulled his pants down. He didn't bother with his shirt or my dress. He just shoved it up around my waist, spreading my thighs wide.
He held his cock against me, sliding it up and down my slit.
'Hmmm... you're so wet. Do you want me Lexi?"
"Yes. Please Trent..."
He looked at me dispassionately.
"Want to get fucked by the famous porn star? So you have a story to tell your friends?"
"What? No! I would never..."
He licked his lips, circling his hips slightly. The tip of his cock eased inside me. He eased in slowly, then he stopped.
"You wouldn't, would you? That's too bad. Such a good girl, doing such bad things..."
His eyes were cold as he stared down at me. His hand reached down and rubbed my clit. I started moaning as he made me cum on his cock. He didn't fuck me. He just sat there.
I was whimpering when he made me cum the second time. I felt empty, craving the pressure of his cock.
I wanted more.
I wanted him.
By the third time I came, I was crying tears of humiliation.
He just watched me, like you would watch a bug wiggling around on the ground. I was helpless, pinned in place by his cock, a slave to his fingers.
I couldn't push him away. I wanted him to keep going. But not like this. This was wrong.
He was punishing me. Humiliating me. And he was very, very thorough about it.
I don't know how long I laid there on that couch. Or how many times I came. It was at least 8. Maybe 10. Only once did Trent's cold facade crack, right at the end. He leaned back and closed his eyes as I creamed all over his cock the last time.
Then he pulled out, wiping his stiff cock off with a napkin.
He took his seat, not looking at me.
I lay there, feeling utterly shattered. I tugged my dress down over myself, feeling ashamed of my traitorous body. I still wanted him. But I wanted answers too.
"Why Trent? I thought... I thought we were friends."
"I wanted more than that. But I'll take what I can get."
He laughed, finally looking at me.
"I mean I took what I wanted, when I wanted it. I'm satisfied. Are you?"
I was shaking as the plane landed. I was shaking in the limo ride home. I was shaking as he let me out, not bothering to walk me to the front door.
I stepped inside and collapsed against the wall. I slid to the floor, sobs wracking my body.
Thankfully, it was eleven and Char was already in bed. She was reliable that way. The meds she took at bedtime tended to knock her out. Mrs. Keeley was sleeping in my bed so I showered and made a makeshift bed on the lumpy old couch.
I closed my eyes, seeing Trent's hard face as he made me cum over and over again.
He'd used me horribly. And yet, somehow I had a terrible feeling that I'd hurt him. That he was reacting to something I had said.
One thing I knew for sure.
I could never face him again.
Chapter Eighteen
Trent
A warm tongue licked my side. It was wet and sloppy. I reached out, pushing Hendrix away.
"Bad dog."
He whimpered, pressing his cold nose against my ear. I was face down on the floor. I was cold and stiff and miserable. Not only that, I was still drunk after five or six days of debauchery. I would get drunk, sober up briefly and then sink back into the deep hole I was digging myself.
A couple of weeks now. This was by far the worst bender I'd ever gone on.
This was epic.
But nothing had done a thing to erase the memory of Lexi's face as she stared up at me, begging me to take mercy on her. Begging me to fuck her. To participate.
To love her back.
I had no mercy.
And now I had lost her.
It was all my own fault. I could have wooed her, convinced her it was more than a fling. I could have proved that I was in it for the long haul. But I was too hurt by her words.
So I'd lashed out. I'd hurt and humiliated her. I would never, ever forgive myself for it either. The way she'd looked, spread open for me as I played her body like a musical instrument. I'd been totally in control of her body and my own desires. I'd won.
And now I was paying for it. My sad and lonely life was one big hangover.
I hadn't gone out. I didn't want to see anyone. I'd just slowly worked my way through a case of bourbon. And three cases of beer. No drugs. I didn't want to even see anyone long enough to do the handoff.
"You look horrible."
I rolled to my back, shielding my eyes from the glaring light.
"Joss. Who the fuck let you in?"
"A nice lady."
I grunted, picking up the closest bottle and taking a deep pull.
"A nice lady who said something about quitting her job if you didn't crawl out of the hole you were in."
I groaned, taking another swig.
"A bit early isn't it?"
He reached down and pulled the bottle away. I was weak as a baby as I reached for it, cursing at him.
"Give it back!"
"Fuck no."
Joss walked away and set the bottle back on the bar. It was too far away for me to get. Instead, I started looking around for another bottle. There were enough of them laying around. He looked at me, shaking his head.
"January called. She was worried about you."
"So you flew here from Miami to check in on me?"
He stared at me like I was something he'd just scraped off his shoe.
"No. I have a new client. A-list celebrity. I'm meeting her here."
"Who?"
He shook his head at me. Not that I cared anyway. I didn't care about anything anymore.
"You know I'm not at liberty to say."
"Right, right."
"What the fuck is going on with you Trent? This isn't like you. Even at your worst you didn't let things get this bad."
He pointed at me, accusation written all over his face.
"You used to be fun."
"Aw man, that hurts."
"Yeah well, you are going to end up in rehab if you don't straighten this shit out."
Sofia brought in two cups of coffee, setting them on the coffee table. She made a clucking sound with her tongue. I stared at mine, still wincing from the sun. Then I reached for it, sipping it gingerly.
It was too hot but I didn't care.
The burning feeling on my tongue was more than I deserved.
And it was the first thing I'd felt since Lexi got out of the limo.
"I can't."
"What?"
"I can't straighten this out. I fucked up too bad."
He sat down on the floor beside me, slapping his hand onto my shoulder.
"Whatever it is man, we can fix it. I swear."
"She'll never forgive me."
"Who? The maid? Of course she will."
I shook my head, sending the room spinning.
"No. Lexi."
"Who is Lexi?"
I looked up at Joss. He was a huge guy, taller than me even. But he had a good heart. Not that anyone really knew that. Only us guys that had served together.
He was family. My only family.
Maybe he would understand.
"I love her man. But she didn't want me so I fucked her. Actually, I wouldn't fuck her. That was the worst part."
"I'm not following T."
I swallowed the burning coffee and reached for the other cup.
"You mind?"
"Be my guest."
I downed the second cup and my mind started to clear.
Then I started talking.
Lexi
I swallowed, trying to ignore the queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was almost a welcome changed from the haze of misery I'd been in. Only now I was nauseous and miserable.
Perfect.
Three weeks. It had been three weeks since I saw Trent. Since that horrible weekend in Hawaii.
That horrible, wonderful weekend. The weekend that had changed everything. The weekend that had changed me.
Now I knew about all the different ways my body could be used to make me feel good.
And to make me feel very, very bad.
I bent forward, rinsing a post-surgical wound. I flinched at the smell, nausea rising sharply in my throat. I stepped back, covering my mouth with the back of my hand.
"Alexandra?"
Dr. Bellamy was watching me. He gestured me out into the hallway, away from the patient.
"Are you alright?"
"There was a terrible smell. I don't understand it."
He walked back into the room, inspecting the wound.
"I see nothing wrong here."
He glanced at me, frowning.
"Kelly can you finish this up please. I'd like to have a word with Alexandra in my office."
I followed him calmly. I was numb inside. But I knew something was terribly wrong.
"Please have a seat."
I swallowed, the feeling of nausea still in my throat.
"We've come across something... troubling on the security footage. I haven't been sure exactly what measures to take. I did my best to protect you, but there is only so much I can do. I was going to wait until the e
nd of the week, but we might as well get this over with now."
He leaned forward, his eyes on mine.
"Did you disappear into a supply closet with a patient during work hours?"
Oh God.
I inhaled sharply. I knew I would pay for my stupidity. For my naiveté. For wanting what I shouldn't.
For wanting him.
"Yes."
"For what purpose?"
"He- I don't know how to explain it. It was... a game."
"Was it sexual in nature?"
I lowered my eyes. My voice was low and ashamed. I felt stupid. Of course I had been caught. I never should have played along with Trent.
The truth was, I hadn't been able to stop myself.
"Yes."
"You know we can't keep you here after this."
I should ask for understanding. Forgiveness. I should be crying.
My whole life was shattering in front of my eyes.
Instead I was numb. None of this was a surprise to me. Deep down, I'd known this was coming.
"I understand."
"You are an excellent nurse Lexi. Other than this lapse in judgment. Can you assure me it won't happen at your next job?"
"Yes, of course."
"Then you will receive a positive recommendation from me."
"Thank you, Doctor."
"You may collect your things."
I stood, my hand on the back the chair to support me. I felt as if I might fall down.
"Oh and Alexandra?"
"Yes?"
"You might want to take a pregnancy test."
My eyes snapped open and I stared at him, shock written all over my face. He raised an eyebrow.
"Your heightened sense of smell. I've seen it a hundred times. It's especially hard for nurses who are expecting. Maybe this is a blessing."
I closed my eyes and nodded. He was right of course. That's why I could smell everything. That's why I was on the verge of vomiting right now.
I'd assumed that Trent had a vasectomy. It was in his chart. But those reversed themselves all the time. He must have assumed I was on the pill. Or he had not cared either way.
I was beyond stupid.
I ran for the bathroom, barely making it into the stall before my breakfast made a second appearance.
Kelly was waiting by the sinks when I came out.
"Jesus Lexi, what is going on with you?"