by Christina OW
“Does this mean you are taking the job?” Kris asked, tugging on Ellie’s curly hair.
“My bags are packed and I’m booked on the six a.m. flight.”
“So you are running away? Have you tried-.”
“It’s not going to change anything,” She said, cutting Kris off, “I’m just not there yet.”
“And when will that be?”
Ellie looked at her blankly. She didn’t know the answer to that question; if she did, it would have made things so much easier.
“How many more hours are you going to stare at that thing?”
Ellie gave her a weak smile and then turned back to the canvas, even more worn out than when she first sat down.
Kris moved to answer the door, “Well if that canvas doesn’t give you an answer soon, we can try my Ouija board or I can call my online psychic to do a reading for you.”
Ellie laughed, “Thanks but I’m going to stick to the forces I know exist.”
“Aahh, Ellie....” Kris whispered.
“Hmm?” she answered unconsciously as she stared at the blank canvas for an answer.
“What are you doing?”
Ellie jumped at his voice and turned around. It was the last thing she’d expected, “Dale what are you doing here?”
He stood straight, in a menacing stern pose in front of her; it made her uneasy. “Did you really expect I’d do nothing after you walked out on me?”
Ellie curbed the urge to retreat from his hard deportment. At the moment, he wasn’t the fun, arrogant and sexy Dale, he was a hard, no-nonsense, sexy FBI Agent Carson. Arousing, but scary.
“I’ll leave you two alone.” Kris rushed away to her room, closing the door securely behind her and abandoning Ellie.
“Dale I just don’t want to date you. What about that don’t you understand?” Ellie retreated to her room hoping to lock the door behind her, but Dale pushed the door open, closing it behind him.
“Why?”
Ellie crossed her arms over her chest and stayed quiet.
“In my line of work, people always have a reason for committing the crimes they do. As sick, demented and even petty as they may be, there is still a reason. So what’s your reason?”
“I’m not one of your psychopaths you can profile Dale,” she moved to the door to escape, but he blocked it, “Dale!”
Her words were caught out of her mouth by a surprise kiss. It was deep, desperate and sweet, and felt so sincere and naked that it took all she had, with much regret, to pull away. “Dale, please don’t...” He kissed her again, cutting her off, and this time he didn’t give her any room to breathe, let alone speak.
She liked the feel of his lips on hers, then her cheek and her throat. It was soft, light and teasing, like getting tickled by a feather. When he grazed the back of her neck with his fingertips, she sighed, and once he bit down softly in the nape of her neck her sighs turned into moans. She loved it when he touched her. He lifted her heavy hair up to undo the knot of her halter top. He traced his fingers down her spine, pulling the top down slowly, and finally settling on her waist.
“I love your waist, it fits in my hands like it’s meant to be there,” he shifted, pulling at her bottom lip with his teeth. “And this part right here,” he placed his finger into the hollow curve at the small of her back and drew it up and down slow and lightly, “It’s perfect to kiss, just like this part,” he pulled her in, trapping her lips with his.
It didn’t take much coaxing for her to start swaying to his tune. She unbuttoned his shirt as she planted kisses on his smooth chest. She traveled her hands lightly on his skin as she felt his arms and broad shoulders, his muscles tightening at her touch as she settled them on his back. She wanted to feel his skin against hers. Just one time. She was breaking a number of her rules, but this was different, it was necessary. It was the only time she would be with him.
“You are never going to be rid of me Ellie, never.” He had whispered on her lips before he took them as his again.
She didn’t respond. She didn’t want to. All she wanted was to savour the moment, his touch, his kiss.... She was going to etch the memory of that night in her mind.
Remember the night, forget the man.
****
Carson woke up alone in Ellie’s bed, the memory of the previous night still fresh in his mind like a video stuck on a loop. It was wonderful, different and fulfilling, unlike sex. Probably why they called it making love, he thought to himself. He wrapped her bedspread around his waist and went out of the room to look for her.
Walking into the living room, “Babe, where are you?”
“She’s gone,” Kris spoke from behind him.
“Gone where?”
“She got offered a job to teach a summer art course in New York.”
That pissed him off, “Where exactly in New York?”
“I’m sorry I can’t tell you,” Kris felt guilty and sad for him, and her best friend for her stubbornness. “You can email and text her, she’ll answer, but don’t call her because she won’t pickup.”
“Because she’s a coward!” his anger came to the surface.
“No, she’s stubborn, not a coward.”
“What the hell made her hate cops so much?”
“It’s not my place to say.”
“Her way or the highway, whatever it is, it has to be on her terms.”
Kris smiled, “You are finally getting her. Talk to her about anything and everything, but don’t ask her to come back. She needs to be okay before the two of you can be okay.”
He gave her a weak smile in return. With no other choice but to accept the cryptic explanation, he went back to Ellie’s room for the last time, until god knows when.
I’ll text you, I’ll email you and I’ll send you postcards if I have to. I’ll nag you until you get over your hang ups and comeback because.... I don’t know.... there is something there Ellie.
Chapter Eight
Audrey stood close to Carson and hugged his back. She felt guilty having a hand in Carson’s failed relationship. She wished she hadn’t pushed, but all she wanted was for her best friend to settle down and be happy- with anyone else but Gwen.
Carson unclamped her hold on his waist and turning to face her asked, “Are you okay?”
“I should be asking you that,” she whispered, looking up at him under her multicoloured bangs, “I just don’t understand why she did that to you.”
Carson hid his own pain behind a chuckle. He was never known as a man to be broken by a woman, or a brooder, and he was going to keep it that way, “It’s okay. She has her own issues to sort out first. Then we’ll see if this relationship is worth continuing.”
Audrey groaned, then dropped her head onto his chest, “You’ve never used the word relationship with any other girl, which means you really like her, which means she is going straight to the top of my shit list if she doesn’t fix things!”
That concerned Carson. He hadn’t realised Audrey was so invested in his relationship.
He put his fingers under her chin and tilted her head up, “Audrey,” he said with a kind warning, “Don’t do anything that’s going to get her into any legal problems.”
She smiled, some furtive behind it and then pulled away, “Too late!”
“Audrey, when she comes back I hope I’m not going to be called to bail her out.” He meant the warning to be harsh, but she just smiled at him unfazed.
“Maybe some little rescuing will help her appreciate you more.”
He sighed, “It only lasted two weeks. You can’t punish her for changing her mind.”
“You mean seventeen weeks?” before Carson’s gaze turned lethal and graduated to a tongue lashing, she added, “I know you’ve been texting and emailing since she left. She’s been leading you on, so yes, she does deserve to be punished.”
Defeated, Carson rejoined the rest of the team. He’d been struggling to keep Ellie’s return out of his mind, but the anxiety made it impossible. He�
��d tried to get her out of his mind by rehabilitating with other girls, but he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t cheat on her.
He thought to himself. I couldn’t cheat on a girlfriend who’d dumped me! I’m loyal to a girl who doesn’t want me! It’s finally happened, I’ve lost my marbles!
Work was his safe haven where Ellie couldn’t haunt him. He’d sink into the minds of the psychopaths and forget her for a while before he completely lost his mind.
Carson pointed to the evidence board, sat on the conference table full of papers and photographs, “What do we have on this guy so far?”
“Nothing yet, he’s like a phantom killer.” Audrey answered an edge of fear in her voice. She hugged her iPad to her chest like she was willing something concrete to come from it.
“He’s leaving notes with each victim, like he’s explaining why his victims deserve to be dead,” Gwen began reading out loud the first note, “Uphold true and fitting justice and maintain the spirit of the law....”
Like a chorus Ellie joined in “...not the letter of the law...” and finally commanding the room in a solo, “Fitting recompense will always accrue for one’s actions. Violence will meet violence and evil pay back evil, but good will also come to those who do good...” She stopped, intimidated by the eyes that were on her. “That’s Hoar, Dungeons and Dragons; it’s one of the poems I studied in college.” Cautiously stepping into the case room. Her own eyes rested on Dale’s surprised face. She wasn’t sure what to do next, the only thing that came to mind was to keep talking about the poem;
“He was a vengeful deity.....” she stopped, her hand tightly fisted over her belly the other around her throat, “Oh God,” she quickly turned away from the pictures on the table.
“How the hell did you get in here?” Gwen barked.
“Gwen!” Audrey called out in a scolding tone.
“She’s not supposed to be here!”
“Hush!” Audrey ordered, pushing a finger to her lips.
Carson stepped in front of her, “Ellie, what are you doing here?” He felt like his chest had filled up with air as he stared down longingly, and with disbelief at her face, like he would a mirage.
She kept her eyes down as she tried to breathe through the nausea. She didn’t dare open her mouth for fear of allowing the volcano of vomit to explode.
Audrey handed her a strip of gum, “Here. It helps some.”
Ellie took it, quickly sticking it in her mouth and chewing fast, letting the sharp flavors assault her taste buds. She smiled in gratitude when her stomach settled and her throat stopped stinging.
“I came to see you.... we ah... we need to talk... could we please go somewhere else?” She begged.
“Sorry. Let’s go to my office.” He and the rest were so used to the grotesque photos; it took him a while to notice Ellie’s discomfort. The walk was short, but it felt like a lifetime to both of them.
“Every day, you look at those.....” she stopped, incapable of saying the words, scared she’d gag again. She moved back and leaned against his desk for support.
This was the one and only thing she hated about being in this state.
Placing his hands on her shoulders, “You should sit down. You look like you are about to faint.” He felt a pleasurable chill at the contact.
He had missed touching her, holding her...
“I think I’ll just stand, make sure my legs are still under me,” Taking in a few deep breaths, “We’ve emailed and texted, but it still feels like we haven’t really talked,” her soft gaze on the face she’d craved for three months.
“That’s because we’ve been talking around the problem. Are you sure you are okay?”
She gave him a faint smile, “I will be.” She’d missed the sound of his voice, his face, his eyes, his sweet smile, his touch.... She had got lost in her thoughts before she was drawn back to reality when he took a step back, letting her go.
“I’m glad you aren’t mad at me?” she said with pleading eyes.
“I’m not, but my ego is heavily bruised. I’m usually the one who takes off after sex.”
She looked away embarrassed, “Sorry about that, but I’m sure your ego has been placated enough for the past months.” There was a hint of accusation in her voice.
“Not really. I’ve been busy working.” He had paused before he addressed the elephant in the room, “Why did you do that?”
Ellie waited for her heart beat to steady before she spoke. Every time she thought about it, her heart felt like it was crushing under a weight she couldn’t lift on her own. But Dale deserved an explanation.
“My dad was an investor and my mom was a professor. She quit her job once my sister and I were born,” she chuckled, “she said we were the deciding factor in her not having more children. So that meant no sons for my dad.” She laughed, a tear broke away dripping down her face.
Carson moved closer to her. He watched her cry and it seemed like a piece of her heart broke and poured out of her eyes as tears.
“So his sons were his cars, big, expensive and classic. He was going to give us each a car he felt suited us, once we turned twenty-five.”
“Ellie...” Carson said soothingly.
“A cop stopped them on their way home after their date night and just shot them both dead! What reason could he have to do that? To end the lives of the only two most wonderful people I knew, like they didn’t mean shit!” The tears now running down her eyes were of hate and anger.
“Ellie...”
“He said the car couldn’t belong to them and if it did, they were most definitely drug dealers!” She half yelled, the anger shaking her voice. “They turned our lives upside down trying to prove that asshole’s claims. And when they found nothing, they covered up for him. The rest of you covered up for him!”
“Ellie I wasn’t there,” He said with understanding, but he knew that wouldn’t soothe her one bit, “What was the cover story?”
“He acted in self-defence when my dad tried to shoot him,” she smiled bitterly, “A funny thing is, they didn’t find a gun.”
Carson stayed quiet, unable to defend his profession or come up with a proper excuse. This wasn’t the first time he’d heard about something this cruel. “Not everyone who carries a badge and a gun is evil.”
Ellie wiped her tears away with her fingers, “I know that. But sometimes when I see a badge and a gun, I forget that and all I feel.... is hate.”
Her words hit Carson hard in the gut, making him cringe, “What happened to him?”
“We went to confront him and he almost ran Ellsa over with his car. He ended up wrapped around a tree instead.”
“Poetic justice,” he stepped back, his hands dug deep in his back pockets, “So what now?”
Ellie had been anxious about this for weeks. The moment was here, all she had to do was open her mouth and spit it out. “Remember the night you told me I’d never be rid of you?”
He snorted, “I chewed on those words every night.”
She exhaled, covering her face with her hands, “You are going to make me beg aren’t you?”
“It would help my ego a tiny bit,” he joked.
She pulled her hands down and looked at him, bubbles and butterflies tickling her chest. “Your ego should be bragging because you were right,” she nibbled on her lips to hide her smile as she tried to pace her racing heartbeat. “I’m reminded of that little fact every morning.”
“What? You see my face in your bowl of cereal?” he smiled, moving to her. The revelation made him comfortable enough to wrap his arms around her and hold her where she was always supposed to be, close to him.
Ellie pulled his hands down and pushed him back a step. She needed room to breathe if she was going to say it, “A bowl does have something to do with it.”
Carson stared at her confused, “Are you okay? You are shaking.”
She nodded vigorously, “What’s your view on kids?” she gasped out.
“Why?”
“Just answer the question!”
He shrugged, “Not a fan, but I love to practice making them,” his lips rose in half a smile.
Ellie smiled nervously as she shook her head, “You are making this very difficult for me.”
“What?”
“I came back to you because all I think about is you, every single moment of the day,” she felt her momentum buildup like a speeding train, “You are the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last when I go to sleep. Every tall, dark guy I see, I think it’s you, and I feel like a piece of me is missing and not missing at the same time, because I have a piece of you with me.” She stopped as if the emergency brakes had been pulled on a freight train.
“You are not making any sense Ellie.”
“I came back to you because.... I’m pregnant,” she whispered. She held her breath and waited, her hands automatically rising to cover her belly.
Carson froze. He gazed down at her covered belly then back at her face. He felt like he’d been socked in the face. His mind blank, his tongue rigid with words he couldn’t find.
Ellie, disappointedly, let go of her breath. Dale’s long silence was a wordless answer, “I’ll give you a few days or weeks to.... I don’t know, do what you want!” She yelled and ran out of the office before he could not say another word. Her escape was short lived when she was stopped at the elevator.
“Hi, I’m Richard Beckett, Dale’s boss.”
Ellie smiled at him politely. All she wanted to do was cry and the last thing on her mind was making friends with Dale’s colleagues.
“You know a lot more about that poem than we do. Could you please help us?”
Ellie felt her heart stop when she spotted Dale behind Richard, staring at her, the naked shock still on his face. She turned back to the elevator, her escape, willing the doors to open so that she could jump in.
“Please,” taking her hand and gently dragging her behind him. Left with no choice, she followed him, keeping her eyes on the ground.
“Wait,” she quickly spoke up, “The pictures...”
“We put them away already. Although, the poem was written in blood, will you be okay with that?”