The incident had curbed the festive spirit. Everyone was a little subdued and I noticed that there was a certain defiance about Jonathan after his session with my father.
My mother had the full story from my father and she told it to me.
“Farmer Weston caught the pair of them in one of his barns. He was astounded. You know what a godfearing man he is … regular at church every day … and all the little Westons likewise. To find young Lizzie … flagrante delicto with Jonathan shocked him deeply. Well, I suppose it would most parents. Of course, your father understands … and isn’t as hard on them as some would be. What annoys him is that it is Weston’s daughter and on the estate. He was talking about bringing Jonathan over here to learn estate management… but I am not sure now. It’s a pity there aren’t more boys in the family.”
“Why do they imagine a woman can’t run an estate?”
“Largely because they can’t.”
“David is excellent. How lucky there were two of them.”
“Dickon is always lucky. This will sort itself out. We shouldn’t pay too much attention to this prank.”
“Prank, you call it? Lizzie Weston loses her virtue and that is a prank?”
“That’s what your father called it. He was thinking of Jonathan.”
“Well, I can understand Farmer Weston’s concern.”
“So does your father. He says that if there are results it will be taken care of.”
“Well, that doesn’t really satisfy Farmer Weston.”
“Hardly. But at least it helps. I wouldn’t care to be in Lizzie’s shoes for the next few weeks.”
“And Jonathan will be let off with a caution. It doesn’t seem fair.”
“When was the world ever fair for women?”
“You seem to have made quite a success of things.”
“So will you, my love,” she answered.
“Perhaps,” I said, thinking of Peter Lansdon.
January came in with a cold wind blowing from the south east. Winter was with us. The trees stretched out their bare branches making a delicate lacy pattern against the grey skies; they seemed as beautiful as they ever did in the spring. People speculated as to whether there would be snow. The Pettigrews had left.
“Glad to be rid of them,” mumbled my father. “Let Jonathan make trouble in their patch if he must and leave mine alone.”
Peter had gone to London for a brief spell. He was not thinking of leaving Enderby yet, although his search for property was not proving very fruitful. But he had interests in London to attend to. He said he would soon be back.
Edward Barrington had gone back to Nottingham and Mrs. Barrington had caught a chill and had taken to her bed.
“You should go over to see her,” said my mother. “She is especially fond of you.”
So I went. I sat by her bed in the cosy room where a fire was burning in the grate.
“So good of you to come, Jessica. You’ve cheered me up a lot.”
“How did you get this chill?” I asked.
“Run down I think. I worry a lot. I do wish Edward wasn’t in the thick of all that in Nottingham.”
“These people are becoming a real menace,” I said.
“It’s spreading, I’m afraid. It’s a deadlock. Edward said that if they don’t have the machines they can’t compete with foreigners … and if they can’t make profits the men will lose their jobs anyway.”
“They can’t see that, of course.”
“They’re shortsighted, Edward says. I am glad his father has semi-retired. I do wish Edward could stay here for a while until it settles down.”
“It is his business. He feels he must be there.”
“Oh yes … but it worries me.”
“It’s a worry for us all.”
She reached out and took my hand. “I wish … He’s such a good young man.”
“Yes,” I said, “he is.”
“There are very few like him, you know. He has always been so reliable. How I should love to see him settled.”
Clare Carson came into the room. “I came to see if you wanted any more coal on the fire.”
“I think it is all right, thank you, dear. I was talking to Jessica about those terrible riots.”
“You mustn’t fret,” said Clare. “Edward knows how to take care of it.”
“Oh, I know. But I do hate to think of it. I wish …”
“It can’t last,” I said. “I hear they are imposing more and more heavy sentences on those who create the disturbances.”
“Sometimes that makes people more angry,” said Mrs. Barrington. “Clare, do you think you could go and ask them to bring us some tea?”
Clare went out and left us.
“The fire will get rather fierce,” I said. “Would you like me to put up the screen?”
She sighed. She would have liked to talk about marriage and she knew it was a subject which I wanted to avoid.
The tea came eventually. Clare took it with us and the talk was general—about the Christmas festivities, the weather and the prospects for the year.
On my way home I met Amaryllis with Peter. I was surprised. I had not known that he was back.
“I only arrived this morning,” he said. “I called at Eversleigh this afternoon and learned you were out. Amaryllis and I decided to take a ride.”
“We were just going back,” said Amaryllis.
“So was I.”
We all went back together.
During the next few days I noticed a change in Peter. He seemed preoccupied. I did not see him alone. I felt something must have happened while he was in London and I wondered whether some proposition had come up which meant that he was no longer interested in an estate near us.
Three days after his return he asked us over to Enderby to dine. The memory of that evening stayed with me for a long time. I don’t think I had ever been more shocked in the whole of my life.
Amaryllis had been absent the whole of the afternoon. She had returned to Eversleigh to change for dinner and we had all gone together in the carriage.
Peter greeted us warmly and said how glad he was to be back, and very soon we were seated at the table. He talked about his visit to London, how glad he was to be back and what a pleasure it was to see us round his table. It was all very conventionally convivial.
Then came the blow.
He said: “I think it is time we let you into the secret. I do hope you will all share our joy. We are going to be married.”
I stared at him. He had not asked me. Surely … I could not believe this was real. I must be dreaming.
He was smiling across the table at Amaryllis, who was blushing and looking extremely pretty.
“Yes,” he said, “Amaryllis has promised to be my wife.” He was looking at David and Claudine now. “My gratitude to Amaryllis’ parents who have told me they are willing to accept me as their son-in-law. And I am hoping we shall have the approval of the rest of the family.”
“Well, Amaryllis,” cried my mother, “this is a surprise!”
I knew that she had thought I was the one in whom he was especially interested.
“As soon as we saw each other… we knew,” Peter was saying.
Then everyone seemed to be speaking at once. Someone was talking of toasts. I felt myself behaving mechanically. There was a great lump in my throat. One thought was uppermost in my mind. No one must know.
I could not believe this was happening. I was so unsure of my feeling. I was not exactly in love with him. I had enjoyed his attentions. I had thought he was very seriously regarding our future. I was too shocked, too bewildered, to think clearly.
Amaryllis was smiling happily. She looked very beautiful. I lifted my glass with the rest. I noticed that Claudine was avoiding my eyes. She was sorry for me … Oh no, I could not bear it.
Had I betrayed my feelings? Was I betraying them now? I had to say something. I had to act normally. Did Peter know? Had he guessed? Amaryllis did not know. She would not
be so happy if she did.
I heard myself say: “What a pity you didn’t wait. Edward and I were going to announce our engagement when he came back to Grasslands.”
Silence. Then exclamations of pleasure. This was what my parents had wanted. They had always wanted me to marry Edward Barrington.
“This is great news,” cried my mother jubilantly.
My father said: “So it’s to be two of them, is it? I didn’t think our Jessica would allow Amaryllis to steal a march on her.”
So they drank their toasts; and I sat there numb and thought: What have I done?
How like me to have acted on the spur of the moment. I should have been calm. But it had been the only way to cloak my feelings. I would not have them sorry for me—him too, knowing as he must have done that I had believed he was in love with me. And all the time it had been Amaryllis. I could not believe it even now.
Amaryllis was beside me. She put her arms round me and kissed me.
“I’m so pleased, Jessica. Edward is a fine man. Isn’t it wonderful … both of us on the same day.”
I said it was wonderful. I drank the toasts. And all the time I was longing to escape to my room.
I wanted to be alone to think about what I had done.
When we returned my mother came to my room. She knew me so well that I wondered if she had guessed.
She put her hands on my shoulders and drew me to her; she held me tightly for a few moments.
“My dear, you are happy, aren’t you?”
“Yes, of course,” I lied.
“Edward is such a good man. Your father and I have always liked him. We have always hoped …”
“Well, you are content now. But I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that. I should have waited for Edward to be there.”
“I understand,” she said. “There was Amaryllis …”
“I wanted to share in it, I suppose. That was why …”
“Well, it is not important how and when the announcement was made. All that matters is that you and Edward …”
“I… I er would rather it wasn’t mentioned … not till Edward comes home. The Barringtons might be a little put out. After all, it should have been said when they were all present. I think it should be kept just in the family… until Edward comes back.”
“Of course …” she said slowly. And she was looking at me intently. We had been very close all our lives. It had been something which had always comforted me, but at that moment I was wishing she did not know me quite so well.
She kissed me tenderly, said goodnight and left me alone with my thoughts.
I was too bewildered to sleep. I was hurt and angry. I felt I had been deceived but was not sure who had done the deceiving. Myself perhaps.
I was vain. Although I lacked Amaryllis’ angelic looks I had thought myself to possess superior physical attractions. Now I had learned a lesson.
But I was sure in the beginning I had been the one. What had made him change? And what did I really feel? Was I brokenhearted to have been jilted … or something near it? My pride had been deeply wounded. It was not exactly that I was in love. I hardly knew this man. I had had romantic thoughts of him largely because of the romantic circumstances in which we had met. As for Amaryllis she knew him even less, yet she had had time to fall in love with him.
I could not really understand myself. And why … oh why had I been so recklessly foolish as to tell them that Edward and I were engaged? And I was engaged to Edward now. I had used him shamefully to extricate myself from an embarrassing position. Why had I not paused to think for a moment? How much more dignified, how much more honest it would have been to have sat there and taken the blow on the chin—as they say—and tried not to show how much I was flinching.
How typical of me to flounder in and put myself in an even more awkward situation.
I had a very restless night and the next day went over to Grasslands. Mrs. Barrington had recovered from her cold and was as brisk as ever.
I asked after Edward and learned that he was coming back the next day. I was determined to see him at the first possible moment.
Amaryllis was in a state of bliss. Not only was she in love but, being Amaryllis, at the same time she could spare a little pleasure because I appeared to be in a similar state.
I consoled myself that if I had not made the announcement Amaryllis’ happiness would have been clouded because like my mother, and others perhaps, she had thought I was the target for Peter Lansdon’s affections. It gave her great happiness to believe that I was in love with someone else because it left her free to enjoy her own bliss without the slightest twinge of remorse.
“Of course I always knew how Edward felt about you,” she said, “but I thought you were undecided. You’ve been a long time making up your mind.”
“I wanted to be sure,” I told her.
She giggled happily. “Isn’t it strange that you were the cautious one this time? Peter and I just fell in love at first sight. Isn’t life wonderful? Just think… if that awful thing hadn’t happened to you, I should not be engaged now. I do think Peter was so very brave to go into that house like that.”
“Yes, he was.”
She hugged me. “It’s so wonderful. I’m so happy, Jessica. It will be marvellous to be married on the same day. We’ll have to think about June. It seems a long time to wait.”
“I think it would be a very good time,” I said.
“Peter says it is far too long.”
It was amazing to see Amaryllis thus and I almost reminded her that she hardly knew the man she was going to marry. A few weeks ago she had not even heard his name. But what was the use? She was in love and she was going to be married to the man of her choice. I should be married, too, but not to the man of mine.
Edward returned the following day. I went over to Grasslands in the early afternoon. He was delighted to see me.
I said to him: “I want to speak to you alone … soon.”
“Now?”
“Yes, away from the house. Could we go for a ride? That would be easiest.”
“Of course,” he said.
He looked a little strained, I fancied. I guessed it was the usual trouble at the factory but he brightened at my suggestion and I warmed towards him. He was a very good man and I was sure he would do everything he could to help me now … and always. I was very lucky to be loved by such a man, how perverse of me it was not to return his deep feeling and to be so much more excited by the company of a man I did not really know. That was how I was beginning to think of Peter Lansdon. How was it that he had made me feel that he was exclusively interested in me and then suddenly I discovered it was Amaryllis whom he intended to marry? I would always be sure of Edward.
In a very short time we were riding together.
“Edward,” I said, “I have a confession to make.”
“A confession?” He was startled. We were walking our horses and he pulled up to look at me.
I went on: “You have often asked me to marry you. Do you still want to?”
“I shall always want you, Jessica.”
Waves of relief swept over me.
I said: “My confession is that I have told them … told them that we are going to get married.”
“Jessica!”
“Yes. It was most immodest of me. Amaryllis became engaged to Peter Lansdon …”
“Amaryllis? But I thought…”
“Things are not always as they seem. He saved me in London and when he came here he fell in love with Amaryllis and she with him. They announced their engagement at the dinner table and I thought, well… why shouldn’t I tell them about Edward and myself…”
“Do you mean … ?”
“What I mean is that I thought we had hesitated long enough.”
“We?”
“I. Oh, I’ve been silly … young and foolish I suppose, not being sure when I should have been. So I said, Well they are not the only ones who can be engaged. Edward and I have known each other
for longer than they have and there are many more reasons why we should be married, so …”
He took my hand and kissed it. “What an odd place to hear this … on the back of a horse.”
We laughed. His face was transformed. The lines of worry caused by the Nottingham rioters had disappeared. He looked young … and so happy.
“Well, Edward,” I said, “it had to happen, hadn’t it? It was inevitable. My parents are delighted. They have a great respect for you.”
“Mine will be delighted too.”
“Then there is delight all round.”
“Oh, Jessica, this is wonderful. Let’s ride back and tell them all about it.”
So it was as easy as that.
I was sitting in the drawing room at Grasslands. Mr. Barrington had insisted on bringing one of his finest wines from his cellar. Mrs. Barrington was twittering round in a state of great excitement.
“There, Jessica. You’re our daughter now. I can’t tell you how happy you’ve made us all. Isn’t that so, Father?”
Mr. Barrington said: “It is what we have always wanted. Why you had to be so long about it beats me.”
“It was right and proper,” said Mrs. Barrington, although I believed she had chafed at my procrastination more bitterly than her husband had. “One has to be sure about these things. That’s so, isn’t it, Jessica? What a wonderful day that was for us all when you picked up Father on the road and brought him home. I wonder what happened to that gypsy. He must have nearly served his time.”
“It was seven years,” I said. “He will have done six of them.”
“How time flies! You were such an earnest little thing then, Jessica. You cared so much about that poor man. We all loved you for it didn’t we?”
Barrington Pere and Fils agreed.
My spirits were lifted in their company. I thought what a delightful family they were—simple in a way compared with my parents, and so lovable. My family for the future.
Edward said: “I want Jessica to come to Nottingham to have a look at the house. There might be certain things she’ll want to alter.”
“Yes, it’s always nice for a bride to make changes. We furnished the house, didn’t we, Father… how many years ago? Too many to remember. It would be a little old-fashioned now, I shouldn’t wonder.”
Return of the Gypsy Page 19