Snoop Troop: It Came from Beneath the Playground

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Snoop Troop: It Came from Beneath the Playground Page 3

by Kirk Scroggs


  culprit. In fact...

  everyone they talk to

  is a suspect!

  Remember that!

  The fate of humanity

  could depend on it!

  This calls for my Interrogation Stache SX!

  It intimidates suspects with its manliness,

  plus it has a Weirdo-meter to warn us

  when someone is dangerously kooky.

  Doesn’t your own

  weirdness set it off

  constantly?

  Once they’re inside, a hole in the floor opens,

  and a doctor bearing a big bowl of candy rises

  up. He offers the confections to Logan and

  Gustavo.

  Don’t

  mind if I

  do, Doc!

  I suppose you’re here about the curious

  criminal-mole incidents. It’s certainly the

  most exciting development in burrowing

  mammals since the synchronized

  swimming shrews of Sri Lanka!

  Logan decides to put the pressure on Dr.

  Yonder....

  Hmmm. You sound awfully excited

  about moles. Maybe too excited.

  Yes indeedy-diggly! My

  love for underground

  mammals can only

  properly be expressed

  with a song! There

  was a scientist

  who had a mole and

  Scapanus orarius

  was his name-o!

  Maybe we should cut the singing

  and just stick to the facts.

  Yeah. Don’t take it

  personally, Doc. Your singing

  might stink, but these gummi

  worms are delicious!

  Oh, those aren’t gummi worms.

  A batch of radioactive earthworms

  escaped their cage this morning.

  Dr. Yonder gives the kids the grand tour of the

  underworld where he studies all things that

  live underground.

  My own little world of under!

  Wow!

  It’s completely

  underwhelming!

  Dr. Yonder’s lab is chock-full of beakers and

  gizmos and mole specimens. Across the room,

  Logan spots a strange device that resembles a

  bullhorn crossed with a fire extinguisher.

  Watch out

  for escaped

  earthworms!

  What is

  that thing?

  This is the Mole Disser 5000.

  It uses high-frequency insults

  to drive off moles.

  You see, moles are very

  sensitive to sound and

  hurtful comments.

  Girlfriend, that fur

  you’re wearing is so

  ten years ago!

  That was harsh!

  My Weirdo-meter is

  starting to vibrate.

  Don’t rush to

  judgment just yet.

  Let’s scope out his

  office next.

  Dr. Yonder escorts them to his swanky office.

  Logan stops beating around the bush and asks

  him where he was yesterday at 4:25 PM, the time

  the merry-go-round went bye-bye.

  Oh, I was at the movies with Mumsy.

  We saw Amazon Werewolves on Wheels.

  The ticket stub should be around here somewhere.

  Look

  closely.

  Can your mumsy

  verify this?

  Why don’t you ask her

  yourself? Mumsy loves

  talking to children.

  Is it just me or is his “mumsy” a stuffed dead mole

  with a pink purse? My Weirdo-meter is overheating.

  Grrrrrr!!!

  I think we have everything we need.

  Now if you’ll just kindly show us the exit

  so we can…RUUUUN!!!

  Logan and Gustavo take off through Dr. Yonder’s

  hall of prehistoric mole bones, with Wheelie

  burning rubber in the rear.

  They reach the exit

  only to discover Dr. Yonder

  brandishing a long metal

  torture device!

  Actually, this is just a

  key to open the door.

  Toodles! Come by again!

  Next time I’ll have Mumsy prepare

  grubs with brown gravy!

  Back at Logan’s ice-cream truck headquarters,

  our two detectives discuss the case over a couple

  of cold Fudgysickles.

  Whew! What a day!

  That guy was a total loony

  bird. I say we turn him in

  to Cap’n Mosely pronto!

  Not so fast!

  Just because someone

  thinks a preserved, hairy

  critter is his mom doesn’t

  make him a criminal. We

  need hard evidence!

  I hate to interrupt your

  all-you-can-eat Fudgysickle

  buffet, but Izzy Hurling

  is being interviewed on

  the local news!

  Thanks,

  narrator dude!

  Please, folks!

  Without your generous

  donations, Hurling Rivers

  might go out of business!

  Hmmm, that’s suspicious.

  I think we have one more

  location to visit today.

  I hope it’s someplace

  that sells Pepty Bizmo.

  I’m not feeling so good.

  I don’t think I

  should get on any

  roller coasters after

  eating radioactive

  earthworms and

  Fudgysickles.

  We’re not here for the

  rides, rookie. We’re here to

  grill Izzy Hurling one more

  time about his missing

  merry-go-round.

  Chapter 8

  IZZY GUILTY?

  Hurling Rivers Amusement Park. It’s nearing

  closing time, and the park is as quiet as a

  mouse with a sock in its mouth. It’s the perfect

  opportunity for Logan to get some answers.

  They find Izzy in his office. He looks frantic

  and nervous as he flips through stacks of bills

  on his desk.

  Look

  closely!

  Read

  carefully!

  Hello, Mr. Hurling.

  Having financial

  troubles, are we?

  Huh? Oh yes. To be honest,

  even before my carousel was

  stolen, business was slower

  than a one-legged stinkbug.

  Isn’t it true that you faked the theft

  of your own merry-go-round so you could

  collect donations and ransom money?

  That’s crazy talk!

  I would never…

  aaah…aaah…

  aaaaahhh…

  Urg! Sniffle!

  The dog! It’s

  that dog!

  Izzy’s violent allergic reaction to Wheelie leaves

  Logan and Gustavo with no choice but to leave

  his office empty-handed. They had thought

  this visit would bring answers, but instead,

  they leave with more questions and covered

  in old-man sneeze particles.

  Wheelie takes

  it particularly

  hard. Just look

  at that sad face.

  How dare you bring a dog into

  my office! I’m extremely allergic

  to any kind of animal hair!

  I’m afraid you must

  leave at once.

  Our discouraged detectives slowly make their

  way out of the park and…Hey! Where are you

  two headed off
to so fast?

  Well, perhaps I should take this moment to

  remind you that the next lunch-money drop-off is

  tomorrow at 5:27 PM !!!

  No pressure. No pressure at all.

  Home, to work on the

  case some more. I’m still

  not sure whodunit!

  And I’m going to

  barf behind that

  shrub over there.

  Sorry, students. I’m afraid I have to

  collect your lunch money, or else that

  criminal rapscallion will send his moles

  again. I’m sure you understand.

  Look

  closely!

  Chapter 9

  DETENTION MOUNTS

  The next morning at school, Principal Shrub

  is collecting lunch money from all the students,

  and, like a masseuse wearing boxing gloves, it

  rubs Logan the wrong way.

  Seems like Principal

  Shrub is awfully eager

  to take our lunch money.

  I think he might be

  another suspect.

  Hmmm…he is a

  pro at sucking the

  fun out of life. Maybe

  he’s turned it into a

  lucrative venture.

  The sound of music suddenly catches their

  attention. It’s the school bully, Ignas Scurge,

  and he’s at his locker whistling a happy tune.

  What’s up with you, Ignas?

  Shouldn’t you be in detention

  or gluing some poor kid’s

  earlobes to a toilet seat?

  Naaaah! I’ve changed my ways, bro.

  If I keep up my bully lifestyle, I’ll be lower than

  those moles. And you can’t sink lower than

  moles, cuz they’re already underground.

  Look

  closely!

  The sight of Ignas Scurge smiling and being

  nice sends Gustavo into a tizzy. Clearly, the

  case is breaking him.

  It’s all too much to handle!

  Missing merry-go-rounds, hang gliding moles,

  Ignas being nice! The world’s gone nuts!

  Don’t let the pressure

  get to you, rookie. We just need

  to look at all the evidence one

  last time. The answer is there!

  So, during lunch, instead of pouring gravy over

  Salisbury steak like the other students, Logan

  and Gustavo pore over the clues, notes, and

  doodles from the case....

  Finally, Logan plants her finger on one of her

  doodles!

  There! You know

  what that is?

  A mustard

  stain?

  No! That, sir,

  is the answer to

  our mystery!

  An Important Message

  from the Narrator

  Hiya, punks! Since you wanna be detectives so

  bad, I thought I’d give you a chance to figure

  out whodunit before Logan and Gustavo spoil

  it in the next chapter. If you’re stumped, go back

  and look at each page with a magnifying glass

  labeled “Suspect” or “Clue,” like the ones right

  here.

  Read

  carefully!

  Look

  closely!

  Which one of these suspects

  is a low-down dirty crook?

  IZZY HURLING? He sure

  needed the money.

  DR. DEEP YONDER? He’s a

  weirdo who knows his moles.

  IGNAS SCURGE? He loves

  stealing lunch money.

  PRINCIPAL SHRUB? He was

  all about paying off the thief.

  Turn the page

  to find who dood it!

  Chapter 1O

  A REVEALING ADDRESS

  Hurling Rivers Amusement Park, 5:25 PM.

  Logan and Gustavo have three weeks’ worth of

  lunch money waiting for the thief. But, to make

  things more interesting, they’ve also invited the

  entire student body of Murkee Elementary,

  the city police force, the media, and a dog on

  wheels.

  Gustavo steps up to a podium in front of the

  spectators and law enforcement officials. He’s

  wearing his Studly Stache LX to impress the

  crowd.

  Ladies and gentlemen! One of you is a filthy,

  rotten criminal! The rest of you, I’m sure, are

  lovely people. We have called you here to reveal the

  identity of the scoundrel who has been training

  moles to steal the fun away from our city’s youth.

  Our first suspect was Dr. Deep Yonder!

  His love for moles was downright creepy,

  and he had the knowledge to train them.

  But in his office, we discovered a

  movie ticket stub from Wednesday

  at 4:00. The merry-go-round was

  stolen at 4:25 PM.

  So, you’re off the hook, Doc!

  You couldn’t have been in two places

  at the same time. You might be a weirdo,

  but you’re no miracle worker!

  Thank goodness!

  Mumsy’s reputation is

  preserved, just like her

  wrinkled flesh.

  Logan turns her attention to the owner of

  Hurling Rivers....

  Izzy Hurling could have staged the

  theft of his merry-go-round to get the

  ransom money. His amusement park

  is in dire financial trouble.

  Lucky for him,

  though, he’s allergic

  to animal fur. There’s no

  way he could have worked

  with moles without having

  a disgusting allergic

  reaction!

  That’s absolutely correct!

  There’s no way I could have…

  Yowza! We’ve really

  gotta put a sneeze guard

  around that honker of

  yours, mister!

  Even the school principal isn’t above suspicion.

  The crowd roars with laughter. Principal Shrub

  doesn’t take it too well.

  For a second, we thought Principal Shrub

  might have done it. But then we remembered

  that he just isn’t that bright.

  Why,

  I oughta…!

  With Shrub ruled out as the criminal, it leaves

  just one other suspect....

  Ignas Scurge,

  the school bully!

  He did it!

  I beg your

  pardon!

  Beg your

  own pardon, you

  filthy swine!

  Uh, call me crazy, but I think you need proof

  before you can just make accusations like that.

  The proof is in his locker! You’ll find a

  walkie-talkie, a balloon full of helium to

  disguise his voice, and books on small mammals

  and advanced biology. This blockhead is actually

  a brilliant scientist who can control moles!

  Suddenly, Ignas jumps up onto the podium like

  a frog with ants in his button-fly jeans and

  confesses to the whole kit and caboodle.

  All right! I did it! Those moles helped me

  collect a hundred times more lunch money

  than my usual shtick! You guys even

  thought I had gone all nice. Suckers!

  I should have known a bully

  never changes his ways. Just like

  a tiger never changes his stripes

  and a fourth-grade boy never

  changes his underwear!

  Amen to

  that, sist
er!

  Captain Mosely steps up to make the arrest.

  Sorry, Ignas, you’re coming

  downtown with me. We have

  laws against training moles to

  steal stuff from kids. At least,

  I’m pretty sure we do.

  Ha! I’m just getting

  started, copper! Get

  ready tooooooo…

  With a mighty tremor, the earth suddenly opens

  up like an overstuffed piñata. Hundreds of attack

  moles leap out and wreak havoc on the public.

  But that’s just a warm-up....

  You want your

  merry-go-round

  back? You got it!

  Ha-ha!

  Right behind the normal-size moles is one

  abnormal, gargantuan, gigante, behemoth-tastic

  robo-mole, built from the missing merry-go-round

 

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