“Says you.”
“What does that mean?”
He pressed his lips together and took a deep breath. He looked over at my dad, I assume to make sure he was sleeping. He rubbed the bearskin, buying time. “I always fantasized about what I would do on one of these.” He picked up a string of my garland. “I didn’t imagine this.”
My heart took a direct blow. I faced the fire. “I’m not your fantasy.”
He brushed my hair back. “No.”
I turned and met his eyes that reflected the firelight. My heart was aching. “Why did you come here?”
He moved in closer and rested his cool hand on my warm cheek. “Meg, I want you to be my reality, and that scares the hell out of me.”
Did he really just say he wanted me to be his reality? By the way my heart was racing, I would say I heard him right. But . . . “I scare you?”
“The fact that surprises you scares me even more.”
“What are you saying?”
His hand dropped to find mine. Our fingers wove together and it was like I felt my soul intertwine with his. He was right. I would know if he was really holding my hand. “You’ve ruined me.”
“How do you figure?”
His smirk made an appearance. I had missed it. “After Thanksgiving, I went back to that restaurant I took you to on Halloween.”
“Yeah?” I was getting ready to pull my hand away.
Zander gripped tighter. “Let me finish. You guessed it, Yolanda was there and she made herself available to me like I knew she would. And that’s what I thought I wanted, but all I could think about was you. I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me and sure as hell didn’t want you to see me there with her.”
“What did you do?”
“I tried to push past it, but when she sat down, I kept thinking, that’s where Meg belongs. And when she touched me—”
I raised my eyebrow.
“Get your mind out of the gutter.” He brought my hand up and kissed it. I loved the feel of his lips on my skin. “Her touch felt wrong, so I left.”
“I don’t get it. You were awful to me.”
He turned toward the fire. “I know. I thought if I distanced myself from you, whatever this pull you had on me would go away.”
“Did it work?”
His head barely shook. “It only got worse.”
“So you kissed Eva to see if that would help?”
“Give me some credit. She kissed me, and if it makes you feel better, it was terrible. And the only reason I even brought the mistletoe was because I was hoping you would kiss me.”
“You wouldn’t even look at me.”
“I kept hoping the woman who had showed up at my door would appear and take what I knew you wanted, what we both wanted.”
“I thought you didn’t know what you wanted?”
“I know what I want; I’m not sure if I can. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You did hurt me.”
He turned and met my eyes. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m telling you right now, I know you deserve someone better than me. Someone who knows how to be in a relationship. Someone who doesn’t want to ravish you right here and now.”
I ran my fingers through his hair. “You haven’t tried, so that’s something.”
He looked over at my mom’s old china cabinet that was now filled with several rifles, and then at my dad’s slumbering figure. “I value my life.”
I laughed softly.
Zander ran his thumb across my hand. “Meg.” His tone turned serious. “I find myself in a precarious situation. I feel like I don’t know how to be without you anymore, but I don’t have any idea of how to be with you either.”
“Yeah, that’s a tough one.” I rested my head on his shoulder. “What do we do?”
He kissed the top of my head. “I don’t know, but I like how this feels. I missed you.”
“Did it hurt to admit that?”
He laughed. “More than you know.”
“I missed you, too.”
We went to bed that night without solving a thing, but I couldn’t tell you how good it felt to be by his side. How sweet it felt when he kissed my cheek and lingered before we parted for the night. I yearned for him to kiss me like he had before, but tonight didn’t seem like the right moment for it. As I lay in bed, he made up my every thought. The question was, would I be a fool to try, or would I be a fool if I didn’t?
I slept until the sun crept through my curtains. That was more like it. I had gone soft. But I bolted up, worried that my brothers had abducted Zander while I slept. I ran across the hall and knocked on Zander’s door. “Zander?” I heard some rustling. My heart calmed.
“Darlin’?”
“Can I come in?”
“Is this a test?”
I laughed. “No.”
“Okay.”
I opened the door to find him sitting up in bed looking like he could use a few more hours of sleep, but whoa did he look good. The ruggedness worked for him. I approached his bed and sat down next to him. “I’m sorry I woke you up. I was worried my idiot brothers had snuck in.”
“You didn’t see how angry your dad was yesterday.”
“That bad, huh?”
“I wouldn’t want to get on his bad side. How would he feel about his daughter in my room?”
“Should we ask him?”
“No.” He threw his arms around me.
“Do you want to do something fun today?”
“Is this another test?”
“Something fun outside the bedroom.”
“We don’t need a bedroom.”
“Zander.”
“I know.” He nuzzled my neck. “I’m sorry, but I never thought flannel could be so sexy.”
“You know, it’s not easy for me sometimes either.”
His head shot up. “Really?”
“Of course. I’m human too.”
“So, you’re saying you want me?”
I braved it and brushed his lips with mine.
His eyes lit up.
“I’m saying if and when we ever get to that point, you and me together would be worth the wait.”
He held my gaze and peered into my eyes for a moment without saying a word, but did I ever feel the intensity. “You would be worth waiting for.”
“Keep saying things like that and you may find me hard to get rid of.”
“I think I like the sound of that.”
“Well, while you’re thinking, get ready. I want to show you how beautiful it is here and how much fun the snow can be.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
“You doubt me?”
“Not in the least.” He pressed his lips to mine.
They felt as good as I remembered. My hands ran up his chest and around his neck. I pulled him closer.
“Ouch,” he winced. Not the reaction I was expecting.
I pulled away. “Sorry?”
“Sorry, darlin’. I’m sore.”
“What were you thinking, getting a sports car?”
“I wanted the fastest thing they had to get to you.”
“That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“Let’s keep that between us.”
“I’m good with you sharing that side with only me.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Zander was wary about snow tubing by the time we reached the top of the best tubing hill near the house. He complained the whole way up about the cold, but as soon as I told him I would be sitting on his lap on the way down, he got on board real quick. He picked up the pace carrying the large inner tube in the deep snow. At least it was sunny and above freezing, if barely. It made for a spectacular view of our property.
“My lungs are on fire. Did you really miss this crap, now that you live in Georgia?” He threw the inner tube down.
“Yes, but I find I don’t mind the warm winters.” I pulled on his coat. I liked the mountain man look on him. “Now for the fu
n part.”
“I would kiss you, but I’m afraid my lips are frozen.”
I stood on my tiptoes and smiled. “I’ll warm those back up for you when we get to the bottom of the hill.”
“Let’s go.”
“You sit down in it first.” It was fun watching him carefully maneuver himself in the tube. “Just drop in.”
“You’re enjoying this.”
“You would be too, if you ever got in that tube.”
He went for it, but a little too forcefully. I had to grab the handles on the tube so he didn’t go down without me. I was laughing hard by the time I landed in his lap. He wrapped his arms around me tight. “You love emasculating me, don’t you?”
“I love being in your arms.”
He groaned in my ear. “Hold on tight.” He pushed us off and away we went. I wasn’t sure what was more exhilarating, the thrill of speeding down the snow-covered hill or being wrapped up with Zander. The whoosh in my stomach could have been from either or both. The ride was a good comparison to this strange ride I’d been on with Zander. Terrifying, thrilling, addictive, fun—you name it.
We glided to a stop before we hit the line of aspen trees that stood bare but still added beauty to the landscape.
“How was it?”
He didn’t answer, but instead leaned down and captured my lips. The whoosh this time was most definitely caused by him. His cold lips warmed me and invited mine to part. He took his time with me this go around. The intensity ranged from gentle to I want to be as close to you as possible. He was a master at both.
When we parted, I fell against him and took a deep breath. “You’re good at that.”
“I know.” He held me close. “Let’s go home.”
I sighed against him. “How can I? I made a fool out of myself.”
“No one thinks that.”
“What about Eva and Cara?”
“What about them? They’re lucky they still have jobs.”
“How can I work with them and you?”
He thought for a moment, his chin rested on my head. “Kenz has been thinking about doing some reorganization and hiring several more relationship managers. I’m going to move into a full executive role, so the dynamics in the office will be changing. And as far as Eva and Cara go, I don’t see them causing any more issues for you.”
“Are they going to be in the wedding?”
“Nan was serious when she said they were out. Renee and Jason’s sister are now in.”
“Renee?”
“Word is, Rick is giving her a ring for Christmas.”
“I’m happy for them and Nan.”
Zander chuckled. “She can’t wait to have another wedding.”
“Poor Rick and Renee.”
Zander kissed my cheek. “Your dad wants you to go back to Atlanta with me.”
I turned to look up in his eyes. “What did he say to you?”
Zander grinned. “Not a lot. He’s a man of few words.”
“Yes, he is.”
“First, he took me to eat so I could warm up. Then we ended up at the cemetery.”
My eyes widened.
“Yeah, at first I didn’t think that was a good sign, but he wanted to show me your mother’s grave.”
My eyes watered. I could picture the headstone perfectly in my mind. Karey Dawson, Beloved Wife and Mother.
“Your dad showed me a worn photo of your mother he carries around in his wallet. You look a lot like her.”
I nodded.
“I think your dad feels a tremendous amount of guilt, like it was his fault she died so young. He doesn’t want this life for you. He made that clear, along with a few other things.”
“Like what?”
“Just what you mean to him, what it should mean to me if you choose me.” He grinned. “He also warned me about your temper.”
I smacked his chest.
He laughed at me before kissing my head. “Are we going home?”
“What about Christmas?”
“I have a deal for you.”
“I’m listening.”
“My parents are coming into town this weekend to spend Christmas with me.”
“You should be with them.” Even though I wanted to spend the holiday with him.
“You didn’t let me finish.” He took a deep breath. “Couples . . .” he choked out.
I sat up stunned. “Did you just say couple?”
“Darlin’, can you let me get this out?”
I could tell how hard it was for him. He had a pained look on his face. I held still, waiting for him to say what he was going to say.
He took a deep breath. “I was saying, I hear that couples are supposed to compromise. It’s not something I’m good at, but in your case, I may be willing to make an exception.”
I arched my eyebrow. “Is that so?”
“Maybe.” He winked.
“What do you propose?”
“We can spend Christmas Eve with your family, and I booked us two tickets home early Christmas morning out of Jackson Hole.”
That had to be expensive. It was a much closer airport, but pricey. I never used it, but I knew that’s where Zander had flown into. “What if I say no?”
“I’ll call and change our flights.”
“I want to pay you for my ticket.”
He reached up and his gloved hand caressed my cheek. “After meeting my family, you’re going to realize I’m doing this more for myself.”
“They can’t be that bad, especially after what my brothers did to you.”
His jaw tightened. “Like I said, they better watch their backs. But my parents . . .” He dropped his hand and let out a deep breath. “I need you to see what you’re signing up for.”
“What are you offering?”
He repositioned himself and me and sat up. I still sat on his lap. He took off his ski cap, ran his fingers through his hair a few times before replacing it. He took my face in his hands with determination. His eyes reflected the sunlight, making them look like jewels.
I got lost in them.
“Meg, you get to me in a way I never expected. But I don’t want to give you any unrealistic expectations.” It almost sounded like what my dad said about my mom.
“What do you think I expect?”
“A Jason, someone that lives and breathes for you.”
“That does sound good,” I teased.
He smirked. “I’m no Jason.”
“Didn’t you tell me his type was all wrong for me?”
He rested his forehead against mine. “I stand by that.”
“We don’t have to think about this in terms of forever. Let’s just take it a day at a time and see where it takes us.”
“It could end badly.”
“That’s the risk you take in any relationship. The question is if it’s worth the risk.”
He brushed my lips.
I trembled at his touch.
“Come home with me, Meg,” he whispered against my lips.
I thought it was worth it too. “Let’s go home.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I stood outside the airport hugging my dad at an insane time of the morning. The past six days with him didn’t seem long enough.
He held me tighter than he ever had before. “Megan.”
“I know. I need to go back.”
“You do. But I was going to say, remember I loved you first.”
I held him tighter as tears rolled down my cheek. “I love you, Daddy.”
He kissed the top of my head. “Now go home.” He released me and held his hand out to Zander, who stood by my side. “You’re welcome here anytime.”
Zander shook his hand. “I appreciate that. Thank you.”
“I’ll call when we land.”
“You do that.” Dad nodded.
Zander took my hand. “You ready?”
As ready as I was ever going to be. I wasn’t sure what awaited me back in Atlanta. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy
to be going back with Zander, but the last few days at the ranch with him and my family were like heaven. Last night, I’d wanted to freeze time as we celebrated Christmas Eve together. Dad made his brisket and Zander agreed that I had been right all along. The boys even behaved, more Colton than Lincoln. I’m sure Savannah, Colton’s wife, had something to do with that. I probably should have tried to spend more time with Savannah, but Zander occupied my days and nights. We spent a lot of time on that bearskin rug.
I took one more look at my dad. He stood tall and proud, but in his eyes, I could see that he would miss me as much as I was going to miss him. He gave me his nod, and with that I was following Zander into the airport.
The plane was small and only had two seats on each side. It made it nice to only have Zander for company on our five-hour flight home. I lifted my armrest and snuggled against him. “Merry Christmas. I don’t think I’ve said that yet.”
“Merry Christmas, darlin’.” He kissed the top of my head.
“I’m sorry I don’t have a gift for you.” There was nowhere to shop in Addison that would have had anything Zander would have appreciated.
He spoke low in my ear. “I can think of some ways you can make it up to me.”
“I bet you could.”
“Just let it be known that I was prepared and you weren’t.”
I sat up. “What are you talking about?”
He pulled out his phone and pulled up an email and handed it to me.
I read it over and smiled. Two tickets to the last Falcons game of the season on New Year’s Day. “You’re so sweet. Who should I take with me?”
He pulled me onto his lap while I laughed.
One of the flight attendants gave us a stern look. “You need to be in your seat with your seatbelt securely fastened.” People were still boarding.
“Look at you getting me in trouble.” I kissed his lips before taking my own seat again.
“You knew what you were signing up for.”
I fastened my seatbelt. That was true. “Thank you for the tickets. I can’t wait.”
“This time you’re going to wear a Falcons shirt and cheer for the right team.”
“I can handle that.” Especially since my Broncos were a huge disappointment to me this season. My head landed on his shoulder again. I was exhausted. “What do you think I could get your parents in the airport?” The Atlanta airport had dozens of shops in it. I hated to think of showing up empty handed on Christmas.
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