Monroe took a threatening step forward, his pack gathering around him. They were all snarling angrily, but Hareem held his ground and didn’t even blink. A different time, he might have called them feral dogs, but now… Now these people meant something for him, because they were important for Taryn.
“Let’s not play games here, Emperor,” Monroe said. “I don’t know what your angle is in this, and what you’re trying to prove, but you haven’t convinced me in the slightest.”
He wasn’t the one Hareem was trying to persuade, but he refrained from pointing that out. Regrettably, Taryn’s brother was predisposed to hating him, and nothing Hareem said would change his mind.
Slowly, Hareem began to pull his mate away. “Let’s talk somewhere private, sweeting,” he coaxed. “I want you to come home with me. I want to show you that you can trust me.”
Taryn turned wide green-gold eyes at him. For a few seconds, he didn’t speak at all. He glanced at Monroe and the others, then at Hareem again. Finally, much to Hareem’s dismay, Taryn released him and stepped away. “I’m sorry, Hareem,” he said. “I do trust you. But some things are never going to change. You can’t leave your people, not right now. You’d never forgive yourself, or me. You know as well as I do that you were born for this. And I would have waited. I would have risked everything. But I have to think about my child. This is my chance, Hareem, and I’m going to take it.”
Hareem looked at Taryn’s beautiful, familiar face and listened to the words, barely comprehending them. This was exactly what Hareem had been saying all this time, but for some reason, they sounded different from Taryn’s lips. Perhaps it was arrogant of him to feel that way, but he couldn’t help it.
“Taryn,” he said out loud. “Sweeting…”
Taryn shook his head and leaned against his brother. Tears flowed over his cheeks now, and Hareem ached to wipe them away. He didn’t, though, since he suspected the gesture wouldn’t be welcome.
“I want to be with you,” Taryn said, “but how long until Ornoz gets between us again? I know you love me, Hareem. I don’t doubt that. But you love your people more.”
Hareem opened his mouth to deny that. It wasn’t true, and Taryn knew better than to say so. There was nothing and no one Hareem loved more than he did Taryn.
But he hadn’t exactly done the best job at proving it, had he? Did he have the right to expect his mate to accept his excuses yet again? It was easy to make promises, so fucking easy, but up until this point, Hareem hadn’t done much in terms of actually fulfilling them.
His dragon writhed angrily inside him, tormented by Taryn’s words, threatening to run amok. Hareem leashed it, accepting the agony that came with denying his instincts. Taryn was the only one who mattered now, not himself.
“You’re still at risk, sweeting,” he said. “I won’t be able to protect you if you’re not by my side.”
“He doesn’t need your protection, draechen,” Monroe replied in Taryn’s stead. “We were doing just fine until you came along. I can take care of him on my own. Now let him go.”
Hareem just narrowed his eyes at the werewolf. “What are you going to do, Mr. Lovington? This cabin is surrounded by draechen, in case you’ve forgotten. It’s only because of my command that they haven’t already burst in here.”
Well, that, and the fact that Taryn wouldn’t have been too happy about his mate putting his brother in such a situation. Besides, he didn’t want to point out that Monroe hadn’t done such a great job with protecting Taryn before. After all, Karein had captured Taryn without too much trouble, and up until this point, Monroe hadn’t been able to do shit about it. Could Hareem really trust Monroe with the safety of his mate and child?
As he looked at Taryn, though, Hareem realized one thing. He didn’t have much choice in that regard. If Taryn wanted to go with Monroe, the only way Hareem could prevent it was by forcing him to stay. No matter how things seemed, Taryn had long ago stopped being a prisoner. He meant so much more to Hareem, more than he himself had ever expected, perhaps more than anyone else would ever know.
But no, Hareem wouldn’t think of it that way. He couldn’t believe that this was the end for him and Taryn. He just didn’t want to let go, and he wouldn’t, even if Taryn did leave him.
The truth was that every cell in his body screamed against the possibility of another separation between him and Taryn. But this was what his behavior and decisions had led to. There was no middle ground anymore, nothing that could justify him trying to change his beautiful lover’s mind, no matter how much he wanted to.
In the end, Monroe wouldn’t be the only one working for Taryn’s safety. Hareem would weed out each and every last one of his opponents. He’d crush them under the sole of his boot until they regretted ever being born. He could almost see it now, the way they would beg and plead, first for life, then for death. It would be so sweet, so very sweet. Then and only then could he hope to reach out to Taryn again.
Hareem blinked and shook himself as the thought passed through his mind. He couldn’t allow himself to lose sight of his goal. He was an ice dragon, and a Tersain. He had to get a grip, even if he felt like he’d had his wings cut off and was falling into an abyss of darkness. He had to believe in himself, in Taryn.
The young werewolf broke free of Monroe’s hold and came to Hareem once again. He brushed his thumb over Hareem’s lower lip, looking so beautiful, so torn and crushed that Hareem would have gladly died to prevent him any further pain.
“I don’t want you to die,” Taryn murmured. “I want you to live, for us, for our baby.”
Even if he felt broken inside, Hareem forced a smile. “I will. This is only temporary.”
“Right. Temporary.” Already, Taryn seemed to be regretting his choice. “I don’t want to go with them, Hareem. I don’t want to leave you.”
Hareem wished he knew what to say. He wanted to fall to his knees and tell his sweet lover that everything would be all right. But those were just words, and Taryn hadn’t believed him the first time around.
Words and promises were no longer enough. Tentative deadlines had become practically an insult. Taryn was right. Until Hareem had something palpable, until he could truly say with an open heart and a clear conscience that Taryn would never be treated like a dirty secret again, he didn’t deserve his mate. It all amounted to that, and to Hareem’s failure at balancing his priorities. He understood now why Karein had refused the throne. It came with a burden that Hareem didn’t wish on his worst enemy.
Still, they couldn’t rush into this. He had to consider things carefully. In his haste to reach his lover’s side, he hadn’t been at all discreet regarding what Taryn meant for him. By now, those who hadn’t known Taryn was Hareem’s true mate would certainly find out. It was likely that Taryn would be hunted down.
No, this was all wrong. He could already imagine Taryn running through the darkness, all alone and pursued by Overlords knew how many foes. Hareem couldn’t allow it.
“I’ll be fine,” Taryn reassured him. “You can’t control everything, Hareem, and you and I both know that right now, I’d just distract you from what needs to be done. I can’t force you to make that choice. I won’t.”
The sad thing was that, a while back, Taryn would have welcomed such an offer from Hareem. But it was too late now, and there was too much between them. It all boiled down to one thing, the fact that Ornoz did need a leader. If he abandoned the draechen now, who would become emperor? Prince Kaelezrin? Karein? Perhaps. But they would be questioned, perhaps even more so than Hareem himself. He wanted to say fuck it, like his brothers and Prince Kaelezrin had urged him, like he should have a long time ago. But he’d lost that chance, if he’d ever had it. Perhaps if he’d seized the moment earlier, if he’d never hesitated in claiming Taryn, his mate wouldn’t be doubting him now. As things stood, Hareem couldn’t blame Taryn for his choice.
Hareem quickly banished any thoughts that would imply putting blame on Taryn, but he knew Taryn felt guilty f
or the situation anyway. It was, sadly, what could have been called a lose-lose situation. There was no perfect solution, no guarantee that things would turn out the way they wanted it. But then, where Taryn was concerned, Hareem’s plans always tended to fail spectacularly. The only thing he knew for sure was that none of this was Taryn’s fault.
Wrapping an arm around Taryn’s shoulders, he whispered through their bond, “Try to stay close to draechen settlements. I’ll have men of my utmost confidence stationed there, so that they can lend a hand if needed.”
“That would defeat the purpose of me leaving, wouldn’t it, Hareem?” Taryn asked. The words might have sounded dismissive, but inside, he felt so very wretched and vile that Hareem would have given him Ornoz itself if it meant pushing away that pain.
Taryn offered him a tremulous smile, obviously intercepting that thought. “You’re sweet when you’re earnest,” he said, patting Hareem’s cheek. “I want to stay so badly right now. I don’t even know what to do anymore.”
“Yes, you do,” Hareem replied. “You’ve known for a while now. We’ve been struggling against the inevitable, unable to decide, blaming ourselves, each other, but in the end, you knew, and so did I.”
The world wasn’t ready for what they had yet, and that little life growing inside Taryn could so easily be squashed by people who didn’t understand. Hareem had realized that a long time ago. He’d actively planned to discuss sending Taryn to Monroe for the period of his pregnancy. He just hadn’t realized it would be like cutting off his heart and serving it to Monroe on a platter.
This wasn’t right, and not the way their reunion was supposed to go. But he couldn’t cling to the dreams he had himself had thrown away. He had to build up to a different future, one that was actually achievable.
Hareem dared to embrace Taryn one more time. Taryn buried his face in Hareem’s chest, inhaling deeply. For a few moments, they just held each other like that. Hareem was the one who broke the embrace, because he knew that if he didn’t, he’d just grab Taryn, drape him over his shoulder, and get the hell out of here.
Studiously not glancing at anyone else, he whispered, “I love you.”
He didn’t even know if he said it out loud or through their bond, but it didn’t matter anymore. Hareem took one last look at Taryn’s beautiful face, then directed his attention toward Monroe. He’d never thought he’d be in such a position in his life, but Taryn had changed his perspective over many things.
“Take care of them,” he said. “Whatever you might think of me… Please, take care of them.”
Monroe gaped at him, but nodded. Not waiting for another reply, Hareem turned on his heel and stalked out of the cabin, leaving behind his heart and soul.
Chapter Six
Taryn stared after his mate, frozen in pain and stupor. He still couldn’t believe he’d done that. He didn’t know what he’d expected, perhaps that Hareem would refuse to let him go or insist on him staying.
In the end, he was lucky that he had a mate who respected his desires. Right now, though, he didn’t feel very lucky. In fact, he felt miserable. And the worst thing was that his own pain was amplified by Hareem’s. The chaotic emotions bubbling in Hareem’s heart made Taryn wonder how Hareem even managed to step away from him like that.
No, that wasn’t the real question. Taryn knew how. Hareem had basically trapped his dragon inside him, suppressing the instincts that demanded to steal Taryn away. At this rate, though, Hareem would only hurt himself. Taryn couldn’t allow that.
“Well, that was easy,” someone said behind him.
Distantly, Taryn realized his pack mates had changed into their human forms and could now communicate with him. Undoubtedly, they had a lot of questions, but Taryn couldn’t be bothered with that now.
Instead, he took off running, bursting out of the cabin after Hareem. His mate was still there, in front of the group of assembled draechen. He was still in his human form, which confirmed what Taryn had been thinking earlier. Hareem turned toward Taryn, fixing him with those familiar blue eyes. How had Taryn ever thought Hareem was cold? There was so much emotion in his gaze now that Taryn almost forgot what he wanted to say.
In the end, their bond saved him from remaining there, standing like an idiot.
“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” he said. “I don’t want you to suffer.”
It was kind of too late for that, but Hareem knew what he meant. He nodded slightly, still gazing at Taryn, his entire posture rigid. Taryn wanted to go to him, but he didn’t. He knew that Hareem always preferred to keep public displays of affection at a minimum. Even if Hareem had taken a great step in coming here and practically roaring to everyone that Taryn was his mate, Taryn didn’t want to make any assumptions.
“I won’t,” Hareem replied. “I still have too much to live for.”
Taryn’s heart nearly stopped when a smile warmed his mate’s eyes. He didn’t get the chance to say anything else, because Hareem finally melted into his dragon form. A large majestic beast now stood where Taryn’s lover had been before. It was hard to believe that a few months back, Taryn would have been frightened at the sight, when now, all he felt was longing and love. For what seemed like the millionth time, Taryn wondered if he’d done the right thing, if he wasn’t just childishly pushing Hareem away in some sort of punishment for Hareem’s previous decisions.
Burdened by doubt, Taryn placed his hand on his abdomen. He had to think about his child first, and his own torn heart later. This wasn’t the end, and he needed to stop being such a drama queen about it. He and Hareem just had separate responsibilities for now. It was perfectly rational and reasonable of them to choose to handle things this way.
Even knowing this, though, Taryn still couldn’t stop the tears that began to flow when the dragons took off, with Hareem leading the way. Taryn watched them go, clenching his fists, feeling stupid and helpless.
“Your daddy is a fuckup, baby,” he told his child. “Such a huge, idiotic fuckup.”
“You’re not a fuckup,” came the instant reply.
At first, Taryn wasn’t even sure who’d spoken to him. It seemed obvious that Hareem had addressed him, because the answer had sounded in his mind, but he’d also registered through his physical hearing. For a brief instant, he experienced the ridiculous hope that Hareem had come back for him, before turning and realizing that his brother was now standing behind him and had inadvertently echoed Hareem’s mental words.
It was almost funny, and under different circumstances Taryn would have burst into laughter. As it was, the dam holding his emotions in check finally broke. He fell in his brother’s embrace, his tears flowing freely now. He hated being this weak, hated failing Hareem, Monroe, his child, everyone, but he couldn’t help it.
Mercifully, Monroe just held him, caressing his hair and not speaking, much like he had when Taryn had been only a child who didn’t understand why his parents didn’t want him anymore. Since then, Monroe had been his protector, and if there was anyone Taryn trusted in this world other than Hareem, it was Monroe.
In that moment, Taryn realized something nearly ridiculous in its simplicity. He truly trusted Hareem. Why in the world had he insisted on this then? Why separate himself from Hareem when he’d known how much it would hurt?
Of course, that trust had been partially the one pushing him into this decision. The paranormal world was on the brink of war. If anyone could handle it, it was Hareem. Taryn had done the right thing. His mind told him he had. His stupid heart didn’t agree, though.
Shaking himself, Taryn broke away from his brother’s embrace. He had to stop doubting himself and finally take his life in his own hands. His child was relying on him. Right now, Hareem needed to be an emperor, and Taryn understood that. As much as he hated it, he knew he couldn’t have done anything different.
“You really love him, don’t you?” Monroe asked in the ensuing silence.
Taryn nodded, scanning his brother’s face for a reaction to th
at revelation. Monroe wrapped an arm around his shoulders and kissed his temple. “I admit I don’t understand what’s between the two of you, but back there, I saw something real,” he said. “I have no idea how that fits with the Hareematek Tersain I know, but I won’t argue against it any longer. Just know that you have my support, as always, for whatever you need. No questions asked.”
Relief swamped Taryn, and he managed a weak smile for his brother. He realized there were a lot of things about Hareem that Monroe didn’t know. Taryn couldn’t reveal all of them—after all, they were secrets Hareem had shared with him in confidence—but he could tell Monroe bits and pieces. Perhaps one day, Monroe would come to care about Hareem, too, at least a little. If by it, Taryn would fall in love with Hareem more… well, no one but he and Hareem would know.
* * * *
Hareem flew away from the elven prince’s cabin, still monitoring his mate through their link. His wings seem to grow heavier the farther he went from Taryn, but he kept going by sheer power of will. His dragon was dizzy with emotional pain and need, tormented between relief, hope and agony.
Slowly, his mind started to clear, and he realized he felt proud of Taryn. It was horribly hard to do as Taryn had asked, yes, but his mate’s independence spoke volumes of his determination to protect their baby. That gave Hareem a measure of calm. Ironically, Monroe Lovington’s appearance soothed him. The older werewolf’s presence helped Taryn and by extension, Hareem.
By the time he reached the Tersain mansion again, he was actually capable of thinking of something else except the nearly choking desire to return to Taryn’s side. Not that he at any point forgot about it. That would never happen, not in a million years. He just had to focus on his rational side, and not on his emotions. Instead of suppressing his dragon, like he had attempted, he allowed the chillness inherent to his element to take over. It numbed him to the pain, leaving only the warmth of the bond cracking a chink in his icy armor, keeping him alive. It wasn’t easy, but he had to find a balance, if only because he needed to keep his lover from blaming himself for this even more than he already did.
Emperor's Consort [Chronicles of the Shifter Directive 5] (Siren Publishing Epic Romance, ManLove) Page 11