My heartbeat sped up just slightly at being left alone with this girl who was far too young for me and seemed to pull my crotch toward her like a magnet. Even while I was married, I was rarely alone with other women besides my wife. It was just the respectful thing to do.
Now that I was single, there was nothing technically wrong with this. But this girl put my mind, body, and spirit in such an internal struggle, I knew the devil had to be at work somehow. He toyed with my vulnerability and already shaken faith. I could see right through it and I had to stay strong.
"How old are you girls, really?" I asked.
Do I even want to know?
"Nineteen," she replied. "Well, I just turned nineteen. Angie is almost twenty." Her tiny red smile remained. I wondered if she had any idea how seductive it was. "My real name's Maggie, by the way. Well, it's Magdalene but I go by Maggie."
"Kaine," I replied without thinking, wondering what was the point of making introductions.
"And how old are you really, Kaine?"
"Old enough to know better," I replied dryly. "I'm thirty."
Her eyebrows lifted slightly, as did my cock, and her lips parted. Knowing her age just amplified my sinful thoughts that much more.
"I wouldn't have guessed that," she said with a hint of surprise. "You look younger."
"I get that a lot." I started to run my hand through my hair then stopped.
Why the fuck are you flirting?
"But trust me, the grays and the wrinkles are there."
"I don't see any."
She rested her chin in her hand as she looked at me from a good six feet away. A safe, reasonable distance between strangers that my body itched to close.
"Heh," I scoffed, dragging on my cigarette and lowering my eyes. "Thanks. It’s probably my Norwegian blood."
Something women don't seem to realize is men never get compliments and especially not me, probably as a result of my job. Even if I was unmarried and not exactly a Catholic priest, many people saw a man of God as off limits. A divorced one may as well wore a neon sign that said, UNTRUSTWORTHY SINNER.
But the devil knew exactly how to flatter and stroke the human ego. While beautiful, Maggie didn't exactly seem innocent. Innocent girls didn't smoke Virginia Slims and try a bag of tricks to get into a bar. There was a sexy wickedness about her, which was exactly why I should've finished my smoke and headed home.
But no matter how much I willed my feet to walk away and my mouth to say goodnight, I couldn't.
My faith was shaken and that made me weak.
When Maggie stood from the bench and began closing the distance between us, her large seductive eyes fixed on me the whole time, I felt myself grow even weaker.
"You could still help us out if you want, Kain," she said quietly. Up close I could see her eyes nearly matched mine. A mysterious hazel that seemed to shift from brown to green.
“How so?” I asked.
“You can get us a bottle of something from the liquor store. We’ll pay you for it and get smashed in the safety of our own home.”
“That’s a marginally smarter idea than trying to drink out in public,” I said snarkily. “I’m sure there’s plenty of guys close to your own age willing to help you out in that regard.”
“Sure, they’re willing.” Maggie’s gaze lowered shyly. “But I’m not willing to ask. They’re douchebags.”
“Lots of douchebags at my age, too.”
“Not you, though.”
“How do you know?”
“I can just tell.”
“Oh yeah?” I couldn’t help but smirk, enjoying this banter more than I should. “You psychic or something?”
“No.” Her smile grew. “I just get feelings about people. If you wanted the attention of a couple of nineteen-year-old girls, you would have played along and pretended to know us.”
“That might be true,” I said flatly, trying to look bored. But I was honestly impressed with this girl’s self-awareness and perception.
Her smile dropped and her eyes darkened.
“I can also tell you’ve got a lot on your mind. Something big happened to you recently and it’s like a dark cloud surrounding you.”
“Huh,” I remarked, keeping my voice nonchalant but my heart crashed against my ribs. Maybe she was psychic. Great, even more ammunition to question my faith.
Maggie stepped even closer to me with shy, cautious movement until I could almost rest my chin on top of her head.
“I know I’m not the usual company you keep but I could, I dunno, help you feel better, maybe.”
She didn’t even finish her sentence before my dick was fully engorged and pulsating with hot, fiery need.
Who the fuck are you, Maggie? An angel to comfort me and give me peace? Or a Jezebel leading me astray to sin and hedonism?
“How so?”
Lust was overtaking me like a swarm of locusts and each passing second became harder and harder to resist.
“I dunno.” She giggled nervously. “With a kiss, maybe.”
She was fucking adorable putting on the shy act. But she knew exactly what she was doing and the sinner inside me wanted to see exactly how far she would go.
“Gonna have to try harder than that.” I felt like my mouth was possessed. On any other day, those words would never be uttered by Pastor Kaine Cross.
Maggie’s lip bite and sultry gaze up at me left no ambiguity to her intentions. Her words were the final nail in my coffin of preserving a celibate, wholesome image.
“I’ll sleep with you, Kaine.”
THREE
MAGGIE
But there's one catch: I'm a virgin.
Yeah, I'm legally an adult and I haven't gone past making out ever in my life. My mom's convinced that I've fucked my whole high school football team, though. How's that for baggage?
My internal monolog ran at a mile a minute while my lips stayed silent. Kaine didn't need to know what was running through my head. My story would surely send him running in the opposite direction and I'd lose my chance with the hottest guy I've seen in real life.
I wanted to know his story. Why he had a cloud of darkness around him. Why his eyes never left my face but he insisted on acting completely disinterested in me. If he wasn't at least intrigued, he would've walked away a long time ago.
His full lips curved into a mocking smile. A smile he was using to keep me at a distance just like with his words.
"What, you want to have Disney movie sleepover with me? Sorry kid, not really my thing."
"You know, I am an adult," I told him. "You don't have to talk to me like a little kid. You know what I mean."
"Yeah well, I don't believe you.”
"Why not? I'm serious."
I stepped in even closer. His lips and handsome clean-shaven face were inches away. I could smell his woodsy cologne and make out the light freckles over his nose. His eyes mirrored mine, a shifting hazel color between green and brown.
A breath hitched in his chest from my boldness but he didn't move away.
"You've got much better things to do than sleep with a guy over a decade older than you. Trust me, Maggie, you don't want my baggage."
"Why, are you married? A drug addict? Gonna get me plied with alcohol until I black out then do whatever you want with me?"
I fired off my questions at him like a pistol and he grimaced, clenching his chiseled jaw before answering.
"No, to all of the above."
"Well I can expect at least two of those three things from guys my own age, so why would I bother with them?"
"Hard to argue with that." He chewed his lip thoughtfully. "You're awfully forward, Magdalene. Do you pick up guys in their thirties often?"
"Um, no. Only the ones who tell me to call them Cornelius."
I smirked but lowered my eyes, feeling my confidence wavering. Could he tell how inexperienced I actually was?
My virginity was nothing special to me. I honestly just wanted to get it over with but with someone I
was actually attracted to. No one my own age seemed to fit that bill.
Angie and my other friends gave me shit for being nearly out of my teen years and still carrying my V-card. I just had zero desire for our baby-faced peers.
Deep voices, muscles, scars, and tattoos were what made me swoon. While my friends swooned over Harry Styles, I was in love with Gerard Butler.
Part of it might have also had to do with how my parents shoved down my throat that sex was sacred and to be reserved for after marriage. Well, their marriage was miserable and the divorce rate was proof enough for me that it wasn’t all that special at all.
In other words, another forbidden fruit that my rebellious nature drove me to seek out from the tree of knowledge.
And I wanted to taste the fruit of this man standing right in front of me. The one man who tried to act like he didn’t want to get in my pants.
“I’m just messing with you kid,” he chuckled.
And then he touched me for the first time. A brush of my cheek with his thumb that was over just as soon as it began.
His fingers were warm and calloused. They felt rough despite the gentle nature of the touch and sent a shiver from my cheek straight to my lips which tingled with a pleasant buzz. I never wanted to kiss someone so badly in my life.
“So are we doing this or not?” I said, perhaps a little petulantly.
He chuckled again, still not done with teasing me.
“Whoa, now. That’s no way to go about it. You gotta warm me up a little bit. Where’s the romance? Where are my flowers and my poetry?”
“Well, I would’ve bought you a drink but you know.”
His smile looked genuine this time and I could see that his armor was slipping. He wanted to relax and get to know me too. To escape from whatever shrouded him even if just for one night.
“We don’t have to dive into the deep end all at once.” His voice was low and husky. I almost didn’t hear him despite being so close.
Once again he brushed my cheek with his thumb. This time he didn’t move away.
“How about that kiss you suggested first, to test drive your idea? Then we can go from there.”
With my heart jumping against my ribs, I nodded.
FOUR
KAINE
Those lips begged me to kiss them.
All hope was lost the moment I touched her face. Her warm, soft, porcelain skin was too flawless to resist. And knowing there was more to explore with my hands and my mouth drove me wild with an insatiable hunger.
It was like touching her awoke a feral, primal instinct that had been suppressed by years of strict discipline and constraint. I wanted to leave my mark on her perfect skin, to claim her and taint her innocence.
The devil disguised himself in many forms. Was it he who looked up at me through thick lashes and wide hazel eyes, sending all my dark desires into overdrive?
Or was he in me, about to sink his selfish, lustful claws into this young, lost girl?
Maggie's eyes were shy beneath her lashes as they softly fluttered closed. Her rosebud lips parted and her head tilted. Our breath mingled in midair. We reached the point of no return and I leaned in, thinking of nothing but tasting that sweet mouth.
"Holy shit, can you believe every goddamn business on this block is closed?!"
Maggie's eyes shot open and she jerked away from me, startled by Angie's voice echoing down the empty street.
"Well it is one in the morning," I answered, trying to act like I was on the verge of doing anything but kissing her friend.
"Still! I had to pee in the goddamn bushes like a homeless person!" Angie's heels clicked angrily down the pavement as she returned to us.
Maggie had gone frigid, wrapping her arms around herself and looking everywhere but at me. She put a wide distance between us again and I wanted nothing more than to erase it. Preferably with my arms around her.
Angie noticed and glared at me accusingly. I underestimated how observant she was, or maybe she was just that protective of her friend.
"What the hell happened while I was gone?" she demanded.
"Nothing," Maggie and I said in unison. She shot a glance at me with a bite of her lip. I almost groaned to voice my desire but caught it in my throat.
"Bullshit! I told you not to mess with my friend, creep."
"He really didn't do anything, Angie," Maggie insisted more loudly.
I unclenched my hands, not realizing I was so tense. Secretly I was grateful to Maggie for not throwing me under the bus. Young women seemed to have a pack mentality and it would have been easier to go along with Angie's accusations.
But I could already tell that Maggie wasn't one to fall in line with what other people did. She preferred marching to her own drum beat and I liked that.
“Fine, whatever.” Angie removed me from the spotlight of her death glare and returned her attention to her friend. “Want to try finding another bar? It probably won’t be as nice but there’s gotta be some place in this town that will let us in.”
Maggie chewed her lip and glanced at me. I could see her answer as clear as day in those eyes. No.
Neither one of us were willing to say goodbye. Something passed between us that Angie was oblivious to. Something intangible and yet as strong and electric as lightning.
“Hey girls, look,” I said, thinking quickly and perhaps a little desperately. “If you two are that determined to get wasted tonight, I have an idea.”
Angie fixated her glare on me again but waited for me to continue.
“I’ll get you the booze and you can crash at my place.”
“Like hell we will!” Angie cried. “We don’t even know you! At best you’re going to try for a threesome, at worst you’re going to chop us up into little pieces.”
“I realize you don’t know me but I promise you that’s not the case.” I withdrew my clergy ID from my wallet and gestured to my cross necklace. “I’m a church pastor. You’ll be a lot safer with me than walking around at night looking for some seedy bar.”
Angie opened her mouth either in surprise or to protest, but it was Maggie who spoke first.
"He's right, Angie. The odds are a lot better for us if we stick around with him than wandering around in dark alleyways."
I could tell they were about to get really into it so I held up a hand for silence.
"Look, I'll let you girls talk. I'm gonna walk down to the liquor store and get what you need. If you want, I'll hand it over with no strings attached and be on my way. Consider it my good deed."
Without waiting for a response, I turned and started down the pavement. The closest liquor store was a good three blocks away and I needed to clear my head from Maggie's intoxicating lips and flowery scent.
I should've been grateful that Angie came back right then. She cockblocked me at the perfect moment. Maybe she really was an angel in disguise doing God's work. But was it my soul she was saving or Maggie's?
Either way, I needed to keep my dick in my pants and my hands off every nineteen-year-old on this side of the Mississippi. And clearly, I didn't have the self-control to do it without someone intervening.
So why the fuck are you inviting two of them to spend the night at your place to get lit, as kids are saying these days?
A part of me felt truly and honestly concerned for their safety. Should they attempt to find another bar that allowed them in, the likelihood of getting drugged would be extremely high. Not to mention since they were young and inexperienced drinkers, they didn't know their limits and didn't have enough experience to develop alcohol tolerance.
Honest to the Lord above, it would not sit right with my conscience to let those two stumble around alone in the dark like two newborn fawns. I had to offer an alternative solution.
But I could not deny the part of me that was frustratingly human, and therefore full of sin and error. I would never take advantage of a drunk woman but a part of me longed to see Maggie's porcelain skin flushed with crimson after a few drinks. To h
ear her giggle and to listen to her with lowered inhibitions.
I've never outright condemned drugs and alcohol at any of my sermons, to the frustration of some of my most pious parishioners. In all honesty, I believed some of the most divine experiences recorded in the Bible were under the influence of something. That's not something I could tell my congregation but maybe Maggie would've liked to hear it.
I finally reached the liquor store and headed straight for a handle of Tito's vodka. It was cheap enough but not too harsh tasting whether you shoot it or sip it. Just some ice and a dash of lime juice and it became the perfect nightcap.
The store didn't have fresh limes so I settled for a small bottle of lemon juice along with a bag of ice. As the clerk rang me up, I grabbed a box of condoms and dropped them on the counter.
Just in case.
The clerk never even gave them a second glance but added them to my total. I must have felt ten times more awkward than he did. It had been years since I bought or used condoms.
My mind flashed to the moment I felt the foil wrapper in Rachel's purse and it all clicked into place. Being secretive with her phone, working late, the rapid decline in intimacy.
The signs had been there for months. I just chose to ignore them. But the condoms were the one thing I couldn’t ignore.
After paying, I shook my head of the memory, took my items and left quickly with a definitive ding-dong of the door chime.
Even if Maggie and Angie were gone, my money was not wasted.
They'd learn about adulthood in due time.
The truth was, I needed a drink way more than they did.
FIVE
MAGGIE
My whole body buzzed with an exciting new energy. It felt like I had just been teasing myself with my vibrator without any release. Just from Kaine barely touching me. Forget alcohol, I was already hooked on this new drug from barely a taste.
And my only buzzkill had to be my best friend.
“You’re not seriously thinking of going with him, are you?” Angie demanded.
“Well I’m not up for getting roofied and we can’t exactly let loose at our parents’ houses,” I pointed out. “He’s a freaking pastor. What’s he going to do?”
Big Bad Sinner: A Forbidden Romance Page 2