Gently, I led her by the hand around to the side closest to the bathroom.
“That door is the bathroom if you need to get up quickly,” I said. “I’ll get you a glass of water.”
“Thank you, Kaine. Goodnight.”
Without warning, she pulled her top over her head.
Before I could say anything, she began taking the rest of her clothes off.
SEVEN
MAGGIE
A sledgehammer pounded directly at my temples.
My throat was as dry as a bone.
My eyes felt glued shut but I forced them open.
The first object I could make sense of was a glass of water on a nightstand. I drained it greedily, desperate to quench my parched throat.
It took me another few moments to realize this was not my room or my bed.
In the next moment, I realized I was completely naked.
Naked?? Wait, fuck!
I slapped my hands to my pounding forehead, searching my foggy memory in a panic.
This had to be Kaine's house. Kaine's bed. Angie and I came over last night and started drinking. I was feeling good and flirty. At some point I thought I was sitting in Kaine's lap.
I remembered the weight of his hand on my knee, the feeling of his rough palm and how it made my skin tingle up my thighs to my clit.
And then... nothing. I couldn't remember anything after that.
I looked to my right. His bed was massive and I was the only person in it.
Why was I naked?
Did we do... it? Or anything? Would I even be able to tell?
I peeked down at my body under the sheet that covered me. Nothing looked amiss, not that I even knew what to look for. Physically, I felt fine except for my raging headache.
I brought my gaze up to the ceiling while my pulse hammered with the throbbing in my head, trying to gather my thoughts through the pain.
If I really did lose my virginity, I at least wanted to remember it. Especially if it was with Kaine. I wanted to savor every touch and feeling. I wanted to feel him fully and completely. Was I really blacked out for all of it?
Disappointment fell over me. I really didn't want to get shitfaced drunk but I had no frame of reference for how much I should've had. I hazily remembered Kaine telling me to slow down but I might have already passed my limit at that point.
I turned and dropped my bare feet to the floor. Sitting up with the sheet still covering me, I saw my clothes in a single pile on the floor directly next to the bed. It looked just like my pile of dirty clothes at home. Was it possible my muscle memory just acted as though I was going to bed at home?
As if moving through a fog, I pulled my clothes on and stood from the bed. The apartment was quiet as I listened. I wondered if Angie was awake and if she had any better clue than I did as to what happened.
When I opened the bedroom door and stepped out into the living room, I knew exactly why it was called the walk of shame.
Kaine and Angie, both wide awake, looked over at me.
"Bout time you got up," Angie muttered from the loveseat, where she spent the night. She sat up against the armrest, a blanket over her legs with a cup of coffee in one hand and her phone in the other.
"How are you feeling?" asked Kaine in a much warmer tone. He was at the kitchen sink, dressed in cotton lounge pants, bare feet, and a T-shirt that hugged his biceps, chest, and trim waist. I must have visibly drooled. Saturday morning never looked so goddamn sexy.
"My head is killing me," I whined, struggling to not stare at him. A tightening sensation gripped my heart. It would be a crime if I lost my virginity to a body like that and didn't remember a damn thing.
"I have some ibuprofen here." He set down the coffee cup he was holding and pulled a white bottle out of a cabinet. "So how does it feel to lose your virginity?"
I froze, my eyes wide.
"What?"
Glancing over at Angie, she was wide-eyed too and staring straight at me.
" You popped your alcohol cherry, right?" Kaine twisted open the pill bottle with a smirk. "Was it everything you expected it to be?"
Was he talking about alcohol but teasing me about that?
Did he know he was my first? Did it even happen at all?
“Some things were… unexpected, I guess,” I mumbled awkwardly and looked down at my feet. I had no idea what to feel, but embarrassment seemed like a pretty good idea for the occasion.
Kaine filled a fresh glass of water from the faucet and placed two ibuprofen tablets on a napkin next to the sink. I stood awkwardly, waiting for him to come over and hand them to me but he curled a finger, beckoning me toward him instead.
My face growing hot under his burning, intense gaze, I shuffled toward him into the kitchen and muttered my thanks. When I reached out to take the tablets, he took a gentle hold of my wrist.
“Nothing happened,” he whispered. “I can tell that’s what you’re wondering and I promise you. I’d never take advantage of a drunk girl.” His eyes were serious and pleading. He didn’t want me to think he would do something like that.
I gave him a small smile and a reassuring nod. Relief swept through me but also the smallest inkling of disappointment.
“I know. Thanks for watching out for me.”
Kaine smiled back, relief etched on his handsome face as well. The kitchen cabinets provided a bit of privacy from Angie, who was trying to eavesdrop in no uncertain terms while pretending to be glued to her phone.
“Just wait until you’re my age,” Kaine said in a slightly louder voice as he watched me take the tablets and water. “Hangovers will be your worst nightmare. Be grateful you can bounce back from them now.”
I merely chuckled as I sipped the water slowly, my eyes drifting over where his T-shirt pulled tightly against his broad muscles. Through the thin fabric, I thought I could make out a tattoo on his chest.
We were both trying to stall for time. He didn’t want me to leave and my fingers itched to uncover that ink on his chest, to uncover more of him. The little I learned of him only kicked my curiosity into overdrive. Learning the fact that he never touched me while inebriated only made me yearn for it more.
Was this what mornings after one-night stands were like if the two people had a connection they couldn’t ignore? Or was my body just buzzing like a beehive again because it ached to feel him on top of me and inside me, now that I knew I didn’t miss anything in my drunken state?
“Ahem.”
We both looked over at Angie who had risen from the couch and tapped her foot impatiently.
“We should get going, Maggie,” she said pointedly.
“Yeah,” I reluctantly agreed, setting down the water glass on the counter and removing my eyes from Kaine, despite how much I hated to.
“Well here’s hoping I don’t see you girls trying to get into any bars soon,” he said. I looked up and his smile was no longer genuine, but forced. “Hope you got it out of your system.”
“Thanks again for letting us crash,” I said stiffly as I meandered out of the kitchen. “For everything, really.”
“Don’t mention it,” he replied, shuffling across the carpet with us to the front door. “Just glad you girls were safe.”
“Yeah.”
Should I offer him my number? Or just let this die right here and now, before it even gets a chance to truly live?
Like a gentleman, he held the door open for Angie and me.
“Take care of yourself, Magdalene,” he said to me in place of goodbye.
“You too, Kaine,” I replied, forcing a smile of my own while my whole body yearned to be melted against his again. I remembered his hands on my knee and my back like they just happened.
“I hope you find your solid ground again.”
EIGHT
KAINE
Regret and relief.
Two equal and opposite forces fought against each other within me as I watched Maggie leave.
She hesitated at the door and gave me a f
inal look and a small smile over her shoulder before following Angie out to her car.
I closed the door after them slowly, fighting the urge to keep it open and watch her leave until I couldn't see her anymore. My feet wanted to run out the door after her and ask her to stay. Maybe we could talk more over coffee or breakfast. Maybe she could take her clothes off again and this time I would join her.
It didn't take being a pastor to realize my thoughts were beyond inappropriate. Drunk or not, she was still over a decade younger than me and any kind of intimacy would create an imbalanced power dynamic. No matter what, I'd always be a predator taking advantage of her.
And the very idea of that only turned me on and made me crave her tight little body even more.
I slid the deadbolt into place and downed the rest of my coffee before heading over to my workout equipment for my daily exercise.
After some light stretches I got into my warm-up routine of burpees and mountain climbers to get my heart rate up. I did those for about five minutes straight before moving on to diamond pushups.
I always pushed myself hard in my workouts. Putting my body through stress and a little bit of pain gave me the slightest glimpse into Christ's suffering. It was a constant reminder of my humanity, my imperfections. Pushing my body to its limits served to always make sure that I strived for God's approval and His forgiveness for my sins.
I was feeling strong that morning. Diamond push ups were too easy so I flexed my core, drawing my abs in with a sharp exhale. I focused my breath and my mind until my lower body lifted itself into a handstand. With careful control and balance, I bent my elbows to lower and raise my body in a set of handstand pushups.
Sweat dripped from my forehead and neck when I finished my set and I peeled my shirt off when my feet hit the ground again.
With no barrier between my bare skin and the air, my thoughts drifted to Maggie's naked body in my bed.
Fuck.
I tied a 45-lb plate around my waist and started my leg lifts while hanging from the pull-up bar. My muscles screamed and I grunted from the effort but I couldn't stop. I had to suffer for my sinful thoughts. I had to get my desire for her out of my system.
A couple times I awoke during the night and saw her lying next to me. She slept peacefully during the night and looked like an angel. I should've left the bed and gone to the couch but I did keep my distance to the opposite side of the bed and she looked so beautiful.
Not that it mattered in God's eyes, but I barely saw her intimate areas. My eyes feasted on her bare back which was covered in a beautiful constellation of freckles. Each one of them deserved a kiss or several.
Beyond that I only saw the top of her buttocks as she slid her pink lacy underwear off and the mouthwatering curve of the side of her breasts as she released them from the cage of her bra.
She flopped down on her side, facing away from me as the mattress supported her sweet curves and she pulled the sheet over her shoulders.
Sleep looked like it came to her immediately. Her slender shoulder rose and fell with her even breathing the moment she laid down.
No, it didn't matter that I didn't see any parts of her that would be censored on most American TV shows. I yearned for her naked skin against mine all the same. Sinking into her and tasting my fill of her until her pleasure coated my tongue and my cock.
And still, while she slept in my bed next to me during the night, I felt in control of myself. The wild, lustful animal within had another duty. To protect and watch over rather than ravage.
Even in my tipsy state of mind with a naked girl next to me, I truly felt protective of her rather than sexual.
Having both primal instincts warring within me, to protect and to ravage, felt like an internal battle that I never felt before.
I often felt protective of my wife and we were intimate in our marriage, but I rarely lusted after her like this. Sometimes I lusted after unattainable women but the feeling would calm after an intense workout and prayer. But never had I felt each side of me wage so strongly for a single person.
My abdomen felt like knives were slicing through it as I finished my leg lifts. But adrenaline and testosterone still coursed through my body like a life force. I couldn't stop. I had to suffer more.
Groaning from muscle fatigue, I flexed my biceps and pulled up until my chin reached the bar before slowly lowering and doing it again.
I did it nineteen more times until I couldn't anymore. My fingers released the bar and I dropped to the ground, collapsing in exhaustion. I sucked in deep breaths while my pulse fired rapidly.
Climbing to my shaky legs, I removed the weight and headed for the shower.
Despite feeling nearly dead from my workout, it only took a few minutes under the hot stream of water for my heart rate to slow down and my breathing to return to normal.
And with that, my lust for Maggie returned with a vengeant hardening of my cock.
I slid my hand down my chest, over the ridges of my abdomen and hesitated before gripping my shaft in my fist.
It had been years since I touched myself, since before I was married. Out of respect for Rachel, I never did it while we were together. Most Christians believed masturbation was sinful in general, and definitely an act of selfishness while married. Even I preached that intimacy should only be shared between married lovers.
And while my wife and I were separated, I simply never had the desire.
Until now.
I squeezed up the length of my shaft and audibly groaned as I closed my eyes. It felt good. Too good.
Just as quickly as I shut them, I snapped my eyes open. It was too easy to see Maggie behind my eyelids, naked with her porcelain skin flushed with heat. Her red lips parting softly as she moaned beneath me.
My hand continued moving along my cock as I forced myself to stare at the tiled walls of the shower. I tried to think of anyone else. An actress. A porn star. Even my ex-wife.
My erection remained rock hard and almost painful. But nothing gave me release. No one but Maggie.
I thought of how warm and soft she felt in my lap. How badly I wanted to push her down on the couch and feel her legs wrap around my hips. To kiss her with every ounce of pent up desire, frustration and loneliness I felt since my life took this fucked up downward spiral.
"Fuck," I groaned and steadied myself against the wall as my cock burst once, twice, three times with powerful shots of cum before dribbling out the rest.
Only then did I feel fully spent. My eyes drooped heavily with fatigue as the tension left my body like an exorcised demon. I felt so utterly relaxed and foggy-brained I considered lying down for a nap.
But I chose instead to grab a second cup of coffee the moment I dried off and put clean clothes on. Tomorrow was Sunday, which meant work had to be done today.
I booted up my laptop and opened the document with the outline to my sermon I’d be delivering tomorrow. Coffee in hand, I grabbed a few religious texts off my bookshelf and settled in front of the computer.
I had to focus.
This talk had to redeem me in the eyes of my congregation tomorrow. I had to give them something positive and inspiring that would stick in their brains. If I could make them forget all about my divorce, the gossip would stop and maybe I could finally move on with my life.
We all sinned. God saw it all, but my fellow imperfect humans didn’t need to know what I did in the shower just now. Or who I thought about while doing it.
NINE
MAGGIE
“So what happened between you two?”
“Nothing.” I swallowed nervously. “Except…”
“Except what?”
My whole body flushed with heat and I turned my head to stare out of Angie’s passenger window.
“You know how I always sleep naked at home?”
“Oh my God, Maggie! You didn’t!”
“Yeah.” I sighed and a small giggle escaped my mouth as well. It was already far enough in hindsight that I could laugh abou
t it. “I don’t remember that well but apparently I took all my clothes off before bed just like how I do at home. Funny how muscle memory takes over.”
“And you’re absolutely positive that nothing happened?”
“Yes,” I insisted. “He was a perfect gentleman and never touched me.”
Angie let out a long breath as she took the freeway exit toward my house.
“Well that was kind of a strange encounter but it could have gone a lot worse, I suppose.”
I sucked my cheek between my teeth, unsure if I should spill what I felt to her. But she was my best friend. I could tell her anything.
“Honestly,” I began with hesitation. “I kind of wish something did happen, as long as I remembered, of course.”
“Trust me,” Angie replied. “Be glad that nothing happened. I know I’ve teased you but having sex really fucks with your emotions. Your first time should be with someone more on your level, not some loner, divorced, religious guy, however hot he may be.”
But he was on my level. More than anyone else ever has been.
The religious thing never even bothered me like I thought it would. I felt just as nonchalant about it sober as I did while drunk.
Kaine seemed fascinating to talk to. Like he would have such unique interpretations and ideas. Not like the idiot Bible drones that my parents introduced me to. I wanted to meet someone who asked questions like I did and came to their own conclusions.
“He seemed interesting, though,” was all I admitted to Angie in the car. “I wish I gave him my number. Just to talk to as a friend at least.”
“Trust me,” Angie repeated as if she was a leading expert on men and sex. “This one comes with too much drama. It’s best to let him go.”
“I guess you’re right,” I agreed.
But every cell in my body cried out to feel the security and comfort of his touch again.
Big Bad Sinner: A Forbidden Romance Page 4