I saw the love and compassion inside her heart that night and it moved me. That same kind of compassion toward our fellow people was what inspired me to dedicate my life to God, but I seemed to lose sight of it at some point.
She made me see it again.
And it amazed me that someone with such a heart could come from two selfish, disingenuous people. How could a mother with such jealousy and contempt raise such a beautiful person? Two of them even, if Maggie’s sister was anything like her.
The more I learned about Magdalene Mays, the less I gave a fuck what our community would think if they knew about us.
Maybe her family situation would scare away immature boys but I just wanted to know more. What happened with her sister? What drove her to become such an activist for the homeless? To invent something needy people could use and work tirelessly to make them again and again.
She was beautiful, intelligent, strong-willed, and had the biggest, loving heart I ever saw in another person. How could any man not fall for her?
After the morning sermons by myself and other speakers, people gathered in the church courtyard for a potluck we held once a month. Everyone was welcome, even people just walking on the street, to the dismay of some church members.
I sauntered right up next to Maggie's mother at the drink table the first moment I could.
"Glad to see you and your family here again, Lila," I said cheerily.
"Oh, Pastor Cross!"
Her hand flew to her chest in surprise, conveniently lowering her blouse a couple of inches but I kept my eyes trained on her face.
"I didn't see you there." She batted her eyes and spoke in a coy, kittenish voice.
"Sorry if I startled you," I said, helping myself to orange juice. "I just wanted to say you and Ben have done an excellent job in raising Maggie. She's a wonderful young lady."
Lila's lip twitched and her eyes flashed with envy. I almost rolled my eyes as I knew Maggie would. This woman was too damn predictable.
"She is, isn't she?" She gave me a tight-lipped smile. "Thank you, pastor. We're relieved she's spending more time at church rather than with degenerates like she used to."
"Ah, I see."
I sipped my orange juice, keeping my expression neutral.
"Pardon me if this is an intrusive question, but do you have any other children?"
Her eyebrow twitched this time and her smile fell in obvious disappointment that I didn't ask more questions about her.
"No, Maggie is our only one," she said flatly before giving a forced smile. "We've tried for more but were never successful."
"I'm sorry to hear that," I said with feigned sympathy. "But God has great things in store for Maggie, I'm sure."
"I hope so." She laughed dryly. "Maybe one day she'll listen when He tells her to stop running around looking like a little harlot."
I gave her a curt nod as I walked away, already past my limit with this woman. "Good day."
While walking across the lawn, I threw back my Dixie cup of orange juice, wishing there was vodka in it, and crushed the paper cup in my fist until my nails dug into my palms.
The words coming out of that woman's mouth sent my blood boiling. She didn't even deserve the title of mother, to speak of one child in such a cruel way and act like the other one never existed.
I threw the cup into a trash can with more force than necessary and went to find Maggie.
I spotted her sitting on a picnic with a pair of other women around her age and their toddler-aged children. Their names escaped me, but they were young, single mothers who attended church service occasionally and utilized some of our services for the needy.
Naturally, this outcasted them from many of the regular church attendees who spoke about them in whispers behind their backs. But Maggie sat and ate lunch with them as if they were all friends who'd known each other for years.
"Hey," I said as I came up to her and brushed my hand along her shoulder. Damn whoever saw it and gave a fuck. "Want to take a quick walk with me?"
"Sure." She gazed up at me with a curious look before standing to her feet and walking alongside me.
I felt the eyes crawling along our backs as we walked to a more secluded area of the courtyard and wondered if she did too. The whispers would soon follow but I was past the point of caring.
"Are you going to tell me the kiss was a mistake and we should act like it never happened?" she asked the moment we were out of earshot.
The question took me aback.
"No, that's not at all what I wanted to say."
She waited silently, patiently as we walked together along church's garden pathway, away from the courtyard and prying eyes, toward the main chapel building.
"If it's alright with you," I began. "I would like to meet your sister and nephew."
She stopped in her tracks, eyes wide in disbelief.
"Really?"
"Yes, really. How often do you see them?"
"Um." She took her lip between her teeth, still processing my request in her head. "I try to at least once a week."
"That's amazing," I breathed. "I really would like to join you next time you go, if it's not intruding."
"No, no of course not," she stammered. "I'm just surprised." She looked me squarely in the eye. "Have you ever been to a homeless camp before?"
"Yes, of course," I replied. "I visited several before becoming ordained."
That was mostly the truth, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to wait a little longer before telling her the whole truth.
"Good, because it's quite a shock if you're not used to it," she answered. "Angie knows my sister too but she can't... she can't really handle seeing it. A lot of people can't."
"I'll be fine," I assured her.
We stood looking at each other, her lips curving into a sweet smile as that invisible, magnetic force drew us closer together.
This time, she leaned in to kiss me first.
I caught her halfway, cupping her face to pull her in closer until she was flush against my body.
Maybe it was talking to her mother that got me heated but kissing her this time felt different than our first one.
Wednesday night was sweet and comforting as she confessed a secret to me. But this time, my tongue pried her mouth apart. My body pinned her between the stone wall of the church and my rock hard erection against her belly.
Her mouth broke away from mine to gasp beautifully and I took the opportunity to create a trail of kisses down her neck where her soft flesh ignited with heat. Her sweet gasp turned into a hot moan as her hands flew to my hips, pulling me even deeper into her without actually penetrating.
“Yes, please,” she whimpered into my ear.
That little plea made my whole body stiffen with hardness like my cock. I wanted to drive into her sweet softness and tear her apart. It would be so easy to unzip, lift up her skirt and take her right here against the wall. I didn’t care if she was the devil himself in disguise. I tasted her and there was no going back.
I would have her.
I would make her mine.
But not yet.
Voices echoed over the stone walls and we jumped apart like the other person was made of fire.
Both of our bodies heaved as we sucked in deep breaths standing several feet away from each other. Two men appeared several yards away as the sources of the voices. They were never even close enough to see us-- the stone walls and archways just amplified them enough to sound right next to us.
Maggie and I both let out sighs of relief and grinned wickedly at each other. The risk of getting caught was real but that was what made it exciting.
Even so, our first time needed to be right. A time and place with no interruptions. Where we could have the freedom to explore and learn about each other without looking over our shoulders.
“I should get back to my family,” she whispered breathily, her gorgeous chest still heaving with effort.
I cupped her chin with one finger and lowered one
final kiss to those lips that unraveled my whole world in just a few short days.
“I’ll see you soon, my Magdalene.”
FOURTEEN
MAGGIE
I never shared this part of my life with anyone before.
It felt oddly intimate bringing Kaine to meet Marie and Jeremy. Only Angie and I ever talked about them or even acknowledged they existed for that matter. They were like my dirty little secret family, not that I wanted it to be that way. Everyone else insisted on acting like they didn't exist and I refused to do that to the only family I cared about.
With every step I walked to the camp, it felt like my clit pulsed with every heartbeat.
I felt that way ever since Kaine and I kissed at church on Sunday, almost a whole week ago. No one ever kissed me like that before, and an erection pressed so hard against me never felt so good before.
It was like he awoke a new sense of life within my body. Sure I've touched myself and felt turned on before but never like that.
Ever since then, my insides felt hollowed out with an aching need to be filled. My body became so sensitive, every mundane movement became hot and arousing. The bed sheets against my bare, erect nipples at night. The vibrations from the car rumbling across my clit. I never felt any of it before and now it was all around me. It was like Kaine rewired my whole body chemistry to need and crave him every minute of every day.
I turned a corner and saw his tall, imposing figure waiting for me at the streetlight.
Right on time. With his own duffel bag to match mine and a Styrofoam tray of coffee in his other hand.
Really, even if he hadn't turned me on so much before, he'd have me swooning at coffee.
"Morning," I greeted.
"Good morning, Maggie. Coffee?"
"Thank you." I accepted one sleeved paper cup from him. "Why'd you bring four?" I nodded at his full tray.
He shrugged. "Just in case anyone at the camp wanted some."
"They probably already had theirs," I remarked as I continued walking with him following my lead. "They tend to be up pretty early."
"Well, more for us, then."
We walked together quietly to another streetlight.
"Thanks for coming along," I said after a few moments of silence. "It is nice to not be the only one visiting them. I think they'll appreciate it."
"I wouldn't dream of missing a chance to help local folks out." He cast a lopsided smirk at me before returning his attention to the road in front of him.
"Can I ask an obvious question?"
"Such as why is my sister homeless?" I asked tensely, tightening my grip around my coffee cup.
He nodded and hesitated before speaking again. "I asked your mother if she had any other kids and she said you were her only one."
"That doesn't surprise me in the slightest," I muttered angrily. "She and Dad pretend Marie doesn't exist. There aren't even any pictures of her in our house."
"How could they do such a thing?" he asked with genuine bewilderment.
"Long story short, she got pregnant at sixteen," I said. "By the time she had her son at seventeen, they had already kicked her out. She gave birth in a free clinic and was living in a shelter later that same week."
“How terrible for her.” Kaine’s tone matched the anger that I felt. “Times like that are when you need your family’s support the most.”
A breath hitched in my chest as I felt his fingers slide across my back. The pressure was warm and reassuring.
“At least she had you.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Is she older or younger than you?”
“Same age.” I shot a sideways grin at him. “We’re fraternal twins. How about that?”
He smiled back. “No wonder you take such good care of her. I’m sure she’d do the same for you.”
“Absolutely,” I replied. “We shared a womb and supposedly came out holding hands. Our bond is strong.”
“That’s wonderful.” He said it with a smile but his tone sounded sad to me.
“Do you have any siblings?” I asked.
“Probably,” he said wryly. “My dad liked to stick his dick into anything that moved so I’ve likely got tons of half-siblings.”
“That’s rough,” I said, feeling a sympathetic ache for him in my chest. My dad also wasn’t great but at least he wasn’t actively an asshole.
“Yeah, my childhood was rough for a bit. I even lived like this for a little while as a teenager.” He pointed to the tents of the homeless camp in the distance.
“You were homeless too?” I asked, bewildered.
“I prefer to call it home-free,” he said with another dry laugh. “It was by choice, not that it was easy. But I hitchhiked with my dog across the country for about a year and did odd jobs for money here and there. Fortunately, I was able to find a steady job and slowly get back to my feet with a normal life.”
“So you essentially lived like Jesus for a year,” I observed.
“I never claimed to be a prophet,” he chuckled. “But yes. I owned literally nothing but two changes of clothes and was the happiest I’d ever been. That experience solidified my faith, for sure.”
A newfound sense of awe and respect for him came over me. The reason why I told so few people about my sister was because no one could truly understand my situation, even if they were sympathetic or pretended to.
I appreciated Kaine wanting to come with me and figured he would be able to stomach it better than most, but knowing he understood the experience made it that more meaningful.
And it also made my stomach do flip flops. I wanted to stop and kiss him but still felt so unsure about… us. Whatever we were.
Not to mention Marie could probably see us from this distance and would definitely ask questions I wasn’t prepared to answer.
As customary, Jeremy yelled, "Maggie!" and began sprinting toward me.
Even while living homeless, he had no concept of bad or harmful people. All the adults watched cautiously as I approached with this strange man, but my adorable nephew ran straight into my arms without a care in the world.
I loved that Marie could keep his childhood innocence intact while having to live the way they did. Even in his situation, he was too young to learn how mean the world could be.
"Hey, Jer-bear! I missed you."
I tickled him and planted kisses on his cheeks as Marie approached us, wary but curious.
"He hasn't stopped begging for that candy you brought last time," she said, looking at him adoringly.
"We'll have to get Auntie Angie to bring you some more," I replied, bouncing him on my hip a few times before making introductions.
"Sis, this is Kaine Cross, the pastor at our church. Kaine, this is my sister Marie, and my nephew Jeremy."
"A pleasure to meet you," Kaine said warmly, reaching out to shake her hand.
"You as well, pastor." She returned his handshake with a polite, proud smile while looking him straight in the eye. That was one thing I loved about my sister. Despite her situation, she treated herself as an equal and never acted embarrassed and ashamed. It was one of the reasons why Mom couldn't stand to compete with her.
"I'll let you three catch up," Kaine said to excuse himself. "I think this guy could use a bit of a pick-me-up."
I looked in the direction where he jerked his head and saw the same young man from last week. His face was even dirtier now and he began to grow a scraggly, unkempt beard. The suit he wore was dusty and stained. Again, he sat motionless on the ground with a bottle of Mickey's in his hand.
Kaine started toward him and I followed Marie back to her campsite. She wasted no time in digging for details.
"Pastor, huh?" she grinned. "Never thought you were the church type but with a pastor like that, I'd become a church girl too."
"Still not a church girl," I insisted as we sat down at her cinderblock fire pit. "The way he and I met was pretty... unorthodox."
Over coffee, I told her the story of how Angie
and I tried getting into bars, seeing if he would pretend to know us, and even how I offered to sleep with him before he took us to his place to drink in a "safe" environment.
"So let me get this straight," she began. "You straight-up offered to sleep with him, went to his apartment, got drunk, then got naked, and it still didn't happen?"
"Yep."
Her eyebrows shot up as she chuckled. "Well he's got a strong sense of self-discipline, that's for sure."
"And who knew losing my virginity would be harder than I ever knew possible," I muttered and swallowed a mouthful of coffee. "But um, I think it's going to happen soon."
"So are you guys like a thing?"
"No. I mean, I don't know.” I chewed my lip nervously. “The extent of our relationship so far is making out at church when no one is around."
"Sounds hot," she laughed before looking at me seriously. "Just be careful, sis. I know it's no big thing but with your first, it's easy to catch feelings and get hurt. I'm speaking from experience here."
"Thanks. I'll be careful."
Marie patted my hand like she was my wise, old grandmother giving me sage wisdom.
She had a point. I couldn't just look at Kaine through rose-colored glasses.
Everyone thought Marie’s boyfriend was perfect. Handsome, athletic, and a perfect gentleman. Our parents were convinced they'd get married right after high school. When she got pregnant, he made a big show of sticking around and supporting her, until he disappeared.
He blocked her on all social media, changed his phone number and just became a ghost. We later found out he went to college across the country but never said a word of it to Marie.
He should have been with her in the clinic as his son was being born. If not him, then our parents should have been there. But they abandoned her too, so it was only me with her. Until Jeremy, I was all she had.
"So how are our dear old mom and dad?" she asked without a hint of maliciousness.
“The same as always.” I stared at her and blinked. “Why do you even care?”
“They’re still my family, Maggie.” She hoisted Jeremy into her lap and snuggled him fiercely. “If they ever want to get to know their grandson, I don’t want him to miss out on having a relationship with his grandparents.”
Big Bad Sinner: A Forbidden Romance Page 7