by Lauren Helms
I knew it would never happen again—you know, since he was no longer in my life. But that kiss … that kiss was a stick of dynamite and my heart had no chance of survival.
I’m slightly nervous how things will be between us tonight when we hang out with the group. Will it go back to how things were before the theater or will we have to explain to our friends? Or maybe we will just be civil and nothing will come up. I just don’t know.
Who am I kidding? Someone is bound to bring it up.
I just got another email from my mom regarding my brother. She informs me that Todd hasn’t been acting himself the past couple of days. I muse at the fact that she says he hasn’t been acting normal, because since when has he ever acted normal? She also says that he’s been more aggressive and disrespectful toward her and my dad. But he’s always been that way toward me. She’s just never wanted to listen.
I’m trying to get my mind off of the email when Morgan plops down next to me on the couch. I’ve got my laptop open to a movie reviews blog.
“When did you see the new Pirates movie?” she asks.
“Oh, I saw it last Friday.” I mention this casually, like it's not a big deal. Then I quickly add, “With Simon.”
I continue to finish the sentence that I’m writing, trying not to dwell on the fact that she hasn’t responded. I close my laptop and slide it to the coffee table in front of me. I lean back into my seat and take this time to peek over at her. And she’s just staring at me.
Nervous laughter bubbles up and out of my throat. “Geez Louise, Morgan. Stare much?”
She gives her head a little shake at the same time a knock comes at the door. I take the opportunity to avoid what’s next by jumping up and opening the door.
I’m not sure who I expected it to be on the other side, but I’m immediately thrust between a rock and a hard place because it’s Ruby. Not only am I going to have to explain myself to Morgan but adding Ruby into the mix is going to bring on a grueling round of interrogation.
“Hello, ladies!” Ruby sings as she flits into the living room, drops her purse on the floor, and flops into the armchair adjacent to the couch.
I say hi, but it’s drowned out by Morgan.
“Gia was just telling me how she saw the new Pirates movie last week. With Simon,” she offers.
“Oooh. Y'all know how I feel about Johnny Depp. Was he stunning per usual? Wait a minute, did you say Simon?” Ruby cocks her head and now both of them are looking at me.
I busy myself by heading to the kitchen for a drink.
“Yeah, we’ve been talking more. Texting really.” I launch into a full-on word vomit. “We’ve talked a few times on the phone as well. Also, a lunch. But it’s really been great. Having him back in my life, you know? Even if he wants to be more than just friends, maybe. And I say maybe because we kissed and now he thinks he wants more.” I take a long breath and a sip of water as I meander back into the living room.
“But then we got in a fight because he has a girlfriend—or so I thought—but he didn’t, so I wasn't the other woman. Then we ended up talking about what happened that put us in this whole funk to start with. We worked it out, though. I think.”
So, unloading that information wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
But both of them are just staring at me again. I turn and head back into the kitchen to grab a handful of M&M’s. Best if I just keep my mouth full as I start to replay everything I just divulged. Yikes, I might have shared a little bit too much.
Ruby seems to snap out of it first. Again, with a shake of the head and I hear a couple of wows and okays.
“Umm. So first, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk for so long without taking a breath. And two, let's rewind a bit, if you don’t mind.”
“I’d like a rewind, for sure,” Morgan adds.
Sighing, I take a seat at the table, so I can face them, which is better than being stuck between them if I went back to the couch.
I nod for them to go on.
“Please let me know if at any point I’m misunderstanding … You and Simon have been texting, talking on the phone, and lunching. And you went to see a movie, Jack Sparrow to be exact. Then you kissed him.” She pauses, and I take a moment to correct her.
“Ah, no, he kissed me.”
“OK, so he kissed you and you …,” she leads.
“I kissed him back. It was more of a make-out session than a single kiss, really. Someone—from behind us, I’m assuming, that is—told us to get a room,” I add, a little annoyed.
Ruby clears her throat but continues. “So, you made out, then you remembered that he has a girlfriend and you got in a fight, which caused you to talk about your past, and now you are friends … and then maybe more? Am I understanding all this correctly, Gia? Mo, do you understand?” She looks over at Morgan who still looks as stunned at me as she did five minutes ago.
“More or less, yes.” I pop in a few more M&M’s.
“Huh. Interesting,” Ruby replies thoughtfully.
It’s quiet for a beat, then Morgan finally speaks.
“What I don’t understand is how you have yet to really tell us about what happened to make this whole thing—as in, you and Simon being friendly, making out for goodness’ sakes—such a big deal. He has had an uncomfortable dislike for you since we introduced you two.”
“I’d describe it more like hatred,” Ruby adds as Morgan continues talking.
“We haven’t pushed you to tell us because you’ve made it clear that you didn’t want to share, but I can’t help but feel a little foolish that this is all happening, and you have been hiding it for the last week. Well, longer than that, really.”
“Yeah, what she said,” Ruby mutters.
I drop my head and let it hang while I take a deep breath. I’m not ready to tell them about Todd yet. If Morgan is this hurt by not knowing the details about Simon and me, she is going to flip when she finds out that I never told her I had a twin. So, I have to tread carefully.
When I look back up at them, they don’t seem mad. They look concerned and a little hurt.
“Simon and I were best friends for a very long time. We had very strong feelings for each other but never acted on them, until the night before I left. Well, at the time we didn’t know it was the night before I left. He told me he loved me and kissed me. I yelled at him, because how dare he wait all that time to tell me only when he knew I was moving away. So, we got in a fight and I left him there at the tree house. And then that night, my mom told me we were leaving in the morning. I was so upset by what happened with Simon, and the thought of saying goodbye … I mean, I had initially thought I would have just a little bit more time with him. So, I thought it would be better—easier for me, if I just left things the way they ended. I didn’t say goodbye. I just left. He called a lot. And I had my number changed. And that was that. I didn’t hear or see him again until we went over to their apartment last year.”
I pause a moment to let everything I’ve just said sink in. I don’t see anger anymore though, it’s clearly sadness. I fear it’s going to turn to disappointment any second now.
Ruby lets out a whistle. “Talk about a small world.”
Morgan starts speaking very carefully, like she is trying to figure out exactly what she wants to say.
“I wish you would have just told us, Gia. That was a heavy burden to bear on your shoulders alone. I’ve laid all of my problems and fears out for you and you’ve always been there for me with no judgment. But you didn’t give me the same chance. Why? Did you not trust me?” She looks like she’s about to cry.
“No! I trusted you from the very first day I met you, Mo. Don’t think that.” Ugh. What the hell is she going to think when she finally finds out about Todd? I continue, “I didn’t want you to know what a horrible person I was—am. I am a horrible person for what I did to Simon. And I haven’t completely forgiven myself yet; I’m not sure if I will. I didn’t want to chase you away.”
I start
to sniffle. I don’t cry often, but the thought of losing Morgan scares me and this whole conversation is wreaking havoc on my emotions. Let alone everything that has happened with Simon, and the news of my brother. I’m surprised I haven’t broken down yet.
Morgan stands and walks to me. She kneels in front of me and grabs my hands.
“Gia, you are not a horrible person. And had you told me when we met, I would have given you a hug and helped you through it. That’s what best friends do.” She squeezes my hands and smiles at me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I mumble.
I should just tell her about Todd now. I really should. I’m going to. Shit. This is going to sting.
But Ruby breaks my resolve.
“So, let’s talk about that make-out sesh.”
Morgan laughs at that, breaking the connection, and walks back to her spot on the couch.
“Was it hot? I bet it was all sexy and manly. Simon is very manly,” she says thoughtfully.
“What does that even mean? How is one manly? If Simon is manly, what is Link? Non-manly?” Morgan wonders.
“No, no, no,” Ruby says with an eye roll. “No, I mean, he just seems a bit more,” she struggles to find the right word and the bright look on her face tells me she found it when she says, “Alpha! He seems more alpha.”
I snort.
“Uh, I wouldn’t say that he’s alpha, but he knows how to kiss, and he knows what he wants,” I offer.
“So, the kiss was spectacular?” Morgan asks.
I sigh dreamily. “Best one I’ve ever had. I mean, I forgot I was in a movie theater. I’m not really one for PDA though.”
Now we are smiling, and all of the heaviness is gone from the air. We talk about the movie and that I have no idea how I’m going to write a review of it. We talk about my lunch with Simon and how it’s going to be when he and the guys come over in just a few hours to hang out. I tell them I honestly don’t know how we are going to act around each other. I hope Simon has clued in Link and Dex, so we can avoid this whole awkward mess again.
While I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I’m caught off guard when a sudden flutter of anxiety hits my stomach. I try to take a few deep breaths, but it doesn’t seem to help. I really don’t think seeing Simon tonight and hanging out with our group for the first time since we’ve made amends is going to be a big deal, so I really just need to relax.
Calm down, girl. Nothing is gonna happen.
Chapter Seventeen
Gia
When the guys arrive, I’m all jumpy and nervous but also excited to see Simon. I knew I missed him in my life but now that we are friendly and trying to start fresh, I want to be around him all the time. I also have to admit that my desire to be around him, to talk to him isn’t the same as it used to be. There is something stronger there.
I greet the guys as they come in, Simon is the last one in and he leans in and kisses me on the cheek. For a second, I’m lost in the moment but then I hear a cackle from behind me. I know it’s Link and I can tell by the glare Simon shoots over my shoulder that he’s already talked to them about us.
Closing the door, I hear the chatter of my friends catching up on their week. I’ve always adored Morgan and our friendship with Ruby, but there's just something special about being part of a group of people that you know have your back.
Morgan and Dex disappear into the hall, I’m sure to say hello in private. I can’t fight back a smile when I think of how in love they are. We like to give them a hard time about it, but when you meet a couple you know are supposed to be together, who were made for each other, it’s hard not to appreciate them.
I take a seat next to Simon on the couch. Ruby is still in the chair and Link is scrounging around in the kitchen for something.
“Help yourself to anything you might need, Link,” I tell him sarcastically.
“Yeah, I mean, don’t ask before you go through other people’s kitchens,” Ruby adds, flipping on the TV.
“Do you live here now, Rube? Did I miss when you moved in and claimed the TV?” Link says from the kitchen. There is an island and half wall from the kitchen peering into the living room, so he can see us from where he is standing in the middle of the kitchen, looking thoughtfully around the little space.
“No, I don’t live here, but I might as well. Also, I’m just turning on the six o’clock news. You know my addiction must be fed. And I missed the five o’clock airing.”
“Are you still into that new sports reporter guy? Is that why you’ve changed network loyalties?” I ask her.
“What sports reporter guy?” Link asks, now entirely focused on us.
Ruby smothers a smile and just plays it cool. “Yup. We had a date a couple weeks ago. We’ve been talking. I’ve never really been into sports, but I enjoy listening to him talk about balls and scoring.”
Simon lets out a deep rumble of laughter and I look at him unable to stop my own. Link is sulking in the kitchen now.
“Dude, what are you looking for?” Simon finally asks.
“Sweets. I need something sweet. Like chocolate,” he replies.
“Check the back of the fridge. There are probably M&M’s back there.”
I gawk at Simon. How did he remember that’s one of my M&M hiding spots?
He bumps his shoulder to mine and says, “I didn’t forget. M&M’s are the key to your heart.” He smiles at me and, suddenly, I’m in serious danger of melting right here on the couch.
“Score,” Link chants. I’m assuming he found them.
“Speaking of scoring, is your hot sports guy on?” Morgan asks as she enters the living room with Dex right behind her.
“Jesus,” Link mutters and shovels some M&M’s in his mouth.
Ruby looks all too pleased with Link’s reaction when she tells us he’ll be on soon. We spend the next few minutes trying to figure out where we are going out tonight. Finally, we decide on The Bar. Soon enough the local sports report comes on, and I have to admit that Ruby’s sports guy is pretty hot. The guys start to comment on the quality of the sports report when Link excuses himself to the bathroom, all while muttering words like “bullshit” and “sports are overrated.”
Laughing, I stand to get my own handful of candies when I hear the female newscaster break in.
“Thank you, Mason, for that great sports report, but we have breaking news out of Indianapolis. We’ve just learned that a man has been shot by police after an altercation at an IU Health medical facility. The twenty-five-year-old man, Todd Newman of Indianapolis, wrecked his car into the side of the hospital and then entered the ER. A hospital security guard used his taser, but Newman was described as ‘a madman who just wouldn’t go down.’ We don’t have a clear reason or timeline as to when Newman was shot or where. This story is still developing so we will provide more details as they become available.”
The sounds around me are drowned out as I stand in the middle of the room staring at my brother’s picture on the screen. From the looks of it, it’s a very recent photo. I haven’t seen Todd in a while, so I find it a little unsettling how much we look alike. Even when you don’t see your twin often, it can come as a bit of a shock when you see your face in theirs. An out-of-sight, out-of-mind kind of thing.
The picture of Todd leaves the screen and it's then that I suck in a breath and realize that my breaths are becoming more and more labored. The bitter acid in my stomach that is reserved solely for matters dealing with Todd swells in my gut.
I tear my eyes away from the TV and slide them over to the group of people staring at me with a mix of concern, horror, and hurt. The group of people who have no idea I have a mentally unstable twin who just made the regional news.
Distantly, I hear the bathroom door open and, “Whoa, what the hell did I miss?” Link asks.
I open my mouth to explain but nothing comes out. Looking right at Morgan, her eyes wide and neck stretched forward, my own eyes start to water. It’s starting to get really
hot in here and the room is beginning to tilt. My gaze falls on the vacant space where Simon was and the panic building inside me starts to ease just a touch when I feel his arm slide around me and his lips at my ear.
“Breathe, G. You gotta breathe.”
I struggle for the breath I’ve been trying to take and gulp in air.
“Gia?” Morgan questions. “Who was that man?”
Again, I try to explain but only a choked sob breaks free and my hand flies up to cover my mouth. Simon pulls me in tighter to him as he tells my closest friends what I’ve been hiding from them for all these years. The thing that I’m positive my best friend won't understand why I hid.
“That was Gia’s twin, Todd. He's suffers from extreme mental instability,” he tells the room.
“What?” Morgan squeaks. “I didn’t know she had a … Gia?”
“Well, most likely, she didn’t tell you because they don’t have a good relationship,” he replies correctly.
“And you know this?” I hear Dex ask. I can’t look over at Morgan, so I assume Dex is starting to go into protective mode.
“Yeah. I know. I know everything,” Simon answers him.
Well, not everything.
Chapter Eighteen
Simon
Standing there with Gia wrapped tightly in my arms, I try my best to face down her demons by explaining who Todd is. I won’t touch on why she hid that part of herself from her best friends, mostly because I can’t fathom how she’d be able to hide such a big secret. But I share what I do know, that Todd is her twin and he is mentally unstable. I don’t know what his current diagnosis is, as it seemed to change regularly when we were younger.
Gia struggles to regain her composure and I’m sure that by the way she is struggling with deep breaths that she is about to have a breakdown. I’ve seen them a few times before. And I know she used to have some anxiety medication, as a just-in-case precaution. She has always been prone to anxiety. When her mom first wanted her to go on it, she didn’t want to because it made her feel like there was something wrong with her. She thought it would make her too much like Todd.