“You know.” Jenna gave her a shy smile. “You are pretty damn good at the tall tales, Tess. I believed everything you told me about the childhood you never had.”
“Me, too!” Samantha exclaimed. “You really are a talented...um...”
“Liar?” Tess supplied.
“I was going to say ‘actress.’” Samantha giggled. “But, okay, liar works.”
“Liar, liar, pants on fire,” Jenna said in a squeaky schoolyard voice, and that was it. All the massive heartache and guilt turned into hysterical giggles that erupted from Tess with a snort that had them all laughing. Tess felt a floating in her limbs and muscles, the deepest, most profound relief that her friends loved her, that they didn’t care who she’d been or that she’d lied. For the first time ever she could sit here with them, totally at ease, because now they knew who she really was.
A faint hope glimmered that there might be a better way to be than the tense, manufactured shell she’d become. And that she might be on her way to finding it.
* * *
THEY’D BEEN DECORATING since 7:00 a.m. Tess had set the alarm for six, determined to make up for the time they’d lost during her enormous meltdown. She’d made cappuccinos, run to the bakery down the street for pastries and then tempted her sleepy friends out of bed with them. It hadn’t been easy, especially after the movie marathon they’d insisted on last night. A string of the most ridiculous comedies Jenna could find, which, despite the emotion of the day, had gotten Tess laughing.
And now she was on a ladder borrowed from one of the building maintenance workers, attaching blue paper baby booties to her ceiling. “You know,” she said to Samantha, who’d insisted on helping with her own shower and was tying little blue ribbons on the party favors, “you need to get knocked up again right away. When I went shopping the other day I couldn’t believe how cute all those little girl clothes were. I mean, no offense to the young gentleman you’re carrying, but the boy clothes were so boring!”
“Maybe you should have a baby,” Samantha said softly.
“Uh...been there, done that, and it was a disaster.”
“But that was years ago, and you were a kid yourself.”
Tess thought about the little clothes she’d picked out for Samantha’s baby, how sweet they were, how tiny. How they’d inspired this strange maternal tug that was so unfamiliar she’d barely recognized it. “I’ll just be the honorary auntie who spoils your kids. I’m not exactly a good candidate for reproducing. I’m jobless, guyless and all I really know about parenting is what not to do!” The booties were up and she started back down the ladder.
“That’s not true, Tess,” Samantha countered. “You can get any job you want, once word gets out that you’re free. And you’d be an amazing mom. You’ve taken care of Jenna and me for years.”
“Yeah, remember that night after Jeff and I broke up and you took me to Mack’s Place and made me try all of your favorite kinds of Scotch?” Jenna asked.
Tess laughed. “Getting you drunk in a bar isn’t exactly a good indicator of parenting potential.”
“But you talked to me the whole time, remember? About having confidence and not needing men to make me whole? In fact, I remember you saying something about them having one real use, which could, at times, be taken care of by a small mechanical device.”
A shocked yelp of laughter from Samantha had them all laughing. “How did I miss this outing?” she asked.
“You fell for a rancher and moved off to the middle of nowhere,” Tess said.
“You’re in love with a rancher, too,” Samantha retorted.
“We’re not talking about that. Unfortunately, I didn’t find one like Jenna’s, who prefers the city and cooks amazing food. Or one who actually likes me.”
“Tess, it’s obvious you miss Slaid,” Jenna said gently.
“I do,” she admitted. “But he fell in love with who he thought I was. Once he found out who I really am, he changed his mind. So I’ll just have to get over it.” She paused, taking a deep breath, looking for some humor to carry her through. “Plus, I barely survived a month in Benson, and I just saw the weather report—it’s snowing a ton there now. Even if I decide to try to see him again, I have to wait at least six months for it to thaw out there.”
“Oh, admit it, you miss wearing that parka. You know it looked fabulous on you,” Samantha teased. “And from all the town gossip I heard, you were pretty happy to spend a fair amount of time out in the cold as long as you were with Slaid.”
Tess glanced at her closet, where her parka hung. She remembered that first day when Slaid had chosen it for her and her chest felt funny, as though her skin was on too tight. “I’ll pull it out on foggy San Francisco mornings,” she said. “Anyway, Slaid wants nothing to do with me. He made that very clear.”
“I think that’s his pride talking,” Samantha said gently. “And yours.”
“Well, pride’s about all I have left right now.” Tess was pretty sure she’d exceeded her capacity for self-disclosure, and for thinking about Slaid and all that she couldn’t have. “Let’s go in the kitchen and you can make sure I have all the serving dishes organized. The caterers will drop off the food in about an hour.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
SLAID RUBBED HIS eyes and reached for the coffee cup on his desk. It was empty—how had he gone through an entire pot already? The screen on his computer blurred and he rubbed his eyes again. One more of these email interviews and he was done. He was officially resigning from his week-long gig as the nation’s most green mayor. He’d done interview after interview explaining that it wasn’t just him, that it was a group effort that made the town solar powered. But the media evidently didn’t appreciate a collective effort. A New York Times reporter had headlined her article The Sun King which had made him feel plenty stupid. Especially when the city council had laughingly presented him with a crown at their meeting earlier this evening.
He needed a PR person. Someone like Tess. But Tess was gone. Long gone. She’d left without saying goodbye and he was sure she’d never be back.
His cell phone buzzed and Slaid grabbed it, hoping it was Tess. But it was his sister, Mara, letting him know she’d just pulled up outside the town hall with Devin, who’d been having dinner and doing homework at her house while Slaid worked late.
Gratefully he shut down his computer, shoved some notes into his briefcase and headed out the door. He glanced at his phone once more before shoving it in his pocket. Nothing. He didn’t know why he had any hope that Tess would call. He’d been such a jerk to her, she probably wanted nothing to do with him.
He’d been hurt that there’d been lies between them. He’d had enough of that with Jeannette. Hell, his ex-wife had let him think everything was fine between them when all the while she’d been planning her move to Florida.
But Tess hadn’t told lies to hurt him. Or to conceal anything he had the right to know. He’d been in the wrong that last day in his office. So wrong that he knew he’d probably never get her back even if he called and begged her forgiveness.
But deep down he knew it wasn’t just about being forgiven. He had some soul searching to do. It was clear that he had a problem with judging others. He’d convinced Tess that it was safe to open up to him, and when she finally did, he’d judged her. Now that he’d had some time to think, he’d realized that he’d had no right to.
He had no idea what it would be like to grow up like she did: unloved, uncared for and forced to make it through the world alone at such a young age. No wonder she’d picked a new name and constructed fantasy parents and a fantasy childhood. Because who would want to constantly revisit those real memories?
He pulled the big town hall doors shut behind him and walked over to where Mara was parked. Devin barely responded to Slaid’s greeting. He slammed the car door, gave a brief wave to his aunt and walked over to Slaid’s parked truck, waiting with crossed arms for Slaid to open the passenger door. It was eight o’clock at night and co
ld enough that the air prickled his skin and in the streetlight Slaid could see Devin’s breath exhaling in white puffs. But he let his son tough it out in the cold air for a few moments. It seemed like he needed to cool off.
He went to the driver’s side of Mara’s SUV, and she rolled down the window.
“How is he?”
“Still grumpy. What did that woman do to him? He only met her a few times and he’s acting almost as bad as when Jeannette left.”
“They just really clicked. I guess he took it personally when she went back to the city.”
“You have to talk to him, Slaid. He barely ate dinner, and I made my famous chicken potpie.”
The stab of jealousy must have shown on Slaid’s face because Mara laughed. “Don’t worry, I saved you some.” She handed him a plastic container and he clutched it passionately to his chest. Mara giggled again.
“Hey, don’t laugh, this is precious stuff. Thanks for passing some along.”
“Now go fix things with that son of yours. And double-check his homework. He did it, but his heart wasn’t in it.”
“Thanks, sis.”
Slaid walked to the car and unlocked the doors.
“Jeez, Dad,” Devin said as he clambered into the cold cab. “Thanks for letting me freeze.”
“Seems as though you survived. You barely even said goodbye to Aunt Mara. I get that you’re mad at me right now, but please don’t take it out on her.”
Devin looked straight ahead and Slaid started the engine. He knew his son was thinking his words through.
“It’s your fault Tess didn’t say goodbye, Dad. You led that rally, you destroyed her whole meeting. You totally humiliated her. You could have at least given her a chance to present her side.”
His son’s words stung, especially because he’d been thinking the same thing. Logically, he knew he hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d protected his town, like he’d told Tess he would. But he should have found a way to protect her, as well.
“I warned her about the solar project, but I admit, I totally lost control of the protest. It got bigger than any of us expected.”
“She could at least call, or text.” Devin’s voice was glum and, worse, resigned. He was used to not hearing from the women he bonded with, and it broke Slaid’s heart. Especially because he was responsible for Devin’s pain this time. He’d pushed Tess away. His close-minded judgment was why she’d left town without a word.
“Don’t take it personally. She’s mad at me, son, but she’s got no reason to be mad at you. You two hit it off. Just give her time to cool down. I know she’ll want to hear all about how you did on that essay.”
He glanced over and saw Devin’s brief smile. He’d earned an A on his essay, a miracle for a kid who usually kept his writing very brief and very sloppy.
“Did you two have a big fight?”
“Yes, we did. We were on opposite sides of the windmill conflict. And I was upset...” He didn’t finish his sentence. He couldn’t explain to his kid why he’d been furious. That he’d finally opened his heart to someone and couldn’t handle finding out she wasn’t perfect.
“Then you should apologize. Isn’t that what you’re always telling me to do?”
It was such a simple idea, but better than any he’d had. “You know what? You’re right. I do owe her an apology. A big one.”
He just hoped she’d listen. He was in love with her. He’d been drawn to her beauty but fallen for her dry humor, her silliness, her bravado and the softness in her eyes when she helped Devin. Knowing her quirks made her more beautiful to him than ever. Could accepting her imperfections do the same?
She’d have to accept plenty in him. He knew now that he came with way more flaws than he’d realized.
He wanted her in his life, forever. Right now it seemed impossible, but two years ago, when she’d disappeared from his hotel room, finding her had seemed impossible. Then she’d walked into his office in Benson and made him believe in all kinds of possibilities.
He couldn’t let her walk out of his life again. He needed to figure out how to convince her that he was no longer the idiot who’d pushed her away, or the jerk who kept judging her. He had to show her that he was the man who would always believe in her, who loved her for who she really was, if he hoped to find a way to get her back.
* * *
TESS FLOPPED DOWN on the couch next to Samantha. “I can’t believe I’m about to do this.”
“Eat a slice of cake and drink some champagne? I think you can handle the calories. I’ve barely seen you eat anything since I got here.”
“But the cake is blue!” Tess eyed it suspiciously.
“It’s boy cake!” Jenna sat down next to her. “It’s really good. And the coloring is all natural.”
“Natural? There’s nothing naturally blue in nature,” Tess said. “Except blueberries, I guess.” She took a bite of the strange blue creation anyway. “Oh, my gosh, it’s delicious,” she blurted out with a mouthful of crumbs.
Samantha giggled. “I think the guests thought so, too. There’s not that much left. Thank you so much, you two, for an amazing baby shower. I had so much fun.” She patted her round belly. “I think this guy did, too. I think he’s dancing in there.”
“Can I feel?” Jenna jumped up from her place on the other side of Tess and went to sit by Samantha. She put her palm on her friend’s belly and a huge smile lit up her face. “I can feel him! Come on, Tess, put your hand here.”
Tess reluctantly lifted her hand and let Jenna guide it. At first she didn’t feel anything, but then something pressed against her palm, and moved along it. “He’s swimming!” she exclaimed. Samantha smiled in pride and Jenna added her hand alongside Tess.
“He’s got moves,” Jenna said. “Maybe he’ll be a dancer.”
“Jack’s convinced he’ll be the next horse whisperer, Slaid thinks he’ll be mayor of Benson someday and you...” She broke off. “Sorry, Tess, I shouldn’t have mentioned Slaid.”
“How is he?” she asked quietly.
“He’s been busy with all the media attention,” Samantha said. “Mostly he seems kind of distracted and sad, I think.”
“I never said goodbye,” Tess confessed.
“You didn’t call him?”
“What’s the point? He made it clear that he thinks I’m horrible. Even if he didn’t, he’s there, I’m here, end of story.”
“You don’t have to be here. You got fired, remember? And I’ve already told you, with the baby coming, I need help with my company. As in, I need you to take over.”
“I can’t go back to Benson. It’s freezing, and everyone hates me.”
“No one hates you!” Samantha sat up and looked at her with outrage in her green eyes. “Everyone knows you were just there to do a job. And everyone saw how happy Slaid and Devin were with you. No one hates you.” She grinned suddenly. “Well, maybe some of the single ladies who had a thing for Slaid hate you...but other than that, I really don’t think you’d have a problem.”
“I do have a problem. I told Slaid about my past and he kicked me out of his life. Just like that.”
“Well, whatever he did, I think he regrets it,” Samantha said.
“Plus, you’re making things right,” Jenna said. “You read the letters, and now you’re going to get in touch with your son and his adoptive parents. Right?”
“Am I?” Tess asked. “Because honestly, I don’t know if I can. I’m not exactly known for my courage when it comes to my personal life.”
“You have more courage than anyone I know,” Jenna told her. “Look what you went through as a kid. And look where you got yourself!” She gestured around the apartment. “This place. Paid off. A great career. Well, a great career until last week, I guess. But anyway...”
“But I don’t feel like I have any courage. I just want to hide in here and eat a lot of blue cake. Maybe we’re born with a finite supply of courage and I’ve used up mine.”
“It just needs repl
enishing,” Jenna assured her.
Samantha stood up and took the plate of blue cake crumbs out of Tess’s hand. Jenna, following some invisible agreement between them, stood up, too, and took the champagne glass out of her other. Both her friends extended a hand and pulled her off the couch. “Mack’s Place,” Jenna said.
“Greasy fish and chips for dinner and as much Scotch as you desire,” Samantha added.
Tess tried to imagine leaving the cocoon of her apartment and couldn’t. Between her misery over the letters and life in general and the baby shower, she hadn’t been outside in thirty-six hours. She could easily imagine curling up on her couch for at least thirty-six more.
Samantha’s phone beeped and she picked it up. Her mouth tilted up in a smug smile as she read the text.
“It must be Jack,” Jenna said. “Look at that smile.”
Samantha just shook her head once and walked away from them, texting rapidly as she went. Then she turned back and her green eyes sparkled. “Okay, let’s get you dressed, Tess—in something gorgeous. It’s time to go find your missing courage.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
“WEE JENNA!” MACK’S voice boomed across the bar as they pushed through the door. “And beautiful Tess. My darling, have you come back here just to break my heart?” Mack’s thick Scottish accent put a musical note into everything he said. His gray hair was combed neatly into place as always, his white oxford button-down straining a bit over his ample belly. Tess ran over and reached across the bar for their customary hug. Mack was her favorite man to flirt with—a happily married grandfather, totally safe and hilarious. Tess felt better already, just seeing him.
“Mack, how have you been?”
“Destitute since you left.” He clutched his heart in mock agony. “Are you back for good now?”
“Here to stay.”
“My life is worth living again.”
Tess laughed at his outrageousness.
He looked at Tess’s skintight black dress and raised an eyebrow, all grandfather now. “And you’re wearing that outfit because...”
Convincing the Rancher Page 25