“We’ll worry about that later. It’s fully efficient, including a small kitchen, so you shouldn’t need anything but groceries,” Tonya responded.
“When can we move in?” I asked.
“Right now. Go get your things and we’ll get you set up.” Tonya smiled, grabbing Sophia’s arm.
We both just sat in Abe’s truck, taking in our good luck. I’d never asked him where we were going to stay because I wasn’t sure he had an answer, and I didn’t want him to feel like he wasn’t taking care of us. I still didn’t know him that well, but something told me questioning him would’ve been a blow to his ego.
“I can’t believe this. It’s perfect,” Abe said.
“I know. Tonya is so nice.”
“She’s right about school. It might help us too. This way, while I’m at work, you’ll be there. You’ll be busy.”
“Yeah, and I want to graduate.” I knew he was right, but I couldn’t help feeling a little anxious about being away from him. I wasn’t sure how well I would do in a new place, not knowing anyone—heck not even knowing myself.
“We’ll grab our things and check out. Once we get everything settled, we’ll make a grocery list and get everything we need.”
“Okay.”
“Any luck with the memory?”
“No.” I chewed on my bottom lip in frustration.
He cleared his throat and exhaled. I could tell he had something important to say, something he thought would upset me. He dragged it out, like he didn’t know how to put it. “Sophia, I’m starting to wonder if you shouldn’t go to a doctor.” He glanced over as we pulled into the hotel. His eyes were serious, but caring.
I shook my head. “I can’t. If I show up with no identification and can’t fill out any of the paperwork, they’ll get suspicious. They’ll separate us.” I didn’t want to be as panicked as I sounded, but I felt being separated would be detrimental.
“Okay, okay. I’m not gonna make you go. I’m just worried about your health.”
“I feel fine. My body is recovering and my head doesn’t hurt anymore. I even remembered a couple of things. It’s coming back, I can feel it,” I lied.
He looked at me as we got out of the truck. I felt intimidated by his stare. He was telling me without words that he didn’t believe me. I didn’t chance it with more lies. I just looked down at the floor, which I knew was conceding. I knew that he knew, but he wouldn’t push me.
We entered the room and packed up the few belongings we had, throwing the rest of our things into the plastic bags from the grocery store. “We’ll get you enrolled in school soon. First, I have to find a way to get you a birth certificate. We’re probably gonna have to forge some stuff. I don’t even know where to begin with that shit. I need to get to a computer.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know anything either.” I hated relying on him for everything. It made me feel like I was a burden. Like he couldn’t do one single thing without me around. I didn’t want him to think I was clingy, even though I kind of was. It was the main reason I’d decided to force myself to hang back with Tonya. I was proud of myself that I’d had the strength to do it.
He walked over to me as I stood on the other side of the bed. His big hands framed my face as he spoke. I knew it didn’t matter what he said, I was going to believe him. “Soph, listen to me. It’s not your fault we’re in this situation. It’s not my fault. It is what it is. For some reason, we crossed paths. We will get through this, I promise.”
“I’m so glad it was you who found me,” I said, hugging him.
I didn’t want to cry and add more drama to our situation, but I was truly thankful. When I thought about what could have happened to me, it made me feel sick. He hugged me tight. Our bodies were pressing against each other, it felt like he was taking some of my hurt and I was taking some of his. It felt euphoric having someone to lean on.
“We’re gonna be okay. Remember, it’s diffican, we’ve got this,” he said smirking, knowing he was teasing me.
Laughter fought through my tears. “You sound so lame saying that.”
“I’m lame? You’re the one who made it up!” He tugged on the ends of my hair.
“Let’s go look at our new place. Maybe I could ask Tonya about borrowing her computer.”
“No. We need to use one from the library. We don’t want anyone to see our search history. They already know something is up, I could see it in their eyes.”
“Yeah, I could too. They seem to want to help though.”
We made it back to the ranch within an hour. Abe didn’t want to seem like we needed the house too much, but I didn’t want them changing their minds about us either. We talked about the things we needed to work on in front of other people, such as looking them in the eyes as we spoke. We then discussed other mundane subjects, like how we ended up in Texas, and why we didn’t have parents. I’d hoped we never needed to use the lies, but Abe said he needed us to be on the same page in case we were ever asked.
Tonya and Cal helped us get settled in. The bunk house couldn’t have been more than a thousand square feet. It had one bedroom, and a living room that was open to the kitchen, which made it feel bigger. It was bare, but you could tell it had been newly painted. The primary occupants had obviously been men, as there were not many decorations. The main focus of the house was the fire place. It was all wood and looked old.
I walked in each room, thinking about how strange it all felt. I still wasn’t any closer to finding out who I was, but somehow I was comfortable here. Almost like I could accept this as my new life . . . because honestly, I didn’t know what I was missing in my old life. The small town in Texas was now my home, and I was okay with it.
“You all right?” Abe asked from the doorway of the bedroom.
I looked over my shoulder and smiled. “Yes, I am.”
“Good. Are you ready to get groceries? I’m starving.”
“That is one thing I’ve learned about you.” I giggled.
“What?”
“You’re always hungry.”
“I’m a growing boy.” He smiled at me and something changed in the air.
I felt like I couldn’t get enough oxygen. His reactions to me were infectious. When he smiled, I wanted to smile. When he joked with me, I joked back. When he was deep in thought, I would reflect on the whole situation, wondering how we were going to survive.
Attraction wasn’t something I’d even considered, being that we had more important things to do. But every minute we’d spent together made me like him even more. The closeness I felt was deeper than any awkwardness. I was healing every day, and that was because of him. He made me feel like we could keep up our façade forever, and no one would be the wiser.
I wanted more than anything to remember my old life, but at times like these—when he winked at me, or hugged me and told me we were going to be fine—I was more than happy with my current location.
I would have laughed if I had been on the outside looking in, watching us at the grocery store. We walked down each aisle, carefully selecting snacks and meals for the next week. We would both pick up different things and try to convince the other that what we wanted was more important. He wasn’t having any of my pickle infatuation. In fact, he called me gross. I put them in the cart anyhow.
“Do you know how to cook?” he asked, as I jumped onto the end of the cart.
“A little,” I admitted shyly. He continued to push me down the next aisle. “Do you?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s impressive,” I said tossing a bag of Doritos into the cart.
“Not really. I had to cook all the meals at the house, otherwise I didn’t eat.”
“All of them?” I jumped off the cart because I wasn’t in the mood to play anymore. Abe didn’t reminisce a whole lot, so when he talked about his past, I paid close attention.
“Yep, from the time I was thirteen, until maybe a year ago.”
“What happened a year ago?”
“I got these,” he said, lifting his sleeves and flexing his muscles.
I covered my mouth, laughing. I loved how easy he made me laugh. “I’m impressed.”
“You should be.” He winked.
“I think we have enough for now. What do you think?” I changed the subject because my eyes kept flitting back to his arms.
“Yeah, I need to find out if there’s a grill there,” he said almost to himself.
“There is, I saw it behind the house.”
“Was it a gas grill?”
“Gas?”
“Yeah, gas.” His left eyebrow inched up his forehead in a cute way.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“Oh, this is gonna be diffican’t,” he said wrapping his right arm around my shoulders.
“Stop making fun of me,” I said, playfully punching him in the gut.
It only took us twenty minutes to load everything and get back to the ranch. I helped Abe unload everything, then we both took a break and sat in the living room.
“After work tomorrow, I want to find the library,” Abe said. “We need to figure out what all we need for you to start school.”
“Yeah, I’m kind of nervous about that.” I bit my lip.
“It will be okay. You’re gonna do great.” His brown eyes turned gentle.
“Thanks.” I’d learned in just a few days that his eyes turned milk chocolate when he was being genuine. Most of the time, they were so dark they looked black, but when he talked with me, they turned soft, as if they were melting right before my eyes. It made me feel tingly inside that he was always trying to reassure me.
We sat there on the beige sofa, both inside our own heads. Him at one end, leaned back into the cushions with his ball cap pulled low over his eyes. It was cute. I knew he was deep in thought, almost like he was trying to hide his worry. I tucked both of my legs under me and leaned back myself, trying to take everything in.
“Abe?”
“Yeah?”
“How come no one has reported me missing?” I was beginning to think he wasn’t going to answer me when he finally turned to look at me.
“I don’t know, Soph.”
I crawled up next to him and laid my head on his lap. We fell into silence once more. His hand gently slid into my hair at the crown of my head and trailed through the strands, all the way to the end, and then back to the top once again. It soothed me, but my brain still whizzed a million miles an hour.
What kind of parents did I have who didn’t miss me? Did I not have any friends? I knew I was missing a huge piece of the puzzle. This kind of thing just didn’t happen.
I felt restless. Nothing added up. I specifically remembered Pat saying Sophia had parents, and that they’d left her alone on the weekends. Even though I said I’d never go back there, I was starting to think I didn’t have a choice. I had to come up with something for her and going back to Oklahoma seemed like the most logical thing to do.
Damn, I hated them. And now I needed to ask Jim and Pat to help me.
Lying to Sophia wasn’t something I felt good about, but it was best for her well-being. Everything I needed for her to function in the world would involve forging documents. Breaking the law wasn’t something I was comfortable with per se, but I’d racked my brain for other ideas and without her memory or family members, I was out of options. I’d have to think of a way to get back there without her. I was positive that she wouldn’t want me to leave her, but there was no way in hell I’d ever take her back near Jim and Pat.
I didn’t even turn the television on after she fell asleep. I sat there with her in my arms and my head leaned back on the couch cushion, staring at the fire I’d started earlier. I kept hoping a better plan would come to mind, but it didn’t.
“Abe?” Her soft voice rang in my ear, no louder than a whisper. “What time is it?”
I jumped up, panicking that I’d overslept. I couldn’t show up late on my first day. I looked around until I found the clock on the stove in the kitchen. It read five-forty. I breathed out a sigh of relief that I wouldn’t be making a bad impression on my first day at work. “I’m gonna jump in the shower. I need to meet Paco at six,” I said, walking down the hallway.
“Can I come?” she asked, following me.
My heart skidded to a stop, palms sweating. Then I realized she’d meant follow me along to the job site . . . not into the shower. Taking a deep breath, I shook off the excitement flooding my teenage body. “Maybe I could take you to the main house and you could hang out with Tonya?” I suggested.
Her face fell and it broke my heart. How is it that just a look from her can gut me? She didn’t even have to voice her disappointment; her moistened baby blues spoke volumes.
“Soph, I wish you could come with me, but they’re already suspicious. I think having you at work would raise too many red flags.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Look at me.” I tilted her face up to mine. “We are gonna be okay. We will find out where you belong, and I’m going to make sure you’re safe the whole way.”
“I know, you’re right. I guess I’m just getting frustrated. I thought I’d remember something else by now.”
“You can’t force it, sweetheart. It will come back to you in good time. Until then, we are going to get you registered for school. We need you to keep up with your education.”
“How did you get so smart?” she joked.
I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so I didn’t go into details. “I taught myself. I haven’t been to school since seventh grade.”
“I’m sorry, Abe. I forgot.” Her eyes dimmed with pity.
I hated pity. I never wanted her to feel that way toward me. Pity was reserved for people who couldn’t help themselves. I was helping myself. I was strong-minded and smart, and I’d made it out of hell. “It’s cool, Soph. I’ve done okay.” I smiled at her to lighten the mood.
“Yes, you have. You’re my hero and I will never forget what you’ve done for me.” She hugged me, tightly wrapping both arms around my waist.
Her small body was the perfect size, and folded into me with ease. It felt so warm and safe having someone to hang on to. I had never felt like this before. Granted, I’d never been in a situation like this before, but there was something different about her.
I felt like I could actually trust her, and that was huge. Add in the fact she considered me her hero, and I was done for. I wasn’t dumb though. I knew I was all she had, but it still affected me. It made me wish for something more between us, more for myself, and that was unsettling. Wishing for more wasn’t something I was familiar with. My world up until this point had been based on survival, not planning a future with a white picket fence.
“You’ve done some stuff for me to, you know?” I whispered into her hair.
“Like what?”
“I would’ve killed Jim, but then I heard you scream. You saved me from prison.” It was the truth.
“I’m so happy I could do that for you.” She looked up at me and scrunched her nose. “No offense, but you don’t strike me as someone who would’ve been okay with a girlfriend named Michael.”
“You must have been sarcastic. It’s coming out more and more,” I joked.
“You think?”
“Absolutely.” I brought her in tight for one more squeeze, then let her go and headed into the bathroom.
After we’d both dressed, I dropped Sophia off at the main house and followed Paco down to the first barn. I’d given her an extra hug right before turning into the main driveway. I’d wanted to reassure her, and I knew if anyone would’ve seen us hugging like that, they would have found it strange.
I wasn’t sure what to expect on the job, but I was excited nonetheless. I wanted to learn everything I could, to be reliable for them.
“Cal wants me to see what you know about mechanics before we start on the cattle. We’ve got a tractor that’s on its last leg.” Paco continued walking and talking a
t the same time. I could already tell he wasn’t a big talker, and that was okay with me. In fact, for me and Sophia, it was the best possible situation. The less he knew about us, the better.
“I used to work at a salvage yard. I don’t know much about tractors, but I can take a look.” I was eager to get started. I wasn’t sure how we’d gotten so lucky with meeting Cal and Tonya the way we did, but I intended on taking full advantage of the opportunity they were giving us.
Tonya met me at the door with a warm hug and a smile. “Coffee?”
“Sure.” I followed her into the kitchen and sat down at their refurbished wooden dining table.
“So, it seems you and Abe have been through quite a lot.”
“Yes, ma’am. It hasn’t been easy, but he takes good care of me.” I don’t know why I said that. I guess because it was as close to the truth as I could get.
“Not all brothers would take on that responsibility. You’re lucky to have him.”
“I know.” I knew looking away from her was going to be my downfall, but I wasn’t a good liar. I felt my screw-up as soon as I did it, but I couldn’t make myself look back at her. I wished Abe could be there, he would know exactly what to say or do.
“Sophia?”
“Yes?” I looked at her through my eyelashes.
“You know you can talk to me, right? I know we don’t know each other that well, but I’m a kick-ass listener.”
That was not what I wanted to hear. She was saying she knew something was off. My only option was to try and play it off. “I do feel like I can talk to you about anything. I’m just not that interesting.” I laughed, trying to lighten the mood.
She smiled at me, but it wasn’t an everything-is-awesome kind of smile. It was almost as if she was letting me know she’d let it slide because she knew I wasn’t ready to talk. It made me a little tense, but I tried to keep my composure.
“Thank you for giving us a place to stay.”
“You’re welcome. Cal and I love to help out wherever we can.”
“I’m glad we met you.” I didn’t look away from her that time. I meant every single word. They’d been a godsend for us, and I intended on repaying them someday. I didn’t know how, but I’d never forget the feeling I had our first night there, with a safe roof over our heads.
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