by Shaila Patel
“You know, Mrs. Kapadia, my great-great-grandmother was Indian, and my mum has been to India at least a half dozen times. I’ve been there three times myself.”
“Really?” Her tone told me she was more impressed than she would ever admit. I felt a cautious optimism. “You and your mummy-daddy must come over for an Indian dinner, hunh?”
“Thank you, we’d be honored.” He flashed his happy smile.
I could tell he was enjoying this little victory with Mom. I wanted to hug him for even trying to impress her. Regardless of how taken she seemed to be, I had no expectations she’d spare me a lecture about him later.
She turned her head to look upward, so I began my descent.
“Oh, I was just about to call you,” Mom said. “What took so long?”
“I, uh, wanted to check my homework to make sure it was all finished.”
She gave a little head bob of approval. “Okay then. Liam, wait. Wait one minute. Let me give you some sweets to take with you.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Kapadia. That’s very generous of you. Mum will be thrilled.”
She left for the kitchen, and Liam rushed to me, swallowing me whole with a kiss. I clung to him. How can I miss him so much my body aches? The tingling felt like being wrapped within a favorite blanket, and it brought tears to my eyes. His lips kissed them away.
He gazed into my eyes and lowered his voice. “Lucks, it kills me when you’re hurting.” His eyes were so different from what they’d been like with Mom. They’d softened with what looked like love and concern. He brushed my lashes with his thumbs. “Don’t cry, mo mhuirnín.”
I sniffed and plastered on a smile. “So. Not done with your homework, huh?” I put the book down and wrapped my arms around him and squeezed, feeling his heart pounding against my own chest. Our breathing deepened as the tingling reminded me I was at home in his arms. I listened for sounds from the kitchen to make sure Mom was still there.
“Let me see your eyes,” he whispered.
Mom spoke to him from the kitchen about the different sweets she was putting in a Tupperware container.
“Those sound delicious, Mrs. Kapadia.”
“Why’d you risk coming here?” I whispered.
He kissed my forehead. “Isn’t it obvious?”
It was.
It felt like I had a true place in his heart now, but a nagging reality distracted me. Which me did he have in his heart? I was two different people—Liam’s Lucky and Mom’s Laxshmi. I glanced toward the kitchen. She’d be coming out at any second, and I battled between which one to be.
The Tupperware snapped shut.
He gave me a heart-stopping smile. “The rainbows are cute.”
Oh crap. He was trying to be funny, to lighten the mood, but Mom would flip out if she saw me standing next to him dressed like I was. I dashed to a more modest position behind one of the apple-green, striped armchairs—because that was what Laxshmi would’ve done.
He faked a disappointed look. I dug my nails into the armchair. Fighting back tears, I mouthed, I’m sorry. I was sorry I couldn’t be Lucky for him all the time. I was sorry I hadn’t had faith in him earlier today.
Mom came out with the container of sweets, and we walked Liam to the door, me behind Mom.
“You be sure to tell your mummy she can stop by anytime.”
“I will, and thank you for the mithai.”
It shouldn’t have surprised me he knew the Indian word for sweets, but it did. Mom giggled again. Geez. He was such a suck-up, but I loved that it meant he tried.
“Thanks for the textbook, Laxshmi. I didn’t want to be unprepared. The assignment is on page 173, is that right?”
Huh? Page 173?
I caught myself before gasping out loud. He was quoting me poetry—in secret, and I had just threatened to kill him in my note. I recalled the last stanza of Thomas Moore’s poem.
But while I’ve thee before me,
With heart so warm and eyes so bright,
No clouds can linger o’er me,
That smile turns them all to light.
“Yes. 173.” I gave him the best smile I could muster because I wanted him to be happy too. I quickly turned to the door to avoid Mom seeing me. She stepped forward to release the latch to the screen door.
“Oh, wait one minute,” she said. “Let me tell you which sweets are which.”
He stepped into the doorway, his body blocking Mom’s view of me, and listened to her descriptions. I placed my hand on the small of his back, rubbing it with my thumb. Except for the deep breath he took, he didn’t budge. Did he feel the tingle when I touched him? It wasn’t the kind of thing I could blurt out without sounding foolish.
After her little tutorial, he shoved one of the sweets in his mouth. “Mmm, this one is really good,” he said, chewing.
“Oh, you like the penda. That’s Laxshmi’s favorite.” Luckily, it was one of the better sweets in there. I hated to think what would’ve happened if he popped a mohantal in his mouth. I would’ve gagged.
He kept her talking, asking about what kind of sweets she made, where the nearest Indian grocery store was, and if she liked Western cakes and pastries.
“Well, thanks again, Mrs. Kapadia.” He turned to me. “And thank you, Laxshmi, for the textbook. I don’t know what I’d have done if I couldn’t get this.”
“I’m glad you came, but, uh, you shouldn’t have worried over some stupid little problems—math problems, I mean.” I hoped he knew how much coming here really meant to me—to both Lucky and Laxshmi.
Mom opened the screen door, and he stepped through. “Well, I’d not have been able to sleep otherwise.”
“Lucky for you I was here.”
He held up the calculus book for Mom’s benefit. “Lucky … for me.” He put so much meaning behind his tone, I began to choke up. As he moved away, the rubber band snapped back, leaving the familiar pain in my chest.
I cleared my throat to keep the tears at bay and locked the door behind him. How could I ever doubt him after this?
“Such a nice boy. He told me his mummy’s from England and his daddy’s from Ireland. The English know how to raise children with manners. I’m sure Premlataben’s boy is like that too.”
What? Not Tejas again. I had to keep in my groan.
“I didn’t know Liam’s mom was English,” I said. “I figured she’d be Irish. Well, good night.” I climbed a few steps, hoping to get away before Liam’s charms wore off her.
“Laxshmi.”
Crap. I turned back to face her, trying not to let my racing heart change the pitch of my voice. “Yeah?”
“You should’ve worn a robe.”
I acted shocked, crossing my arms to cover myself. “Oh my God! I forgot. Sorry, Mummy.”
“Have you been talking to him?”
“Only in class when I have to.” I put on a why-would-I-bother-with-him look.
She stood there, trying to unravel my DNA, looking for my lies. “He’s a nice boy, but I don’t want you talking to him anywhere else, hunh? Just because he’s nice doesn’t mean anything. Sometimes boys are too nice. Understand?” Not even his smile could thaw her cynical heart.
“Mm-hmm.” Tears stung my eyes, and I looked down, pretending to be engrossed in pulling off a hangnail.
“Okay, good night, beta. Be sure to get your book back tomorrow.”
“I know, Mom.” I couldn’t make eye contact. Clenching my jaw tight, I fought the urge to scream. I casually walked back to my room.
I took out his watch from under my pillow and squeezed it to my heart. I’d wasted my time feeding my optimism. Mom was never going to change.
I made myself wait until seven-fifteen to leave the house and head to the corner where Liam and I met in the mornings. The sun had risen about a half hour ago, but it hadn’t woken the humidity yet. A few leaves broke free and drifted down in a light breeze.
Liam was already there, pacing. Wh
en he looked up, he gave me the most breathtaking smile. Every muscle froze in place, except for my heart. It was trying to rip through my chest because I could feel how happy he was. How is this possible? It had to be another hallucination.
Or was there truth to the whole empath thing?
Right—aliens and empaths. Should I believe in vampires and werewolves now too? I was simply responding to his smile. He looked happy. I was just imagining the rest.
I practically floated over to Liam. He placed my bag next to his at the base of the tree and wrapped me in the most soul-comforting hug. Admitting I was in love brought on a whole new level of complication, but it didn’t feel wrong. We stood there for several minutes. I could’ve stayed there for days.
“I missed you yesterday too,” he said, referring to my note, no doubt. “I needed to see you and feel that you were all right.” He pulled back, cupped my face, and stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. His eyes did that softening thing again. “Doing better today?”
“I thought I was … until I saw you.”
His thumbs paused their stroking. “Right—what did I do wrong?”
I let out a laugh. “No, no, no, I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I was overwhelmed by you, that’s all. I feel like I’m going crazy.” I rubbed my forehead.
“I’m overwhelming you, am I?” His eyes danced. “Don’t I just know the feeling. And how is it exactly that I’m overwhelming you?”
I snorted. “Like I’d tell you.”
He leaned back against the tree trunk, pulling me with him. I laid my hand on his chest, feeling his heartbeat. We were laughing in each other’s arms in no time, and the morning seemed to come alive.
He rested his forehead against mine. “So what’s making you think you’ve gone mental?”
Will my craziness scare him away? Somehow, I didn’t think so, but I’d leave the word “empath” out just in case. Besides, it was probably like being a hypochondriac. I needed to explain my hallucinations, and reading about empaths fit my symptoms. But who wanted to admit they’d diagnosed themselves with an imaginary “condition” off the Internet?
I shrugged. “Have you ever imagined what it would be like to feel someone else’s emotions?”
“Oh, mo mhuirnín, you’d be more than surprised.” He caressed my face. “I’m always wanting to know what you’re feeling.”
I conjured up another hallucination and moaned. “See, you feel like a warm breeze coming off the ocean, blowing through my hair, brushing my skin … ”
“Poetic.” He brought his lips to mine, speaking between kisses. “You’re amazing. Sandstorms and now warm breezes.”
“Sandstorms?”
A cyclist rode by, reminding me we were out in the open. Crap.
Liam pushed off the tree but kept his arm around me. “I’ll tell you soon enough, yeah? Let’s head on.”
Just like that, I was okay with waiting to hear the secret without a time limit. Fear and doubt didn’t pollute my heart and mind anymore. It was like the breeze made me feel loved and safe in Liam’s arms, even if it was just in my head. I trusted he’d always be there for me—even if I wouldn’t let him—like last night. He’d been determined to be by my side, and he’d found a way. What more could I ask for?
Wishful thinking or not, it was too hard to fight it. Maybe this was the first step to a psychotic break, but what did I care? I was addicted to this feeling, and I only hoped he’d soon feel the same way about me.
I made a conscious choice right then. I chose Liam. Despite Mom, despite my culture, despite the fear of what the secret would bring. I couldn’t let anyone control this decision but me—and wasn’t that what I’d wanted? To make my own choices?
It was much easier to believe he could read my expressions than to believe in aliens and empaths, so I let my eyes tell him what I was too chicken to say out loud—I love you, Liam.
His face lit up, and his breathing quickened. “Damn, Lucky.” He spun me around and consumed my mouth in a knee-buckling, stomach-clenching kiss. Will my hormones ever calm down around him?
The tingling surged forward, mapping out my body like it was trying to stake its claim, but I didn’t care.
CHAPTER 29
Liam
At lunch, I dragged Lucky out to the benches to make her tell me exactly what had happened yesterday with the cheerleaders. She’d skillfully dodged making mention of it all morning, conveniently distracting me with a brush of her arm, her scent when she’d lean in close, or a smile that’d make me forget what I’d been after. Her no-touching policy seemed more like a way to tease me, especially this morning. We were at the benches, stealing what private moments we could, when she broke out with one of her playful rhymes.
“You smell so good, simply divine. Lucky for me, I know you’re all mine.”
Whether she’d admit it to herself or not, at least a deep part of her was trusting and accepting me. Sensing her love for me for the first time this morning … there weren’t enough words in any language to describe the feeling. I’d never felt an emotion so pure. It felt like seeing an HD picture for the first time.
Lucky and I were moving forward again, but I still wanted to hear what rumors these cheerleaders were spreading. I’d had a hard enough time earning Lucky’s trust. I couldn’t let their lies be destroying what gains I’d made.
She’d been picking at the last of her green beans, so I collected our recyclable containers and threw them in the green bin. I joined her back on the bench. “Is it done that you are, ducking having a word with me over what was said yesterday?”
She sighed, brought up her knees, and wrapped her arms around them. “Do you know your English gets all backwards when you get all serious?”
I crossed my arms and tried not to laugh.
“Fine.” She turned her face to me, resting her cheek against her knees. “It’s just awkward. I mean, how would you like to share your innermost insecurities? It’s not easy.”
I sensed a deep vulnerability that was echoed in her eyes. “You know, Lucky, I, uh … was so nervous about coming over last night, my hands were clammy and my heart was racing. I know your Mum will never think I’m good enough.” The memory alone of having to face her Mum brought back the feeling. I wiped my hands on my shorts. “I’ll never be her first choice, will I? If—when you tell her about me, she’d be disappointed at the very least, and I know it’ll end with causing you heartache. I can’t help but wonder if one day you’d regret being with me because of your mum. How’s that for having insecurities?”
Tears shone in her eyes. She uncoiled her body and climbed into my lap, locking her arms around my neck. “I’d never let her win like that, Liam.” She sniffed. “I won’t.”
Waves of her determination buffeted me from every direction. She straightened and took a deep breath. I stroked her cheeks while she gathered her courage. The tingling was gentle and soothing. When she finally opened up, she told me everything the two cheerleaders had said. Her pain soon turned into whirlpools, but she managed to push away the hurt and clear her mind. She’d been getting better at controlling the onslaught of chaos overwhelming her. I only hoped this transition period of hers wouldn’t be lasting too much longer.
“So, that’s why I stayed away from you yesterday. I believed what they’d said about you at first. I was confused … and then ashamed.”
“They’re jealous of you, and your gorgeous eyes refuse to see that. It was nothing but lies they were giving you.” I traced her lips and watched her relax. I never wanted to stop touching her.
She met my gaze and nodded. “I know that now.”
“So there’s something more important we should be talking about,” I said. “Like what those shorts of yours were doing to me heart last night? Jaysus, Lucky. I was struggling to pay attention to your mum, and later, you had me dreaming of your legs all night.” I groaned, hoping to lighten the mood.
She threw her head back, laughing, and washed me i
n the bubbly surf of her happiness. “I was surprised my mom didn’t burn them after you left.”
Lucky began projecting her love for me again, so I sent her my love back, knowing she could sense it. She hummed and grabbed my face, kissing me soundly. She might not have known what it meant, but I knew it was making her happy.
We left the car park and headed for her theater class. I opened up my mind fully and surveyed the area with my enhanced vision to make sure nothing suspicious was about. Uncle Nigel hadn’t found out anything about the spy, and Mum hadn’t sensed or seen anyone lurking nearby. How Brennan had known I’d left home the other night was still a mystery. Considering Scarface didn’t seem the type Brennan would employ, I’d wager he’d been hired by Gagliardi. There had to be someone else watching us.
“What are you lost in thought about?” Lucky asked.
I was resting my arm over her shoulder, and we had our fingers laced together. The no-touching ban was long forgotten, I hoped, and it was none too soon for me. Her touch was like a balm, soothing the frayed edges of my growing need to keep her safe.
“You,” I answered.
“God, you’re such a suck-up. Last night was a revelation, you know. ‘Thank you for the mithai.’”
“You liked that, yeah? Sucking up was a survival skill I learned ages ago—especially getting into trouble like I did.”
We stepped through the inner doors, and a blast of cold air greeted us along with a crowd in the hallway. Jack was waiting by the auditorium doors. He knew I’d been spending time with Lucky, and his suspicion was never far from his heart.
“Hey, Jack.” Lucky gave him a smile. “What’s up?”
“You tell me.” His shoulders squared, and every instinct in me had me wanting to push Lucky behind me. Jack put his hands on his hips. “Shiney just told me what happened yesterday. Why didn’t you say something?”