by Karly Lane
‘He didn’t come. It’s just me.’
Her father studied her silently for a few moments. ‘Oh well, maybe next visit then.’
And there it was, the gaping difference between her family and the Kincaids. No judgement, no pressure. Just acceptance that when she wanted to tell him more, he’d be there to listen. How could she have ever hoped to get used to the disapproving, criticising ways of her husband’s family?
‘Come on, let’s see if Mum’s back yet,’ her dad said, leading her from the shed. ‘I could use a break.’
They were just boiling the kettle for a cup of tea when Rilee heard her mother’s car pull up outside.
‘My baby’s home,’ Shelly said as Rilee met her at the front door.
‘Hi, Mum,’ she said, muffled against her mother’s long hair.
‘I’m so happy you’re here. Where’s Dan?’
‘He isn’t here.’
‘Oh.’ Her mother glanced across at Rilee’s father briefly.
‘It’s just me…I wanted to come home for a visit. It’s been so busy with the clinic and…’ A sob cut off further conversation, and she saw her parents exchange worried frowns. ‘I’m okay, really. Everything’s fine.’
‘Well, that’s a relief,’ her father said drolly. ‘Usually when someone bursts into tears, it’s a bad sign.’
Rilee waved a hand in front of her face and fought to regain her composure.
‘How about you tell us what’s happened? You’ll feel better once you get it off your chest. David,’ her mother said, looking up, ‘make up a pot of chamomile, passionflower and skullcap and maybe throw in some holy basil.’
Rilee began crying harder. It was so nice to be home and be taken care of.
‘Better double the usual dose,’ her mother added over her shoulder, rubbing Rilee’s back reassuringly.
With a steaming cup between her hands, Rilee began to relax as she started talking about everything that had happened over the last two days, beginning with the cattle and ending with the phone calls about the school presentation. ‘I know this community centre would be a good thing for the town. Those kids need help, but everything I do gets met with resistance. Why can they see I’m trying to help?’
‘It sounds like they’re afraid of change. Maybe you just went at it a little too fast for their comfort,’ her father suggested.
‘Too fast? I’m supposed to sit on my hands and patiently wait until they’re all comfortable with the idea, while in the meantime, kids are putting their health and futures at risk?’
‘No, of course not, but small towns are tricky places to navigate when you first move to one. You think we haven’t had our fair share of moments? Admittedly in this area we’re not that unusual, but we were still outsiders for a long time.’
‘What does Dan say about all of this?’ her mother asked.
‘Dan’s not saying much of anything. He’s angry and I can’t work out if it’s because he’s sick of being in the middle of his mother and his wife, or if he regrets marrying me. He wants me to give up on it all, just sit at home and be the perfect little wife who does as she’s told and stays out of trouble.’
‘Are you sure we’re talking about the same Dan here? I highly doubt he’d have ever mistaken you for the docile type,’ her mother said dryly.
‘He refuses to talk about it. Which shouldn’t surprise me considering the entire family spends most of their lives not discussing anything.’
‘People handle things in different ways,’ her father said.
‘That’s just it,’ she said, looking at her parents. ‘They’re so different to anything I’ve ever had to deal with. They’re like another species.’
Rilee’s mother laughed and shook her head. ‘Come on now, we raised a more open-minded daughter than this.’
‘I’ve tried, Mum. I really have.’
‘Well, you’re not a quitter either, so it looks like you’re going to have to keep trying. Dan’s going through a lot right now and he’s going to need you.’
‘How am I supposed to help him if he won’t even listen to me?’
‘There are some things you can’t force, Rilee,’ her mother said gently. ‘You’re just going to have to be patient and let him find the time and words to explain it. But it’s going to be hard to do while you’re all the way over here and he’s back there.’
‘I know,’ she sighed miserably. ‘I’m not running away from it.’ She saw her parents’ knowing smiles and gave a grimace of one back. ‘Okay, so maybe a little bit, but it feels like they’re all pushing me away. I’m hurt too and it doesn’t seem to count for anything. It gets lonely when people keep telling you that you don’t fit into their world.’
‘I suspect Dan’s stubbornness isn’t really about your cause. I think he was worried about you, and he reacted out of fear. And you don’t have to fit into their world,’ her mother said. ‘You have to find your place in it. And yes, it takes time and patience to become accepted, but it will come.’
‘I don’t know, Mum,’ she said, fighting the return of tears. ‘No one wants me there and I’m not sure Dan and I are strong enough to survive this. How can he ask me to give up on something that’s become so important to me?’
‘A man who wanted to marry you as badly as Dan did is not the kind of man who would throw it all away over something like this. His family’s going through a tough time right now, he just needs some time to think things through,’ her mother said calmly as she topped up Rilee’s mug.
Rilee let out a long, slow breath. It was so good to be in a place where she felt only love and acceptance, rather than cool hostility. She knew she’d made the right decision in coming back.
It was funny how sometimes it took going home to put things back into perspective. All the next day Rilee and her mother worked side by side out in the fields tending the herbs, and the combination of physical labour and sunshine did wonders to restore her spirit. She filled her mother in on life at Thumb Creek and her clinic, as well as the fallout from the high school talk.
‘The people don’t sound very welcoming. Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s better you left,’ her mother commented after Rilee had exhausted herself, relaying practically every bad experience she’d had in town, but her mother’s comment made Rilee hesitate.
‘Well…at first they were a little standoffish,’ she said, remembering back to her first encounters with Pru and Shaz, but then other people came to mind. Edna and Shae; the mailman was always friendly when he dropped in the mail to the usually empty clinic. Actually, there were lots of friendly faces, the more she thought on it; she didn’t always know their names, but they smiled or gave her a wave when she passed them down the street. ‘Not all of them are like that. I mean, the abusive phone calls and vandalism weren’t exactly welcoming, but that was just a knee-jerk reaction.’ Not to mention having a ringleader like Priscilla making trouble.
‘Really? Hmm,’ her mother said, patting the soil firmly back around the base of a plant. ‘I guess I must have got the wrong impression then,’ she said, looking up and smiling at her daughter.
Rilee had a feeling she’d just been the subject of reverse psychology. Well played, Mother, she thought as she watched her stand up and dust off her hands.
When she’d left Pallaburra, she’d felt like an outsider, relieved to escape a place where she clearly didn’t fit in. But after talking about it, she began to realise just how much she missed not only Dan but her life at Thumb Creek in general.
When had that happened?
Forty
Late that afternoon Rilee waved her mother off, happy to finish weeding the remaining rows of figwort. The tranquillity of the afternoon shadows falling across the paddocks was her favourite part of the day. There was something incredibly soul-cleansing about having her hands in the cool, fertile soil and listening to the stillness that surrounded her. Even so, she missed the noisy kookaburras that sent out a riotous chorus in the tall gum trees behind the cottage each afternoon
. A wave of longing washed over her.
By the time she’d reached the end of the row, the shadows had crept across the valley and it was growing cool. Rilee sighed as she got to her feet, taking one last long breath before turning away from the sun as it sank behind the mountains.
When she reached the house, her mother looked up and smiled. ‘You had a phone call a few minutes ago.’
‘Oh?’ She tried to remain nonchalant but, judging from her mother’s knowing look, she didn’t think she was too successful.
‘Go call your husband.’
Rilee picked up the phone and closed her eyes. Her stomach was doing flipflops and her hands had begun to sweat. ‘This is ridiculous,’ she muttered, quickly scrolling through her numbers and pressing call before she could talk herself out of it. On the fourth ring she heard Dan’s familiar deep voice and her mouth went dry.
‘Hi…it’s me. Mum said you called,’ she added, hating the way she sounded so stilted when all she wanted was to throw her arms around him and bury her head against his chest.
‘She said you were outside.’
‘How have you been?’ Rilee asked, and felt like groaning. Had it really come to them having to resort to small talk as a substitute for actual conversation?
‘Pretty crappy actually. You left without telling me.’
‘You weren’t exactly in the mood to talk, if you recall.’
‘I didn’t expect you to just pack up and leave.’
‘I left a note telling you where I was going.’
She could imagine how that strong jaw she’d caressed countless times would be clenched tightly now, and she ached to be there to reach up and caress it now.
‘I came home and you’d gone,’ he said finally. ‘Do you have any idea how worried I was?’
His abrupt tone made her feel like a five year old getting a lecture and the brief moment of tenderness was gone. ‘It took you two days to realise I was gone? Maybe if you’d stopped sulking and come home earlier, you’d have found out sooner.’
‘I did come home, the day you left, I just haven’t known what I was going to say when I called you.’
‘So I take it this is you ready to talk now?’ she asked, with a hint of snarkiness in her tone.
‘I didn’t expect you to hightail it back to your parents’ place.’
‘I didn’t expect you to do that either. And I certainly didn’t expect you to take your mother’s side over mine. I guess we’ve both learned to live with disappointment.’
There was an angry silence on the end of the phone and Rilee felt the fight leave her in a rush. She hated this. Why couldn’t they go back to the way they were before? How did they end up here? ‘I needed a few days away to clear my head. I said I’d be back in a day or two, it was all there in the note,’ she finally said, feeling miserable.
‘I wasn’t sure you were. I wasn’t sure of anything.’
Rilee was fed up with going in circles. ‘I know you’ve been under a lot of stress lately with the business, your dad being sick and trying to handle the property alone, but that’s no excuse for the way you treated me. What happened to the man who supported my career and wanted me as a partner in his business? Was it all an act? I mean, you clearly didn’t want to listen to anything I had to say about buying the bull, and then you practically forbade me to continue with the community centre and showed no interest in my floundering business. Just how much did you think I could take before I’d had enough?’
She heard a harsh breath being let out on the other end of the phone. ‘I know I acted like a jerk. I didn’t mean to take it out on you, but you’ve got to understand, Ri. All this stuff about encouraging kids to get abortions—’
‘I never did that! That’s what your mother and the rest of the ignorant troublemakers in town said I was doing. I tried to tell you this before, the morning-after pill is not the same as an abortion! It stops the pregnancy from ever happening. It’s got nothing to do with getting rid of a baby that’s already conceived.’
‘Yeah,’ he sighed. ‘I know. I had a visit from Lisa and she explained it…with a few more swear words than you. I realise now that it’s not the same thing.’
She could imagine the small twist of his lips that usually accompanied the rueful tone he was using now.
‘This whole crusade you’ve been on,’ he said as the silence stretched. ‘It scared me, Ri. You’re stirring up people and I was worried. Someone smashed your window—what if things got really out of hand, what if something happened to you? Is your safety worth the risk?’
‘I seriously don’t think my safety is at risk. Not compared to the risk kids will continue to take if something isn’t done. No fifteen-year-old is ready for the responsibility of a baby. Access to contraception and keeping them in school has to be better than living with the consequences of an unwanted child. And if they make the choice to keep the baby, they need support to parent and help to continue their education.’
She heard his small grunt of acknowledgement on the other end. ‘It’s just going to take some time for people to come to terms with.’
There it was again. Time. ‘How much time are they going to need? How long before you can be proud of what your wife is trying to do to help the community you and your parents value so damn much?’ she snapped. ‘I understand why you were upset, but what I don’t understand is how you could just shut me out and listen to everyone except me. I’m supposed to be your wife, Dan!’
‘You are my wife, Rilee,’ he said tightly.
‘Then why the hell do you continue to take your family’s side on everything?’
‘Because you know what my mother’s like—she can be a pain in the arse when she wants to be,’ he sighed.
‘Then it’s time you showed her that being a pain in the arse is not acceptable. I appreciate that you love your family and I can even learn to accept living right next door, to them, I really can. But until we all reach some kind of understanding, and set some boundaries, I’m not sure I want to go back there. It’s not fair that I’m expected to be the one who has to compromise all the time. You and I need to be able to live our own lives, Dan, without her approval or interference.’
‘My parents and I work together, Ri,’ he said irritably. ‘You can’t just shut them out of everything we do.’
‘I’m not asking you to, all I’m asking is that there are boundaries. She doesn’t get to walk into our home as though it’s hers. She doesn’t get to command us to dinner. She needs to let go of the reins a little bit. She’s suffocating me.’
‘Fine,’ he sighed.
‘Don’t do that,’ Rilee said sadly.
‘Do what?’
‘Treat me like I’m an obnoxious child. I want to fit in with your family; I’ve tried so hard to do just that. I understood your mother had a right to be a bit annoyed by us getting married without telling anyone, but at some point she needs to let go of that. You and your father give in to her behaviour because it’s easier, but all it’s doing is driving a wedge between you and me. Do you always want to be stuck in the middle of your mother and your wife? That’s no way to live, Dan. We need to find a way to all coexist or we won’t make it.’
‘So you’re ready to give up?’
‘No. I want to fight for our marriage, but you have to be willing to back me up, not pat me on the head and side with your mother. I want them to love me, Dan, I want that so badly, but I won’t allow them to treat me like I don’t belong with you, that I’m not part of your family. And you shouldn’t let them.’
She heard Dan let out a long, weary sigh on the other end of the phone and closed her eyes. She was emotionally drained and heartsick. She missed him.
‘I guess I’ve been hoping things would just sort themselves out. I should have been paying more attention, but I got distracted with the cattle and then Dad’s illness…I know I let you down. I didn’t mean to, Ri. I’m sorry.’
Rilee bit the inside of her lip to stop the sting of tears falling. ‘I
guess this is the hard part of marriage everyone keeps going on about.’
‘Guess so,’ Dan agreed.
‘I want this to work, Dan. I love you so much.’
‘I love you too, Ri. Will you please come home?’ he asked and she heard his voice break slightly.
It took a moment for Rilee to swallow past the tightening of her throat. ‘I’ll leave first thing in the morning,’ she said quietly.
‘Okay.’
For a moment she thought he was going to say more, but when only silence followed, Rilee swallowed back her disappointment and said goodbye. It wasn’t a hallelujah moment, but it was the most promising conversation they’d managed in weeks. It was a start.
Forty-one
Later that night, Rilee lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. It was no use, she had to resign herself to the fact she wouldn’t be getting any sleep. Her mind kept replaying Dan’s call. She missed him so much. She was optimistic that she’d been able to get across her concerns. Well, she amended dryly, some of her concerns, Ellen was still a problem that needed to be sorted.
Her phone sprang to life on the bedside table, the loud ringtone piercing the stillness of the quiet night. She snatched it up quickly before it could wake her parents down the hall.
‘Rilee?’
For a moment Rilee was confused. She’d expected it to be Dan’s voice on the end of the line.
‘It’s Mark. There’s been an accident. It’s Dan.’
The flight to Sydney from Lismore had seemed to drag on forever, even though it had been only a little over an hour and a half. Her father had patted her hand and said plenty of reassuring words during the drive to the airport, but she’d barely been able to hear him. Her parents had offered to go with her, but there was only one seat remaining on the first flight out in the morning and she’d assured them she would be fine. She just needed to get to Dan’s side.
He’d rolled his ute over an embankment on his way back from town, only minutes after they’d spoken on the phone, and no one had found him until later that night when he hadn’t returned home. His father had gone out looking for him and stumbled upon Dan’s lights in the ditch before calling an ambulance. He’d been flown to Sydney by helicopter, his injuries too extensive for the regional hospital.