I square my shoulders, ready for his verbal attack.
“Firstly, if I’m the father, I sure as fuck get a say. And I say that we at least discuss our options.” I’m left shaking my head at his presumptuousness as he continues. “And secondly, this lifestyle is a fit environment for children. I was raised in this environment, you snobby bitch. So were most of my family and friends, and we are good people. We look after our own, and not one of us would dream of killing an innocent child, accident or not, just because it might interfere with our precious career.”
“Fuck you, Lucas. The people in your shitty Club break the law every damn day. You kill people, for Christ’s sake. Don’t pull the good people card with me. I may be a snobby bitch, but I’m well within my rights to have a perfectly legal abortion without telling you. I want to keep my career, and I don’t want to be tied to this club for the rest of my life. A club that I was kidnapped because of, in case you’ve already forgotten.”
“I haven’t fucking forgotten, Juliette, and I’m sorry that happened to you. But it pisses me off that you’re just thinking about yourself, like usual.”
“I’m not,” I argue. I know this affects him as well. That’s why I was dealing with the problem without involving him. “We barely know each other. We can’t have a child together—”
“Just go home,” Lucas demands, cutting me off.
His rage fills the room again, sucking the air out of the atmosphere.
“I’ll ask one of the Prospects to drive you. I don’t have the time to make you understand how fucking unfair you’re being right now. I’ve got other shit to deal with. We’ll talk about this tomorrow. I’ll meet you at the hospital before you start work.”
Rising to his feet, he wraps one hand around the top of my arm and pulls me toward the door. Wrenching my arm from his hold, I make my own way out the door, and into the hallway.
As we head for the front bar, I stay quiet. I’m shocked and hurt that he can’t see my point of view.
Honestly, this wasn’t how I imagined our reunion would go when he asked me to wait for him earlier today. I’d expected some grovelling for what happened, and many heartfelt apologies on his Club’s behalf. Maybe even a final fuck before we cut our losses, if that’s what I’d decided after talking to him. I definitely hadn’t expected a huge argument about my potential pregnancy and my desire to have a termination.
Walking into the loud bar, I’m ambushed first by Lucas’s parents, who offer their congratulations on our baby, and then by the rest of his Club. They all crowd around us, slapping Lucas on the back and picking me up in bear hugs. His mother has tears in her eyes, and even Conan’s eyes are suspiciously bright.
A foreign sensation overwhelms me, and I feel like crying when I recognize what it is.
This is what having a loving family feels like. My own family would never greet the news of an unexpected pregnancy with such welcoming arms. News like this would become an occasion marred by comments about how I’m ruining my life, wrecking my career, following in my birth mother’s footsteps, and that I’m repaying them for all they’ve done for me by bringing shame to the Patrice name by having a bastard.
Thoughts of my family immediately dampen my growing enthusiasm, my reasons for not wanting to continue with this pregnancy returning to the forefront of my mind.
Any happiness that was left dies, when I spot Maddi and Mad Dog standing back from the celebrations. They don’t look happy for us.
I eyeball Maddi angrily, but she dismisses me with a bitchier than usual eye roll, concentrating her gaze instead on Lucas. Her eyes are full of sympathy and worry, her lips curling in a small smile when he acknowledges her with a sorrow-filled wink.
“That’s enough, people. Nothing’s certain yet, so calm the fuck down.” Mad Dog steps forward, breaking up the gathering. “Let them through.”
“Thank you,” I whisper as he follows Lucas and me outside.
He bestows a curt nod in my direction, his hand holding Maddi’s as we walk toward the parking area.
After her dismissal, I’ve decided that I’m pretending Maddi doesn’t exist.
As far as I’m concerned she’s broken girl code tonight; a grievous offense that’s punishable by deathly silence for now until eternity. All she’s done is cause unnecessary trouble between the pair of us for no reason. Lucas knowing I’m pregnant isn’t going to change my mind.
“Can you drop her home, Mad Dog?” Lucas asks, his flat voice breaking through my heated thoughts of revenge.
“What about the other shit?”
“It’ll wait. Gotta round up Beast first. We’ll do it when you get back.”
I feel as if they’re talking in a foreign language over my head.
Maddi, of course, is nodding away as if she understands what they’re talking about.
“Won’t hurt those fuckers to hang around for a while anyway.” Mad Dog smiles.
His smile is full of nasty, violent undertones that send a shiver down my spine.
“Yeah, we can drive her home for you. Can’t we?” He turns to Maddi as he agrees, but I cut off her response. I do not want to be stuck in a car with her.
“Why can’t you take me, Lucas? I’m sure Mad Dog has better things to do?”
“I need some fucking space, that’s why. I’ll see you in the morning. Don’t bloody well do anything until then.” His curt words wound me.
I stare at his broad back as he walks away from me without giving me the chance to argue.
We all stare after him, the silence becoming awkward and strained. My stomach churns, with agitation and worry, not the usual queasiness I’ve come to expect.
I need to get out of here.
With waves of animosity rolling off her, Maddi continues ignoring me as she presses a kiss on Mad Dog’s lips. “I’ll look after him. You take JJ home. Hurry back, hot stuff.”
She slaps him on the ass before she walks away, sashaying her hips in an over-exaggerated catwalk stride that makes Mad Dog chuckle loudly.
“You’re gonna pay for that, Angel.”
“I’m hoping so—” She laughs as she closes the door behind her.
I truly hate her at this moment.
***
Silence is a powerful tool.
My father is a master of using it to break people down. He wields it like a sword, cutting through your confidence in your own decision-making and your ability to withstand his demands, saying more with silence than he typically does with words. I thought I’d grown pretty immune to its effects after a lifetime of dealing with him.
Ten minutes trapped in a silent car with Mad Dog, however, and I’m ready to throw myself out of the moving vehicle to escape his potent, unvoiced disapproval of me.
“Who told the Club that I might be pregnant?”
I don’t know why I chose that question to break the suffocating silence.
Antagonizing this scary man doesn’t seem like the most sensible course of action.
Flicking the indicator off as he completes his lane change, the silence drags on until he turns to me and regards me with stony eyes.
“Mama C overheard Lainey trying to calm Timber down after she told him. We tried to stop her telling anyone else, but the woman was too fucking excited.”
I sniff at the mention of Maddi. If she’d kept her mouth shut, she wouldn’t have needed to calm him down.
Although his apparently negative reaction confuses me. If he’s upset about having a baby, why doesn’t he just let me deal with it instead of demanding we discuss our options?
“So he doesn’t want it either?” I ask the question out loud, not expecting an answer from Mad Dog, more so addressing the universe.
“Why would you say that?”
Mad Dog pulls into the guest parking at my condo. I was too far in my own head to realize that I hadn’t given him directions to my house.
“How do you know where I live?”
He only shrugs in response, ignoring me as we exit the c
ar, trailing behind me as I traverse the garden path that leads to my front door.
When I get there, I remember that I don’t have keys to get in.
I didn’t exactly leave willingly last night.
“Let me.” Mad Dog motions for me to step back. I don’t see how he does it, but seconds later my front door swings open, and he motions me inside. “Wait here. I’ll check everything’s clear.”
“Whatever,” I mumble at his back as he heads into the dark depths of my house.
Minutes later my entire home is lit up, every light brightening the place.
Walking into the living room, I’m surprised to see a new coffee table.
The room smells of fresh paint as well.
“What happened?”
“Timber lost his shit when he found out you were missing. He fucked up some of your stuff, but he made sure the Prospects fixed it for you. He also got them to fix the back window that was broken. I think he expected you to spend the night with him because he’s got Kid coming tomorrow to install an alarm system that he can monitor from the Club for you.”
Dismay runs through me at his words.
I can’t believe Lucas went to all this effort for me. I want to ring him and thank him, but at the same time I want to stay as far away from him as I can. The care he’s taken to put my home back together overwhelms me, driving home his points about being a good person, and his Club being a suitable environment for raising a child.
I begin to grasp how much they would love and care for our baby, considering this is the lengths they go to for me—a near stranger—just because I’m important to Lucas.
“There’s also a new phone on your dining table.” Mad Dog pulls me from my daydreams of Lucas playing with a baby girl, as his parents and I watch on. “Timber had a Prospect get you a new one. He made sure you kept the same number.”
I nod and head for the kitchen.
Sure enough, there’s a new phone on the table. It’s protected by a blinged-out, bright purple cover that’s better than my original, much-beloved, but battered one.
Picking it up and turning it over in my hands, I laugh at how perfect the phone and cover are. I couldn’t have picked better myself. Lucas organized the exact phone I’ve been talking about upgrading to in the near future.
“Dane wasn’t impressed with his instructions to find a purple phone cover, but he did it.” Mad Dog laughs when he tells me about the reaction of the cocky Prospect ordered to get me a phone. I can imagine his unhappy response, having seen him strutting around the club like he’s the man.
“He wants the baby, JJ. Something fucking fierce.”
I flinch at his words. He doesn’t pull any punches.
I don’t want to discuss this with Mad Dog.
Turning my back on him, I throw the phone back onto the dining table, and head for the living room. Lowering myself into my comfy recliner, I switch on my TV.
Sound fills the room, and I increase the volume until it’s loud enough to make conversation uncomfortable.
Here’s hoping Mad Dog can take a hint.
“Thanks for driving me home. You can go now.”
I’m beginning to learn that Mad Dog does what he wants.
Rather than leaving as I requested, he perches on my couch, pulling the remote from my hand, and lowering the sound. After that, he stares at me until I’m squirming under the intensity.
“I don’t know you. You don’t know me. But I believe you care for Timber almost as much as I do.”
I inhale a sharp breath at his declaration, keeping my eyes fixed on the screen even though I’m blind to what’s occurring in front of me.
“He’s been down this road before. It nearly broke him last time. You fuck him over this time, and I’m afraid we won’t be able to salvage a fucking thing. We barely stopped him from imploding back then.”
He’s got my attention now, my head pivoting toward him without thought.
I wait for him to continue.
He doesn’t, instead regarding me with measuring eyes.
“What are you saying, Mad Dog? That Lucas has a child already?”
“No, but only because shit went down. It’s not my place to tell you the full story. Fuck—he’ll kill me for telling you this much.” He pushes to his feet, running his hand through his hair as he looks down at me. He continues sizing me up with his shrewd eyes, uncertain if he can trust me with Lucas’s past.
“I love him,” I tell him. I need to confess my feelings before they drown me, and he might be the one person who understands. “But I’m not in love with his lifestyle. And I don’t understand his love for your Club. It’s too dangerous.”
“It is,” he agrees without argument. “But not all the time. You’ve joined us in the middle of shit we didn’t see coming. It won’t always be like this.”
I wish I could believe him, but I don’t.
The entire premise of living outside of society’s rules is in itself inherently dangerous.
It’s basic common sense to appreciate that civilization functions better with rules that everyone follows and understands.
The Black Shamrocks, and clubs like them, have their own rules that I don’t understand.
“It’s not just that,” I continue. “I don’t think I want to be a mother. Then on top of all that, my parents are going to disown me. They’ll never accept my relationship with a biker. They’ll never speak to me again. The hospital could make me choose him or my career. Damn it, do none of you realize what I stand to lose if I give in to Lucas?”
I can’t keep my confusion and desperation from my voice.
It’s embarrassing, but Mad Dog shrugs as if what I’ve just confessed is nothing.
“Have you thought about what you’ll gain if you stop fighting him? He loves you—it’s pretty fucking obvious to everyone with eyes. You just said you love him, but I bet you haven’t said it to each other yet.” His eyes run over my face, laughing when he reads my expression. “I’m fucking right. Fuck. You two make me and Lainey look rational.”
I watch him bend at the waist, laughing loudly. I’m glad he finds this so funny.
Personally I find little amusement in the situation.
“Are you going to help me, or laugh at me?” I snap at him.
“I’m capable of doing both.” He chuckles again before falling quiet. His expression sobers as he speaks, his eyes earnest but hard. “Nah, seriously, though. What I tell you now is gonna get my head knocked off my fucking shoulders, so use it wisely. This isn’t common knowledge around the Club.”
Damn. This sounds much more serious than I expected.
Swallowing hard, I remember Maddi’s accusation that I was mainly using Lucas for sex. I press my lips together when the bottom one begins trembling at the sadness flowing through me.
I have a lot to make up to him.
“Timber’s had one girlfriend in his life.”
My eyebrows fly toward my hairline at his statement.
“It’s true, JJ. Don’t get me wrong—he’s fucked plenty of women, but he’s only had one relationship.” He drags in a deep breath, letting it leave his mouth slowly. “Amy was one of the many girls who hung around the club back when we were in our early twenties. She was hot, but stuck up. Wouldn’t give any of us the time of day. Always acted like she was above all of us.”
I ignore his pointed look when he emphasizes his last sentence. It’s been mortifying to learn what they all think of me over the last twenty-four hours, but there’s nothing I can do to change their perception now.
“I think she enjoyed a walk on the wild side. Typical upper-class rebellion. She was there for nearly every party with her friends. We were still Prospects back then, and she was unattainable, hot pussy, even though her friends were easy as fuck. Now, I couldn’t be fucked chasing skirt when I had so much thrown at me, so she didn’t interest me. But Timber, he’s different. Pickier. You know what he’s like. He’s a thinker.”
I nod in agreement with
his evaluation of Lucas.
“He chased her, and eventually she gave in. Only after he’d taken her on dates, met her parents and friends. All that romantic shit.” His lips lift at his mention of romantic shit, and I wonder why he finds that so funny. “She wouldn’t let him tell anyone that he was a biker, but he didn’t care. He thought he was in love. He had their life mapped out. She’d become his Old Lady. They’d get married. Have a heap of kids. Shit like that.”
This insight into Lucas is fascinating, yet saddening.
His strong reaction to my many comments about how stupid I think it is that his Club claims their women as if they’re possessions, and my refusal to introduce him to my family and friends makes sense now.
He wants the things I keep denying him.
“What happened?” I prompt.
My need to know everything is burning through me. Flames of curiosity lick at me, taunting my fragile emotions as the story stirs my jealousy.
“She fell pregnant. I mean, it was a fucking accident, but they were happy about it. Everyone was. Timber was gonna propose after she had the baby. I thought he was fucking mad. Her parents thought he was at university with her. He was living a fucking lie. They didn’t know he was a biker, and she wanted to keep it that way.”
My heart lurches at his words. The vital organ skips an actual beat.
Despair settles over me like a cloak, indecision trying to choke me. My stomach churns, my hands cradling it without thought. Mad Dog looks down at me as I sit in my recliner, holding my belly.
Raising an eyebrow, he smirks. “Looks like there’s hope for you after all.”
I’m desperate for him to continue his story about Lucas, but his smug insinuation that I’m changing my mind about keeping the baby stokes my previously forgotten ire. My mouth drops open as my angry rebuttal makes its way to the tip of my tongue. The commencement of my tirade is halted when loud knocking on my front door erupts.
“JJ. Mad Dog. Open up. NOW!”
I haven’t even pushed myself to my feet before Mad Dog has pulled my front door open, and is ushering in a helmeted Lucas and Maddi. Stepping out of Lucas’s arms, she pulls the helmet from her head, giving me a glimpse of tears streaming down her face as she throws herself into Mad Dog’s waiting arms. The helmet clatters to the floor near my feet as I come to a stop near them.
Making Choices (Black Shamrocks MC Book 2) Page 15