Taking the wet cloth from his hands when he begins to wipe himself clean, I return the favor. I clean every trace of blood from him, concentrating on removing the evidence of his violent tendencies. When Lucas’s breathing begins to speed up, I glance down and watch his cock as it thickens and lengthens. Lifting my eyes to his, my heart skips a beat at his lust-filled gaze.
He’s as turned on by this as I am.
Opening my legs, I wrap one around his hip and use it to lead him between them. Gripping his erection with two hands, I guide him into me, sliding my ass closer to the edge of the countertop as I watch him disappear into my body.
Pulling his mouth to mine, I wrap my hands around his neck and kiss him. Our tongues tease each other for a few moments until Lucas takes charge, plunging his tongue into my mouth in sync with the thrusting of his cock.
I hold tight, arms around his neck, legs hugging his hips when he stands straight and lifts me into the air. His hands gripping my ass, he lifts me up and down over his cock, my wet heat engulfing him as he drives as far into me as he can.
My climax approaches at an embarrassing pace and I try to tamp down on it.
I want to wait for Lucas to get close, so we can orgasm together but my arousal refuses to subside.
“Don’t you dare,” Lucas grunts. “Let it happen, Doll.”
Throwing me back onto the bench, he grabs my hips with one hand and thrusts into me harder. Pinching my left nipple between his fingertips, he groans when I clench around his cock in response to the lick of pain his touch elicits.
“That’s it, Doll. Go with it.”
Shifting his hips so he can watch his cock vanish into my pussy with each stroke, I’m mesmerized by the desire I find in his darkening eyes. My orgasm hits me when he brings his fingers down on my clit, not once, not twice, but three times with a stinging slap that sends me over the edge.
“Oh, Timber.” My pulsing inner muscles grip him tight, my thighs shaking as I ride the crest. Seconds later he pounds into me, the cadence of his strokes lost as his own release consumes him.
Arms holding him to me as tight as I can, I pant as I come down from my high. His erratic breathing slows as he finishes coming. I giggle when he sucks the ticklish spot on my neck, burying his face into it shortly after.
“Never gonna get used to that,” he rasps. “Fucking devil woman with a magic pussy.”
I laugh at him. “My pussy has nothing on your brilliant cock, Lucas.”
Grinning at me, he grabs the discarded wet cloth and cleans us both again—throwing it on the pile of clothes waiting to be burned when he’s done. Opening the cupboard under the stairwell, he tosses me a Black Shamrocks T-shirt. I slide it over my head, and watch as he follows suit with a second T-shirt as well as a pair of jeans. I don’t want to acknowledge why he has clean clothes stored down here, the thought not sitting well with me that he does what he did to those other men today often enough to make it worthwhile to keep a second wardrobe in easy reach.
“You ready to get out of here?” Lucas holds out his hand.
“More than ready.”
LUCAS
Present Day
Pushing the door to my room shut with my booted foot, I check to make sure I haven’t woken JJ. She was asleep when I left to take care of Club business hours ago. I hope like fuck she doesn’t even know I was gone. Maddi’s questions have been hard enough to evade, without dragging JJ into the shit as well.
It was fucking close with her today in the bunker. Too fucking close if I’m honest with myself. I thought she was going to walk when she saw what I’d done to the fuckers down there. Mad Dog had warned me about bringing her into it, but with the cops watching Doc, we didn’t have much of a choice. We needed to hand the other motherfuckers back alive.
I have no remorse for anything I’ve done—I’d do it again in a heartbeat. You don’t fuck with my Club, my woman, and my best friends’ without expecting bloody repercussions. Like I told her when she lost it—that’s how our world is run.
Tit for fucking tat.
I may lack remorse, and be unwilling to apologize for any of my actions, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t kill me watching part of her soul die this afternoon when she realized she’s in love with a killer.
When she realized that she’s okay with me being a killer.
Hanging my cut on the back of the door, I pull my shirt over my head and kick off my jeans and boots. Every muscle aches; my body is close to collapsing. I need some serious fucking sleep before it’s time to get back into crisis mode.
Delivering Cam and his men back to the Mavericks took longer than expected. Wizard’s death has left lingering bad blood, but they know as well as we do, that an alliance between the Clubs’ is better than war. They can’t declare war over the murder of a President who kidnapped two Old Ladies and attempted to rape one of them. If they want back in the outlaw fold, they need to start following the governing covenants.
We hold the final say regarding their return, and they know it. It’s a good position for the Shamrocks to be in.
Once he’s healed, Cam will step up as President of the Mavericks of Mayhem, just like Wizard wanted. He knows we have him where we want him—they’ll kill him if we ever let it be known that he spilled his guts about Wizard and Beast’s under-the-table deal and the location of the body. Doesn’t matter how much pain was inflicted before he opened his mouth, he’ll still be branded a rat, and dealt with according to their Club law.
One problem down, three big fuckers still to go.
With the Mavericks sorted, we still need to dig up Brendan’s body and get rid of it without the ever-present eyes of the cops watching us. Then we need to get his politician father off our back. Problem number three is the easiest to deal with. I fully expect that fucking Connor will be meeting the reaper tomorrow after a vote in Chapel. The Black Shamrocks don’t take rats too kindly—something Beast will be learning in the near future if this plays out like I think it will.
Expelling all thoughts of Beast and his fuck-ups from my head since I’m sick of thinking about them, I crawl into bed behind JJ. Pulling her back to my chest, I lay my hands on her belly, cradling its slight roundness in my hands—the fullness I hadn’t even noticed until Maddi told me she might be pregnant.
The little sigh she makes at my touch hits me right in the chest. Even in her sleep, she gives me more affection than I’m capable of giving her.
Fuck. I’m gonna be a dad.
In five short months, if the test her friend yesterday is accurate.
And the ultrasound later today?
Fuck knows if I’ll even be able to make it with all of the shit going down.
I’m of two minds about it. It’s already making me pick at the edge of the scabs left by Amy and her shit.
Another ultrasound, another kid to fall in love with.
And if it turns to shit? Another kid I won’t get to know.
Thoughts of Amy and the kid we were going to have choke me. My eyes prick, so I bury my face in the sweet-smelling spot on JJ’s neck.
Breathing deeply, I remind myself that she’s not Amy. She’s already stood up to her parents—which is more than Amy ever did.
She also made the choice to keep the baby without me pushing her too much.
That has to mean something?
“Penny for your thoughts, Lucas?” JJ’s quiet voice scares the shit out of me, and I flinch like a little bitch. Rolling over in my arms, she presses kisses against my chest.
I can’t answer her. These bullshit tears will fall if I try.
“You’re shaking,” she breathes her worried words against my shoulder. “What’s wrong? Did someone get hurt while you were gone?”
Fuck. She knows I was gone.
Shaking my head hoping it will shut her up, I clench my jaw to make the tears go away. It makes my teeth hurt, but they still won’t fuck off. I am not going to cry.
I didn’t cry back then.
I’m not fucking
crying about it now.
Sitting up, she switches on the bedside lamp before I can stop her, shock widening her eyes when she sees my expression.
“Lucas, talk to me, please. You’re scaring me.”
Shaking my head again, I knock her onto her back before she can question me. Crawling over her, I wrap my hand around her neck, squeezing tight. Wrenching her legs apart, I thrust two fingers into her. She makes that little sound that lets me know she’s becoming aroused, even if she’s not all the way there yet.
Fucking her with my fingers, I take my frustrations out on her body. I don’t want to cry like a fucking girl anymore—instead, I’m hard as a rock and ready to fuck. Biting her nipple, I squeeze her throat tighter when she starts screaming hoarsely from the pain of my teeth. Using my superior size, I force my hips between her thighs and jam my cock into her. Her back arches when I fill her with the first thrust.
Pumping into her, my eyes roll back in my head when she clenches tight around me, her pussy trying to draw me further into her delectable little body.
Her fingernails drawing blood on the back of my hand brings me back down to earth. My eyes fly open when she scratches my chest. She’s not enjoying this, she’s fighting with every bit of strength she has. Trying to dislodge me as she fights to breathe.
Letting go of her throat, I pull out of her body in a rush.
“Fuck, JJ.”
Coughing as she holds her neck, she scrambles away from me. She’s scared of me—her eyes wide, the pupils dilated.
“Doll, I’m fucking sorry. I didn’t realize.” I grab her ankle to pull her back to me, but she kicks my hand.
“Stay away from me. You’re crazy. You tried to kill me.”
My heart leaps into my mouth at her accusation.
“No.” I deny it even as my mind runs back over what just happened, not sure I’m telling the truth.
I didn’t intend to hurt her; I merely needed an outlet for my pain.
I didn’t want to talk about Amy.
I didn’t want to cry in front of her.
I didn’t want her to know how fucked up I am.
“Juliette.” I hold my hands in the air. “Come here. Please. Let me make sure you’re okay.”
Shaking her head, she pulls the covers against her chest, hiding her body from me.
Her eyes fill with tears—her broken heart spilling down her cheeks, smashing my heart to smithereens with it.
“Take me home. I don’t want you anymore.”
That’s it. The words that break me. The ones I’ve been waiting for since the first time I admitted to myself she was so much more than somewhere to stick my hard dick.
“No,” I say again, my voice breaking. The tears I fought off before return, this time twice as bad. There’s no way I can stop them.
Crawling over to her, I take every blow she directs my way until I’ve wrapped myself around her. I pull her arms around my neck, and sit her on my lap facing me, her legs around my waist.
Holding her to me, my body shakes as the sorrow I’ve held inside for eight years erupts from my eyes. Nestling my face in the soft spot where her pulse beats in her throat, I cry.
I cry for the baby who never made it into this world, cruelly denied life by the person who should have loved it the most.
The baby I never got to know because I didn’t fight hard enough for it.
Most of all, I cry for the woman who I hate with every part of me. The woman who killed that baby when she sat in her expensive car, in her fancy fucking garage, and breathed the carbon monoxide that filled the air until she died, taking our child with her.
“You need to talk about it, Lucas. Let me in. Please?”
Shame floods me. I shouldn’t be putting this on her, not after what I just did to her.
“Don’t get mad again, but Mad Dog’s told me most of it.” Her body stiffens as she waits for me to lash out. Her fear makes me feel like an absolute cunt.
It’s going to take a long time to fix what I did tonight.
“Doll, I fucking guarantee you he didn’t tell you most of it.”
She shrugs, not believing me. I know he didn’t tell her most of it because he told me what he told her so I was prepared. He told her most of the bullshit version that everyone but him, Maddi, and my parents believe.
“Tell me all of it, then. I love you. I want to help you.”
Rearranging her, I lean against the wall with my woman cradled to my chest. I wipe my sticky face with my free hand.
Fuck this crying shit. A bloody headache pounds behind my eyes, just enough to piss me off, yet nowhere near as painful as the ache gripping my chest. It’s feels like my heart can’t take a full beat, it’s being squeezed tight in a vice of pain and regret that restricts it movements.
“Mad Dog told you about me and Amy. How she didn’t want her parents to know she was dating a biker? That she said I was a university student with her?”
Nodding, she threads her fingers through mine.
“Well, when she fell pregnant, I cracked the shits with her constant lies. Went around to their fancy house while she was at university. Told them the truth. That I was a Black Shamrock. That I always would be. That I loved their daughter, and that we were going to be parents. Up until that moment, I’d gotten on well with her dad. I thought telling him the truth wouldn’t change anything. I was a fucking idiot.”
Closing my eyes, I remember the feeling of planting my fist in his face after he called me a loser, a no-good piece of shit.
“We had a fight, and he called the cops on me. He was a big-shot property developer. I was a prospect in an outlaw MC, so I got locked up for assault. They took out a restraining order that kept me away from their house—and Amy. I wasn’t allowed within one hundred meters of her. Not that she wanted to see me. She was pissed. Had one of her friends deliver a message saying that I was only a bet that got out of control. That she never loved me.”
The sharp intake of breath JJ takes tells me everything I need to know about her feelings for me. She might have said she was done with me, but she’s not.
She’s hurting for me. Squeezing her hand, I kiss her ear.
“I’m so fucking sorry I hurt you. I’m fucked up.”
“Aren’t we all?” She sniffles, and I rock her for a few seconds. I toy with the idea of not finishing my story, but I push forward. I’ll tell her once so she goes into this with her eyes open, but that’s it. Never again.
“I didn’t believe her. I’m not stupid. I know when a woman’s into me. Anyway, I kept chasing her. Going to the campus. Trying to go to the doctor’s appointments. Kept getting arrested for breaking the restraining order. My parents were ready to kill me. They didn’t know how to help. Dad spoke to Beast, and he took me under his wing. Taught me how to channel my anger into other people’s pain. Once I had an outlet, I calmed down a bit.”
Thinking back over some of the shit Beast taught me fucks with my head. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that the man who mentored me, molded me into the biker I am today, has fucked everything up so epically.
Knowing I’m getting to the fucked-up part, I run my fingers through JJ’s smooth red locks. Her hair feels like the softest silk between my fingers, calming me enough to continue.
“She let me go to the eighteen-week ultrasound. It was the first time I saw the baby. We couldn’t tell, for sure, whether it was a boy or girl because they couldn’t get the right angle. The doc said he thought it was a boy, but he couldn’t be sure until the next scan. I just knew it was a boy. I said I wanted to name him Kaden Quinn. Kaden after my brother who died, and Quinn for my pop. Amy seemed to like it. Everything felt right, you know? We were getting along, laughing together. I felt good. She even let me have a picture.”
Shrugging, I try not to think about how I felt that day. About the plans for the future that I’d starting making the moment I saw his little arms and legs kicking around inside of her.
“She had paperwork. Adoption pape
rwork. Her parents wanted her to give the kid up when it was born. I said I’d take him if she didn’t want him but that wasn’t good enough. We fought about it, and she ended up running out of the doctor’s office to her parents. They’d been waiting in the car for her. The only reason I was allowed to be at the appointment was to sign the papers. When I refused, they had me arrested again.”
“Oh, Lucas. I’m so sorry.” Snuggling into me, her arms pulling me close, it feels like she’s trying to absorb my pain for me.
“Doll, you might wanna save that sympathy. It’s gets fucking worse.”
“God. I don’t know if I want to know, anymore.”
“Too late to back out now.” I laugh at her stricken expression. Not with humor, but because she looks how I feel; shell shocked, and uncertain about going on. “When my parents bailed me out, I told them what happened. Dad took me to a lawyer, and we tried to fight for custody. Her parents were worried about me wanting their money. I didn’t give a fuck about their money. I just wanted my kid.”
She nods, understanding in her eyes. She’s finally getting why I freaked out the other night about her getting rid of our kid.
“I know how much pressure I was under, so I can’t imagine what it was like for Amy. She was pregnant, trying the finish her last year of university. Her parents were assholes, but back then I didn’t care. She was my enemy. I hated her. I still hate her.”
“Damn, Lucas. That’s harsh. She might have stopped you from seeing your child, but I can see it from her point of view. I know what it’s like to have parents like hers. Since you didn’t sign the adoption papers, surely you’ve been able to see your child since it was born?”
When she defends Amy, my temper sparks, and then burst into flames. Gigantic licks of flames that try to burn me alive.
Not again.
I thought JJ understood me?
Jumping from the bed, I move toward the door. I need to get away from her.
Instead of leaving through it like I thought I was going to, I punch it. My fist leaves a hole, but it’s not enough. Pounding the door over and over until it swings open, I rip it off its hinges and break it over my knee, throwing the pieces on the ground.
Making Choices (Black Shamrocks MC Book 2) Page 25