“No. Do you want me to?”
She looks up at me. “I don’t know.”
I walk over to her and remove the hair tie from her messy bun. Long dark hair falls in waves over her shoulders. I take a piece between my fingers and twist it around. “It doesn’t matter what they think.”
“I wish I could feel that way.” She sighs, and her eyes meet mine. “Are you mad at me for wanting to keep us a secret?
I want to tell her no, but a part of me hates that we’re keeping it from Ryder. He’s the only one who I think deserves to know.
Her head falls. “That’s what I thought.”
“I’m not ... mad. I’m just ...” I let go of her hair and take a step back, running a hand through my own. “I love you. And I just wish the world could know that.” That gets me a soft smile, and I kiss her on her forehead. “I gotta get going.”
CHAPTER TEN
BECCA
I lie on my bed, looking at that damn yellow comforter still wadded up in the corner. I went online after Jaycent left earlier and bought a new one. Dark purple with white sheets to go with it. I also bought a rug to match and a throw blanket. My room needs some color. Any color besides yellow. I sat on my bed for a few hours doing research about what all I needed in order to open my business when my cell rings. I smile when I see it’s Margaret, Ashlyn’s mother.
“Hello?” I say, pushing the laptop away and lying down.
“Hello, Becca,” she says excitedly. “How are things going in New York?”
I go to say great, but then I remember what happened last night. That my ex almost killed my best friend. “Is everything okay?” she asks, her voice now worried.
I sit up. “Yes,” I say quickly, not wanting her to worry. “Everything is great. How are you doing?” I ask, trying to avoid talking about me.
“Everything is ... quiet here.” She sighs heavily. “I sure miss you girls.”
I smile at those words. Ashlyn’s parents have been there more for me than mine ever were. “I spoke to Ashlyn this morning,” she says.
“How did that go?” I ask.
“Well, I was surprised,” she says slowly.
I frown. “Surprised about what?”
“She’s dating Julian.” I smile as she uses my brother’s first name. He’s always gone by Ryder for as long as I can remember. My parents named him after my uncle, but they had a big falling out after my grandfather died, and we haven’t spoken to them since. My mother still calls him Julian, though, but I think it’s just to piss my dad off.
“Yes, they are,” I tell her. “They’re happy.”
“And you? Are you happy? Did you and Conner make up?” she asks curiously.
“No. He’s long gone,” I tell her. I’ll never answer another call or text from him again. Never! I should have walked away from him years ago, but I didn’t. I wasn’t strong enough, but now, he doesn’t deserve anything after what he did to Ashlyn. He can burn in hell for all I care.
“And you’re okay with that?”
“I am,” I say, smiling. “I’m okay without him.” I bite my bottom lip. “I’m actually seeing someone.”
“Oh, honey that’s great,” she says excitedly. “I hope he’s treating you right.”
I nod to myself. “He is. He’s amazing.”
“I’m so glad both of my girls are happy.”
Her words make my chest tight and my heart swell. She treats me as if I’m her daughter. And although I love it, I just wish my mother would treat me like that. “Although I don’t think Ashlyn wanted me to know about her new relationship.”
I laugh because I know there’s no way Ashlyn willingly told her that. She had to have found out another way, so I ask. “How did you find out?”
“She sent a picture of the two of them in our family group chat, and I called her,” she states.
I laugh harder. That sounds more like it.
“I feel it’s a little more serious than she let on.” She adds.
“Most likely.”
She sighs. “I just wish I was there to take you girls to lunch today.” I hear her sniff, and my chest tightens. “I keep pretending you guys are still here in Seattle. Just really busy.”
“You know we’d never be too busy to see you guys,” I tell her honestly. We did something with them at least three times a week. We would have movie night, bowling night, and relaxing nights. It’s sad that those nights, lying around their house in my pjs, are my favorite memories of college.
“That’s what makes it so hard,” she says softly.
“We’ll come back soon,” I say, but in all honesty, I’m not sure when that will happen.
“Well, until then, I’ll just have to settle for talking to you both every day,” she says, and I smile.
We say our goodbyes and hang up. I lie back down on my bed and send Ashlyn a quick text.
Me: I hope you have a great first day at work. Call me on your lunch break.
Then I pull up Jaycent’s number on my phone. I go to text him but remember he had a meeting this morning. I drop my phone on my chest and look up at the bright white lights hanging from my ceiling. He told me that he had a meeting on-site this afternoon as well. If I got up now and jumped in the shower, I could surprise him for lunch.
I sit up, and biting my bottom lip, I wonder if that’s a good idea. And that’s when I realize even if it’s not, I’m still gonna do it. Because I would love it if he surprised me with lunch.
Around noon, I walked out of our apartment dressed in a pair of black shorts, a red top, and black heels. I all but jumped when I saw two men standing there with their backs to me on either side of our front door. They don’t speak to me, just grunt and nod. Very mysterious. Even I’m afraid of them, and they’re supposed to be protecting us.
I walk out of the building and onto the streets of Manhattan. The horns blare, and the people rush around. Always in a hurry. This town is competitive. Something always needs to get done. To grow.
I toss my purse over my shoulder. “Ms. O’Kane,” a doorman says, nodding his head. “Need a car?” he asks.
“Yes, please.”
He whistles loudly and raises his hand. A yellow taxi cab pulls up to the curb immediately. “Thank you,” I say, climbing into the back seat.
“Where to, Miss?” the man asks with a thick accent.
“Fifth Avenue please.”
You can never be in a rush when living in this town. Not unless you plan on running to where you need to go. Otherwise, you’re gonna be sitting in traffic for a very long time. Grandmas in wheelchairs will pass you on the sidewalks.
We very slowly drive down Fifth Avenue as I look around aimlessly for the little black Ferrari. I spot it parked next to the curb and point at it. “Drop me off right there.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Thank you,” I say as the cab pulls up behind it. I hand him the cash and get out, looking over the empty lot before me. The building that was once there is now in rubble. Machines and cranes sit motionless without crew members. I smile, spotting Jaycent standing with his back toward me. He’s wearing a black pair of slacks and a white button up. It’s hot outside, so his sleeves are rolled up, exposing his forearms, and his hands are in the pockets of his slacks. Another man I don’t know stands beside him. He’s dressed in blue jeans, a bright yellow shirt, and a green hard hat. He gestures with his hands to the property. Mr. Hahn’s runs across the top of the brick building in large white letters.
I walk up to him and wait for him to finish his conversation with the man next to him. “When will everything be cleared?” I hear Jaycent ask.
“Two weeks, maybe three.”
Jaycent sighs. “It was already supposed to done.”
“I know, but we have run into some complications.” He spreads his hands out wide, gesturing to the rubble and construction equipment.
“Then you can explain that to Mr. O’Kane,” Jaycent snaps.
“I spoke to him earlier today and told
him it would take longer than we had originally planned.”
“And what did he tell you?” Jaycent demands. The man hangs his head, not wanting to answer. “That’s what I thought,” Jaycent adds.
The man turns around and spots me standing here. His brown eyes narrow on me in question. I give him a nervous smile since I just got caught listening to their conversation. “Can I help you, ma’am?” he asks.
I go to open my mouth when Jaycent spins around to see who he is talking to. “Babe? What are you doing here?” he asks in surprise and then takes a quick look around me as if to see if I’m alone.
“I thought I’d come and see if you wanted to get lunch?” I ask, looking back and forth between them.
He removes his hands from his slacks and starts walking toward me, smiling. “I’d love to.”
I smile in relief; I didn’t want to be one of those girls who is too clingy. Conner made me feel that way often. Jaycent comes up to me and hugs me and then leans down, giving me a soft kiss on my lips. “When will you be ready to go?” I ask as he pulls away.
He looks at the guy and orders, “Get it done, Fredrick. On time.”
Placing his hand on my back, he guides me over to the shiny black Ferrari that sits parked on the street. He opens his passenger side door for me, and I fall into his warm black leather seat, heated from the sun through the windshield. He makes his way around the car and climbs in behind the steering wheel. “You look beautiful today,” he says, pulling into traffic.
I smile and look away from him, embarrassed that my cheeks redden from his words. I love how they make me feel special. “Having problems with the property?” I ask, trying to make small talk. I don’t know why, but he makes me nervous when he tells me I’m pretty.
He nods. “Your brother purchased Hahn’s restaurant—”
“I loved that place,” I say, interrupting him. Wonder what they will turn it into?
“Yeah, well, they were going bankrupt, and O’Kane’s Investment bought them out. Your father came to me long before the deal was even closed and said he wanted me to draw out plans for a hotel in its place.” I’m not surprised.
“Will a hotel fit there?” I ask. It didn’t look very wide, but it was pretty deep.
“The one I design will.” He looks over at me and gives me a cocky smirk with a wink. I laugh at how playful he is. I never had this with Conner. In the beginning, I did, but it didn’t take long to disappear. “Anyway, now the project manager and superintendent on the job are telling me that we have to push back demolition due to the removal of asbestos. And your father is ...”
“Gonna be pissed,” I finish his sentence.
“Yep.”
A car begins to merge into our lane, and Jaycent slams on his brakes and honks his horn at them. “He didn’t even look. Fucker,” he calls out.
“So you still prefer to drive yourself around, huh?” I ask.
He chuckles. “Most of the time, yeah.”
He puts on his blinker and changes lanes. “I couldn’t do it,” I admit.
He gives me a side glance and a smile. “You never did have much patience when it came to driving.”
I gasp as if offended. “That is not true.” But it is. I always hated how I’d get mad so easily when driving anywhere. It got so bad that my father suggested I just use a driver. It helped a little.
He turns on his blinker and changes lanes again as the cars in front of us come to a stop. I take a look in the back seat and don’t find one. I laugh. “What’s so funny?” he asks.
“Just glad you didn’t have this car that night of the graduation party.” I point at the back seat. “Not sure we could have done what we did in this front seat.”
He shakes his head, now laughing himself. “Yeah, that wouldn’t have been possible.” His eyes look over at me. “I’d have taken you on the hood,” he says with a smirk and winks at me again before placing his eyes back on the road.
My thighs tighten at the idea of him taking me on the hood of his car. How hot would that be ... I clear my throat. “Do you still like living outside town?”
“Yes,” he answers, that mischievous smirk he had now gone.
“You don’t mind the drive?” I ask
“I like my space.” He shrugs. “There are some very nice places in town, but I didn’t wanna give up a yard and a garage.”
“I know what you mean,” I mumble.
“You don’t like your apartment?” he asks.
“Not really.” I sigh.
He frowns as he brakes at a stoplight and turns to look at me. “Why did you buy it then?”
“I didn’t have much choice. My father called and told me he had bought it for me. What was I supposed to do? Say that’s nice but no thanks.”
“Yes. If that’s not where you want to live,” he says matter-of-factly.
I sigh. “That would make me sound ungrateful. And I’m not. I know he meant well.”
“You could move,” he offers.
“I could, but Ashlyn loves the place. She wants to be in the middle of Manhattan.” Just because she was upset with how much it costs doesn’t mean she hates it. She loves being in the middle of this beautiful city even if she won’t admit it.
“Ryder lives in the same building. I’m sure she’ll be moving in with him in no time.” His light brown eyes search mine for a long second, and then he adds, “You could always move in with me.”
I suck in a long breath at his words, and my heart picks up speed. “I, uh ...”
A horn blares behind us, and I jump in my seat. He looks up and sees the
light has turned green and punches the gas before shifting gears. I sit quietly in his passenger seat, my hand on my chest feeling my heart still pounding.
He just asked me to move in with him! Did he? Did he really mean it? I mean he didn’t say Becca move in with me. He said you could always move in with me. Like there’s a possibility. Maybe, in the future.
He comes to a stop and says, “Wait right here,” then he jumps out of the car. I finally take a deep breath as if I’ve been holding it. This isn’t happening. It can’t be. Things like this don’t happen to me.
I lean down and dig my phone out of my purse. I pull up Ashlyn’s number and go to press call but pause over it. I can’t tell her this. She doesn’t even know we’re sleeping together right now. And what if she panics, thinking I’m gonna move and kick her out? I can’t do that to her. I place my phone back and lean back in the seat. Running my hands through my hair, I take another deep, calming breath.
Calm down, Becca. You’re just overreacting. I’m not gonna move out of my apartment and in with Jaycent. But God, that would be the most amazing thing.
The car door opens, and he slides back in. “Got us lunch,” he announces as he hands me a brown paper bag.
“What’s this?” I ask as I take it from him.
“Burritos,” he says happily. “I got you a steak burrito.” I just stare at him, and his smile fades. “They used to be your favorite. Are they not anymore?”
I look out his driver side window and see the food truck that sells the best burritos in the world. God, I forgot how much I missed New York. “No, no. They are,” I assure him. “Just surprised you remember that,” I say softly, placing the bag on my lap.
“I remember everything about you, Becca.” Then without another word, he puts the car in gear and pulls back into traffic.
JAYCENT
I sit behind my desk while Becca is in my adjoined bathroom. We just finished eating, and I have to say it was awkward. She didn’t say much. She didn’t even seem very hungry. I scared her when I mentioned moving in with me. I saw it in her eyes. The way she looked at me as if I was joking. It was like she was waiting for me to take it back. I won’t. I meant it.
For four years, I’ve waited for her. And now that I have her, why would we take it slow? We’ve had sex. We said we love one another. Now what? I’ve only ever told one other woman I loved her, and that was Jasmin
e. And what I felt for her is nothing compared to this. Becca is my life. I want to make her my everything. Yes, I’m talking marriage and kids. And no, I don’t think I’ve lost my mind. I’ve finally found it.
I’m not the kind of guy who wastes his time on a woman I don’t envision a future with. Yes, I’ve had one-night stands and slept around. I’m not a saint, but that’s all I wanted from them. I also know a good thing when I see it. And Becca is that good thing. She’s the type of woman to make you feel lucky.
There’s a knock on my door, and I frown, but say, “Come in.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention when Mr. O’Kane comes
walking into my office dressed in a charcoal gray three-piece suit. Green eyes narrowed and lips thinned. “Hello, Jaycent.” His deep voice all but growls.
“Mr. O’Kane?” I ask standing. “What are you doing here?” I ask, looking from him to the closed bathroom door.
He frowns as if my greeting isn’t welcoming. It’s not. His daughter, who I just asked to move in with me, is ten feet from us. “I just got off the phone with Fredrick, and he said that you met him at the site today.”
I nod and swallow. I should have known he’d show up here. “I did. He said it would be a little longer.”
“And I told him that was unacceptable,” he says with a huff. “I was over by here and thought I would come up and go over the plans that you have drawn up...”
He stops midsentence as the bathroom door opens, and he turns his head to face it. “Babe, I ...” Becca steps out but comes to a quick stop when she spots him. “Dad?” she squeaks. “What are you doing here?” She looks at me wide-eyed, and I place my hands in the pockets of my slacks nervously. This is exactly what she didn’t want to happen, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.
Mr. O’Kane doesn’t look surprised in the least, but I know he’s good at keeping his emotions hidden. He would never act surprised because that would mean something was going on that he didn’t know about. And he hates to admit that. “Becca, your mother has been trying to get a hold of you,” he tells her.
She drops her head and places her hands behind her back. I grind my teeth at her submission. “I know,” she says softly.
Myself (Selfish Series, #2) Page 15