"Okay, let's hear it - what's going on there?" Shawn asked as he and Mundo set out for the day. He'd planned on making this day for Mundo anyway, so it was right on time.
"What's going on? Hmmm, I could be wrong - but I don't think I am, they fallin' for each other. You should see the difference in Crystal with him. Thing is, just in this short space of time, he plays more with them boys, than their own daddy did. I know, I was there. I'm not saying that Victor don't love'em - he do, you know what I'm saying, but'tah - he wasn't like that with'em. Maybe he was too tired from working, maybe it was because he and Crystal were arguing so much - I don't know."
"Did he ever play with them?"
"No, he'd hold'em - you know, change'em, stuff like that. Feed'em when Crystal was out, but maybe - it was because I was there. I was always playin' with'em the way you see Ben today, - that was mostly me. Maybe he got so used to me doing it - he didn't figure he needed to. I don't know man. But either way - them boys, they all over Ben now. This morning when they woke up, they didn't call out my name when they woke, they called for Ben."
Shawn whistled because he knew how close the boys were to Mundo. "Does that bother you?"
"A bit, I admit it, you know - can't help it, I love them boys man and I must say, they was always, uncle Mundo this, uncle Mundo that. Truth is though, they shouldn't be depending on me so much as they should they own daddy, but they were. They'd call me before him every time. When Crystal leave home, leaving them behind, they'd cry; when I'd leave the house, leaving them behind, they'd cry; when Victor leave the house, leaving them behind, it was, "Bye daddy - see you later."
"I see." Shawn registered that bit of information.
"So basically, as much as I hate to say this - what's happening with them boys, is uh - my man Victor's fault."
Shawn sat thinking that over a bit, he could care less about Victor and what he was losing, he was done with him as far as he was concerned, he'd cheated on Crystal and then broke her heart by moving forward with the divorce, unwilling to object. Hiding behind his mother and dragging his feet while dragging her behind him, waiting for him to come back to his family. Far as Shawn was concerned, good riddance. He saw a man being one way with his family, and that was putting them first, putting his wife first, her needs first and by doing so, the rest would be worked out. But leaving them was a no-no in his eyes, turning his back on them. As far as he was concerned, Deidre and his circumstances were different - he'd tried to get her to move away from her family - to relocate to Wisconsin. He'd warned her not to go through with the divorce - because she had done so - that had been it for him. Because she refused to disconnect from her so call family, with him trying to tell her how low and depraved they were - she trusted them over him - she chose them. By the time she came around to seeing them for what they really were, it had been too late to save their marriage and in fact, her late discovery had come at a great cost, whether directly or indirectly, she'd almost lost her life because of them.
No, his conscience was clear with his actions concerning his first marriage.
"Tell me something, straight up from the heart ... what do you think about Benjamin?"
"Straight up?"
"Yeah, straight up, no bullshit."
"No bullshit?"
"Between you and I - there should never be any bullshit - we don't need it."
Mundo nodded looking from his step-father to the streets they passed, "I know you for real, but I still have to think about that, because hey - he may be your son."
"What the fuck does that mean? He may be my son as in, because you're not? I know you didn't just sit there and pass me that bullshit?"
Mundo started laughing, "Man you a goddamn enigma for real dude, that ain't no lie. I hate to tell you this, but you ain't normal - you like - way outside the goddamn box."
"Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment. Now answer my question about Ben."
"Man, from so far as I can see - if he real - he straight. That's what it's all about. Only time can tell you if somebody real or fakin', know what I'm sayin'?"
"Yeah, I know what you're saying. Next question, should I be worried about Crystal?"
"Dad you know what - she a grown woman. Crystal gone do, whatever Crystal gone do. Ain't nothing you, nor I - nor mama can do to stop that. All I know is this, she not a dummy, but she is human and as we both know, she can be hurt and has been. So - whose to say what we should do to block it from happening again - if its gonna happen again, all we can do is talk to her, maybe warn her. If I know my mama, that's going on right now."
"Well - I'll be talking to Ben - again - I've done so once, I'll be doing so again."
"Okay hang on here, what if he is real? What if what we see, is what he's really about concerning Crystal, would they - as a couple be okay for you?"
"I want what's best for Crystal. If Ben is best for Crystal, then I'm all for it. If he's not what's best for her, and he hurts her, he'll be the next name added to my fuck the hell off list."
"Even if he's your son?"
"He's a grown man, he's already been raised by another man. If he's coming into this unit, he needs to bring something beneficial to it, otherwise, we don't need it."
"Damn man - blood supposed to be thicker than water."
"That's bullshit! That's the biggest line of bullshit on the planet. Blood didn't save Abel from Cain. Didn't stand for all the other shit scenarios where family has hurt or killed family. Didn't do shit for my first wife-..."
"Didn't mean shit to my father either - so I know what you sayin'." Mundo interrupted adding his thought to tip the scale.
"Thank you. So while I would never do him wrong, him being my son, does not give him card blanc to come into my family and start wreaking havoc. I will not have him hurting Crystal, period."
"Well, time will tell. Now, not to change the subject from Crystal, but uh, I need to ask, there's a Dj blast coming up tomorrow night, Ben said he'd go with me if you let us check it out, that okay?"
"Where is it?" Shawn asked. Mundo told him about the paper ad surrounding the big event and where it would be and of course Shawn had no choice but to consent to it, because he wasn't a little boy and it's what he was looking to do with his career. They went on to the record deals he found, bought a load of music that he was excited about, found some new equipment that Shawn couldn't resist him on, of course with a promise from him that he would be reimbursing him. They left the final place and picked up some rib tips and headed out to the coast because after their time together, Mundo had something else he wanted to talk to him about. It had been on his mind since his and Ben's talk on contraception and sex.
The day was beautiful, the sun was bright, making them both don shades as they sat with their legs hanging over the pier to eat and talk. The smell of the ocean was strong with waves softly rolling and lapping at the beach and rocks. People were milling about behind them - also there at the pier to enjoy the view of the ocean front. Seagulls calling over head, watching for the slightest discard of something that could be consumed.
"Jesse and I came here a lot. Sit, shoot the shit, toss bread, fries off the pier - watching them dive for the smallest scrap." Shawn chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood a bit. Since they stopped at the restaurant to pick up some food, Mundo had grown quiet. In fact, it was the first time since he'd known Mundo, that they'd gone out together, or spent time together, that he hadn't had him in stitches. Coming to that realization, Shawn knew that this was going to be heavy, whatever it was about.
They sat for at least a half an hour, quiet, neither speaking. With each moment that went by, Shawn grew more and more concerned. He turned to look at Mundo a few times, but Mundo wouldn't meet his eyes, kept his out towards the ocean, quietly watching the waves. Seeing him like that gripped Shawn so he could only wonder what weighed so heavily on him that it was taking him this long to bring it up. They were both leaning into the railing, their arms resting on the middle rails. Shawn was willing to wait as lo
ng as it took and then finally Mundo spoke,
"You promise to keep this between you and I?"
"Absolutely, that's something you never need worry over."
"In a way, I should keep it to myself, because well - it involves my mother, kind'ah."
Shawn knew then to brace himself, "Don't let that stop you, I can handle it."
"I just don't wanna upset you with what I say."
"This is about you Mundo ... not about me. I'm here for you. I can't be if there are limits to what you can tell me. What kind of father would I be to you if you have to fear telling me something that might upset me?"
Mundo looked at him then, "Sometimes - I can't believe you - you really - really care for us the way you do. Why?"
Shawn smiled, "Although I never said it, asked it - I wondered the same thing about Jesse. I couldn't believe that he really - really loved me. Even though everyday, he did things to show that he did, it just - never made sense that he did. I mean, I was a white boy. Arrogant, out to prove something, prideful. I was hard-headed too." Shawn chuckled thinking back, "Jesse used to say, a hard head leads to a good ass kicking." He shook it thinking back, "You know, he kicked my ass one time." Shawn admitted.
"Jesse?"
"Yep."
"Wow."
"For real, it's true. I deserved it. I ah, thought because I could fight so good, that I could handle him you know." Shawn laughed out then, "Man, he kicked my ass, and yet - he didn't really hurt me - not like he could have. He could have messed me up, my stupid ass. It is he, who finished off my training in fighting, in life. He was a Jim Kelly follower, wanted to one day come into the movies and be the, new Jim Kelly."
"Who is Jim Kelly?" Mundo asked.
"You are kidding me aren't you?"
"No, who is Jim Kelly?"
"Jeez you are young. He was one of the greatest black belts in Karate. Also an actor, black and in movies with Bruce Lee."
"Oh I know who Bruce Lee is."
"Then you should know who the hell Jim Kelly is. Jesse wanted to follow in his footsteps. Taught me to block and move, the most important thing about fighting - not getting hit. Anyway, that was just one of the many lessons he taught me, because he truly loved me and I couldn't believe that someone like him, gave a damn about me. After all, I was a white boy, belonging to a race of people responsible for years upon years of oppression to black men in the past, and still today." Shawn paused for thought, then looked at Mundo, "I did not come to grips, with the depth of what he felt for me, until the day he died protecting me. So, I understand where you're coming from."
Mundo nodded his head in understanding.
"I guess, Ben and I are in the same boat huh? Time will tell, right?" Shawn put in.
Mundo smiled, nodding again.
"So, have I put in enough time for you to trust me, with this? With what's on your mind?"
Mundo smiled, "Are you kidding, you my dad - right?"
"You damn right I am. So, come on, spill it."
"Let's see, how do I get this across to you?"
"What's the core of the topic?" Shawn asked.
Mundo sighed, looked at him and stated, "Sex."
"Oh shit - you're not gay are you?" Shawn asked worried.
"Hell naw! Man, come on - forget that! No no no no no - ain't shit in my closet like that, mm emp - man, I can't believe you thought that!"
"Well, now days, you never know."
"Man with that, no day, no time, no way - this negro here don't do gay!"
Shawn chuckled nervous and relieved, "Okay then, what else would it be?"
Mundo looked at him in reproach, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Ah come on, forgive me - I had to ask."
"You ain' have to ask that!"
"I'm sorry."
"You should be ... gay?! And uh, what if I was, then what?"
"That would take one helluva an adjustment for me, I'll be honest."
"You homophobic ain't you?"
"Nooo, not that bad." Shawn denied.
"Yeah you is, look at you turning all red." Mundo laughed, "It's okay, I won't tell yo' secret."
Shawn scratched his head, "Would you stop - I am not, now go on, we came here to talk about you, or - your problem." He grinned.
Mundo nodded, knowing he'd stalled enough. Trying to find the right words, he just dove in, "I'm having a hard time - gettin' to - well - that point - you know, of ah, having sex, with a girl." He finally got it out.
"What do you mean? Afraid to ask a girl?"
"Naw, my wrap is cool - and uh - there are girls that like me, you know - but ah - a few times when I tried - my ahhh - well - I go soft, know what I'm saying?"
"What? You mean you can't hold an erection?"
"Yeah, that."
"Are you feeling okay? Have you been to the doctor about it?"
"Naw, uh - if I - like - do myself, masturbate - I can go all the way. But if I mess with a girl, its gone."
Shawn sat staring at him a moment, "So you being a virgin - its not from choice."
"Naw ... it's just what I tell other people if it comes up."
Shawn sat a moment more staring at him, thinking and then asked, "You said - when we started, that it had something, kind'ah to do with your mother, is that so?"
Mundo looked down into the surf, then nodded.
"Tell me how?" Shawn asked.
It took him another few minutes to think about it, "Don't take this the wrong way, okay?"
"Okay."
"When ah, we get to kissin', and it starts to get heavy - I ah - hear my mother scream - in my head, nooo - nooo."
Shawn stared at him.
Mundo looked up at Shawn, "As far back as I can remember, I never once heard my father, make love to her, the way - you do. It never, sounded the same. Foreplay for them, was a fight, him calling her names, and then, dragging her off to bed. Crystal and I - we used to lay up at night, listening to them - sometimes it would happen, in the middle of the day, my mother trying to fight him off, crying - telling him no. And uh - I can't -... for some reason, I can't get that shit out'ah my head man - tell me how to get that shit - out'ah my head?" He pleaded with tears in his eyes.
Shawn grabbed him by the head, hugging him tightly.
"I just - wanna be - normal - like er'body else - you know?" He sniffed, needing to wipe his face.
Shawn turned him loose so that he could, although he kept his hand on his back, giving his neck a fatherly, squeeze, massage. "How many times, have you tried?"
"Three or four. I don't even try no more. Last time, before we met you. Went to this party, did a little drinking, not much - but I thought, it would help me you know? Not think about it. This girl, really good looking, she was all hot for me you know. We uh, went into the bedroom - was playing around - and uh, she got a little rough with me you know - so uh, I started getting rough back - and you know what - my shit - got harder than ever. It shocked me - scared me so bad, I couldn't go through with it. Not because I wasn't hard, but - because I felt like - I needed the - well - aggression - I needed for things to - get rough, like him. Man ... I think, I'm turning into my father-..."
"No you're not."
"I was there man - how can you explain it? She wanted it rough, and because of that, I was ready. I could'ah did it man, I wasn't even trying to get soft... it was like - just right... what the hell is that?"
"It doesn't make you like your father!" Shawn insisted.
"Then what does it make me man? You know what I feel like, fuckin' wolfman! Like every new moon, I'm changin' - I'm becoming this thing, that I hate. I can tell you right now - I swear before God in heaven, before I turn into him - I'll kill myself first." Mundo couldn't talk anymore. He leapt to his feet and started walking towards the Hummer.
Shawn sat staring as the distance grew between them.
"Godalmighty - bring that sonofabitch back to life - so I can kill him - this time."
Wisconsin...
Giving it some thought,
Jake decided not to put in a ten hour day, he'd started at five that morning and after talking to Vivian, thought, 8 hours was enough. He returned from lunch and informed his boss of his plans, letting him know he'd be in late the next morning - but would make it up working later. Considering all the overtime he would be putting in, he was let off with no argument. He'd thought about hitting the highway right after leaving work, straight on to Chicago, but didn't feel comfortable taking Shawn's bike there, besides, he needed a shower and wanted to show up nice and fresh. First however, he needed to check with his mom about the orders she made for the house and also, to get some money. Suddenly it occurred to him, he wasn't so broke, nor so dirt poor. It was a nice feeling.
"Mom! Where are you?" He called on his mobile right before pulling out of the lumber yard, feeling upbeat, sitting on the bike before starting it up.
"I'm at your house! They're setting the traps now, your lights are on, your water is on. You have a busted pipe in the basement which, is now flooded."
"What?! Great!"
"No worries, I had a feeling I should come over and check it and sure enough, I saw rats coming out of the kitchen door and knew. I've got a plumber out here who is draining it now and checking over your pipes. You appliances will be delivered to our house next week Wednesday; with all there is to do here, I thought they'd be safer there in the mobile garage until your kitchen is ready for them."
"Thanks mom, good idea."
"Son, I'm telling you now - you are going to have to get these rodents seen to, you're gonna scare my Vivian into a divorce before you're married. She's not used to roughing it."
"I know mom, that's why I had you call them out. Once the house has been gone through thoroughly by pest control, and I get to finding where they're getting in and fixing that, it'll be fine. Anyway, I'm getting off early to run down to Chicago, goin' to see my girl."
"Wooo hooo, listen at you, that's my boy! You get that girl and don't turn her loose."
"Ah yes, my mother - her very own cheer leader!"
Gert laughed, not at all ashamed, "Say what you will about me, I am not ashamed."
BOMAW 10-12 Page 30