Crystal looked up at her, "You sound like you're still in love with him?"
"Crystal, it's taken me a long time to accept that my marriage and life with him is over, a long time. But I have accepted it now. He loves your mother - he loves his life now and - I don't doubt for a moment, that he's already suffering for his past. I'm asking you, not to take what you know, and add to it."
They were both quiet a spell, thinking about it. Not satisfied with the nights events, Ben wanted to know, "What about your father? Mr. Wherrington? He gets to do what he did to Crystal and just - gets away with it?"
"I need you to leave this with me." She asked gently.
Crystal looked up, "He's threatened to tell about Shawn, can you make sure - he never says anything about his past? I don't care about what he did to me, I can take it - it's over. But - I don't want anyone, hurting Shawn. Hurting our family - we just got him - my mother's happy, we're happy - can you make sure he keeps his mouth shut?" Instead of her being turned away by what she'd found out, she understood him even more now - he was even more human - with flaws and mistakes. Once more, to be sure - they would talk, but for now - she needed to be certain, this whole matter ended that night.
"I assure you Crystal, my father will not be sharing that - with anyone else. I promise you that."
They both looked at Ben, they could see him steaming as he sat.
"Ben?" Crystal called his name. He looked at her, obviously angry. "This is bullshit! I did what I had to do, helping you lie about it - but - I don't like it! He talks so much about being a man! He should face up to his past and admit it - put it out there, stop trying to hide it! Because it only gives people like Mr. Wherrington, something to hold over his head! Our head! Your head! To keep you quiet! I should have broken his fuckin' jaw - so he wouldn't be getting away with it! In that, maybe I should be more like my father! Because right now, that bastard has no consequences to face for what he's done to you and I don't fuckin' like it!" Ben threw the limo door open and jumped out.
Charlie whistled shaking her head, "God, I love my job. And I thought my life was all about the drama - no sa', ya'll got me beat!"
"Charlie!?!" Deidre called her name exasperated.
"Sorry, sorry, let me shut up."
Crystal and Deidre sighed.
"I better go, calm him down and get home. If I know Shawn, he'll be looking for us."
"Call him, so he doesn't worry, let him know you guys are all right." Deidre instructed as Crystal went to step out of the limo. Ben was standing by the door, waiting for her. "I will, thank you Deidre, and - up until him - we did have a nice time. Nothing can take that part away."
"Good." Deidre smiled.
They were back in the limo, Ben was quiet, Crystal was on the phone with Shawn, "You have a good time? Everything okay?" Shawn asked.
"Yep, we're fine, we'll be home pretty soon, so you don't have to wait up for us, I know that's what you're doing."
Shawn smiled into the phone and yawned, "I guess I am kind of tired, long as everything is okay."
"Like I said, we're just fine, so go to bed, see you in the morning." Crystal finished.
"Okay, see you in the morning."
She clicked her phone off gazing at Ben across from her.
"You okay?" She asked.
"No, I'm not. I hate people like that! He's off to sleep the night away because he hasn't a worry in the world! Know why? Because I didn't knock thirty years of shit out of him! The police can't touch him, won't touch him, know why? Because he's one of the rich and famous, able to buy themselves out of everything! And we, you and I - can't even report what a low-life wad of shit, ground into our carpet he is! Why, because "our" dear daddy did porn!"
"He was young Ben when he did that, you heard her."
"All those years, he's been here - doing that!"
"Not all those years!" She defended Shawn.
"How do you know? Do you know him? Do I know him?"
"Yes! I know him, and regardless of his past, it's just that - it has nothing to do with us!"
"It does when someone like Oscar T Wherrington does what he has to you and we have to keep quiet or else he'll be ruined! Ruined because he's been lying all of these years about his so called L.A. success! I remember when I was a little boy and he used to call! I remember all the conversations about what he told everyone he was doing! Lies! All lies and now, his lies are keeping Mr Wherrington out of jail - which is where he should have gone tonight." Ben shook his head, thinking, "No wonder he's wound up so tight - must be hell living a lie."
"Get off of his case Ben." Crystal warned low.
Ben looked at her shaking his head, "You can still defend him after what happened tonight?"
"He didn't make Mr Wherrington the asshole that he is! What happened tonight was not his fault!"
"It was his fault we couldn't report the truth to the police! To protect him! Because of his living a lie."
"I guess you've never told a lie, huh Ben? Your life is just a perfect open book, huh? Why you would never be caught lying to anyone, would you? Nooo, not you! Gail tell you to have a good time with me tonight? Huh? Have you told her, that you love her, like you told me?"
Ben gulped. "Crystal ... you think I set out for this to happen?"
"You think Shawn set out to make the past that he has? Having a man like his father? And a son, holier than thou, like you?"
"I never claimed to be holier than thou."
"Then stop coming off that way! You are what you are because of your life and the directions it took you in. He is what he is because of the way his went. Quincy raised you - Mr McPherson raised him - that alone makes the two of you different."
He lifted his hand, his mouth partially open, needing to say something, but not sure what, he closed his mouth and let it drop.
They were pulling up in front of the condo. The car stopped. Not waiting, Crystal threw her door open to step out, unwilling to wait for anyone to open it for her, "Call your girlfriend, call Gail - and, leave me alone ... because I don't think people like us, Shawn, my family, are good enough for you."
"Crystal - god! Don't do this! Why do you always misunderstand - Crystal... will you stop!" He jumped out trying to catch up with her, "I never said..." He followed trying to defend himself as she rushed for the front door, stopping, she spun back to him hissing, "Shhh! He could still be up and I don't want him coming out wondering why we're arguing!"
He quieted down hissing back at her, "We're arguing because you're so damn difficult sometimes! I never said I was better than him, you or anyone else! God almighty! Can't I do anything right with you!"
"I never asked you, to do anything for me - or with me anyway - Benjamin Caesar McPherson! I'm home now, safe and sound! This is where you get to step back and wash your hands of the whole thing! It happened to me, not you! So forget it okay? Once this week is over you can go back to your perfect little world and your perfect little girlfriend! Gail! Remember her?"
"Damn it Crystal!"
Refusing to let him say another word, she turned back to the door, opening it and rushed inside, taking her shoes off she shot straight up the stairs and to her room.
Feeling emotionally beat up, Ben walked in locking the door behind himself. He made his way up the stairs, rounding the top, Shawn stuck his head out of the bedroom door whispering, "You guys back? You okay?"
"Yeah." Ben answered simply.
Shawn stood a moment confused by his lack of enthusiasm. "Where's Crystal?" He whispered.
"Exhausted - we had some kind of night. She had a bit to drink tonight, so have I - I'm gonna ah - head off to bed, goodnight."
Shawn nodded, still not convinced, but backed into his room, "Goodnight."
Ben entered the room, tossing the soiled jacket to the chair, removing his ripped shirt as he went. He glanced at Mundo, he slept soundly, the boys as well were out of it. Trying to keep quiet, with so much on his mind, he undressed. Putting on a muscle shirt and house loungin
g trousers he sat on the bed, not tired enough yet to sleep. Glancing to the side table, sitting on the floor between the bed and it, was his laptop bag. He pulled it out and left the room. In the kitchen off the family room he sat in the dark at the kitchen table, powering up his laptop. Signing in, it found their wireless connection making it Internet ready, giving it a moment, he let his emails load and went first to them. He sighed long and deep, in and among the junk mail, an email from Kevin, there were four from Gail. He would read Kevin's later.
Going to the first of Gail's, he read,
From: Gail Adbetta
Date: 06/12/2004 13:30:15
To: B.C. McPherson
Subject: Safe landing?
Just a quick email to greet you once you arrive to say, I miss you already! And I will admit, I'm entertaining just showing up, but I won't. I understand that you need this time there, to get to know this man who just may be your father. As I told you, I think that he is. I miss you, so much - have fun, maybe we can chat later? Email me back and let me know.
Hugs & Kisses
Your girl, Gail
And next the second,
From: Gail Adbetta
Date: 06/13/2004 22:30:15
To: B.C. McPherson
Subject: Still no word...
Hmmm, hope everything is all right. Spoke to Ms Gert, said she hadn't heard from you yet. I suppose that no news is good news. I won't fill your email with messages from me, but I'm hoping that soon as you get there, you'll im me or at least give me a quick call to say all is fine! So give me a call as soon as you get this email, okay? I'll be waiting... I miss you, hoping you're missing me too.
Hugs & Kisses
Your girl, Gail - even if I'm in bed, call me anyway, I don't care how late, I have my phone on beside me.
And the third,
From: Gail Adbetta
Date: 06/15/2004 08:30:15
To: B.C. McPherson
Subject: Hmmm...
I know you guys made it there safely. It's Tuesday, you left here Saturday - flew out Sunday, and made it there safe and sound. Yet, I don't hear from you when you were in Madison, I don't hear from you when you land in L.A. And here it is, three days later, 3 days - as in - Saturday night, no word, Sunday, no word, Monday, nope... no word, and uh, yeah, Tuesday, still - no - word! Tell me Ben, at what point do I need to wake up and smell the coffee? Hmmm, it would seem it wasn't enough that we went so long without seeing or hearing from one another, then out of the blue, you call me up, take me out - all for a piece of ass. Let's just lay it out the way I stupidly laid it out for you! Are we at the point where we're as far as we're going to go? Come on, be man enough to tell me like it is! I'm sitting here, feeling like such a fool! Feeling like shit, embarrassed. Everyone asking, heard from Ben yet? Has Ben called? You called him? And I want to shout at everyone to just stop freakin' asking me! I am not going to be shedding any tears over you! If I had any sense at all, I would just tell you to screw off and don't come back! God Ben! Either call me or write me or something!
Stupid me ... when will I learn???
Gail ... Don't screw me over Ben! Call me!
Final email,
From: Gail Adbetta
Date: 06/16/2004 22:30:15
To: B.C. McPherson
Subject: Such a damn fool...
You are such an asshole! I just want you to know that! You screwed me over! Is this about her?! Huh Ben? Yeah, right, I bet you went there to get to know your, "father" - fact is, you went there to be with her! His step-daughter! I'm not stupid! No, I take that back, I am stupid! Stupid for wasting all of this time with you! Well guess what McPherson, it's over! There - I'm ending it! I'm not waiting around here, letting you humiliate me day after day! You could have had the decency to call me! Just to let me know how you really felt! Yet, no, the typical player and his games! God every time I think about how much I've given to you, how I've been there for you and this is what I get?! No email, no im message, no phone call, nothing! All I have left to say to you is, I hope one day you get back all the hurt and humiliation you've put me through!
Life goes on ... even without you!
Gail
P.S. Sometimes we do need a rock to fall on our head. In my case, it hasn't knocked me out, it just woke me up!
Ben sat staring at the last email and wondered if that line, 'Hope one day you get back all the hurt and humiliation you've put me through!' was already manifesting itself? He must have stared at the screen for fifteen minutes before he snapped out of it. He reached up and hit the reply, placed his hands at the ready to finally respond to her. So many things went through his mind on what he could say. Part of him was tempted to try and make it up to her. But then, he thought about all the things in his life that made his life a living hell. He thought about his mother and her lies over the years. A lie that kept his real father from him. A lie that maybe, had it not been told, he would have been there in Wisconsin with him, instead of there in California, doing porn. He thought about that, the lie his father was living - or rather - the truth that he was trying to hide.
No more lies.
In reply to her email to him,
From: B.C. McPherson
Date: 06/20/2004 02:45:15
To: Gail Adbetta
Subject: Re: Such a damn fool...
I would like to first apologize for what I've done to you. I have no excuse, so I won't give you one. I don't want to admit to using you, because it's such an ugly thing to confess. Even so, what else explains what I've done? I'm not in love with you and yet, we were often intimate. While you consented to what we shared, I'm not going to say that I didn't know you had hoped it would lead to something more. I knew. We always know. I have no excuse. I have just now read all of your emails to me, so I wasn't ignoring you - but - I was being negligent with you. Another thing, you're probably right - the laws of physics in what is commonly placed within out universe to guide and direct it and us - has written on the walls for all to see, or, ignore, that - what goes around, comes around.
You have my deepest apology for what I've done. Guilty as charged. Reading your emails I've learned something about me. I'm no better than the next man ... or ... my father. To use, to lie - no matter what the circumstances - it's all the same. I cannot expect one to own up - if I am unwilling to own up.
Yes, life goes on - and with you - I wish you all the joy, length of life, and true reward of love, that you so deserve.
Ben
-------Original Message-------
From: Gail Adbetta
Date: 06/15/2004 13:30:15
To: B.C. McPherson
Subject: Such a damn fool...
You are such an asshole! I just want you to know that! You screwed me over! Is this about her! Huh Ben? Yeah, right, I bet you went there to get to know your, "father" - fact is, you went there to be with her! His step-daughter! I'm not stupid! No, I take that back, I am stupid! Stupid for wasting all of this time with you! Well guess what McPherson, it's over! There - I'm ending it! I'm not waiting around here, letting you humiliate me day after day! ...
Having sent off the email. He sat a bit longer - wondering what was next? He turned his computer off. He needed his rest, he had an obligation to fulfill. There were two little boys who looked up to him. If nothing more came of his time there, one thing that would be - they would learn to swim. He'd given his word. And because he knew what it felt like to be let down, there was nothing in him that would even consider letting them down. For the time being, he needed to place his focus on them, not their mother. She wasn't happy with him right now and with good reason. But her boys, they adored him. And for some reason he couldn't explain, he needed that right now in his life. They offered him something substantial that made him feel good about being who he was, even with the mistakes he'd currently made.
Placing everything away, he grabbed the laptop and went upstairs, back in the room, the laptop back by his bedside table. He glanced over at Isaac, he was laying spread eag
le upside down in his bed, about to roll out of it onto the floor. Smiling, Ben walked over, moved him back into the center of the bed in a better position, pulling the cover over him. Satisfied, he turned to the crib looked in at Darren, whispering, "My little man, I wish you guys were mine." He stroked his hair gently, covering him as well and then turned to his bed, climbing in, he pulled his covers over him, turned and went to sleep.
Mundo lay for a moment, his eyes blinking, sleepy. While drowsy, he was cognizant enough to know what he just saw. Shaking his head, he went back to sleep thinking, 'Sis, number two is stepping up to the plate, get ready.'
* * *
Very early Sunday morning... Chicago
The house was quiet, all were sleeping. Jake exhaled cigarette smoke from the corner of his mouth, holding the half smoked burning cig between his fingers. A week from now, Shawn would be back and he wanted to have the majority of the songs for his album written or ready to discuss with him. There were two that weren't his, that he wanted to cover for his album because he simply loved them. One, was the one he sang to Vivian in his room at Shanna's, Jim Croce's "Time in a bottle" - and the other, an old song from the seventies that reminded him once more of Vivian, by Exile, "I wanna kiss you all over..." - just thinking about the song, made him start singing a few verses in his strong resonant voice. Yes, he would cover that one and find out from Shawn what he had to do, to cover them both. But he was up at 5:30 to finish the song that had been haunting him for a while. The one that he'd considered scratching because of what many might make of it. He couldn't scratch it, and instead, it would be the title of his album. Again, he would have to talk to Shawn about the song, the music. A portion of it, would come from the Monkey's old song, "Here we come...walking down the street." He would be using their music to start the song, using their first verse to begin it, then it would change with him coming in with new verses for it, to mean something entirely different.
BOMAW 10-12 Page 62