"I don't wanna hear that! He had a chance, every single year that went by after he left us, was his chance! Now, don't matter."
"Your sister forgave him."
"Good for her, she was always his favorite anyway."
"That ain't true Lucas."
"Mama, it don't matter to me, I just don't care, okay? Anyway, she the reason I'm here. I went by her place, she don't live there any more, where has she move to this time?"
"So you here looking for Sylvia?"
"Yeah, I am - if you wish to know."
"So, if she had been where you could find her, you wouldn't be here now then."
"Look, I'm here, aren't I?"
"For Sylvia, not me."
"What's with you mama? You want me to fall into your arms, hug and kiss and cry, and tell you I missed you? I've been a bad son, I'm home now and repented? Come on mama, let's face it - you were just barely here for us, yourself. It's not like you wanted to be - if you were given a better choice, you would have been gone! Where's Sylvia?"
Lydia couldn't speak - she couldn't make up her mind if she was hurt, or angry? "I wasn't that bad, I was here for you, all of you."
"Mama, please - let's avoid this, I just wanna know where Sylvia is."
"I'm sorry, I wasn't the best mama there is, but I was-..."
"Okay, okay, okay - so you weren't. You gave birth to us, you changed our diapers - fed us - we were clean, disciplined, what more is there, right?"
"I loved you too, Lucas."
"I'm glad to hear that mama, that's nice. Where - is - Sylvia?"
"Just like that, where Sylvia? You not gone stay, talk, give us a chance to clear the air?"
"The air is clear. The way I see it, you and he both did what you planned on doing, what more is there? You provided all the basic necessities, no extras, just the necessities. So under those circumstances, following your lead, his lead - how can you expect anything extra from me? Can you please tell me how to contact Sylvia?"
Lydia stood feeling weak in the knees from his absolute cold detachment from her. She stood facing her oldest child and son, and he treated her as if she were nothing more than a neighbor he lived down the street from long ago. She didn't know what to do, what to say to fix this. She so badly wanted to, but how? Facing him now, made her appreciate her daughter that much more. With no immediate way to fix it or answer him, she finally informed him, "Sylvia's moved to Wisconsin."
"Wisconsin? Since when?"
"Since - Armundo died."
"What?! You gotta be kidding, when did he die?"
"He was in a car accident a few years back, hit a tree."
"That's messed up! But hey, not all is lost, she's free now at least. I didn't like him too much anyway, he was fake - transparent, put on a show when I was around. Anyway, did David go with her?"
"No - she nor I have heard from David in years."
"What the heck? He said he was going to her - to chill with her a while."
"I know - but she never saw him, he never went to her." Lydia commented, wondering now where he'd disappeared to?
Lucas stood a moment thinking of his little brother. He couldn't believe that he wasn't with Sylvia. Because of his drug problem, he couldn't imagine him any where else. He hadn't been able to hold down a job in some time, thus was always looking for a place to stay. All he had to do was show up and Sylvia had always welcomed him in. So it made no sense to him that he wouldn't be with her now.
Watching him think and wonder, worried Lydia, "What you thinkin', Lucas?"
"It don't make no sense that David wouldn't be with Sylvia, and he's not here, so where is he? He knew how to reach me and the last time he did, we got into a bit of an argument about Sylvia, about Armundo, he didn't like him either. That's when he said he was going to Sylvia, see about her. He said, somebody had to see about her, because Armundo wasn't treating her right, said he thought he might be hitting on her."
Lydia felt her face flame with fire, he couldn't see it, but the discussion hit to the core of her. It reminded her of the times her daughter came to her - with the kids - to get away from him. And then finally, of the one time she finally asked her could she come home. Remembering her response to her then, made her feel a punch to her stomach now. Back then, it had seemed the right thing to do, back when she was harder, without empathy. She'd told her not to get involved with that Armundo, he'd come into her life and went from 0 to 60 in no time flat and just took over. Next thing she knew, her daughter was graduating from school, pregnant by him. As far as Lydia had been concerned, she'd deserved whatever she got, because she shouldn't have let him in. Therefore, she'd made her bed, she had to lie in it. She thought baling her out, would teach her nothing. She thought baling her out would make her weak. She thought baling her out, would set her up in the habit of running home every time something went wrong. After all, when Lydia left home so many years ago, she hadn't been able to go back - she'd had to endure. But now, presently, she realized that she hadn't gone back home because she was too ashamed to. She'd left promising to be a star one day, a singing sensation. Only to end up being married with babies, married to a mechanic.
Lydia felt sick, because regret offered you no mercy. Now, she wished with all her might, that she had opened the door for her daughter, to let her back in. Even though she hadn't, things hadn't turned out so bad, after all - look at her now. Look at her children. Things hadn't turned out so bad, but yet - she still felt regrets. And if that were not enough, where was her son, where is David? Before now, she thought his absence had been due to the same reasons Lucas Jr. had stayed away, now - she wasn't so sure.
Pulling her from her worrying thoughts, Lucas asked, "So, where in Wisconsin?" He was back to Sylvia once more.
Lydia looked up from the floor, at him, and wished he would just give her a chance. Just talk to her, let her tell him what she felt inside, about all the things she knew was wrong, but his mind was on one thing, finding his sister. "She bought a house - in a small town there. Camp Daniels, she married again too - gone have a baby."
"What? You got to be kidding me! Ah man, hell - well that blows that!"
"Blows what?" Lydia asked.
"I was gonna ask her if she wanted to work with me and my band. Jazz band, we tour the west coast, heading out east soon. Unfortunately, we lost our lead singer. Automatically, I thought of her, with her kids being grown now - I figured she might want to give it a go, maybe join me."
"You - into jazz?"
"Yeah, not doing too bad. Got a couple of albums out, you see - I play the piano and not bad on the sax, and Sylvia, you'd be surprised by how talented she is, she's got a voice that would blow your mind."
"I know that!" Lydia snapped, she could feel and sense the cynicism in his comment, a subtle thump on the fact she wouldn't know anything about that part of them because she never gave the time to pursue their interests. What made her sick was, the truth hurt. "For your information, I seen her perform - I know how good she is."
A look of surprise crossed his features, "So she's performing somewhere?"
"Not now she not. She entered a jazz contest a while back, I went there to see her, she won."
"Wow - sorry but, I can't imagine you giving a damn enough to see her do anything, especially sing. That must have been hard to sit through, watching your daughter out perform you, sing better than you ever could."
"Get the hell out'ah my house!" Up until then, she was feeling regretful, hurt - now - she was angry, because he was deliberately being nasty, mean, and she was still his mother. She walked to the door, opening it, saying as she did so, "You know, it may pain you to recognize me as your mama, but that's who I am! So whether you think I deserve it or not - you don't get to disrespect me like that. I have to answer to the Lord above for my wrongs! Not you! All I owe you now, is maybe - why! Nothing else! Giving only the basics, even that is deserving of some respect! You get the hell out! I ain't gone take no shit like that from you, and nobody else! I need you l
ike I need a damn hole in my head! Tell you that right now! Seein' as how you came only for Sylvia, she ain't here! So see yo' ass off, I don't need no guilt trip! Another seven or eight years, suit me just fine!"
"Hey, fine - I'll go - can I at least have Sylvia's number, her address before I go?"
Lydia looked him up and down with her disdain of old, "You see this open door? Don't let the knob hit you in the ass on the way out!"
"So you gonna be like that? All this time, this how you gonna end it?"
"Did you heah' me nigga? I said get yo'ass to steppin'." She grit out with tight lips.
"Fine! There's other places I can get it." He gulped, looking a bit contrite, a tad bit too late.
"Then speed yo'ass up there! You know me, no time for the extra bullshit - head off - 'cause I'm not kissin' nobody's ass! Least of all, yours!"
"Pffft! I should have known." He headed out the door.
"That's right, you should have! Didn't have to waste my time, nor yo'own!" She bit out following him down the stairs. Shaking his head, Lucas said nothing more, rushing down the stairs and out.
She watched him go, cloaking her hurt in anger. She knew and saw her wrongs, but she wasn't going to be talked to or treated that way by her own son. Heading back up the stairs after locking up after him, she straightened up her home, dressed and left for the scrap yard, where she spent a great deal of her time helping out there. Answering the phone, filing, and helping out where she could. She'd cleaned up the outer office as well the back room, where she cooked and fed them there. That morning, upon arriving, she gave Lucas Sr. an accounting of what took place between them. At first, all he could do was shake his head, until he commented, "Don't know what it's gone take to undo that one."
"Well - he too bitter. Unless he turn loose that arrogance, nothing we say gonna make a difference no way. Right or wrong, no child of mine gone talk to me that way. What's got me worried is David - you should'ah seen the look on his face when I said me, nor Sylvia heard from him. He was really worried, which got me worried now. Where is he Lucas?"
Stopping by the counter, sipping his coffee as he did through the day while at the scrap yard, he wondered the same. Finally he looked to his wife saying, "Thank we need to report him missing?"
Lydia nodded, "Yeah, I think we need to, somethin' not right."
Chapter 260
Wisconsin to Chicago...
Jake was checking his load over, making sure that everything was secure and in place, that once he was rolling, it would not be going anywhere once on the highway. This was the first of his many trips under the new negotiations of his pay rise, starting off right away with a biggie. He would be dropping off three loads, which meant three stops - the last would be deposited back home at his job, however, he would be pulling into Chicago with that last one, a brief detour to collect his future wife, Vivian. It had not been apart of the original plan, but he wasn't going to turn away money, good money, because he would be relocating her that weekend, no way. He was thankful that his parents had taken the majority and largest items that would be relocated to Wisconsin with her. The things left, would fit on the back of the truck easy. As it was, it just so happened that Kevin would have to work that weekend and so wouldn't be able to bring him down to Chicago, so things couldn't have worked out better as far as Jake was concerned.
He'd spoken a little bit to Vivian about the change of plans in that Kevin wouldn't be bringing him, but he'd be arriving in the midst of work and a delivery, therefore - everything that she would be bringing, needed to be packed up Friday night, period. No waiting around, no Saturday morning moving; he would be collecting her and Paul, Friday night to return home so he could deliver the load to work Saturday morning, and letting her know, that he would also be working Saturday. He wanted to keep that overtime coming in as long as he could. Before he slowed down, he wanted to be in a position to completely pay Ben back for the money on the vanity her bought her. He wanted to knock a huge chunk out of the money he owed Shawn for her ring, if not pay it off and he wanted to also put a serious dent in his debt for the truck to his brother. Working on the house, gave him a lot of time to think. One conclusion he came to, he wasn't going to start digging into that money his mother set aside for him, no way. He feared that if he began pulling from that, they would go through it and he wasn't going to let that happen. It had to remain as a cushion for them, nothing else. He'd even budgeted how much of it he was willing to use to refurbish their home. Once he got the home up to liveable standards, that was it. No more digging in that pot. The rest would have to be done with what he earned from his job, the deliveries and the overtime. That was the reason he was going at it full force right now, unwilling to touch his money again until he absolutely had to. There was also taking on Vivian's bills. Because he pulled her out of her job, she wouldn't be able to claim unemployment, which she kept moaning about. Saying the previous night, "I can't believe I'm doing this - you don't know how hard this is for me. I mean we're down to the wire here Jake, are you positively sure, you want me to give up my job?"
"What did I say?" He had asked firmly.
"Ja-a-ake! I can't even claim un-employment! Granted, I have a few investments and a really good 401k - but - once I leave that job-..."
"You're going to have to depend on me then. Whatever you have from that, if you must, put it in your account there and just leave it. I don't want to be touching any of your money, you got me?"
She'd groaned in misery, scared of letting go of her independence, of letting go of a job she'd worked up in and made it to where she was. Friday was just two days away and she was getting cold feet. In two days, it would be over for her, she would be walking out of her job, leaving a top position, top pay, to relocate to another state, town, small town at that; one filled with white folks. The only thing that made it easier to contend with is that Sylvia was there, and his parents were there. If it were not for them, she would be struggling with the decision a whole lot more. In their discussion, Jake had heard all of her fears and understood them, but was steadfastly adamant about her giving it up and relying on him to take care of her, promising that he would do all he could to make sure she lacked nothing.
Now, it was Thursday morning, the day before, he rang her now that the truck was ready after filling it up, checking his other fluids, water and oil levels. It was just before dawn, the sky going from deep blue, gradually lightening. "Wake-up sleepy head." He started right off hearing her fumble with the phone to answer it. Vivian groaned finally fitting the phone to her ear, trying to wake up, stretching as she did so, he could hear it, "Ohhh, does that sound sexy, emmm." He growled, "What are you sleeping in?" He asked, his voice low and seductive. Vivian chuckled, "Nothing that would turn you on, so down boy. Just a long boring t-shirt and socks."
"Emmm, still sounds good to me, it's what's under that t-shirt that turns me on. In fact, what's under that shirt is on my mind, big time, so you better be ready for me Friday night when I get there."
"Oh no no no, Mr McPherson, as you said, we gettin' right on the road, no messing around. That includes you." She yawned and gave a little moan.
"Lil'girl you obviously still don't know me, 'cause I'll pull over and fuck you in a truck stop-..."
"JAKE! God! Why are you like that!" She squealed.
He laughed on the other end, "Just telling you the truth, I'll slip this sonofabitch into neutral, turn your ass to me and put five more miles on the meter, with the truck standing still. Come to think of it, sounds like a plan."
"See, see, no no no - um em, I can see it now - you ain't gone be on me every time I turn around."
"Ev-ver-ry-time you turn around, I'm gone right there, ready for some more, better believe it. I figure you close to being fertile around about now, or soon, yeah - I'm gettin' you just in the nick of time to get things moving along."
Vivian whimpered, "We should wait Jake, until we married, just to be sure..." She mumbled into the phone, face halfway in the pillow, "... l
et's do that Jake, get the house ready and stuff."
"Look, it's not hard. We have the house, I'm working on that, and while I'm working on that, I'll be working on you. All you have to do, is stand by and let me do my thing. I have the house covered, I have our finances covered, and you - all you have to do is grow my babies - I'll do the rest. You take care of that, I'll take care of the rest."
Vivian did a mini-temper tantrum, which he could clearly hear over the phone, making him chuckle all the more.
"I can't believe you!" She whined after her mini-fit.
"Hey baby, you wanted me, you got me. So don't complain, I'm not; in fact, I can't wait to get you here, because once you're mine, married and officially, a McPherson, that's it. All mine, for good - permanent, got me?"
She groaned instead of answering him, "Lil'girl? You hear me?"
"Yeah." She grunted.
Switching directions he asked, "My son behaving himself?"
She sighed turning to her back, coming more awake, "Yes, of course he is."
"Good, well I gotta go baby," He climbed up into the cab, slamming the door and started it up. Vivian could hear the roar of the engine, which brought her a strange sense of pride in him, for the work he did, and could do. There wasn't a soft thing about him, he was certainly all man; from his bristly, ever whiskered face; rough, hard calloused hands, hairy hard body, deep and sexy voice, to his take charge, eat you alive, way in bed, scary as hell in bed, because once he had hold of her, he wouldn't let go - his way of love making was a constant shock to the body as if being repeatedly electrocuted - not letting up, no matter how you cried out for mercy, that he stop. Vivian's body tremored from just the thought of him.
BOMAW 10-12 Page 87