by Lyn Denison
Rosemary gave an exclamation of disgust. “Talk about a classic case of a little power being a dangerous thing. Just between you and me, the lord mayor and Phillip had words this afternoon. The lord mayor is as ticked off with Phillip’s pompousness as everyone else is.”
“I can believe that.” Kate shook her head. “And I’ll probably have to go through another session with him tomorrow.”
Rosemary took a sip of her coffee. “A little bird also told me you had a visit from our famous local author,” she said casually.
Kate stiffened. “Yes.” She made herself laugh. “Is there anything that goes on you don’t know about, Rosemary?” she teased. “How do you get your information?”
Rosemary tapped the side of her nose with her forefinger. “Oh, I have my ways.” She paused. “So? Are you going to tell me all about it?”
Kate swallowed.
“Well?” Rosemary prompted.
“Actually, it was a huge surprise really.” Kate fancied she could hear her own heartbeats thundering in her chest. “Leigh Mossman turned out to be Ashley Andrews.”
And what would Rosemary think if Kate told her she’d lost all sense of propriety and kissed Leigh Mossman with uncharacteristic recklessness? That it had happened in her office where anyone could have happened upon them. And that Phillip Walker had almost discovered them.
Rosemary blinked. “Your friend, Ashley Andrews, is Leigh Mossman?”
Kate nodded.
“I see.” Rosemary took another sip of her coffee. “And you didn’t know?”
“No.” Kate kept her eyes on her own coffee cup. That wasn’t strictly true, but neither was it a lie. Kate hadn’t known until she’d read the book.
“That’s interesting.” Rosemary paused again. “It does sort of add a new dimension to one part of the book, though. Don’t you think?”
Kate turned to look at the other woman.
“Where Clare falls for Tess,” Rosemary explained. “Actually I was holding out a faint hope that they’d get together in the end, but I knew it wouldn’t happen in a mainstream novel.”
“Ashley said that, too. That she had to write for the mass market.”
“I guess she had to be realistic about it.”
“So has she changed her mind?”
Kate looked across at Rosemary inquiringly. “What do you mean?”
“About being straight. You said she and her husband are divorced. Was that the reason?”
“I have no idea,” Kate said, trying to keep the defensiveness out of her voice. “I told you I haven’t heard from her for ten years. How would I know?”
“For what it’s worth, I think she’s one of us, Kate,” Rosemary said levelly.
“How can you know that?” Kate began and Rosemary laughed softly.
“I just have the knack of knowing. Maybe it’s well-developed gaydar. I picked up on you, didn’t I?”
“Rosemary, I…” Kate paused.
“Don’t worry, it’s not that obvious with either of you. And if people were more accepting, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. And Ashley’s book would have ended with Clare and Tess riding off into the sunset. But even so, it was still a great read,” Rosemary said.
She moved closer to Kate and put her lips to the back of Kate’s hand. “The love scenes, even the relatively mild one between the lines with Clare and Tess, were very erotic, didn’t you think?”
Kate shifted uncomfortably. “I guess they were.”
“I suppose it must be strange to read a book written by someone you know.” Rosemary grinned. “Especially the love scenes.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Did you see any characters in the book you recognized?”
“No, of course not. What do you mean?” Kate’s voice sounded accusing, and Rosemary raised her eyebrows.
“I’m sorry, Kate. I didn’t mean to upset you. Shall we change the subject?” She set her coffee cup down, reached across, and took Kate’s hand in hers, turning it over so that her tongue tip could tease Kate’s palm.
Shifting uncomfortably, Kate cleared her throat. “Rosemary, look, I, I’m a little tired tonight. I had a pretty wearing time with Phillip, and I think I’d better have an early night.”
Rosemary looked at Kate and frowned slightly. “You do look tired.”
Kate felt a sliver of relief. Maybe she could leave without raising Rosemary’s suspicions. Coward! an inner voice jeered at her, demanding she tell Rosemary the truth. Kate knew she should and she wavered, wondering where to start, what to say?
“But are you sure it’s just that?”
Rosemary’s words seized Kate’s attention. “What do you mean?” she asked, her conscience jabbing at her guiltily.
“I mean, Ashley Andrews.”
“Ashley?”
Rosemary nodded. “I have a feeling everything comes back to Ashley where you’re concerned, Kate,” Rosemary said softly.
Kate sighed. “Look, Rosemary, it’s not what you think. It’s just that I, I mean, we haven’t seen each other for ten years. And I’m finding it a little difficult to, well, get used to the fact that she’s here.”
“Are you still in love with her?”
“No!” Kate stated vehemently, and it was Rosemary’s turn to sigh. “Of course I’m not in love with her,” Kate repeated. “For heaven’s sake, Rosemary, we were just kids when I saw her last.”
“Methinks the lady doth protest too much,” Rosemary said lightly, and Kate fought to quell the surge of anger that rose inside her.
Kate wanted to deny it again, and she wanted to believe it. Yet somehow she knew she couldn’t. She knew she would be deluding herself. If it hadn’t been for that kiss this afternoon she may have…
“Look, Kate. I think I understand how you feel,” Rosemary said moderately. “At least I know how it was with my friend Sue and me. Ashley meant so much to you. She hurt you very much, and now she’s back. You’re having trouble sorting out your feelings. Right?”
“Something like that,” Kate admitted, subdued. “Rosemary I don’t know how to say this—”
Rosemary grimaced. “You think you should take some time out until you can decide how you really feel about Ashley. How’s that?”
“I guess that about sums it up.” Kate looked at the other woman. “I’m sorry Rosemary, if I’ve —”
Rosemary put her fingers lightly on Kate’s lips. “You don’t have to apologize. As much as I hate to admit it, it’s the sensible thing to do.” She leaned closer and gently pressed her lips to Kate’s. “Just remember one thing, though. I’ll be here if you need to talk or anything. Okay?”
“Of course.” Kate stood up, pulled Rosemary to her, and hugged her. “And thanks. For everything.”
The next afternoon after work Kate was drawn again to the tree house, and no matter how much she chastised herself for going down to that sanctuary, she still couldn’t seem to stop herself from walking down to the end of the garden.
And yet sitting in the cool, leafy refuge only brought back memories she’d kept at bay for so many years. Each corner of their retreat, hers and Ashley’s, held a multitude of memories that seemed to encroach on all Kate’s waking moments these days. Or so it seemed.
With nary a blink of her eye, she could picture the two of them, naked in the heat of the northern summer, bodies glistening as they lay together.
They spent so many hours in the tree house, lying side-by-side on a rug, reading or talking, but more often making love. They’d even devised a rope pulley to lift the ladder when they were in the tree house in case Ashley’s brothers discovered their hideaway.
Kate could see herself, raising herself on one elbow to kiss Ashley’s bare shoulder. Their young bodies were so different. Kate was long and slender, her skin toning slightly olive, whereas Ashley was very fair, her body all softly curving.
When had it all started to go wrong? Kate wondered. With hindsight she supposed it had started the day Ashley had dropped her bombshell.
Lying side-by-side on the rug in the tree house, they’d just made love and Kate was still wrapped in a heady euphoria.
“I suppose we should get dressed,” she’d said languidly. “But I can’t get enough of the feel of your smooth skin, your incredible breasts.”
Ashley gently ran her hand down Kate’s arm, her fingers sensually skimming her skin. “Mine are too big. I’d rather they were like yours.”
“Mine?” Kate giggled. “I haven’t got any worth speaking about.”
“They’re beautiful,” Ashley said and teased one small nipple with her tongue tip.
“Mmm. I’ll give you fifty years to stop doing that.” With a smile Kate turned and murmured, “I love you, Ash.” She looked down at Ashley’s face, caught a fleeting expression of pain, and she frowned. “Ash, what’s wrong?”
“Oh, nothing.” Ashley sighed, lying back, settling Kate’s head onto her shoulder. “Just wishing we were the only two people on earth.”
Kate laughed softly. “Up here we are. But if we really were, we might get sick and tired of each other.”
“I suppose.” Ashley looked up at Kate through her eyelashes. Her hand continued to touch Kate’s skin, but Kate sensed she wasn’t thinking about the feel or texture of it just at that moment.
“You seem very pensive, Ash. Too much love making, do you think?” Kate tried for humor and was rewarded by Ashley’s slow smile.
She relaxed back on the rug and snuggled into Ashley’s side. “So, are we walking to the movies tomorrow night or is your father or Baden going to drop us in town?”
Ashley was silent for long moments. “That’s what I wanted to talk about.” She took a deep breath. “I can’t go with you tomorrow night.”
Kate sat up and turned toward her. “You can’t? Why not? I thought you particularly wanted to see this movie.”
“I do, but Dean asked me to go with him.”
Kate went cold all over.
“And I said I would.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Kate felt as though she had been elbowed in her solar plexus. She looked down at Ashley, but the other girl wouldn’t meet her gaze. “I don’t understand.” Kate swallowed painfully. “Why, Ash?”
Ashley sat up too and pulled on her T-shirt.
For once Kate didn’t let her gaze linger lovingly on the way the thin material hugged Ashley’s full breasts.
“Look, Kate. We have to be careful. We have to cool it for a while.”
“I thought we were being careful,” Kate replied. “We don’t touch each other or anything like that when we’re in public.”
“It’s not just that. We’re always together, and people will, people have started to notice.” Ashley brushed her hair back from her face.
“Don’t you want to be together?” Kate asked, fighting to keep the tears out of her voice.
Ashley took Kate’s hand. “You know I do. I love you, Kate. But I don’t want people labeling us, either of us, and neither do you.”
“You mean calling us lesbians?” Kate said softly, and Ashley looked away again.
“Among other things.”
“If loving you means that’s what I am, then I don’t mind being called a lesbian,” Kate said valiantly.
Ashley made a soft exclamation of disbelief. “You would if people knew.”
“No, I wouldn’t.” Kate swallowed the lump in her throat. “Are you trying to say you don’t want us to be together anymore?”
“No,” Ashley said fiercely and pulled Kate to her, wrapping her arms around her almost desperately. “I don’t want that. I mean” — Ashley drew back to look at Kate — “I mean, we have to be sensible. We need to go out with guys occasionally, as camouflage if you like, so no one will suspect anything.”
Kate turned away. “I don’t want to go out with anyone but you.”
Ashley firmly pulled Kate back into her arms. “Oh, Kate. Don’t you see? We have to.”
“Someone’s said something, haven’t they?” Kate asked.
“No,” Ashley denied quickly, her face flushing guiltily.
“Yes, they have,” Kate stated.
Ashley sighed. “It was Tim,” she said softly and Kate felt a wave of fear. “You know how Dean plays football with Baden and Tim and that he’s a good friend of theirs? Well, Dean must have said that I’d refused to go out with him or something, and Tim asked me what was wrong with Dean and why wouldn’t I go out with him. One thing led to another, and we had a huge argument over it. Then he said we should watch out because people would think we, you and I, were, well, dykes.”
Kate felt numb. What would have even put such an idea into Tim’s head?
“So I said I’d go out with Dean to the movies tomorrow night,” Ashley finished. “It’s no big deal, Kate. And it’ll keep Tim quiet.”
“Oh, Ash. Why do we have to do all this pretending?” Kate appealed.
Ashley shrugged. “We won’t always have to. Just until we’re old enough to, you know, be together.”
“We’re seventeen,” Kate bit out rebelliously. “That’s old enough.”
“Kate, please,” Ashley entreated. “Bear with me on this. I don’t want to start anything with Mum and Dad. Otherwise they might make it difficult for us to go down to university in Brisbane together.”
Kate considered that aspect and reluctantly acknowledged Ashley might be right. She sighed dejectedly. “I hate all this subterfuge.”
“So do I. Look, Kate, why don’t you go to the movies with Phillip? He’s always asking you to. We could make a foursome.”
“I don’t like Phillip Walker.” And apart from that, Kate didn’t think she could watch Ashley and Dean together.
“And I’m not that keen on Dean Andrews either, but at least we could sit together. And going to the movies with them doesn’t mean we have to marry them. Kate, can’t you see? It’ll make us look, well —”
“Normal?” Kate put in bitterly.
“Well, yes.” Ashley sighed. “Kate, if Mum and Dad found out about us they’d really flip. Remember that sermon at church last weekend?” Ashley bit her lip. “I felt as though Pastor Jones was speaking directly to us. It was awful.”
“I’m sure he’s mistaken. I can’t see a God who preaches love making us the way we are if it’s so wrong.”
“Maybe we’re supposed to deny it, Kate. Like all the other sins.”
“It’s not a sin. We love each other, Ash.” Kate put her arms around Ashley and felt the other girl’s body stiffen. “How can that be wrong?”
Slowly Ashley relaxed and leaned into Kate. “In my rational moments I can see that, but sometimes I just get scared about it all. I don’t think I could take it if everyone knew. Can you imagine how much they’d tease us, especially the guys. It would be horrible.”
“Teasing can only hurt you if you let it,” Kate said a little self-righteously. “You know I found that out. In fact you were the one who told me that.”
Ashley raised her eyebrows, and Kate shrugged.
“Remember when I first came here? The bushranging Ballantynes. The other kids used to tease me about my great-uncles being bushrangers who held up the gold coaches. If you don’t react, they soon get sick of it.” Even as she said it, Kate realized it wasn’t quite as easy as that. But they were older now
“Do you want to be talked about like Maggie and Georgie?” Ashley asked quietly.
Kate knew who Ashley meant. Maggie owned the local drapery store. She wore floral dresses and makeup. While Georgie, a mannish-looking woman, worked as a golf pro at the local club. Both in their late fifties, the women lived together and that they were lesbians Kate had little doubt. But she told herself there were no similarities between Maggie and Georgie and herself and Ashley.
“All those crude jokes and snide remarks behind their backs,” Ashley was saying.
“We aren’t like Maggie and Georgie,” Kate said without much conviction.
“Aren’t we?” Ashley sighed. “I’ve always felt sorry f
or them and wanted to, you know, talk to them, ask them about, well, it.”
“Most people seem to like and accept Maggie and Georgie.” Kate pulled on her T-shirt and shorts.
“Yes, but when push comes to shove they laugh at the jokes made about them,” Ashley stated with embittered conviction.
“All I know is that I love you, Ash,” Kate repeated earnestly. Ashley nodded.
“I know. And I love you too. But we have to be sensible. Don’t you see that, Kate?”
“I guess so,” Kate conceded reluctantly.
“Then you’ll go to the movies with Phillip? As I said, we can make sure we still sit together.”
“It won’t be the same.” Kate tried to hold out against Ashley’s rationale.
“It’ll be better than not being together at all.”
“Phillip hasn’t asked me.”
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll mention it to Dean when he rings tonight. He can give Phillip a shove in that direction.”
“What if Dean doesn’t want Phillip and me along?”
Ashley laughed. “He will. I’m sure there won’t be any problems there. Dean’s pretty smitten with me.”
“He’s not the only one,” Kate said dryly as she fought to quell a surge of pure jealousy. “And it’s only for tomorrow night, isn’t it? I mean, we don’t have to do this every weekend, do we?”
“No. Of course not,” Ashley reassured her.
But it had rather set the scene, Kate remembered with that same acute pain. She’d come to wish fervently that Dean would have to be on duty at the hospital every weekend.
And how she’d hated sitting there, so close to Ashley but unable to touch her, while Dean Andrews slipped his arm around Ashley’s shoulders in a gesture of possession.
Kate recalled one night when she’d gone to the rest room with Ashley at intermission. On the way back Ashley had stopped to talk to one of her aunts.
“See you back inside, Kate,” Ashley had said. “Tell Dean I won’t be long.”
Kate returned to her seat, feeling miserable at Ashley’s offhandedness, even though she knew it was all just for show in front of her aunt.
“Where’s Ashley?” Dean asked, looking toward the back of the theater.