“Of course I’m happy for them, that’s not what I said. Jerk.”
Josh shrugged. As he would. He never had been the type to take offense.
“Val’s great. And great for Levi. But it’s the first wedding I’ve gone to since...”
“Right,” Josh said softly. “Sorry.”
Of course, no way was Zach gonna talk about what’d transpired between him and Mallory. And not only because Zach hadn’t completely processed it himself yet. Wasn’t all that sure he ever would, truthfully. She’d never know what it took for him to turn down her offer. Then again, maybe she would. Only once before had he known someone able to burrow into his brain like that, figure out what he was thinking even before he did. It’d been scary as hell then, and it was a hundred times scarier now.
From Austin’s room, he heard Jeremy taking charge of whatever game they were playing. The kid always played fair, though, never taking advantage of being the older one—
“So Mallory said her son’s coming out next week?”
Zach was beginning to wonder if his skull was transparent. “Yeah,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee and trying not to make a face. His brother couldn’t make coffee worth crap. “Which reminds me—” he set the mug on the table in front of him, folding his hands between his knees “—she needs another horse. For herself, this time.”
Because what’d happened between them didn’t change that fact. Nor would Zach let it interfere with following through on what he’d started.
Josh grinned. “Kinda thought that was coming. She told me about you taking her out to Adrienne’s place. She really needs an animal already trained for her needs, though. I can’t help you there. I don’t suppose Adrienne would sell one of hers?”
“Unfortunately, no. I already asked.”
“Hmm...” His brother’s forehead bunched for a moment, then he snapped his fingers. “Hold on—” He set his own mug on the end table, then leaned over to dig his cell phone out of his back pocket. “I seem to remember...” After several clicks, he turned the phone around to Zach. “You ever heard of this outfit?”
Squinting, Zach took the phone, shaking his head. Some horse farm down near Albuquerque. Josh stretched over the table to point at the screen. “That’s what they do. Raise and train horses for special needs riders.”
“Like what Adrienne does, you mean.”
“Adrienne only trains horses for her own operation. These folks train ’em to sell. Or donate, in certain cases. You should give ’em a call, see if they’ve got one that’d work for Mallory.” He took his phone from Zach, crossing his arms high on his chest before sinking into the cushions again. Then a sly smile snaked across his face. “Might be a good excuse for the two of you to have a little time away together. Alone. I’m sure somebody will take the boys.”
Heat stabbed at Zach’s face. “What are you on about?”
“You know, next time you decide to make out with a girl you might want to pick someplace a little less public?”
Zach muttered a cussword that made Josh chuckle. “Who else saw?” he said, not daring to look at his brother.
“Nobody but me. I swear. I just happened to step outside for a second, and...” He shrugged. “And no, I’m not gonna blab, so you can wipe that ‘I’m screwed’ look off your face.” A second passed before he said, “So what does this mean, exactly?”
Heaving to his feet, Zach swiped his jacket off the arm of the chair and shrugged into it. “Like you never kissed a gal just for the sake of kissing her.”
The smirk faded from his brother’s face. “Not talking about me, bro. Because you know as well as I do random encounters aren’t your style.”
“What I know is that I don’t have to explain my actions to you or anybody else—”
“Very true.” Josh stood as well, his fingers shoved in his jeans’ front pockets, a frown gouging his forehead. “Long as they make sense to you, what other people think is of no consequence. But can I say one more thing?”
“No.”
“From where I was standing it sure looked to me like you were having a damn good time. Maybe even having fun. And when’s the last time you had some of that? Jeebus, Zach—it’s not a crime to let yourself be happy again.”
A dozen retorts playing through his head, Zach stared his brother down for several moments before deciding the smartest choice was to keep his yap shut. “Thanks for the coffee,” he muttered, then walked to the end of the hall to call his boys.
Because being alone suddenly sounded really appealing.
Except, as he went about getting his boys fed and bathed and in bed and read to—a process that seemed to take longer every night—he had to admit his brother’s suggestion wasn’t exactly unappealing. If impractical.
Not to mention illogical.
Really.
Then again, the woman still needed a horse...
Chapter Nine
“Hey,” Landon said, squinting at Mallory on the laptop screen. “You look really nice. You going somewhere?”
Damn. He would call when she was on her way out the door, to go with Zach to a horse farm in Corrales, right outside Albuquerque. Just the two of them. Spending most of the day together. And, yeah, color her shocked when he’d made the suggestion, especially considering how their little interlude had ended. Then again, they were grown-ups.
Grown-ups with very grown-up yearnings that hadn’t been met in a dog’s age. Both of whom had very tender hearts right now, even if for very different reasons.
Could Landon hear her heart pounding? Lord, she hoped not.
Probably best not to tell him about Zach. Not yet. Now. Whatever.
Or, actually, the new horse, either. Horses.
“Just out with a friend,” she said, casually, praying she wasn’t blushing. Some actress she was.
“Where?”
“Shopping.” Two questions, two not-lies. So far, so good.
“What’s her name? The friend?”
Crap. “His name. Zach. The guy you met on my phone?”
“For like a second.” Her son’s brow crinkled, almost the way he used to do when he was tiny, and for a moment she wished she could have that adorable, innocent toddler back. “Do you, y’know, like him?”
Mallory sputtered a laugh. “Of course I like him, he’s my friend.”
She could almost say that with a straight face, even. As long as she didn’t think about the kissing. Or didn’t think, period. So that was a no.
“Will I like him?”
Weird, how the kid assumed he’d meet Zach. Weirder, still, was how often Mallory had played out that very scenario in her head. Of course, twenty-four hours ago she would have called herself muy loco for entertaining such a thought.
“Well, I have no idea what his plans are while you’re here,” she hedged. “But I don’t see why you wouldn’t like him. He’s a nice man. And he has two little boys of his own.”
“Yeah? How old?”
Again, Mallory tried to keep her expression neutral. But it was no secret that Landon had always wanted siblings, even when he was tiny. “Seven and three.”
“Oh,” he said, sounding almost disappointed. She made a mental note to ask around, see if she could scare up some kids his age. Clearing her throat, she fiddled with the infinity scarf circling her neck. “So how’s Dad?”
Landon shrugged. “Okay, I guess. He and Priscilla are going to drive up the PCH while I’m out there with you. I heard him talking to her about some bed-and-breakfast up near San Francisco.”
Her chest knotted. “Did he say which one?”
“Um...the something Valley Inn? Don’t remember. Sounds like the most boring trip ever, if you ask me.”
Well, color her flabbergasted. With a side order of pissed. Since the “something” Valley Inn—because, really, what were the odds that Russell would randomly pick another one with Valley as part of the name?—was the one he and Mallory had called “theirs,” back in the day when they’d make that tri
p up the Pacific Coast Highway every couple of months or so, before Landon was born.
Where Landon had happened, actually.
“Mom? You okay? You look weird.”
The doorbell rang, setting off Edgar and her mother’s shushing Edgar as they both scurried to the front door.
“I’m fine. A little twinge, that’s all.”
“Mom. You can stop pretending, you know? I get it.” His still smooth forehead crinkled. “I can see it. It’s okay to say when it hurts.”
Actually, more than one therapist—physical and psychological—had pointed out that not only could they not help her if she wasn’t honest about her pain with them, but that being up-front with Landon would also help her son become more empathetic. Although clearly her sweet boy was that already, even without her help.
“Fine,” she said. “I’ll be sure to keep you in the loop.”
“Good,” he said, sounding like he was forty, for cripes’ sake.
Of course, he had no idea the twinge this time had nothing to do with her compromised body. Although she could definitely feel it in the vicinity of her heart.
“Whatever,” she said brightly. “And in any case, getting out will be good for me. Take my mind off...stuff. So I have to go, cutie-pie. But I’ll call later, okay?”
“Okay.” He grinned, his dimples twinkling. For the most part he looked like his father, but he definitely got her dimples. “Five more days! I can’t wait!”
“Me, either, baby,” she said softly, pressing her hand to her lips then her fingers to the screen. She doubted he’d let her do that much longer, but until she got the “Ewww, Mom!” reaction, she wasn’t about to stop a moment before she had to. Right now, however, her baby only said “Bye!” and vanished from the screen.
In the reflection she saw Zach standing behind her, his hands in his pockets as usual, all steady and sturdy and studly, in his own quiet, bespectacled way. And annoyance with her ex tangled with that which she’d been feeling for this dude for some time, and for a moment she thought she’d combust. Breathe, girl, breathe, she thought, slowly spinning around. “Ready?” she asked.
And the look on his face made her stomach drop to her knees.
Or it would’ve, if she’d been standing.
* * *
Somehow or other, he’d forgotten how frickin’ beautiful she was. Okay, not really, but seeing her now, her hair shining against the fuzzy blue scarf...his heart jammed somewhere in the vicinity of his throat. Just as a million words were jammed in his brain—what she’d said and he’d said and what his brother had said. Even what Heidi might’ve said, if her ghost or spirit or whatever could be here.
This was gonna be a lot harder than he’d thought.
“Zach?” Mallory said gently, her lips curved.
He actually gave his head a little shake. “You want to take your car or the truck? I’m good with either—”
“The truck’s fine,” she said, smiling, then wheeled past him toward the front door.
The surprise in her voice when he’d called had been pretty obvious. Not that he blamed her. And he still wasn’t sure about...any of it, really. What he was supposed to think, or do, or say, or even be. And he sure as hell had no idea what might happen. Or what he wanted to happen. But the more he thought about that conversation, the more he had to admit he’d turned her down far less out of nobility than from plain old stinkin’ fear.
And that didn’t sit well. At all.
The plan was, since the drive itself was over two hours, to check out the horses—there were two the owner thought would be suitable—have lunch and drive back. He noticed her purse was on the large side, but then, women often carried bags large enough to smuggle a pig in. Of course, what she didn’t know was that he’d stuffed a few things in a plastic sack and tossed it behind his seat. You know, just in case.
And yes, that’d made him feel like a horny teenager hoping to score.
“So who has the kids? And Benny?” she asked once they were settled in the truck. Never mind that other, far more crucial questions shuddered between them. Or maybe not, maybe she was one of those women who, once rejected, simply moved on. Although according to his brothers, such women were rarer than white rhinos.
“My folks,” Zach said. “Which they do a lot, anyway.” He tossed her what he hoped was a not-nervous smile. “One reason why I’m kinda married to where I grew up.”
“Family, you mean?”
He looked back out the windshield. He’d decided to take a series of back roads until they got past Santa Fe, since this far north I-25 meandered through the mountains like a drunk with no sense of direction. “Yeah.”
“Makes sense. Especially with that family.” She flashed a grin in his direction. “Not sure I’d want to leave a great support system like that, either.”
“Of course, they’ve been on their best behavior around you, so...”
She laughed, then said, “And why else don’t you want to leave?”
“Look around you.”
Every second, it seemed, the panorama changed, a kaleidoscope of red rock outcroppings and blazing yellow and orange and gold leaves, of looming blue-green forests and luminous clouds clotted like sheep in the never-ending sky.
“It is pretty darned magnificent,” she said. “Which is why I love it, too, you know.”
“Still. It’s not home for you.”
She fiddled with her scarf for a moment. “Have you even been anywhere else?”
“Let’s see...both coasts and pretty much everything in between. Canada. Mexico. Alaska.”
He could feel her smile, almost literally warm on the side of his face. A smile that made him feel more relaxed and wound up at the same time. Figure that one out. “Texas?”
“Even Texas. Yes, ma’am, I’m better traveled than you might think. Mom and Dad took road tripping to new heights, determined we’d see as much of the country as possible. Then Heidi and I did our fair share, before the kids came. Always grateful to get back, though.”
It took him a second to realize his voice hadn’t caught when he’d mentioned Heidi. He wondered if Mallory’d noticed.
But at least the conversation got easier as they passed one tiny New Mexican village after another, through forests and mountains and the occasional field dotted with horses. They talked about their childhoods, their parents, the equal parts delight and terror of raising boys.
“Ohmigosh,” she said, “one time, when Landon was about three? He figured out how to unlock the front door and got outside. Mind you, I had trouble with that dumb lock, but it was no obstacle to ol’ nimble fingers. Who’d dragged a chair from the dining room over to the door to reach the latch. Scared the stuffing out of me when I went to check on him in his room—since he was supposed to be napping—and he wasn’t in his crib.”
“Same thing happened to us with Jeremy. Only he was even younger. Maybe two? Still have no idea how he got out, but a neighbor brought him home. Nothing like opening your front door to find your child in someone else’s arms.”
“I believe the term you’re looking for is heart-stopping. So how’d you prevent a repeat occurrence?”
“Installed more and higher locks. And basically didn’t sleep for the next three years. Not that we had much before. You?”
“We installed these special security locks on all the exterior doors that practically required an advanced degree in mechanical engineering to get out of the house. Okay, so not really, but there was a time there when all I wanted was to be able to turn a doorknob and, you know, leave. Not to mention open a cupboard or a refrigerator without going through eighteen steps.” She turned to him. “You ever wonder how babies ever actually made it to adulthood before all this stuff?”
“All the damn time. And I’ve still got one more little one to keep an eagle eye on. Although Liam isn’t nearly as adventurous as Jeremy was. He gets into stuff, sure, but all in all he seems more content than Jeremy, who used to go looking for trouble like it was his
God-given mission to find it.”
She chuckled, then got quiet for some miles, her arms folded over her stomach. “You think you’d want more kids someday? If you remarried, I mean.”
It wasn’t an off-the-wall question, really. Or an unusual one, given the number of times other people had either insinuated it or outright asked. But given...things, it suddenly seemed much weightier than it might’ve been in other circumstances.
“Not that I’m real big on hypotheticals,” he finally said, “but I suppose that would depend on a whole slew of variables. Number one on the list being the unlikelihood of me remarrying.”
Zach could feel her gaze again. “You sound pretty definite about that.”
“It’s been more than two years. Nothing’s happened to make me change my mind yet, so...” He shrugged. “In any case, Heidi and I had decided two was enough.” He paused, then figured, well, hell, she’d asked him, so... “What about you?”
“Me? No. That is to say, I can’t.”
He glanced over. “Because of—”
“The injury?” She shook her head. “There were complications after Landon’s birth.” Her voice got soft. “Meaning no more babies for Mallory.”
“I’m sorry.”
“At the time, so was I. Although to be honest, even if I could have more kids... I’m not sure I would.”
“Why not?”
She was quiet for a long time before she answered. “You know, it amazes me, how people are always saying how brave I must be. As if I had a choice in any of this. And maybe that’s the way I present myself, I don’t know. But not a day passes that I don’t second-guess myself about how I’m doing with Landon. What I’m doing with him—”
“And that has nothing to do with you using a wheelchair.”
Annoyance had propelled the words before he even knew they were there. And he immediately realized how it sounded. Even before she gave him a look that made his ears hot. Then, sighing, she looked out the windshield again.
“Which would be my point,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong, I love my kid to pieces. But even before the accident I never felt as though I was giving him... I don’t know. Enough? And that was with only one kid. Seriously, I do not know how people do it with a half dozen. Or more.”
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