by Leanne Davis
That possibility made her heart thump in her chest. The depth of her love for him filled her heart and she wanted nothing more than to simply tell him so. But she knew better. Instead, she walked over to the edge of the bed and perched on the side of it.
“I’ve been thinking.”
“That sounds like your ‘let’s talk about our feelings’ voice. Isn’t it kind of early? Why don’t you get in this bed and we’ll find other things to do,” he said lazily, his eyes half open.
She rolled her eyes. “I was thinking that my parents are out of town. We should go over there today and use the pool. It’s supposed to be really nice out today. What do you say?”
Jason rolled up on his side, his arm supporting his head in his hand. “I forgot your family has a pool.”
“Yes. Do you want to come see it?”
He shook his head. “You don’t say much about them, or that castle of theirs. Why is that?”
“Because it would make it seem like I’m bragging. And besides, it’s my parents who have all the money, not me. You’re the rich one of the two of us, you know. You own a house. How are you so sure I’m not using you for your money?”
He grabbed her then, rolling her under him. Catching her off guard she screeched and laughed and batted at him to get away.
“Somehow I don’t think you’re sleeping with an ex-con mechanic because he’s rich.”
“How do you know?” she asked primly.
“I think it’s more like you’re slumming it, you know, being with the guy from the wrong side of the tracks. Isn’t that what all you rich girls want to do at least once?”
“I am not one of those rich girls, and you are not a guy from the wrong side of the tracks. And even if you were, I would want you anyways.”
He grinned down at her. “Why, because I’m so hot?”
“Yes,” she said simply. “And because I’m in love with you.”
That made his kidding smile dim; he looked a bit worried about what she was going to say next. Finally he just laid his head between her breasts and held her tightly. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
“Ah, he declares himself at last.”
His eyes jerked up to meet hers.
“What?” she asked. He seemed intense.
“Why aren’t mad at me for not saying it? How come you’re kidding around?”
“Because I’m not mad. Do you want me to break down and cry? Lighten up. You’d think I’d asked for the moon from you.”
Which she had. But still it didn’t have to dampen every moment together because he couldn’t and wouldn’t say what she so desperately hoped he would say.
He waited a minute before he said quietly, “You know, I’m not just a mechanic.”
“You’re not? What are you then?”
“I’m part-owner of the garage.”
She knew. But she didn’t have to let him know that. He so rarely opened up about himself.
When he did, she simply had to let him.
“How come you didn’t tell me that before?”
He rolled his eyes, a small, almost shy smile tugging on his lips. Her heart stumbled over it. God, he could be so unexpectedly unsure and sweet. “Well, I had to make sure you were dating me for me and not my money.”
“When did that happen?”
“A couple of years ago, Bill decided to build his own office and garage instead of keep renting space. He asked me to go in on it with him. Of course I didn’t have nearly the kind of cash he did, but I took a loan against my house and what savings I had and became part-owner. I used Terry’s blackmail money to pay most of it back. When Bill wants to retire I’ll hopefully buy him out.”
“Finally, I know what you did with the money.”
“It’s not like what your father does or anything. But from where I started, it’s a long way.”
She had begun stroking his hair as he talked. He ducked his head down. She put a hand to his chin and raised his face up to hers. “It’s a hell of a long way. And it does matter.”
He shrugged and turned to sit up. “I’m hardly anything.”
He truly believed that. She got to her knees and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, kissing the back of his neck. “That’s not true. You’re everything.”
He turned his head so he could look into her eyes. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
He squinted at her. “I just don’t get you, or why you’re here with me. I’m not exactly the best life has to offer.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not. You’re delusional. Don’t get me wrong; for me, where I’m at is huge. But you? I can’t help but wonder when you’ll finally get back to your real life.”
She pushed away from him, straightened and stood up. “You think I’m playing at this? That I’m fascinated by you like you’re some kind of novelty?”
“Yeah,” he said, eyeing her with that neutral look of his.
“Do you think that little of me?”
“Of you? What do you mean?”
“I’m smart enough to figure out what I want. I know exactly the choices out there for me. Maybe I am stupid for not wanting my parents’ life, but I don’t think so. I’ve never quite fit into their expectations, their ideals, or their lifestyle. But I fit here. I fit with you.”
She paused as he stared at her face. “Even before you, within a week of moving in here and working at the shop, I felt like I could finally breathe, like I was free for the first time in my life. I felt useful.”
Jason studied her. “I didn’t think of it like that.”
“I know, no one does. My parents think I’ve gone off the deep end. They hardly speak to me.” She looked down at the sheet.
“Maybe because they are right. You belong with them, in their life. Not here with me. But I’ll take you as long as I can have you.” He got up then and wandered into the bathroom. She tried to ignore the little pang of disappointment. He truly thought they were temporary. How was she going to change his mind?
****
Jason walked into Christine’s family’s mansion and whistled as he looked all around the entrance. The ceiling was open all the way to the roof, where skylights gave a view of the sky. A spiral staircase led up to the next floor, its landing visible from the entryway.
Christine passed through it, not noticing that her house had him nearly jaw-to-the-ground stunned. She acted like it was no different than her small apartment. They were definitely from different worlds. He was afraid to move for fear he’d bump into something.
The rest of the house was as formal and fancy as the entry. He followed her as she showed him around his head spinning with what he was looking at and barely believing she’d grown up there. It seemed impossible to picture a kid running around this place. Everything was so perfect and spotless. How had Christine ended up so grounded? So normal?
It seemed like most people’s dream lifestyle: rich, beautiful, expensive; all the best. And yet Christine claimed she wanted him instead. The more he saw of her world, the more he thought she’d taken leave of her judgment. He couldn’t blame her parents for thinking she was simply rebelling against them before she settled into her real life.
He tried not to let on just how uncomfortable the place made him. He acted like it was no big deal to be walking through the damn mansion. He kept waiting for a butler and a staff of maids to surround them and order him out before he stole something.
Finally they hit the kitchen and it at least looked like it possibly got used. It had a small sitting room off it that seemed to be the only casual place in the house. A large TV dominated one wall with some inviting-looking recliners. It was here he found an entire wall of pictures dedicated to Christine. There were framed photos of different sizes featuring different poses.
To his knowledge no one had a single picture of him. There was not one family member that hung pictures of his boyhood. No one was proud to show him off. What did it feel like to have people wh
o cared? Who wanted to remember you as a baby? It seemed sad somehow that no one cared enough to keep even a picture of him. What would it be like to be part of a family like she had? One that cared and worried and wanted what was best for their kid?
And how could he get mad at them for simply wanting Christine to have the best they could offer her? He was well aware he was not the best the world had to offer.
She came up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. “What?”
“It must be nice having people who care for you,” he said simply, waving a hand toward the wall of pictures.
“Yes, it is,” she said softly.
“I never had anyone care what happened to me.”
“You do now.”
“I...” He swallowed hard. No. He would not sit around fantasizing that she now cared about him. She was simply on vacation from all this with him.
She smiled and dropped her hand down to his and with a squeeze of his fingers she said, “I know.”
She walked off down another corridor. He took in several deep breaths. The ease with which she could say and show how she felt left his heart knocking hard in his chest. How could she be so sure? How could she feel something that had the potential to break your heart? Love, in his estimation, wasn’t made to withstand the test of time and struggle.
He followed her through their indoor gym and pool. Magnificent was one word for it. He took in the giant enclosed room and glistening pool water. “Jesus, I had no idea.”
“Still interested?”
“In you? Oh, definitely, now.” He grinned.
“Using me again?”
“Maybe.”
After changing, she dove into the impossibly clear teal water. He sat down and dangled his feet into the comfortable water. He watched her. She swam confidently across the pool. She’d obviously used it a lot. She was a strong swimmer and did several tireless laps. Her long hair flowed behind her like a dark flag billowing in the water.
Finally she stopped, out of breath and was just floating there belly-up, her body perfectly still in the water, looking up towards the blue sky shining through the sky lights. She looked happy, carefree, and completely relaxed. He wanted to feel that same way. Her ease in relating to others, to being in the exact moment she was in and being completely engaged with it was odd to him. There was no bitterness or anger that plagued her and tinged everything she did. Not like it did for him. He was never completely at peace. Not even for a second. Being with her was like experiencing life in a different way than he’d ever known. She lived. No matter what she did, she did it with all her energy.
And this beautiful creature claimed she loved him.
His brain could hardly process what that meant exactly. He had no idea what to do with that.
Her ears were underwater and her eyes were shut as she floated. He barely disturbed the water as he slipped into it. She had just started to open her eyes when he got to her and grabbed her. She squealed and tried to get away as he pulled her into his arms and dunked her at the same time. She came up laughing, sputtering, and rubbing water from her eyes.
“You ass!”
“You sure you want to call me names? Besides, if you keep squirming so much, that suit of yours might accidently wiggle off.”
“It will not.” But he was quicker than she was because he could stand up in the water and she had to hold on to him. He had both straps of her bikini down before she realized his intentions. He started laughing at her indignant look. But not before he caught a glimpse of her barely-covered breasts.
He quit laughing as he moved his hand around the front of her and pulled her hands away from the loose top. It fell away leaving her breasts exposed to his gaze. He ran his hand over one silky, slick breast and her gaze got heavy. She was hanging completely against him; she’d wrapped her legs around his middle to keep balance.
“I want you so much,” he whispered against her ear as he kissed her along her cheekbone.
“You already caught me, what’s the problem?”
He opened his eyes wide. “Right here? In your parents’ pool, where anyone could see us?”
“Well, not just anyone can walk in, and my parents are long gone.”
He pushed her away. “I wasn’t expecting this kind of water sport. I’m not exactly prepared.”
Her eyes widened when his meaning dawned. “It’s okay. I mean, if you trust me, I’m on the pill.”
He hesitated. Did he trust her?
“It’s not a test, forget I mentioned it.” She started to let go and swim away.
He caught her just as she dunked under. “I trust you.”
She stopped dead and stared hard into his eyes. Water lapped quietly around them. She swallowed visibly and leaned forward until her lips touched his. She then wrapped her entire body around his.
****
Jason was finding his new schedule fairly pleasant. The high points were when he saw Christine. He tried to not let their relationship overrun his life. He gave over weekends to her, but restrained from seeing her much past that. Time seemed to fly when he was with her, but crawl when he was away from her. And just as surprising, he found the loneliness and anger that used to sit with him had just about dropped out of his life. He couldn’t seem to tap into it like he used to.
He’d even been asked by one of his friends at work why he was acting so mellow. He’d been pleased by the word. Who knew he could be mellow?
Even after Christine’s last revelation, that she was in love with him, nothing had changed between them, although it made his head feel dizzy and palms turn sweaty when he thought about what she’d declared. She loved him. He didn’t know just what that meant. Or what he was supposed to say to it. And since then, she said it often, almost casually. She ignored his sudden tensing and subject-changing tactics.
Chapter Seventeen
Jason’s thoughts drifted inevitably towards Christine while he was working a few weeks after her declaration of love. He glanced down at his watch to see how long it would be before closing. His damn watch was gone. He probably left it at Christine’s. He went to his truck and grabbed his key to her apartment.
It was afternoon and the garage was quiet. He went out around the building, taking the steps two at a time. He was nearly as at home in her apartment as she was at his house. Unsure of how that settled with him he tried, as usual, to avoid thinking about it.
As he unlocked the door and stepped in, the phone started to ring. It amused him she still used a landline. She was convinced a large-scale natural disaster could strike at any moment and disable all cell phone use. Ignoring it, he walked through the front room to the bedroom and looked around, his hands on his hips. Christine’s answering machine click on. He spotted his watch lying on the bathroom counter. He quickly grabbed it and started through the bedroom door. A chirpy female voice blared out of the machine and identified herself as the receptionist for Dr. Kennar’s office. His hand was poised over the doorknob when what he was listening to finally hit him. He stood there frozen, sure that someone had simply punched him in the kidney.
The voice was calling to confirm Christine’s prenatal appointment for next Monday at one o’clock. He was numb, both physically and mentally. He just didn’t hear that right. No way in hell. He methodically withdrew his hand and went over to her machine.
The ringing started in his ears as he pressed the play button and the female voice repeated the same message.
Prenatal appointment. Motherfucking, mother of God! No. No way. This could not be real. This could not be true. This could not be.
He grabbed a vase that was sitting next to the phone and hurled it against the wall. It shattered into dozens of sharp pieces, just like his life.
****
Christine sighed with relief when her apartment came into view. She was tired and in need of quiet time to figure things out. The shop had been busy and the constant chatter had got on her nerves. She was relieved to see the garage was empty. She wasn’t up for pret
ending to be okay this evening.
She wasn’t okay. She was pregnant.
She had suspicions that something was wrong, but had convinced herself it was nothing, until she could no longer pass off her flu-like symptoms as the flu. Then her period, always light and irregular, even on birth control, had vanished to almost nothing. Still, she’d refused to believe anything was amiss. She was religious about birth control. She was never irresponsible.
Somehow though, she’d known. Heavy-hearted, she’d taken a test and it had confirmed what her gut knew but her head had refused to acknowledge: she was pregnant.
Pregnant. It had been rattling around her head for a week now. It made no more sense to her now than it had the first day she’d realized it. Fear and disbelief lodged in her heart, keeping the words stuck in her throat but always in her thoughts.
She hauled her purse out of the car and went up the stairs. Why was her door unlocked? In her nerves over all this she must have left her door open. She set her keys on the counter and then started to walk to her bedroom, all the while tugging at her work clothes. There was an unexpected faint glow in the gloomy living room and a large figure sitting in the chair. She jumped just as she recognized Jason.
“You startled me.”
He was smoking. He hadn’t smoked for months to her knowledge. But there he sat, deliberately lifting the cigarette to his mouth, then taking a long drag. His expression was neutral as he looked back at her but his eyes were frigid. He still wore his work coveralls, something he never wore past the boundaries of the garage. She waved towards the cigarette.
“I thought you quit.”
“I did.”
She frowned and dropped her hands from her untucked shirt. “Then why are you smoking? Is something wrong?”
His gaze slide over her body, pausing on her stomach, and his flinch of disgust made her wince. “Yeah.”
She froze.
There was a vase shattered at the base of the wall. She raised her gaze up to meet his and then took a step back. She forgot just how mean he could look.