‘I was watching, not playing.’
‘Because that makes all the difference.’ His laugh was soft and welcome.
I stuck my tongue out and he laughed again.
‘Sorry. So, tell me what happened.’
I gave a shrug. ‘Some friends of my parents were playing a match and we’d gone to watch. In the second chukka, one of the players became unseated.’
‘Is that a posh way of saying he fell off?’
‘Yes. I suppose so.’
‘And?’
‘He landed rather badly. Right in front of us and there was this awful noise. Next thing I know, I’m looking on horrified as he’s lying on the ground in agony and his shin bone is sticking clean through his jodhpurs about a foot in front of me.’
‘Oh. Wow. Ouch.’
‘Quite. I stared in horror for a couple of seconds and then passed out apparently, much to my mother’s disgust.’
‘Really?’
‘I was showing emotion. That’s always been rather a no-no in her book. Thankfully my father was still alive then and he was always far more understanding. He scooped me up and took me back to the car. But I’m afraid I’ve had rather a drastic reaction to blood since that day.’
‘Understandably.’
I gave a shrug. ‘I probably ought to see someone about it.’
‘Who?’
I pulled a face. ‘I don’t know. Maybe a hypnotherapist or something. They help people stop smoking and conquer a fear of flying. Maybe they could help with this sort of thing too.’
‘Might be worth a try.’
‘I need to wait until everything is settled with the divorce first. Just so I know for sure where I stand financially.’
‘Oh, about that. I’m afraid your letter didn’t go in the post. I was more concerned about getting you home and cleaned up.’
I glanced at the clock. The post office would be shut by now. ‘It’s OK. He can wait an extra day. God knows he’s dragged it out as much as he can when it suited him.’ I thought for a moment. ‘Did you go and get your present posted though?’
‘No,’ he looked at me. ‘I was worried. I didn’t want to leave you.’
I swallowed, suddenly full of emotions I wasn’t quite ready for. It had felt a very long time since anyone – especially a man – had said anything as caring to me. The fact that it had come from Nate made it all the more special. Not to mention complicated.
He’s only here temporarily, Sophia. Don’t get attached.
My head knew this was the case. Unfortunately, my heart seemed too busy skipping ahead to listen to anything I tried to tell it. I gave myself a mental shake and sat up a little more.
‘Why don’t you leave your parcel here, and I can take it to the post office first thing tomorrow before my shift at Ned’s?’
‘You don’t have to do that.’
‘You scraped me up off the pavement, brought me home, and patched me up. I think it’s the least I can do in return.’
‘You don’t need to do anything in return. Anyone would have done the same.’
I pondered whether my ex-husband would have done the same and came to the conclusion he just would have blustered a bit, got angry and probably stepped right over me on the way to his next meeting. Or next affair.
‘No,’ I said simply. ‘They wouldn’t. So thank you. And I’ve got to go to the post office anyway so it’s not like I’m going out of my way.’
Nate read my determination to do something to repay him and held up his hands. ‘OK. If you’re sure you don’t mind. I’ll leave you some cash,’ he said, making to stand and, I assumed, retrieve his wallet from his coat. I stretched my legs out and did a very poor job of pinning him to the sofa. He looked down at my feet, then at me, then back at my feet.
‘It’s symbolic.’
He grinned. ‘Good, because the fact I could sling you over my shoulder earlier means I’m pretty sure I can move a pair of dainty feet.’
I pulled my feet up towards me. ‘You slung me over your shoulder?’ I cried, my voice pitching in what probably wasn’t the most attractive way, but I had other things on my mind. Like the fact my backside had been on show to the entire village as Nate had strolled back to my flat with me tossed over his shoulder like a caveman.
Nate shrugged. ‘What’s wrong with that?’
I threw the blanket back and stood up, felt the blood rush to my head and sat down again.
‘You might want to take it easy for a bit.’ I looked up and met his concerned gaze. Even that face wasn’t quite enough to still the churning in my stomach. I’d been brought up not to make a scene, to blend in, once my mother had informed me that neither my looks nor figure, the only things that mattered in her opinion, were good enough to enable me to stand out. Although stepping out into the world on my own and moving here had helped me build some of the confidence I’d been lacking, making a scene and drawing attention to myself was still anathema to me. It was bad enough to have fainted in front of Nate – in front of anyone. But the thought that I’d been brought home caveman-style somehow was even more embarrassing than I had already pictured things to be.
‘What are you worried about?’ His voice was calm and reasonable which only made it worse.
‘You slung me over your shoulder and then paraded me through the village, bottom first. That’s what I’m worried about.’ I stood up again.
Nate began to smile.
‘I’m glad you find it funny!’ I snapped.
‘Come here,’ Nate reached up and gently took my hand. I pulled away but he caught it again and gave the tiniest tug. I followed his hint and sat down again. He didn’t let go of my hand and I made no attempt to remove mine. Somehow it felt right to let it remain there.
‘I’m sorry. I was just teasing you.’
I looked up, meeting his eyes. He smiled as he reached his other hand to push the hair back from my eyes. ‘In the interest of full disclosure, I carried you in my arms, and had tipped you in a little so your face was close to my chest, rather than on display for everyone to see. Not many people know who I am so if they’d seen me, they wouldn’t automatically assume it was you I was carrying so I think we’re still under the radar so far as most of the village is concerned.’
‘Thank you,’ I returned his smile, his thoughtfulness swimming round in my head. And my heart. ‘I know it sounds silly to get worked up about it, but…’ I drifted off. I didn’t really have an excuse.
Nate gave a small shrug, apparently not requiring one. We sat in silence for a moment and I tried not to think how comfortable it all felt.
‘Oh!’ Nate shifted suddenly, releasing my hand. I tried not to notice the loss of his heat and focused on his face. Probably not the best option as it was way too handsome for my own good, but I had to pick something. ‘There was a pile of stuff delivered for you today apparently. Flora had taken it in, but I brought it up when you were off in the land of nod.’ He disappeared into my tiny hallway for a moment before reappearing with a selection of boxes which he placed on the coffee table in front of me.
‘Gosh! Thanks.’ I peered at the senders’ labels quickly before getting up and drawing the curtains against the darkness. The clock on the mantel showed it was gone five. ‘Do you need to get back?’ I ran the sentence back in my head. ‘Not that I’m trying to get rid of you,’ I added hastily.
‘No,’ he checked his watch. ‘I probably should get out of your way. We left Bry downstairs to keep Flora’s husband company in the shop so I’d better check and see how much mayhem he’s caused.’
‘If you both wanted to stay, I could do some dinner.’
Nate hesitated and I suddenly felt awkward. Like a gawky teenager back at the school disco, clumsily asking one of the boys from the visiting school out. ‘I mean, only if you want to. As a bit of a thank you, you know, for helping me up once then not letting me smash my face for a second time and bringing me home, not like a sack of spuds but—’
‘That’d be great. So l
ong as you’re sure we’re not putting you to any trouble,’ Nate, thankfully, interrupted me. ‘But only if you let me help with dinner.’
‘There’s not a lot to do. I made a huge lasagne yesterday, so it’s just a reheat deal really. Nothing fancy.’
‘Sounds great.’ He grinned at me and I made a concerted effort to keep my legs in a non-jelly like form. When Nate smiled, it transformed his face. The blue eyes sparkled as the skin around them crinkled, even white teeth showed in a wide smile that immediately reminded me he was Gabe’s brother. ‘What?’ His voice startled me from my daydream.
‘I… well… I was just thinking how much you look like Gabe when you smile,’ I replied, which was fairly close to the truth.
‘Well, I guess there’s worse blokes to look like, going by how popular he used to be whenever we went out to bars together.’
‘That’s true. Neither of you exactly fell out of the ugly tree, did you?’
Nate laughed, soft and low, but the sound wrapped itself around me. ‘I think that’s a compliment.’
‘It is. Be grateful,’ I grinned, glancing up momentarily as I ran a scissor blade along the top seal of the first box.
‘Oh, I am.’ There was something in his tone that made me look back up but he’d turned away, heading towards the front door. ‘I’m just going to nip down and get Bryan. Anything else you need?’
‘No, I don’t think so, thanks. Take a key. It’s just hanging on the hook there.’
‘OK, back in a sec.’ And then he was gone, the flat suddenly feeling emptier without his sizeable bulk helping to fill it. Knowing Flora, Nate might be down there for a little while so I set about unpacking my delivery and flattened the boxes, before putting them in the recycling tub. Spreading the goodies out on my coffee table, I began looking through. A short while later, I heard the sound of a key in the lock, immediately followed by doggy paws pit-pattering on my hall floor. Moments later, a small mostly-Dachshund rocket raced into the living room and launched himself from the floor into my lap.
‘Manners, mate. Manners,’ Nate laughed, shaking his head.
‘Oh, you’re all right, aren’t you?’ I said to Bryan, fussing over him as he snuggled so far into me I thought he might pop out the other side.
‘Remind me to come back as a cute dog.’
‘Oh, pfft. I’m sure you get more than enough fussing.’ I waved a hand in his general direction and grinned. For a moment there was a pained look on his face, but it was smothered so quickly I questioned as to whether I’d imagined it. But as it replayed in my mind, I knew I hadn’t.
‘You’re looking worryingly pensive.’ He cocked an eyebrow.
I pushed myself up from the sofa and crossed the room to join him. ‘Why worryingly?’
He looked down at me and I tried to ignore the way my breath wanted to shorten as I took in a faint scent of the citrus and woody notes of Nate’s aftershave, the warmth of his body as he moved closer momentarily in order to avoid Bryan who was now dancing round our feet.
‘Mate,’ Nate laughed, bending briefly to scoop up the hound. ‘We’ve had a talk about this before and agreed that you were going to keep out from directly under my feet because if I step on you, I’m going to have to change my name and emigrate to Antarctica. Remember that conversation?’
Bryan cocked his head as though trying to recall it. I grinned at the exchange and felt myself take a step closer to something I wasn’t sure was such a good idea but, without asking permission, my heart had given my head a good shove and ploughed ahead anyway.
17
The next hour was spent talking easily about everything and nothing and all that lay in between. Nate was far more relaxed than he had been when I’d first met him. Back then his whole body had seemed to thrum with tension but, in these last few weeks, Wishington Bay had begun to work the same magic it had done on me when I’d arrived, slowly untying those knots, loosening the nerves that had been strung as tight as piano wire until finally I’d begun to feel like me again. Or, more accurately, it had allowed me to discover who that person really was, now she was finally free to live her own life and make her own decisions. Sneaking a glance at Nate, I could see that same process unfurling. It might not be finished yet, but it was certainly in progress.
‘It’s rude to stare.’ His words caught me off guard as he looked up and met my eyes.
Oops!
‘I wasn’t staring.’
Liar.
Nate didn’t say anything but everything about his face told me he didn’t agree. Which was fair enough, as I was indeed lying through my teeth.
‘OK. Fine, so I was staring. But not in the way you think.’
‘And what way is that?’ The tiniest flicker of enquiring eyebrow accompanied the question.
Oh crap. I was digging myself a bigger hole with every word that tumbled out of my mouth.
‘I was just…’ I gave what I hoped was a casual clear of my throat and began again. ‘I was just thinking how much more relaxed you seemed now. I mean, from when you first came here. And that I’m happy about it. For you, I mean. Obviously.’
Inner me was slapping a hand to her forehead and trying to make herself as unobtrusive as possible in a corner. Outer me had to sit here and brazen it out.
‘Obviously.’
Was that the flicker of a smile?
I shrugged. Again, as casually as possible but it felt like I had a coat hanger in my jumper so I wasn’t entirely sure I’d pulled that one off.
Nate remained where he was for a moment, those inconveniently gorgeous blue eyes still studying me, as though he was still trying to decide quite what to make of my last declaration.
‘I am,’ he said, eventually. ‘More relaxed, I mean.’
I let out a breath I didn’t realise I’d been holding.
‘That’s good. Really good.’
He scooped Bryan up from where he was trying to climb up Nate’s leg and plopped him on his lap where he then walked around a few times, determined to find just the right position. As he placed his paws in a rather delicate area, Nate shifted and frowned down at the little dog.
‘It’s a good job you’re not bigger. Come on, mate.’
Bryan looked up at him, apparently considering his words, before he made one more turn and settled himself down on Nate’s lap, curling himself round like a furry Cumberland sausage.
‘Thank you,’ Nate said.
Bryan let out a long sigh in reply. Two minutes later he was snoring gently.
‘I’m not sure I can remember the last time I felt this relaxed, to be honest. Not that I noticed I was particularly stressed. I guess you get so used to a state of being that it ends up becoming the norm. It’s only when something happens, something like this, that it suddenly throws everything into relief.’ He drew a hand across the five o’clock shadow of his jawline. ‘I suppose that can be both a blessing and a curse.’
I shuffled round to face him, tucking my knees up to my chin. ‘In what way?’
He gave me a brief glance before dropping his gaze to the dog, his hand rhythmically stroking the dark, shiny fur.
‘It’s kind of made me face up to just how unhappy I was. I can’t think Serena was happy either.’ He gave a little outward huff, not quite a laugh. ‘Well, obviously she wasn’t, otherwise she wouldn’t have left, but… I don’t know. I’m not explaining this very well.’ He gave me that shy, insecure glance again.
‘It’s OK.’
‘I’m not really used to this.’
‘What?’
‘Spilling all my deepest, darkest secrets.’
I shrugged. ‘They’re not all that deep, or dark.’
‘Again… intriguing,’ he said, a glimmer of that beautiful smile playing round the corners of his mouth.
‘Not really,’ I shrugged, and waited for my nose to grow. Inside, I felt that familiar knot that only ever appeared when I thought about my old life, and the fact that I’d hidden that life from everyone in my new one. I knew a
t some point I was going to have to tell them about it. But every time I thought about doing it, I chickened out. I’d had too much experience of people changing their attitude towards me – not necessarily for the better – in the past and so I always talked myself out of it. Next time, I’d tell myself. Next time the opportunity arose I’d tell them. And yet here I was, eighteen months later still with no one any the wiser. And, if it hadn’t been for the fact I wasn’t a natural born liar and therefore the secret sat heavy on my conscience, I’d have happily left it like that for ever. As far as I was concerned, I wasn’t that person any more, so why should it matter? But I knew that, for friendships to be real, the truth mattered.
‘That’s what I like about you, Sophia. You’re honest.’
‘Huh?’ I jerked my head up from my momentary drift in concentration.
‘You. You were honest – brutally so, in fact.’ He gave me a look and my mouth curved automatically, with no intentional input from my brain. ‘When we first met. It was…’
I raised an eyebrow, half dreading whatever was coming next.
‘Refreshing,’ he finished.
I gave an unladylike snort. ‘I bet that wasn’t what you thought at the time.’
His lack of immediate reply gave me his answer.
‘That’s what I thought.’
‘To be fair, it was all a bit of an adjustment. I was still jet lagged, and completely unconvinced that coming over here was the good idea my brother, not to mention my parents, insisted it would be.’
‘And then I was rather blunt with you.’
‘With good reason. I think I’d probably spent far too much time on my own in the preceding months, outside of work. My job deals in facts and figures and quantifiable statistics. I never sugar coat anything at work. It is what it is and we’re trying to keep people safe. When Serena left, it was a shock. I mean, I knew things weren’t right. Anyone could see that, but I couldn’t see a way to make it right. Everything I tried seemed to make it worse.’ He glanced across at me. ‘Oh man, don’t give me that face.’
Winter at Wishington Bay Page 14