“What you did to me… it hurt. It hurt a lot. But it stopped hurting when I met Hutch, and I forgave you. I forgave you because I no longer cared about what you did to me.”
“Does that mean that you no longer care about me or about us?”
He’s failing to see that I’m not the same Cait I was ten months ago. “I don’t think about us anymore. I haven’t in a long time.”
“It kills me to hear that because you’re all I think about.” There was a time when I would have loved hearing him say that. But not today.
“I don’t know what you expect from me.”
“I want you, Cait. I didn’t realize how much until I didn’t have you in my life anymore. I love you.”
I love you. My heart has been craving the sound of those three little words. But not from him.
“I’m sorry, Cameron.”
“Please, don’t close your heart off to me. We can be happy again if you’ll give me another chance.”
“I can’t be happy with you.”
“Because of him?”
“Yes. Because of him.”
“We have a chance at making us work but you aren’t going to give us another try because you think you still want him?”
“Make no mistake about it. I will always love him, and I will always want him. That is never going to change.”
Ever.
5
Maxwell Hutcheson
My memories with Lou—they’re everywhere, haunting me day and night. The kitchen. The dining room. The living room. I see her everywhere throughout the house. My bedroom is by far the worst. But my NOLA girl will be back where she belongs soon.
How do I know this? Brady and I finally located Rachel’s client, Claud, and he has put me in touch with her. She has agreed to meet tonight. This nightmare is almost over.
“Max, your brother is ringing you. Are you able to take his call?” my secretary asks.
I don’t really have time to talk to him right now, but Ian doesn’t make a habit of ringing me at work. There must be an important reason for his call. Plus, I haven’t forgotten what happened last time I dodged his calls and texts.
“Aye, put him through, Mary.”
“I’m sorry to bother you at work, but I have a problem and I need to talk to someone. Can you meet me for lunch?”
Ian is eleven years younger than me. He was still a child when I became a man. As much as I hate it, we aren’t close. Never have been. But I wish we were. Perhaps he does too if he’s reaching out to me for help with a problem.
“Hold on and give me a second to look at my appointments for today.”
Mary sees to it that I have a printout of my appointment schedule on my desk every morning before I arrive at the office. She’s very efficient.
“I can meet you at noon.”
“Noon would be great.”
I’m curious, and troubled, about what’s going on with my brother. “Is everything all right?”
“No, Max. Everything is not all right.”
“Is there cause for concern?” God, I sound like Mum.
“I’ll tell you everything over lunch.”
He clearly doesn’t want to talk about this over the phone. “Is that new burger place over by uni all right?”
“That works fine.”
“I’ll see you at noon.”
Entering the restaurant an hour later, I take one look at Ian and his face confirms what he said over the phone. Everything is not all right. “You look like shite.”
No smart-ass comeback? That’s disturbing. It means this is serious. “What’s going on?”
Ian runs his hands up and over his face, fisting the top of his hair. “I’ve fucked up, Max. I’ve fucked up big time.”
“You’ve only been back at uni for a few days. How badly could you have fucked up in so little time?”
“It didn’t just happen.” He leans back and rests his head against the back of the bench he’s sitting on, banging it a few times. “I hooked up with a girl from uni last semester.”
I can tell where this is going. “Please tell me that you have a sexually transmitted disease.”
“I wish. Antibiotics would fix that.”
“The lass is pregnant?”
“Aye.”
“Aww fuck, Ian. Why’d you go and do something like that?”
“Well, I didn’t do it on purpose. I don’t want a fucking kid.”
My wee brother is twenty-two years old. Still a kid himself in so many ways. Not even finished with uni yet. He does not need a baby.
“I don’t know what to do.”
After my experience, the first thing I’d do is question the paternity. “Are you sure that the bairn is yours?”
“No.”
“But you did fuck her?”
“Aye. A few times.”
“You used condoms?”
“Every time.” He looks away and his voice is low. “Except for once.”
Dumb. Fucking. Dobber. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I know, I know. It was a stupid mistake. It felt good when I was doing it, but I’m regretting the hell out of it now.”
“You said you hooked up with her last semester. How far along does that put her in the pregnancy?”
“All I know is that she’s a week away from being too far along to have an abortion.”
“Did you discuss abortion with her?”
“I tried but she won’t even consider it. She wants to keep the baby, which means I don’t get a choice. What part of that is fair to me?”
I understand all too well how my brother is feeling right now. I once had a similar mindset but not anymore. I’ve come to love Ava Rose and with each passing day I feel more like her father. And I suspect the same would be true for Ian.
“I still have a week to talk her into having an abortion.”
I hate to break it to Ian but that’s probably a fruitless hope. “This child has been growing inside of her for months. She has connected with it. The lass isn’t likely to change her mind because it’s not what you want.”
“Then what do I do?”
“If the bairn is yours, you become a father.”
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” The final “fuck” barely squeezes through his clenched teeth.
“How do you feel about the girl?”
He shrugs. “She was a great shag. Other than that, I don’t really know her.”
“Is she pleasant?”
“She’s pleasant to look at.”
Well, at least there’s that. “If there was no bairn, would you consider dating her?”
“Aye, I guess.”
“I’m not saying that you ask her to marry you, but I think you should explore a relationship with her. She is going to be your bairn’s mother. You don’t have to be together to parent this child, but it would make things easier if you were.”
“And if things don’t work out?” Ian asks.
“You’re no worse off for trying, and at least you’ll know that you gave it some effort.”
“I guess.”
“Have you told Mum and Dad?”
He shakes his head. “I’ve been putting it off. What do you think they’ll say?”
“They’re going to think that you’ve been irresponsible, and you have been, but they’ll get over it. You know how Mum is about bairns. She’ll be happy about getting another one in the family.”
“I dread that conversation.”
“It may not seem like it right now, but this is eventually going to be all right.”
There was a time when being in this same situation would’ve caused me the same kind of despair but not today. I’m no longer afraid of what life would be like with a family. I’m more afraid of what life without Lou would be like.
She wants babies. If I’m going to make her my wife, I have to give them to her. And I will. As many as she wants, whenever she’s ready. By any means.
* * *
Rachel Meggett. The lass has been a kind, loyal friend to Lou
and that makes her all right in my book.
She stands when Claud and I enter the parlor. I scan the room, hoping to see Lou, but she isn’t here. And my hopes are crushed.
“Mr. Hutcheson. It’s a pleasure to see you again.”
Rachel and I briefly met the night of the Inamorata gala. We’ve only shared a few words, but she doesn’t feel like a stranger to me. Lou was forever talking about her best friend.
“It’s my pleasure. Thank you for agreeing to see me.”
“Of course.”
Claud goes to the wet bar and picks up a crystal decanter, removing the top. “Would you care for a whisky?”
I’ve had far too many whiskies the last two weeks. I need to dry out. “I wouldn’t care for one but thank you.”
Claud and Rachel sit on the sofa, and I take the chair across from them. “You’ve been in contact with Lou? You told her I was coming?”
“I have and I did.”
“Is she all right?”
“Is Cait safe? Yes. Is she all right? No. She’s definitely not all right.” She’s not all right because she’s hurting the same way that I’m hurting?
“She left, disappeared without a word, and she won’t respond to my calls or texts.”
“I know, but please understand that it hurt her deeply to do so. It’s still hurting her.”
“What happened? Why did she leave me?”
Rachel sighs, shaking her head. “I can’t tell you what happened, but make no mistake about it. She didn’t want to leave. It killed her to do so.”
“She was forced to leave?” I knew it. I fucking knew it. Lou didn’t leave me by choice.
“She won’t let me confirm any of the details about what led to her leaving. I’m only allowed to tell you that she will always love you and Ava Rose.”
“I need to see her.” I have to make right what Blair has done.
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Because someone is forcing her to stay away from me.” And I know who.
Lou isn’t used to dealing with the Lochridges. She can’t see that Blair doesn’t have the power to hurt her.
“I know Blair threatened Lou the day that she left.”
“I can neither confirm nor deny that.”
“I don’t need you to confirm it.” Blair is conniving but not nearly as clever as she believes. “I’m well aware of how my late wife’s family operates but Lou isn’t. They can’t hurt her. You have to tell her that.”
“I will, but it won’t change anything.”
“I want her to come back to me.” She has to come back.
“I understand that you enjoyed having Cait as your inamorata, but she isn’t coming back.”
This isn’t how I wanted to do this, but Rachel is my only line of communication to Lou. I have to lay my heart at her feet and hope that she will deliver it to Lou on my behalf.
My chest tightens and my heart hammers against it on the inside. “Lou wasn’t an inamorata to me. I love her. I. Love. Her. And I want her back with me where she belongs.”
There. I’ve said it aloud.
A quick breath catches in Rachel’s throat. “Hearing that will make her happy, but it’s not going to change her mind.”
“I love her. She loves me. We should be together.”
“I couldn’t agree more, but it’s more complicated than that.”
“All of this is Blair’s doing, but I’m going to make it right. She’s going to come back to me.”
Are those tears in Rachel’s eyes?
“Until that time comes, will you please tell her that I love her, and that Ava Rose loves her, and that we miss her terribly?”
“I will tell her.”
My nightmare isn’t over.
Time to come up with a plan B for dealing with Blair.
6
Caitriona Louden
Lou wasn’t an inamorata to me. I love her. I. Love. Her. And I want her back with me where she belongs.
I love her. She loves me. We should be together.
She’s going to come back to me.
Until that time comes, will you please tell her that I love her, and that Ava Rose loves her, and that we miss her terribly?
Oh my God. He loves me. He really and truly loves me.
Why does hearing that hurt so much?
I cup my hands over my mouth to mute the sound of my sobs so Hutch doesn’t hear me. He can’t know that I’m in the next room listening to every word he says.
I slide down the wall, becoming a crumpled mess on the floor. And that’s how I remain until Hutch leaves and Rachel comes into the room.
“Oh, Ra—” My voice breaks and I’m unable to voice the rest of her name.
She lowers herself to the floor and wraps her arms around me. “He loves you, Cait. That changes everything.”
I shake my head. “It changes nothing.”
“You silly lass. How can you possibly say that after hearing him profess his love for you?”
“The world as he knows it will be over if I’m in it. How long do you think he’ll continue to love me when having me in his life means losing everything that he has worked so hard to achieve?”
“If he truly loves you, and I believe that he does, he won’t care about what he loses.”
“He won’t want me if he knows the truth.”
“There’s only one truth and it’s that he loves you. Of course, he wants you. Why would you think otherwise?”
I blink rapidly, trying to force back the tears that are forming a blurry lens over my eyes. “Because I’m pregnant.”
The words, even as I hear them come from my own mouth, don’t seem real.
“Oh, Cait.”
“I don’t know how it happened. Even if he’s not sterile, which he obviously isn’t, I took my pill every day. This shouldn’t have happened.”
She pulls me against her and squeezes me tightly, igniting a whole new series of sobs. “Are you sure?”
“I haven’t seen a doctor yet, but my period is late and the test I took was positive.”
“You haven’t said a word about it.”
“I thought my period was late because my body was thrown off by not eating and sleeping.” I never dreamed it was because of a pregnancy.
“It could be a false positive. That happens sometimes.”
“Six times?” Because that’s how many tests I’ve taken.
Rachel sucks air though her teeth. “Ooh. That’s a lot.”
“I have an appointment with a doctor tomorrow.”
“What are you going to do if you are?”
“I have no idea.”
I’ve always seen things differently in my mind when I imagined what it would be like to find out that I was going to be a mother. My baby would be the long-awaited answer to a prayer. My husband would be thrilled and walking on air. But neither of those things is the case.
The reality is that Maxwell Hutcheson may love me, but he will not be happy about a baby. He’s made his feelings about it very clear. And that shatters my heart into a million pieces.
I may not be able to have Hutch for myself, but I’ll always have a piece of him. That brings me a little bit of happiness.
* * *
I’m sitting on the exam table waiting for the doctor. I realize how hard I’m gripping the edge when I notice my blanched knuckles. I bet my face doesn’t look much different.
“Stop fidgeting. You’re making me nervous.”
Did Rachel really just say that I’m the one making her nervous? “Oh, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t want you to be nervous or anything since it’s you sitting up here on this exam table about to find out if you’re pregnant or not.”
Rachel flips to the next page in the magazine she’s looking at. “You took six tests and every one of them was positive. Are you really still holding out hope that you’re not pregnant?”
She’s right. Six positive pregnancy tests can’t all be wrong. But a girl can hope.
“Let me live
in my world of denial for just a little while longer, okay?”
“Okay. If that’s what you want… Mummy.”
The door opens and my doctor comes into the room. “Good morning, Miss Louden. How are you doing today?”
“That all depends upon what you tell me.”
Butterflies dance in my stomach and my heart beats out of my chest while I await the verdict.
“The test came back positive. You’re pregnant.”
My face suddenly feels cold, yet I feel flashes of heat, and my head spins.
Rachel reaches out and grips my arm when I sway a little. “Cait! Are you okay?”
No. I’m not at all okay. “I need to lie down.”
I twist, lowering myself to lie on my side on the exam table.
“Slow, deep breaths,” the doctor says.
Woozy. Short of breath despite my gasps for air. Spots in front of my eyes. “I think I’m going to pass out.”
“Listen to me. You’re hyperventilating. Slow your breathing, and you’ll feel better.”
I do as my doctor says, taking slower breaths. After a few moments, I begin to feel like things are returning to normal. “I think I’m better now.”
“Are you sure? You still don’t look right to me,” Rachel says.
I hold out my hand, watching it tremble. “I’m as good as I’m going to be.”
My doctor offers her hand. “Let’s see how you tolerate sitting up.”
She pulls on my hand and grips the back of my shoulder, helping me to sit. “We need to figure out how far along you are. When was your last period?”
I don’t remember the date off the top of my head. “I need to look at a calendar.”
Rachel takes out her phone and holds it up, showing me a calendar.
“August twelfth.” I remember now because I was so happy it wasn’t happening the last two weeks Hutch and I were together.
My doctor twists a plastic wheel in her hand. “That places your pregnancy at six weeks and a day, making you due on May 19th. Does that sound right?”
“I guess so.”
“We should do an ultrasound to confirm your dates and make sure that the fetus is developing as it should. Let me check with radiology and see when they can work you in.”
Beautiful Ever After: Beautiful Illusions Duet Book 2 Page 3