She blinked over and over as though waking from a dream. “Nothing’s wrong.” Her gaze drifted to where his fingers coiled around her wrist. “I was just thinking.” She gently tugged against his hold.
Heeding his barely audible voice of reason, he let her go.
The beast rattled its cage and stomped an angry tirade, not at all tolerant with watching her walk away.
Ludan shut the door behind him and tossed his keys to the entry table. There had to be something he could say, something he could do to get her to talk. How could he fix what was wrong if she wouldn’t share what she was thinking?
She padded to the walled window overlooking downtown and stared out at the bright lights. The early evening glow radiated soft against her pretty face and accented her sad smile.
Maybe he should reach out to Lexi and ask her what to do. Then again, knowing Lexi, she’d show up at the front door inside of five minutes. The last thing he wanted was anyone between him and Brenna.
He ambled to the light switches.
Brenna’s quiet voice drifted across the room before he could flip the first one. “What’s it like?”
He bypassed the lights and prowled closer. “What’s what like?”
Even when he stood right beside her, she wouldn’t look up, but her eyes were clear in the window’s reflection, bright and burning with something that flipped all kinds of dangerous triggers. Her voice came out scratchy. Little more than a whisper. “To be kissed.”
Three little words, but they almost flattened him. If his heart didn’t calm the hell down he wouldn’t live long enough to think of an answer, let alone speak it. His lungs, on the other hand, had stopped functioning. He rubbed his jaw and waited for his mind to give him something, anything to work with.
Give her the truth.
The thought punched through his stymied state, as clear as someone standing beside him.
He knocked the idea aside as fast as it had come to him. She’d think he was an idiot if he told her the truth. Still, she’d bared her demons with him. Was he such a coward he couldn’t do the same?
He inched closer so they were side by side. “I don’t know if I’m the best judge.”
Her gaze shifted, watching him in the reflection. “You don’t like it?”
He huffed out a half laugh and shook his head. “I like it. I just haven’t done much of it.”
She gave up the view entirely and faced him. “Why not?”
Now there was a topic he wasn’t broaching. “I just haven’t.”
She pulled her lower lip between her teeth and waited.
God, he wished she wouldn’t do that. Granted he hadn’t done much kissing, but that didn’t mean he didn’t think about it. A lot. Most of it in the last few months with her in a starring role. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and pretended indifference.
“Would you…” She clasped her hands in front of her, digging the thumb of one hand into the palm of the other. “Would you consider kissing me?”
Fuck.
His whole damned world pulled a Tilt-a-Whirl, and every muscle went I-beam rigid. He couldn’t have heard her right. It had to be his head playing tricks with him. Too much time out of Eden or something.
She ducked her head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” Tucking her hair behind one ear, she shook her head and turned toward the bedrooms. “It was a silly idea. I just wondered—”
His hand whipped out and stopped her with a clench on her shoulder before his conscience could get a word in edgewise.
“It wasn’t stupid.” He moved in close, needing the proximity more than he needed air. Maybe giving her the truth wasn’t such a bad idea. At least then she wouldn’t think it had anything negative to do with her. He cupped the back of her neck, and her silky hair brushed his knuckles. “Kissing is hard for me.”
She cocked her head, fully engaged and eager for his answer.
He swallowed around the monster lump in his throat and wished like histus he had a fresh beer handy. Or a shot of strasse. “It’s intimate, and I don’t do that well. Not with the noise.”
“What noise?”
With her closeness and the physical contact, the chatter wasn’t there, but an entirely different buzz blazed between his ears. “You know all Myrens have unique gifts?”
Curling one hand around his wrist at her neck, she nodded.
“Do you know mine?”
“You read memories.”
“No, I consume them. Rapidly.”
Her eyebrows lifted. “And?”
He was out of his mind sharing this. If she ever let it slip to Eryx, or anyone else, they’d never reach out when they needed him again. “Once I have them, I hear them. All the time. Good memories, bad memories, it doesn’t matter. They’re always there. And they’re loud.”
She frowned, and her grip on his wrist tightened.
“Kissing is intimate,” he said. “It’s hard to be in the moment with all the voices in my head. So I haven’t done much. I’m not sure I’d be any good at it.”
“The voices never stop?”
The thumb he hadn’t even been aware he’d been stroking along her hairline stopped. For all the battles he’d been in, never once had his hands shook the way they did now.
Truth. She deserved it, especially with the gift her presence brought him. But what if she took it the wrong way? He tightened his hold and pulled her closer. “Not until a few days ago.”
Her muscles tightened beneath his hand, and she braced both palms on his chest.
“I knew you were different the first day I saw you,” he said. “You were unconscious, and Ramsay had you in his arms. We were about to fly back to the castle. When I got close to you the noise got quieter. Not completely gone, but bearable.”
“That’s why you acted funny around me.”
He dipped his head. “I wasn’t sure what to do about it. What it meant. And then the other day by the ocean, when I caught you, they stopped.”
“They’re gone for good?”
“No.” The Great One be praised, he couldn’t read her. Couldn’t gauge if she was pissed, happy, or disaffected. “They’re only completely gone when I touch you.”
Her fingertips pressed deeper against his chest, and her voice rasped low in her throat. “Like now.”
“Yeah, like now.”
Quiet snapped between them, the energy more charged than the Eden skies at night.
The reflection of lights from downtown shimmered in her dark eyes, and her pretty pink lips parted. “Is that why you came here with me? For the quiet?”
“No.” He might not have been willing to admit it before, but the second the answer came out, he knew it was true. “I came because it was you. Because something told me to.”
Her breath came faster, warm and buffeting softly against his T-shirt. She dipped her head just a fraction, still holding his stare, and licked her lower lip. “So we could both have a first.”
His conscience urged him to step away. The beast fisted the bars on its cage and strained for release. Her scent wrapped around him. That sweet, innocent hint of vanilla that made him think of home and simple, peaceful days, soothing him the way it always did.
“You deserve someone better for your first.” He’d probably kill anyone who tried, but it was his last-ditch effort at giving her an out.
She lifted one hand and smoothed her fingertips across his lips. Soft. A butterfly touch that fired lightning bolts straight to his dick.
His lips parted on instinct, tasting her skin with a quick flick of his tongue.
Brenna gasped and jerked her hand away, but only by a few inches. As fast as she flinched, her pupils dilated, leaving almost nothing but black. Her eyelids grew heavy, and her demeanor shifted, the shy, tentative girl shrinking beneath a curious, hungry woman. It was beautiful. The most perfect thing he’d ever seen in his life.
Her gaze roamed his face, and she trailed her closely-trimmed nails through the scruff along his jaw. “I
don’t want anyone else for my first.” Her gaze locked on to his, and her hand curled around the side of his neck. “I want you.”
Reality and common sense clicked off. With three simple words she’d shorted out all thoughts save those necessary to please her. All that was left was touch, sensation, and an all-consuming need to taste her.
He exhaled slow and shaky, fear and desire spiking his adrenaline higher than any battle. It was just a kiss. Something people did all the time. Surely he could do her first one justice.
He cupped the sides of her face and inwardly cursed the subtle shake of his big paws. Lowering his head, he focused on her perfect pink lips, pale with a subtle shimmer where she’d licked the bottom one. He wanted his tongue there, to savor the plump surface and feel her lips part.
“The truth?” He closed his eyes and slid his nose against hers, only a fine blade of air and crackling tension separating their mouths. “I want you, too.”
He sealed his lips against hers before she could respond, capturing her sweet, broken sigh in a light, teasing contact. He licked the seam, urging her to open, and groaned at her perfect taste. Remnants of ice cream and an essence uniquely hers.
Hesitantly, she opened for him, her tentative tongue meeting his and growing bolder with each decadent stroke. The world dropped farther and farther away. Nothing mattered beyond them. Beyond her and the silky, passionate glide of her lips against his. Too many nights he’d imagined a moment like this, but not one fantasy matched reality.
As if she sensed his thoughts, a tiny whimper slipped past her lips, and she urged him closer. Her soft whisper brushed across his kiss-slackened lips and kicked his pulse to a whole new level. “Ludan.”
A growl slipped free, and he held her steady as he deepened his kiss. He needed more. To feel her skin beneath his palm. To watch her respond to his touch. He pinned her hip with his other hand instead. Better that than to risk too much and jar her from the moment.
He surrendered her lips and sampled the smooth stretch along her jaw. She angled her head so the vulnerable line of her neck was exposed.
He took full advantage, teasing the sweet spot behind her ear and nipping the tip of her earlobe.
A sensual moan rumbled free, and she arched against him, gripping his shoulders and pressing her full breasts against his chest.
He snapped, pulling her to him with a firm hand at her ass and pressing his hips into hers. His aching cock pressed against her soft, welcoming belly, and the animal in him roared.
Brenna locked up, her body going ruler straight.
Loosening his hold, he eased away. The frigid terror stamped across her features nearly cut him in half. “I’m sorry.”
Bit by bit, her tension eased, but she took two steps back, breaking contact. “No, it’s okay. I…” She looked away, one hand pressed above her heart. “I’m fine. I just…” She met his eyes and blushed a deep red. “I should go.”
She spun and was halfway down the hall before his mind pried itself from its kiss-stung stupor. How could he be so stupid? He, of all people, should have understood what she’d been through. Should have been gentler. Instead he’d mauled her like the fucking brute he was.
Her bedroom door clicked shut. Such a small sound, but it rang more ominous than any sound from the castle dungeons.
Beyond the glass wall, the downtown skyline shimmered with its pretty lights and deep night skies. One chance. He’d had one chance to give her something good. To give them both something good, and he’d screwed it up.
A mournful, devastating wail rang out from somewhere deep and dark. A memory. The beast. A shout from the world outside, or his soul. He couldn’t tell which one it was. Only knew that watching her walk away shredded him from the inside out. Whatever he’d done wrong, he’d fix. The bond they’d built was too good to let it be ruined by greed on his part.
Yeah, he’d fix it. Then he’d make sure he never crossed that line again.
Chapter 14
Dressed and out of excuses to face the morning, Brenna sucked in a deep breath and opened the master bedroom door. She padded down the hallway, her loose cotton skirt and matching tank top ten times more comfortable than Lexi’s jeans and a whole lot more attractive. She’d need it today. That and anything else to help her face Ludan given the humiliating way she’d bailed on him.
Early morning sun slanted through the living room windows, buffered only by thin ivory shades lowered nearly to the floor. The apartment was silent, but Ludan was definitely up. He might not make a peep when he moved, but the scent of freshly brewed coffee wasn’t something he could hide.
Sure enough, she found him perched on a kitchen stool with his back to the entrance, his elbow propped on the gray granite countertop and his forehead resting on his hand.
The heel of her sandal barely clipped the hand-carved ebony floors before he snapped upright and faced her. “Hey.”
Like always, his deep voice sent delicious tremors through her, but there was an edge to it today. She’d have labeled it fear, but that couldn’t be right. She’d never seen Ludan afraid of anything in the months she’d known him.
She tucked her hair behind her ear and tried to smile. “Morning.” She puttered to the coffeepot and tried to still the three-ring circus flipping through her stomach. “Can I fix you something to eat?”
“I thought we’d grab something on the way out of town. No point in you cooking before a road trip.”
She reached for a coffee mug.
“We might want to get you decent coffee somewhere else, too.”
Pausing with the mug halfway from the shelf, she peered at him over one shoulder.
Ludan shrugged and nudged his cup an inch away from him. “I screwed it up pretty bad. I thought if I added more coffee than normal it might get closer to Orla’s. It didn’t work.”
She put the mug back in its place, shut the cabinet door, and sidled to the counter.
Crescent shadows marred the space beneath his eyes, and while he always scowled a little, today he seemed a little sad. “Didn’t you sleep?”
He studied the countertop, then perked up and slid off the stool, heading for the built-in escritoire at the back of the kitchen. “I gassed up the Hummer already. I grabbed you these while I was out.” He snatched a small brown bag and handed it over, still not quite meeting her eyes.
She uncoiled the wrinkled top and couldn’t help but giggle. “It’s gum.” She scooped out a handful, everything from individual Double Bubble to packaged Bubbalicious filling her palm.
For the first time since she’d entered the kitchen, he really looked at her, and a shy smile crooked one corner of his mouth. “You said you wanted some.”
“I did?”
“Yesterday. Right after we left the mall you said you remembered always having a stash when you were little.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “So I got you some.”
Of course he had. It was his way, quietly catching even her tiniest interests and handling them with infinite care. The same way he had last night before she’d gone and blown it. She dropped the handful of gum into the bag and folded the top shut. “Thank you.”
He did one of those manly chin lifts and pulled one hand free of his pocket. The Hummer’s keychain dangled from his fingers. “The Hummer’s all packed up with snacks and stuff for the trip. I got a little suitcase for you, too. I’ll get it so you can pack up your stuff.” He spun for the living room.
“Ludan, wait.”
He stopped and faced her, but his posture said he’d rather do anything except stand still.
She shuffled closer and swiped one sweaty palm against her hip. “I need to apologize.”
“No.” He shook his head and braced. “You don’t. I shouldn’t have let things go so far. That was on me, not you. But you don’t have to worry. It won’t happen again. I promise.”
A painful jolt lanced through her, nearly knocking her back a step. She wasn’t sure what was worse, him thinking he’d done something w
rong, or his vow to never repeat it. She gripped his forearm. “I didn’t run because of anything you did.”
He glanced at her hand on his arm, then slid his gaze to her.
Heat spread up her neck and across her cheeks. Despite what she needed to admit, her tongue seemed frozen. She dropped her hand and took a step back. “I didn’t know what to do.”
For the longest time, he just stared at her, motionless without so much as a hint as to what was going on behind his blue eyes. It was probably for the better. She already felt like a complete moron for the way she’d acted. Him laughing at her would only make it worse.
His rough fingers captured her chin. “There’s no reaction you could ever give me that’s wrong. If it’s the truth, then it’s all I need.” He pulled her against him, wrapping her tight in his strong arms and pressing the side of her face against his chest.
God, she loved the feel of him. The strength and care he gave with every touch. Even his scent wielded a certain power, buffeting her emotions until she felt she could endure anything or anyone.
“I thought I’d made you relive the past.” He smoothed his hand along her back. “I don’t want to make you remember what you’ve been through. Ever.”
She lifted her head enough to make eye contact. “You don’t make me think about the past. You make me believe I can have a future.”
Chapter 15
Brenna fiddled with the Hummer’s air-conditioning vent, sighed, and plunked back against her seat. The way Ludan had described a road trip it had sounded fun, but reality was another matter entirely. Eight hours they’d been on the road, and all she could claim from the experience was a stiff back and a queasy stomach. She leaned her head against the headrest and stared out the passenger window.
Knee-high grass bobbed in the wind alongside the highway. Not the bold, beautiful colors from Eden, but a pale sage color that looked sick in comparison. Even the sky seemed a little off, closer to gray instead of blue. Smog, Ludan had called it, which probably explained the smell.
In the distance, a cityscape peeked across the horizon. The buildings rose and fell at different heights, but with their deep gray color, they barely stood out against the skyline.
Eden's Deliverance (The Eden Series Book 4) Page 12