“I’m afraid I’ll hurt her.” The admission hopped out uncensored, but as soon as it caught air, a weight lifted.
“Hurt her how?”
Yeah, explaining wasn’t nearly so easy of a task. One wrong word and his dad could either write him off as a loon or a pussy. He cleared his throat, searching for the right words. “There’s a part of me that’s different. Animal almost. Like it’s got a mind of its own.”
“And?” Not a judgment. Not a funny look to go with it. Just a calm, conversational request for information.
“It’s stronger with her. Even more than when I fight.”
“As it should be.”
Ludan snapped his face toward his father.
“You’re a warrior, Ludan. Every man has a primal instinct inside him, but for a fighter, a protector, that instinct is stronger. It’s what feeds and gives us the strength to do what we do. It’s not something to be feared, but something to guide you. To protect those you love.”
Ludan slumped against the tree behind him, all the assumptions and fears he’d juggled for years scattered and rearranged into a new truth he couldn’t quite process.
“Do you love her, son?”
Ludan blinked over and over, his mind stumbling to catch up. How could he possibly answer that question? He knew he loved his family, that he loved Eryx and Ramsay as though they were his brothers, but Brenna? “I don’t know. It’s…” No words worked. “Without description.”
Graylin’s low chuckle slipped through the night’s quiet. “I remember that feeling. But I found my definition, and you’ll find yours.” He stood and paced to the edge of the sand path. “You know, there is one other thing you could do.”
“About Serena?”
“Not exactly.” His gaze caught on a streak of energy high in the sky above the far end of the lake. “More for Brenna. As a precaution.”
Ludan held his silence, waiting.
“She healed you.”
“And?”
“If she can mirror our gifts well enough to heal you, she should be able to defend herself.” He cocked his head. “Assuming someone took the time to teach her.”
He could. Absolutely, he could. Emotions may not be his forte, but fighting sure as hell was.
For the first time since he’d stalked out of the house, he found his mental footing, all the avalanching worries he’d nursed about Brenna and the upcoming scan knocked sideways by simple yet very tangible action. “You think it would work?”
“I think anything is possible. It might take more time to teach her than an awakened Myren, but it would be time well spent if she finds herself in a difficult situation.”
It was smart. Damned smart. The beast stomped and snorted from inside his cage, pissed he hadn’t thought of it first. Ludan nodded, more to himself than his dad. “I’ll work with her tomorrow.” He met his father’s gaze. “After.”
Even cast in the moon’s shadow, there was no missing his father’s frown. “Then you still plan to wait until after to see her?”
“Could you have walked away from Mom?”
A sad smile tilted his lips. “No. I could never walk away from Rista.”
“Then you understand why.”
Graylin bobbed his head and turned for the house.
“Pops.”
His father stopped and looked back.
“Ask Lexi to talk to her. Tell her I’ll be back tomorrow. I don’t want her to worry.”
Graylin scratched the back of his head and sighed. “You’ve got a lot to learn about relationships, son. No matter what Lexi conveys, Brenna will worry.” He started down the path. “But I’ll ask Lexi to talk to her all the same.”
Chapter 27
Morning sunlight slanted over the arena’s east wall, its rays sparking off the torques and cuffs of at least a hundred warriors as they powered through their daily natxu. Most were new recruits, only a few years past their awakening and fresh to their vows. Ludan shut the entrance gate behind him and studied their dedicated yet unpracticed movements. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt that eager. That lacking in cynicism.
Except the last two weeks. Those have been pretty nice.
The thought blasted so pronounced through his head, he flinched. Odd, because the voice wasn’t his own. He blinked and tried to replay it, but unlike the memories he stored, it was gone, only a dreamlike whisper in its place.
He shook it off and strode along the stadium’s far edge, angled for the tunnel entrance and the containment cells below. With every step, heads turned, curious gazes that should be focused on their drills.
Fuck if he could blame them. Hard not to ogle the only somo in history who’d filched on his vow. He threw the tunnel doors wide with a mental push and stomped down the carved stone halls. He should have picked someplace different to do his work, especially after how Angus’s scan had turned out. If things went south a second time, he’d have a much bigger audience than the first go-round.
At the end of the hall, the thick blackwood door to the malran’s private chamber stood ajar, shafts of morning light beaming through the solar tubes piped from the outside. For early morning, the place was eerily silent. A few more seasoned warriors patrolled the main hallway, but otherwise the energy patterns that registered were minimal.
He strode into Eryx’s private space, opened his mouth to offer a greeting, and stopped.
No Eryx or Ramsay. Only Lexi and her somo, Jagger.
Jagger stood in the farthest corner of the room, his legs braced shoulder width apart and arms crossed. His gaze was rooted on some random spot across the room, an expression that most would take as distracted or distant.
Ludan knew better. He’d used that same pose for years. Not only did it give the person being guarded some semblance of privacy, but it made foolhardy attackers overconfident.
Lexi kicked back in Eryx’s chair and propped one foot up on his desk. Gone was the refined gown of yesterday, replaced with combat boots, jeans, and a soft pink tank top that gave her a girly biker chick vibe. Considering the heat behind her glare, her attire was the only thing soft on the agenda.
Fine by him. After a night without Brenna and way too much adrenaline prepping for today, he’d lock horns with anyone. “Where’s Eryx?”
“Running an errand for me.” She lowered her foot, stood, and sauntered around her mate’s desk.
“And Ramsay?”
“With Eryx.” Her grin made him consider taking a step back. “Don’t worry. There won’t be delays on your memory crusade. Jag and I have it covered.” She glanced at her somo. “They ready?”
Jagger nodded.
“Okay then.” Lexi motioned Ludan down the hallway. “Let’s get busy scrambling your head, ’cause none of us got enough of it the first time.”
With a huffed chuckle, Jagger uncoiled his arms and prowled down the hallway.
Ludan waited until Lexi followed and stalked behind her. “What the hell is your problem his morning?”
“Me? I don’t have a problem.”
Women. When you wanted them to talk, they wouldn’t. When you didn’t want them to, they wouldn’t shut up. Except Brenna. Not once in the time he’d been close to her had she seesawed his brain like Lexi was now. He hoped like histus she was as levelheaded when it came to him being a no-show last night. Assuming he was still breathing on the other side.
“You talked to Brenna last night?” Better a mental thought to Lexi than one Jagger could overhear.
“Oh, I talked to her.”
Ludan snatched Lexi by the forearm and yanked her to a stop.
Jagger spun, poised on the balls of his feet and ready to attack.
Waving him off, Ludan used every inch of his intimidating height and stepped in close so Lexi couldn’t help but look up. “Talk.”
“About what? The fact that Brenna’s incredibly classy? Or the fact that you’re a ginormous asshat? Seriously, Ludan, the only reason I haven’t cut your nuts off this morning is you’re
an absolute neophyte at relationships.”
“Fuck!” He whirled away and fisted his hair at the top of his head. He gulped in giant lungfuls of air and still felt like he’d suffocate in seconds. Only when he was sure Jagger wouldn’t go for a deadly tackle did he face her. His voice came out as haggard as he felt. “You wanna cut me a little slack and explain what the hell you’re talking about?”
She studied him for way too long, mouth tight and eyes pinched. Finally, she sighed and motioned Jag toward the room at the end of the hall. “Give us a minute. We’ll be right there.”
Jagger’s gaze slid to Ludan, not giving an inch.
Ludan cocked an eyebrow. “You’re shittin’ me, right? I’ve guarded her mate for over a hundred years. You think I’d let anyone hurt her?”
“Not worried about anyone else,” Jagger growled, the golden aura that surrounded him 24-7 sparking brighter with his heightened energy. “I’m worried about you.”
With an exasperated eye roll, Lexi shooed Jagger away. “He doesn’t scare me. Go. Get the guys lined up so we can get this over with.” She waited until Jagger was out of earshot before she turned.
Bracing, Ludan crossed his arms over his chest and lifted his chin.
“Jesus,” she muttered. “You act like I’m about to come at you with a dagger.”
At this point, he didn’t know what to expect, but he damned sure knew to keep his guard up. “What’s wrong with Brenna?”
“Nothing’s wrong with Brenna. Well, except you left her alone and frightened in a place she didn’t know.”
“I asked you to tell her I’d be there after I’m done.”
Lexi planted her hands on her hips, the ire she’d barely tucked away firing right back to full bright. “Right. After you put yourself at risk again on her behalf. That alone would screw with any woman’s head. But you also left her alone the night after you’d just been intimate with her for the first time. That’s a major fuckup, Ludan. Especially for a woman like Brenna who’s just figuring out that maybe, just maybe, sex and intimacy aren’t the worst damned things in the world.”
“But I—”
“Don’t.” She held up a hand and hung her head. “I get it. We all get it. You want to make her safe, and you think digging around in a bunch of people’s heads has a shot of working. You probably even have a good reason for doing it, but it was a seriously green move on your part.”
He swallowed hard, for all the good it did him. The sand on the arena floor had more moisture than his mouth, and a whole bramble of thorn bushes had taken up root in his throat. “I didn’t think about that.”
She huffed out a tired laugh. “Yeah, I know. So did Orla, Trinity, and Galena. It took all four of us, plus a long, unplanned slumber party, to convince Brenna of it, but now she does, too. I know this whole twosome thing is new to you, but part of a relationship means thinking about things as a duo. Not you always being the hero.”
“I wasn’t trying to be a hero.”
“No, but you’re her hero. Sometimes that means you need to be beside her instead of out slaying her demons.”
He was Brenna’s hero? Really?
“Uh, yeah,” Lexi answered without him actually putting voice to the thought.
He couldn’t move. Hell, he could barely breathe with the shock ping-ponging through his head. “How do I fix it?”
Lexi’s mouth quirked, and she waved him toward the room at the end of the hall. “You get these stupid scans over with, and avoid the chest-beating Neanderthal routine next time.”
The next time. Which implied he wasn’t totally screwed. Dumbfounded, he lumbered beside Lexi on autopilot. His dad had tried to tell him. To warn him. Maybe he’d have some idea how to make it up to Brenna.
The interrogation room sat empty save Jag and a wooden chair in the center. No color except the pale gray stone and soft yellow from the sun above. Cold and impersonal, exactly the same as the day he’d taken Angus’s memories.
Jagger nodded toward the adjacent room. “We’ve got a whole roomful lined up. The top ranking according to what we got from those who turned themselves in.”
Ludan stared at the empty chair. Tingles spider-walked down his arms, and a churning weight pooled in his belly. If this went wrong, Brenna would be alone. She’d never know how he felt about her.
Do you love her, son?
He still couldn’t answer Graylin’s question. The only thing he knew for certain was that he wasn’t whole without her. Just one night alone had been torture. Apparently, she’d suffered the same.
Two warriors led a burly, barrel-chested man with scraggly black hair from the other room. He might have been a fighter for Maxis, but his brown boots, sturdy wool pants, and loose tan shirt marked him as a farmer now. He dropped to the chair and sneered at Ludan. “I thought the whole point of turning on the Rebellion meant a pardon and no further troubles.”
Eryx’s voice shot from behind Ludan. “The pardon was me feeling generous. Bad attitudes make me rethink the idea.”
Thank the Great One, he was here. Lexi and Jagger were solid, but having his best friend at his back for this drill bolstered his courage. Still, he didn’t turn. Didn’t dare for fear he’d break and run like a little girl. He’d come this far. He may as well glean what he could and get back to Brenna. If he was lucky, he’d have a semi-sane mind to grovel for forgiveness with.
He motioned the two guards behind the Rebellion man. “Hold him.”
The man volleyed his gaze between the two guards and tried to stand. “Now wait—”
The guards shoved him back to his seat, and his breath oomphed out of him.
Ludan gritted his teeth and stepped forward. He could do this. For Brenna he could do anything.
“Ludan?” Brenna said from behind him, her voice quavering.
He glanced over his shoulder and nearly staggered back a step. He hadn’t imagined it. She was here. Dark crescents marked the space beneath her eyes, but the rest of her brought the dreary room to life. Her near-black hair was loose and glossy, and her evergreen gown made her skin look like one of those delicate porcelain dolls.
Wait a minute. If Brenna was out of hiding, then anyone could find her. She wasn’t safe. Even flanked by Eryx and Ramsay.
“Don’t be mad at them.” Brenna crept forward, uncertainty marking every step. “I asked them to bring me.”
He faced Lexi, who’d taken up a front row view beside Jagger.
She shrugged and crossed her arms. “Okay, so my errand was also a tiny favor. Sue me.”
Brenna sidled close and held out her hand, palm up. “You’re right. Getting whatever information we can is smart, but you don’t have to do it on your own anymore. Not if I can anchor you.”
Her outstretched hand was steady, only a tiny tremor in her fingertips belying the courage it had to have taken to venture out like this. Or even to face his rejection.
As he enfolded her hand with his, the voices disappeared and his world righted. Like an anchor finding solid purchase, the emotional tug of war he’d battled all night settled and left a fluid, tranquil peace.
Lexi had been right in her guidance. He still wasn’t sure if what he and Brenna had qualified as a relationship, but whatever it was he was tired of fighting it. She was here, ready to fight beside him, and it was her battle as much as it was his.
Chapter 28
This was it. The last debt Serena owed the Spiritu before she could set her plans in motion. One simple yet risky move in exchange for the sum of all Myren powers.
Assuming the Spiritu’s plans worked.
Her mask in place, she scanned the Great Lawn of New York City’s Central Park and blew out a slow, calming breath. The morning sun had only crested the tree line a few hours before, but the air was already thick and muggy. At the far end of the green, the stage crew prepped for the concert slated for later that evening, and the number of park goers milling on the highly manicured turf weren’t significant enough to jeopardize her plans.
> Twenty feet away, the news crew readied for their midday news segment. A pond was just a stone’s throw away to their right. The Reservoir, they called it, or had before they’d tacked Jackie O’s name to it. An idyllic place for what she was about to do and strategically perfect so long as Uther held up his part of the plan.
For the fourth time in less than thirty minutes, she second-guessed her decision not to re-forge a link with Uther. Confirming his location would have gone a long way to ease her mind, not to mention allowed for fluid communications, but she’d learned all too well the weakness links created. The price to break them was even higher.
No, she’d chosen the right path. If things went south, she’d simply mask herself, fly out of range, and port back to Eden. Clean and efficient.
The sun’s position registered nearly eleven o’clock. Only a few more minutes to showtime.
Serena drifted closer to the news crew. She hovered a good foot off the ground, but her energy vibrated with such a heady mix of adrenaline and fear it reverberated off the soft soil and wavered over her skin in tiny pulses.
The female reporter paced to her spot before the cameras, head bent to the tablet in her hand. With her other hand, she smoothed her sleek blonde hair into place, the gesture absent, yet well-practiced.
“Two minutes.” Her videographer hustled forward, one arm outstretched with the woman’s microphone. “You’re on after intros.”
The reporter nodded and tucked her earpiece into place. “Be sure you get a good shot of the stage. Tonight’s band is a crowd favorite.”
Oh, they’d get a good shot. Not of the stage, but of something so much better.
The two support people stopped their chatter, and the man behind the camera centered himself in front of the reporter. “In five, four, three…” He motioned, “two, one,” with his fingers and pointed to the reporter.
The woman’s false, bright smile clicked into place. “Good morning, Renee! And you’re absolutely right, New York City is in for a treat tonight as we’re expecting a sold-out crowd for our latest Summer Stage performance.”
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