by Lady Lissa
I run downstairs and bump into my mom.
“Where are you going in such a rush?” she asks.
“Sorry mom. I just have something that I need to take care of real quick,” I tell her.
“Does it involve Gregory?”
“Why would you ask that?”
“I was just wondering. I mean, you look so cute and y’all are still dating right?” she asks.
“Yes and yes. It does involve him and we are still dating,” I respond.
“Okay, so where y’all going?” she asks.
“I’m surprising him. He doesn’t know that I’m coming,” I say.
“Do you really think that’s a good idea? I mean, maybe you should let him know you’re on your way? Sometimes showing up at a man’s place of business or house is not the best thing. I’m just saying,” she says.
“I appreciate that mom but I think he’ll like this surprise,” I say, giving her a wink before putting my Ray Ban’s and grabbing my keys.
“Be careful honey. This could go good or bad,” she says.
“I’ll be fine mom,” I say.
That’s one thing you can’t tell teenage girls is something they already think they already know. Even though my mom could be on to something, I’ll never admit that shit. The truth of the matter is, I don’t really give a damn one way or the other how Gregory is going to feel about me showing up at his house. That serves him right for trying to play me the way that he did.
I walk out the house and get in my car. I punch the address in my navigation system and head towards his place, anxious to see where he lives, who he’s married to, and how many children he has. This nigga has been dating and lying to me for two damn years. Two years is a long ass time to deceive someone.
I turn up the music on my radio, which reflects my mood right about now. Mary J. Blige is screaming exactly how I feel at this moment with her song, Not Gon Cry. And I definitely ain’t about to cry or shed any more tears behind that loser. I pull onto the street that he lives on and the house is a couple of doors down.
I am just about to get out the car when my phone rings. I look at the caller ID and it’s good ole Cousin Ernest. I knew after talking to Onyx that Mandy would be heading over there. Who else is gonna fix her car and not charge her shit? She sure wasn’t going to get the insurance company to do it since she’s evading the police.
“Hey Cuddin’, what’s going on with you?”
“Hey baby girl. Guess what,” he says and I can hear him smiling.
“That bitch called you didn’t she?” I ask.
“Hell yea. She did even better than that. She came over here with her front windshield smashed up and her hood on her car dented up. She asked can I fix her shit for a hundred bucks,” he says.
I knew I could count on my cousin to tell me the real deal. He and Mandy never got along that well because she always thought she was better than him; at least that’s what he thinks. I think they don’t get along because Mandy just has ugly ass ways. She only looks for Ernest when she needs him and always acts like he has to help her.
Now me and Ernest on the other hands, are almost best friends. My cousin is a great auto mechanic and he can repair a car to its factory condition. He is that good. I always asked why he never opened a legitimate shop in town where he can make more money. He said he doesn’t want white people’s hands in his money.
As soon as I saw Ernest’s number on my phone, I backed out the driveway and start heading for his house. Me and that bitch Mandy have some unfinished business and ain’t no time like the present to handle it. I will deal with Gregory’s wife soon enough.
“A hundred bucks! That bitch must think you’re stupid or something huh?” I ask, wanting to stir a pot that I already know is boiling.
“I know but if she wants me to fix that shit, she gon’ have to pay me five hundred,” he says.
“Five hundred? Are you repairing the windshield and the dent or just the windshield?”
“Just the windshield,” he says.
“Okay, well that’s a good price. When is she coming back?” I ask.
“She’s supposed to come back this morning. I’m fixing to head over to the junk yard to get a windshield for her damn car and then I’ll be back. Why? You coming over here?” he asks.
“You already know I’m on my way. That bitch owes me an ass whipping and I’m about to collect.”
“Oh shit! Well, don’t do shit until I get back. Just in case you and Mandy make it here before I get back from the junk yard,” he says.
“You got that,” I say and end the call with him.
I should call Onyx so he can come meet us too but my cousins live out in the boonies, so he will never find that place without someone to guide him. I don’t have the time to do that either because I need to go handle Mandy’s ass. It’s cool though. I’ll have all the proof I need for the police to nail her ass when I get pictures of her old windshield. Like my mom used to say, there is more than one way to skin a chicken.
CHAPTER FOUR
Mandy
The next day, I head back to my cousin’s house so Ernest can fix my windshield for me. I need him to get this done because if he doesn’t, they may track down my car and it’ll be known that I was the one who hit that bitch, Starr. When I do arrive at his house, he’s already outside in the shed that he uses to fix cars in. I pull up to the shed and blow the horn. He comes to the entrance, cleaning his filthy hands on a dirty rag.
“What the fuck you blowing that damn horn like that for Mandy? You out yo fuckin’ body or some shit?” he asks.
Damn! This nigga wake up on agg. It is too early for this shit but since I need a favor from him, I’m just gonna have to take that shit. I just smile and try to get the words out without trying to choke his ass.
“Sorry for blowing my horn like that. It’s just that I really need you to help me fix my windshield Ernest. Don’t you remember? I came by here yesterday, well last night and asked for your help. I told you I’d pay you a hundred bucks if you would help me,” I explain.
“Yea, I remember that shit. Hey look though, I was thinking, if I’m gon’ help you fix that windshield, I’ma need more than a bill to make that shit happen,” he says.
“What do you mean?”
“C’mon girl, you ain’t stupid. Everything has a price and my price is five hundred bucks,” he says with a huge smile.
“FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS? Are you serious?” I ask.
I can’t believe he would up the price on me overnight. I mean, why agree to a hundred if you gon’ turn around and charge more? It just doesn’t make sense. I bet it’s his greedy ass mama that made him change the price on me.
“Hell yea I’m fuckin’ serious! You want yo shit fixed, I want five hundred smackeroos. Now, I done already been to the junk yard and paid some money for the windshield, so whatchu wanna do?” he asks, chewing the side of his lip like a damn child.
“What ever happened to family helping family? You usually fix members of the family’s car for a lot cheaper than this. Why you charging me so much?” I ask.
“Family helping family still exists but I don’t like you Mandy. I know that you know that shit and if I didn’t know how to work on cars and shit, yo ass wouldn’t even be here acting all nice and shit. You always think yo shit don’t stink and that you better than other people. If you want me to fix that windshield, I’ll do it but for no less than five hundred dollars. You got that?” he asks.
Wow! Now what the fuck am I supposed to say to that shit? I don’t have a choice but to pay the fuckin’ money to his ass. UGH! He said he doesn’t like me, well that ain’t no surprise because I never liked his ass either. And he’s right, if it wasn’t for the fact that he knows how to work on cars, I wouldn’t even be here.
“I got it and you’re wrong for that. I’m your cousin and you should wanna help me. That’s what families do for each other,” I say.
“Fuck that shit! If I learned anything about family, it’s that
they will screw the fuck outta you if given the chance. I’m not about to sit here n wait for you to screw me. Now, you want your shit fixed or not?” he asks.
Again, what the fuck am I supposed to say? It’s not a matter of wanting my windshield fixed, I NEED my windshield fixed. Damn! I’m gonna have to go to the freaking ATM and take out more money on my mom’s card. She is going to have a fit when she finds out I jacked her for five hundred dollars. I will never hear the end of it.
“Damn, of course I want it fixed you idiot!” I yell, letting out my frustration.
“Aye, watch who you calling a fuckin’ idiot, bitch! You’re the one who needs me. I don’t need yo ass and not only that, I heard about that girl that got run over at the hotel. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that shit, would you? Maybe that’s why you want your windshield fixed so damn bad, because you’re the one that ran her down,” he says with a sly smile on his face.
“What? What the hell are you talking about? Someone got run over at a hotel?” I ask, trying to act innocent.
“You know what the fuck I’m talkin’ about. That innocent shit ain’t gonna work on me,” he says.
“Don’t be ridiculous! I told you I hit something in the fuckin’ road!”
Where the fuck did he get that little tidbit of information from? This nigga don’t watch the news so who could have told him about the hit and run. And even if someone did tell him about it, how does he trace that back to me? He ain’t that smart to figure this shit out himself.
“Yea, aight, whatever. Just know that I ain’t as dumb as you think cuz. I know that you have the same make and model car as the one the police say hit that girl. Five hundred or you can find someone else to fix this shit,” he says.
“Fine! I’ll give you the five hundred, just please fix my car!” I beg.
I am not in the habit of begging this nigga for shit. I hate that I have to stoop to that level to get him to do something for me that he should do because we’re related. And then to have to pay him five hundred bucks. Damn, this nigga is something else.
“Ernest! Ernest come over here for a minute!” his mom calls.
“I’ll be right back,” he says.
He walks off and goes to see what his mom wants. I watch the exchange between the two of them and then they both look towards me. He comes back to where I am and I can see a difference in his attitude.
“You lucky you paying me five hundred because my mom was about to call the police on yo ass,” he says.
“What? Why the hell she wanna do that shit for? Damn, y’all have really changed.”
“Whatever. I’ma get to work on yo damn car,” he says.
He turns toward my car and I just stand there with my arms crossed over my chest watching him. This nigga here is full of shit; him and his fat ass mama. I am chilling and watching him when a car pulls into the driveway. What the fuck? How the fuck did this bitch even know I was here?
Ernest looks over at the driveway and smiles.
“Well, well, well. Looks like you bout to get yo ass WHOOPED!!” he says with a laugh.
What the hell is this nigga talking about now?
CHAPTER FIVE
Luciana
The whole ride to my cousin’s house, I listen to the song, I Hate You Bitch by Z-Ro because that is exactly how I feel about my cousin Mandy right now. I can’t wait to see her ass so I can punch her in the fucking jaw. I hope when I hit her, I break her damn jaw and knock some teeth out. I wanna fuck her up so bad, nobody will want her ass anymore.
When I turn down the street my cousin, Ernest lives on, I get super hype. I can’t get there fast enough. I press down harder on the accelerator. It ain’t like the police be around these neck of the woods anyway. When I pull up in the driveway, Ernest had just taken her old windshield off her car. She’s standing there watching him with her arms across her chest.
Yaaasssssss! Seeing the look on that bitch’s face when she looks up and sees my car, has me all giddy and shit. I can’t wait to put this ass whooping on her. She done fucked up way too many times and if I let her get away with this shit, I’m no better than her. She wanna run over people, that’s her problem. Me, you can call me old school because I like to bust that ass with my damn fist. I like to kick a bitch’s ass with punches, slaps, and knock down drag outs.
I jump out the car and head her way. She’s looking at me like I ain’t fixing to do shit to her, but she better get ready.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” she asks.
I don’t say shit as I lay into her ass with punches. She swings back at me, hard too but I don’t slow down my punches. She and I ain’t related for nothing. We both know how to throw down when it comes to fighting. For every slap she gives me, I punch the shit out of her. I finally get her ass down on the ground and I waste no time climbing on top of her.
“You knew that nigga was married!” SMACK! I slap her ass. She tries hard to get me off of her but I’m relentless and determined to beat her ass.
“You didn’t tell me that son of a bitch was married!” POP! I punch her in the face.
“GET THE FUCK OFF ME LUCY!” she screams as I continue punching and slapping her. I don’t know how she manages to do this but she hits me with a real good punch, sending me backwards. That shit really hurt, but I don’t have time to react.
She immediately jumps up and tries to get over on me. I kick her with my foot, hard in the stomach. She steps back a couple of steps, almost falling to the ground, but she doesn’t. I know she got some pretty good licks on me because I’m tired, but I am not going to stop giving it to her.
“I HATE YOU!!” she says.
“I HATE YOU TOO!” I tell her as I lunge for her again.
“ERNEST! ERNEST! YOU STOP THOSE BITCHES FROM FIGHTING IN MY FUCKIN’ YARD BEFORE I CALL THE POLICE ON THEIR ASSES!” I hear his mom say.
All of a sudden, Ernest steps between us and says, “Y’all gotta quit that shit yo! My moms say she gon’ call the police on y’all asses! Whatever y’all got going on, y’all need to finish that shit on y’all own turf. Bitch if you want yo car fixed, you better keep yo hands to yo fuckin’ self with yo monkey ass. Choooooo!! Lucy beat the brakes off yo muthafuckin’ ass!”
Ernest is a damn fool. That nigga know he ain’t right in the head. But he is right about me putting a whipping on Mandy’s ass though. I don’t know what she’s done to my face yet, but I know I got that lip bleeding, that right eye swollen and a bunch of scratches on her face. I even tore her damn shirt and her weave looks like someone used it to mop the floor. I’m a bad bitch.
“This ain’t over with bitch,” I tell Mandy.
“Bring it bitch!” she says.
“Lemme fix that damn windshield so you can get yo ass outta here,” Ernest says.
“Yes please hurry so I can get from around here,” Mandy says.
“Ernest, I’ma holla at you cuz,” I tell him.
“Yea cuz. Hit me up,” Ernest says.
I walk off and get in my car. The first thing I do is look at myself in the mirror. My hair is a mess, she busted open my lip too and I have this huge bruise under my right eye. I also have a scratch and bruise on my shoulder, next to my neck.
“Stupid bitch!” I say as I back out the driveway. I will definitely get her ass again. This shit is not over; not by a long shot.
Now I need to go handle that other bitch. I grab my handbag and a comb, trying to make myself more presentable. I have some unfinished business on the other side of town that I need to handle. I get the wet ones out of my hand bag and begin to dab after the cuts and scratches; just the ones that have blood on them. When I’m satisfied with the way I look, I make my way back to the other side of town.
When I finally arrive, I smile at the beauty of the house. It’s very nice from what I can see of the outside. The outside is really pretty with the tall palm trees and neatly trimmed bushes. I cannot believe he was hiding this nice house from me. Why didn’t he think I deserved a nice ho
use like this? I pull into the driveway, put the car in park and check myself out in the mirror again.
I am so cute right now. I know you think that I’m conceited and guess what. I don’t give a shit. I look good and I know how good I look, so why deny that? I step out the car, smooth my skirt, and walk up to the front door. I ring the doorbell and wait for someone to answer. A few minutes later, a pretty heavy set chocolate woman pulls the door back.
“Hello, can I help you?” she asks.
I take a couple of minutes to inspect her first. She has big hips, big breasts and a flabby stomach. She has a pretty face, but her weave needs to be resewed because it looks like shit. You know one of those bad hair weaves people get with the cheap, synthetic extensions that you can’t get wet? That’s the kind of hair she has in her head. Gregory has a great job so I wonder why her hair looks like matted Shih Tzu hair.
“Yes, my name is Lucy and I was wondering if I could speak with you for a minute?”
“What is this about?” she asks.
“It’s about your wonderful husband Gregory. Now can I come in?” I ask with a huge smile on my face.
She looks at me, as if trying to decide if I’m going to be a threat to her or not. I suppose if some bitch showed up on my doorstep wanting to talk to me about my husband, I’d be looking at her the same way. She’s staring at me as if she’s retarded or something. Well, that would explain why Gregory cheats on her and she’s still with him. She’s slow.
“Look, it’s really important and I promise you that you’ll want to hear this,” I tell her.
She continues to study my face for a few more seconds. When she realizes that I’m unarmed and pose no threat to her, she steps back and allows me to come inside.
“Come in but make it brief. I got things to do,” she says as I follow her inside.
They have a beautiful house. It has high vaulted cathedral ceilings, a beautiful crystal chandelier in the front foyer, shiny wood floors, and beautiful furniture. This fat bitch is living a good life up in here with her lying ass husband. I think she deserves to know who she is really married to. If it were me, I’d wanna know.