Before I die? Joyce wanted to snap. The therapist let her words trail off, but Joyce knew that that was why she was here. This was supposed to be a state-of-the-art facility, but she’d seen too many people die. It’s like they sent anyone over sixty and battling a disease here to wait on death.
“I’m trying to help you,” she said, her tone even as if she was trying to put Joyce at ease.
“You tell me how I’m supposed to get over betrayal from a child I brought into this world?” She sat up. “You know what? Don’t tell me because there is nothing that you can say to me. The only reason I tolerate her now is so that she can constantly be reminded of the pain she put me through.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Don’t tell me what I mean.” She folded her arms across her chest and glared.
“You don’t,” the therapist said. The calmness of her voice was pissing Joyce off.
“You may not be ready yet,” the therapist continued, “but we have to address it. You may not know this, but I’m honest with my patients. You’re on a downward spiral. Cancer is . . .”
Joyce covered her ears like a two-year-old. She hated when they brought up the C-word. If cancer was gonna take her, she just wished it would show up in the middle of the night and do it, the end.
“I’m stressed, I’ve had a hard life, now my body is all jacked up on the inside, and I’m pissed. That’s what’s wrong with me,” Joyce retorted.
“Just because you don’t face unpleasant truths doesn’t mean they go away,” the therapist said as she closed her notebook. “I think you know that. But I’ll let you go for today. I need you to understand, though, I’m not releasing you from the sessions until I see a breakthrough.”
Joyce swung her legs off the chaise and onto the floor, then stood up. She guessed they would be doing these sessions until the day she died because when it came to her daughter, there would never be a breakthrough.
“I’ll see you next week,” the therapist said as Joyce walked to the door.
Joyce silently cursed all the way back to her room.
Lauren had known Vivian Harold less than a year, since they met in a hot yoga class. But the two had instantly connected and had become extremely close—closer than Lauren had been to any woman since high school. That’s why Lauren looked forward to their twice-a-month happy-hour outings.
Vivian was divorced. She didn’t like to talk about her ex much, but she didn’t seem bitter, which was surprising since she’d lost custody of her son in the divorce. Vivian said that losing her son had torn out her soul and sent her into a deep depression for over a year. But she said she was doing better and now trying to focus on the positive: her ex was a lousy husband but a great dad.
Vivian had now embraced her single life. She did get to see her son every other weekend, so that gave her some joy. Lauren had never met him because Vivian was adamant that their time together was sacred.
“Sorry, girl,” Vivian said as she returned to the table. “These margaritas are going straight through me.”
They’d been sitting in the bar area at Saltgrass Steak House for the past hour. Vivian was on her third margarita.
“Pick up any new men while I was gone?” Vivian asked, sliding back into her seat.
“Ha-ha,” Lauren replied. “No, I don’t need any new men.”
“Oh, that’s right. Your roster is full.” Vivian shook her head. “I don’t know how you do it. So what’s up for the weekend? Which one of your guys is up?”
“Believe it or not, I’m free. And the only one I want to spend time with is heading out of town.”
“Oh yeah, Prince Matthew.”
As Lauren laughed, her phone started vibrating. She picked it up, then smiled and turned the phone to show Vivian who was calling.
“We talked him up,” Lauren said. She pushed the ACCEPT button. “Hello?”
“Hello, beautiful.”
Matthew’s voice had a way of warming her insides.
“What are you doing?” Matthew asked.
“Having drinks with my friend Vivian.”
“I can’t wait to meet her. The fact that a female managed to get close to you is mind-boggling,” he replied.
“I know, right?” Lauren laughed and smiled in Vivian’s direction. “She’s cool. I like her a lot. You’ll get to meet her at some point. What are you doing?”
“Leaving a meeting. Trying to see what your plans are for this evening. My flight was pushed back till tomorrow, so I won’t be going out of town tonight. I was seeing if you wanted to go catch the old-school hip-hop concert with me.”
“The one with LL Cool J and Doug E. Fresh at the PNC Center?” she said eagerly.
“Yep. That one. Front row, baby.”
Lauren hadn’t done anything like that in years. Despite her initial reaction, though, she started feeling a fluttering in her stomach. That sensation was growing every moment she spent with Matthew. He was so easy to love, and that, Lauren didn’t want, especially because it had taken her so long to stop loving him.
“Ah, you know, I’d love to, but I have a full calendar this weekend. How about I give you a call later?”
His voice was filled with disappointment. “Oh, okay,” he said. “You do that. Call me if anything changes.”
Lauren ended the call and looked across the table at a shocked Vivian.
“I thought you said you didn’t have anything to do this weekend.”
“I don’t.”
Vivian looked confused. “I thought you said you liked him.”
“I do.” Lauren shook her head. “But he’s single.”
Vivian rolled her eyes. “That’s the person you should be going out with.”
Vivian didn’t understand how complicated it was. “He’s single and I have feelings for him. Shoot, I used to be madly in love with him. Maybe I still love him. Nope, not a good combo. I’m not about to get my heart broken.”
Vivian swirled her finger around the rim of her glass. “Maybe that’s what you need. A man of your own.”
Lauren wasn’t that crazy about all the free advice. “Well, my, aren’t we the judgmental one?”
“I’m not trying to be judgmental. It’s just that I watch you with all of these guys and you try to pretend that you’re happy, but you’re really not. And here’s this guy that you already know, that you have feelings for, that has a good job with benefits, that is really feeling you. You want to push him away because he’s not wearing a wedding ring. Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?”
Lauren couldn’t deny that to most people it did sound strange. “Sure, but . . .”
Vivian seized upon her hesitation. “I’m just saying, you should give Matthew a real shot. You and these married men, all you’re doing is helping with the destruction of the black family.”
“I date white and Latino guys, too,” Lauren said, laughing.
Vivian didn’t laugh with her. “It’s not funny.”
Lauren lost her smile, getting irritated with the remarks from someone who couldn’t possibly know where she was coming from. The reason she and Vivian had gotten along was that Vivian didn’t judge her. If that was about to change . . .
“Wow, who pissed on your parade?”
Vivian’s look of anger quickly disappeared. “I just want you to get your own slice of happiness. That’s all.”
Lauren took out her credit card to pay for their drinks. Vivian had pissed her off and she was ready to wrap up this unhappy hour outing. “Well, don’t worry about me. I’m good.”
“Are you really?” Vivian asked. “Everyone gets tired of playing the field. I know you say you don’t want to ever get married, but do you really want a lifetime of being second?”
Lauren didn’t reply. She didn’t want Vivian to know how much those words were cutting her.
Today was one of those rare days when Lauren got to lounge around the house and relax. She had broken down and called Matthew back to take him up on his offer to go to th
e concert. They’d ended up having the best time they’d had in years.
The two had been talking almost daily over the last three weeks. They’d fallen right back into their natural groove, and she loved that not once had he talked to her about sex. They’d had amazing sex in college, but she was so much more experienced now. She’d love the opportunity to show him that. At some point.
Everything inside her had wanted to invite Matthew back up to her place after the concert last night, but she knew that would be opening Pandora’s box. She’d bowed out of a nightcap with the excuse that she had to finish a jewelry order for the Houston Women’s League for seventy-five custom necklaces as gifts for their Mother’s Day luncheon—an order that was actually finished two weeks ago.
That Women’s League order should allow her to sit pretty for a while, since her pieces cost so much. So today she would be doing nothing but relaxing and getting caught up on her marathon of Scandal.
She’d already turned on “do not disturb” on her phone. The only numbers allowed to come through were from her favorites. She added Matthew to that list of two, which included Vivian and her mother’s rehab, which technically wasn’t a favorite but was a necessity.
The credits were rolling on the first episode of Scandal when her phone rang, which surprised her because she knew Matthew was on his flight to Hong Kong and Vivian had her weekend with her son. Her heart dropped when she saw the number for the Evergreen Center.
“Hello?”
“Yes, is this Ms. Robinson?” the woman said.
“It is.”
“This is Sophia at the Evergreen Center.”
“Yes,” Lauren said with trepidation.
“We, umm . . . have a situation here. Your mother, well, she took a pretty bad fall.”
“A fall?” Lauren’s heart started racing. “What?”
“She’s okay, but they are transporting her as a safety precaution.”
“Okay. Transporting her where?” Of course her mother would find a way to mess up her serene day. Lauren shook off that thought. Her mother didn’t know she had a day off, let alone conspired to destroy it.
“Well, where is she?” Lauren repeated.
“I just wanted to let you know that, again, she is okay, but that did spark cause for concern. She’s at Duke Regional.”
“Okay,” Lauren said, throwing back the afghan and getting up. “I’ll be there in about thirty minutes.”
Exactly thirty-three minutes later, Lauren pulled into the hospital, then whipped into a handicap parking space. She’d come move her car later, she thought, as she grabbed her purse and raced inside.
“Yes, I’m here to see Joyce Robinson,” she said once she reached the nurse’s station.
The woman tapped some keys on her keyboard. “Yes, she was just admitted. And you are?”
“I’m her daughter, Lauren. Is she okay?”
“Oh, yes.” The nurse was one of the cold, efficient sorts. “Your mother is fine but you’ll have to talk to the doctor about specifics. She’s in Room 236.”
Lauren raced down the hall to find her mother sitting up on the edge of the bed, arguing with the nurse who was trying to get her to lie down.
“Get your hands off of me, lady!” her mother cried.
“Mrs. Robinson, please. Calm down,” the nurse said.
“Mom,” Lauren said, poking her head in the door. Their eyes met and briefly they connected. But, just as quickly all recognition was gone.
“Mom?” her mother replied, a frown etched across her face. “I don’t know you.”
Lauren could tell by the expression on the nurse’s face that she was confused. “I’m her daughter,” Lauren told the nurse as she walked over to her mother. “It’s okay, Mom. Just do what the nurse says.”
Joyce snatched her arm away. “I don’t have any daughters. I just have a son.”
Even though she should’ve been used to the insults by now, it hurt Lauren to hear her mother deny her. Again. And it would be different if she could say for sure if it was the brain tumor.
“Yes, I’m your daughter,” Lauren mustered up the strength to say. “Julian, my brother, your son, is out of town. I take care of you.” Her words were slow and deliberate, as if speaking them slowly would make a difference.
“I don’t need anybody to take care of me,” her mother snapped. She turned to the nurse. “Get her out of here.”
“Mom . . .”
“Why do you keep calling me that? Who are you? Why are you in here?” Joyce was getting more and more riled up.
The nurse finally stepped forward. “Ma’am, I’m trying to get her settled,” she told Lauren. “This may be making it worse.”
“I-I’m just trying to help.” The realization that her mother wasn’t faking tore at her heart.
“Leave me alone. Where’s my husband?” Joyce demanded. “Vernon!” she started yelling. “Vernon! Where’s Vernon? Tell him I’m in the hospital and to come get me out of here.”
“Ma’am, I need you to calm down,” the nurse said.
Lauren swallowed the lump in her throat. “Mama, Daddy isn’t here.”
“He’s never here when I need him,” she snapped. “Tell him I said get back here. I need him. I need him!” Joyce buried her face in her hands and sobbed.
Lauren wanted to cry, too. If she’d had any doubt about whether her mother was acting, it was gone now. She’d only seen her mother enter that state where she longed for her husband twice before. But each time was more painful than the last. And this time was no exception.
“Mama, you need to lie down and calm down so they can evaluate you, then we can get you out of here. This—”
Before Lauren could finish her sentence, her mother lurched upward and slapped her hard across the face. The blow was stinging and brought even more tears to Lauren’s eyes. Her mother hadn’t hit her in years, but that blow packed an emotional and physical punch.
“I told you. Stop calling me ‘mama’! I would never have a daughter that dresses like a whore.” She looked at Lauren’s tight jumpsuit in disgust.
The nurse stepped up. Her voice was gentle as she said, “I’m sorry, it might be best if you left.”
Lauren glared at her mother as she fought back the tears. Gladly, she thought. Sick or not, she was leaving, and the way Lauren was feeling, she doubted she would ever be back.
Years ago, Lauren swore that her mother would no longer make her cry, and for the most part, she had held true to that promise. But on the way home, her emotions were betraying her. She couldn’t hold back the river of tears. This visit had drained the life from her.
Lauren had asked the doctor what caused her mother’s meltdown, but no one could tell her anything. She hadn’t stuck around to find out why her mother had passed out.
Lauren usually bore the brunt of her mother’s fiery temper. But today the vitriol was on a whole other level. Despite her love for her mother, Lauren could take only so much.
As she was driving, Lauren could no longer control the waterworks. Then she saw her brother’s phone number pop up on her caller ID. She quickly pushed DECLINE. Julian called back two more times and then sent a text:
I know you’re sending me to voice mail. Answer the phone.
Although Lauren had no desire to speak to him, she pulled over to the side of the road so that she wasn’t driving down the freeway screaming at her brother. And she had no doubt that this conversation would end in a screaming match.
“What do you want?” she said when he picked up.
“What the hell did you do?” he yelled at her.
How typical, to blame her. “Look, Julian, don’t start with me.”
“What happened today? Mama is hysterical. The nurse called me. They can’t calm her down. You got her worked up, then didn’t bother to stick around.”
“You know what?” Lauren yelled right back. “I’m taking a page from your book. Not bothering to stick around.”
“Don’t go there with me.”
“No, you know what, Julian? Let’s go there. I’m tired. This woman hates me. She’s hated me for years and I have put up with it. I have endured. Meanwhile, you use the distance as an excuse to distance yourself from us.”
“What would you suggest I do, Lauren?” Julian huffed.
“Be there for her. Come see her. Hell, move her there with you. She hates me and she doesn’t hesitate to let it be known. I’m sick and tired of it!”
“Our mother is sick, Lauren. Cut her some slack.”
“You don’t think I know that?” Lauren cried, the tears flowing full stream now. “I see the disease literally sucking the life from her. I see the sadness in her eyes. And I put on a brave front even though it’s painfully obvious my mother is going to die hating me.”
This brought him up short. Several seconds passed before he said, “So, is that what this is all about? You’re upset because she’s mad at you for betraying her?”
Lauren told herself not to participate in this old game. “I know exactly what I did to her. Neither of you will ever let me forget.”
“Look, Lauren, I don’t want to fight with you. I’m just really worried about Mama.”
“Move. Her. There.”
“I’ve already explained,” Julian replied. “You know we can’t do that. I have a family.”
And I don’t and never will, she thought to herself. She knew those were the unspoken words her brother wanted to say. For the longest time, Lauren had never really cared about a family. But the loneliness was setting in. The men in her life were temporary companions. They didn’t care about her problems with her mother. They weren’t there to comfort her through whatever she might be going through. They wanted a good time, period. Lauren found herself longing for something more. Right now she wanted to talk to Matthew.
“Are you there?” Julian said.
“Julian, I can’t do this with you today,” Lauren replied. “I’m drained. I’m exhausted and I just want to get home. I’m done.”
“No. You’re not,” he replied. “That is our mother and you will not be done as long as she has breath in her body.”
The Perfect Mistress Page 13