“You know I don’t normally loan out my pictures because folks don’t take care of stuff that’s important to me, but I think sometimes we need to let the good times overpower the bad. Maybe these pictures can bring a slew of good memories back.”
Lauren seriously doubted that. Still, she took the bag her aunt handed her and began filling it with the family photos. She’d take them, but she doubted she’d ever show them to her mother.
Over the last year, physically Joyce had had some good days and a lot of bad days. She denied it to everyone, but she knew something was wrong long before anyone else. After all, cancer had claimed her mother. Why would it not be passed down in the family?
Joyce considered the fact that she was in denial about the possibility that it would take her prisoner, too. But it had and now she was spiraling into an abyss that she had no control over, and she absolutely hated it.
Today, thank God, was one of the good days.
She had had a dream last night about the day she met Vernon. And the day he proposed was the most special time ever. That’s what she had dreamed about.
But now that she was awake, reality was setting in. For every good memory Joyce had with Vernon Robinson, there were three bad ones to go along with it.
Joyce didn’t realize that she was crying until Pearl stuck her head in the door. Joyce hated that these rooms didn’t have locks.
“You coming to dinner?” she asked.
“You ever heard of knocking?” Joyce snapped, dabbing her eyes.
“Sorry.” She eased the door back closed.
Joyce tried to pull herself together. Pearl was the only somewhat friend she had here. She didn’t mean to be so mean, but she couldn’t control the bitterness that burned inside her. Maybe if she had some closure before Vernon died . . . Maybe if she could find forgiveness before she died.
Joyce didn’t know. What she did know was that she was tired of hurting. And if her heart couldn’t be healed, maybe death wouldn’t be such a bad thing, after all.
Joyce took a deep breath. Her mind was getting all jumbled. This man had been dead for years. Why in the world did he still get to her so?
“Knock, knock,” Ernest said, knocking on her door and walking in at the same time. Normally Joyce would’ve gone off on him, but for once she welcomed his company.
“Hey,” she said softly.
He did a double take at her response. “I-I was just checking on you,” he said. “I heard about what happened with your daughter, you know, you slapping her.”
Hitting Lauren made Joyce wonder if she had pushed her away for good—and that thought scared Joyce to death.
Yeah, baby. Just like that. Oh, yeah. You’re making me so hot,” Lauren moaned as she shifted the phone from her right to her left ear.
“You want it, don’t you?” he moaned, his voice husky and passionate.
“I do, Daddy. I do,” she said as she opened the washer and took the load of clothes out. She loaded the clothes into the dryer as Thomas continued to moan. Lauren had no idea why men got off on phone sex. It did absolutely nothing for her. But because it made her men happy, she did what she had to do.
Lauren rolled her eyes as Thomas reached his climax. She glanced at the time on her phone. This time it had taken him a whole four minutes.
“Girl, you sure know how to make a man feel good,” he said, breathless.
“Only for you, love. Only for you,” she replied as she moved the next load of clothes into the washing machine.
“All right, let me get back to work,” he said, his voice filled with satisfaction. “I’ll call you later.”
“Okay, baby,” she replied. Not that she was participating, but Thomas hadn’t been the least bit concerned about her enjoyment. Typical. Maybe it’s time to change my number, she thought. With the way things were going with Matthew, she didn’t know why she was still fooling with Thomas anyway. Maybe because letting him go would mean she was committing totally to Matthew, and Lauren wasn’t sure she was ready to do that.
Lauren had just hung up the phone when her doorbell rang. She started the dryer, walked over, and looked through the peephole. Her brow narrowed in confusion when she saw Matthew on the other side.
“Matthew, hey,” she said as she swung the door open.
“Hey, beautiful,” he replied with a big grin.
“So, you just drop by without calling?” She wasn’t used to pop-up calls from men. She didn’t pop up at anyone’s house, and she didn’t like anyone popping up at hers.
Matthew lost his smile. “Wow, that was not the reaction I was expecting.”
Despite the popcorn visit, a part of her was excited to see Matthew. He wasn’t supposed to be back in town until tomorrow.
Lauren regathered herself, now that the surprise factor had worn off. “No, I’m sorry. I’m a little irritated doing some stuff for work. Come on in.”
“Well, I would have called, but my phone died.” He held up his phone. “Can I use your charger?”
“Yeah, it’s over there on the bar,” she said, pointing toward the kitchen area.
He walked over, plugged his phone in, and then came back until he was right up close. “Can I have a kiss? I missed you.”
That brought a smile to her face. He was so handsome. With smooth chocolate skin and deep dimples, he needed to be starring in someone’s soap opera.
“Yes, I’m sorry. I was just doing some chores.”
“You want to come to my place next?”
“Yeah, I’m barely getting them done over here.”
They laughed as she motioned toward the kitchen table.
“Come on in the kitchen and I’ll fix you something to eat.”
“I love the domestic side of you,” he said, following her into the kitchen.
She glanced back over her shoulder as she opened the refrigerator and pulled out leftover chicken salad. “Don’t get too used to that. I’m anything but domesticated.”
She made them both chicken-salad sandwiches, and they sat and talked for over an hour. She absolutely loved the interest he showed in what was happening with her. She hadn’t had that since the last time they were together.
After they had finished eating, Matthew brought up a new subject. “You know, my niece’s graduation is this weekend.”
“Tati?” Lauren said. “Tati is graduating?”
“Yep.”
“Wow. I haven’t seen her since she was like five.”
“I know, and she would love to see you.”
“She wouldn’t remember me.”
“But I know she’ll love you.”
She had a feeling this was leading in some specific direction. “Maybe one day I’ll get a chance to see her,” she remarked.
He flashed a sly smile. “Well, I told my parents that we were back together.”
That wasn’t a direction she wanted. They’d never discussed being “back together.”
“Umm, did I miss something?” she asked.
“I mean, I’m not trying to be forward,” Matthew said. “But you know, I was just hoping that we could be together. Like exclusively.”
“The minute you give him your heart, he’ll start giving you grief.”
“One day you’ll fall in love so hard, and he’ll cheat on you and break your heart. Then maybe you’ll understand my pain.”
Lauren’s mother’s words rang in her head. She didn’t want to know her mother’s pain. She’d rather stay single than end up miserable and bitter like her.
She didn’t know how to react. As much as she was feeling Matthew, as much as she enjoyed him, this exclusive thing wouldn’t work. She had committed to a lifetime of being loved, yet not loving in return.
“Wow, Matthew. Umm, this is a bit too much,” she said.
He pulled her down onto his lap. “No, it’s not. I’ve missed you so much,” he said, kissing her ferociously.
Her mind told her to pull away. Her body told her mind to shut up.
“You k
now, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” Matthew replied, nuzzling her neck. “I’m not letting you get away this time.”
She finally broke free, stood up, and walked away to give herself some distance. “Matthew, I thought we were just chilling.”
He looked at her in confusion. “I’m too old to chill.”
Images of her father’s infidelity flashed through her mind. No, she wasn’t about to be anybody’s wife. And that’s where serious relationships ended up.
“Okay,” she said, pacing across the kitchen. “I think I might have given you the wrong impression.”
“What?”
She spun to face him. “I’ve enjoyed reconnecting with you. But exclusively? That’s not what I’m looking for.”
He continued to be mystified. “So what are you looking for? What are we doing?”
“We’re kickin’ it.” She tried to force a smile.
He stared at her like he had to process whether he’d heard her correctly. “I don’t need to kick it,” he said. “I’m too old to kick it.”
Lauren kept her smile, hoping it would diffuse the impending negative reaction.
“Matthew, I don’t want a relationship,” she said. This was so hard because she really liked him.
He stood up and walked around the open area, thinking. “Wow. I thought we had really reconnected and this was going somewhere.”
“I care about you a lot. I love being with you,” Lauren said.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I’m just not getting involved like that. With anyone.”
His face took on a guarded look. “Okay. Message received loud and clear. Obviously, I read you wrong.” He headed toward the living room. “Sorry for dropping by unexpectedly. I’m going to let you get back to what you were doing.”
“Come on, Matthew,” she said, following after him. “Don’t be like that. We can just chill and watch a movie or something.”
He grabbed his keys off the coffee table. “Nah, I’m good. It’s like you said, this is not what you want and I don’t want to waste your time or mine.”
She huffed as her hands went to her hips. “Really, Matthew?”
He stopped right before he reached the door. “Yes, really.” His shoulders drooped as he turned to face her. “I’m falling back in love with you, Lauren. Hard. Truthfully, I never stopped. I begged you to love me once. I swore I’d never do that again.”
He was right about that. In college, he used to joke that he’d never worked so hard for something in his life. He’d pleaded with her to take a chance on loving him. The problem was, she had done so and had only ended up heartbroken.
“I did love you, and you left me,” she said.
That put his back up right away. “I left to get an education,” he clarified. “So I could build us a better life. And you did what you do best—you ran. First chance you got, you ran.”
“I . . . I just, I called and that girl answered.”
“And I told you she was a friend. That’s it. We were studying and nothing more.” He released a frustrated sigh. “For whatever reason, you think all of us will be like your father.”
Lauren’s mouth dropped open in shock. “I can’t believe you went there.”
“It’s the truth. It was the truth then and it’s the truth now.” He pulled the front door open. “Lauren, I’m looking for a wife. I have been single a whole lot longer than I wanted to. I could never really connect with anyone. When you came back into my life, I was sure it was because God had been saving me for you. But I get that that’s not what you want. And since I do know that, it would be crazy for me to stick around.”
Lauren still was mad that he would take her issues with her father—something that she’d told him in confidence—and throw it in her face. He must’ve known that he’d pissed her off because he said, “I’m sorry about what I said about your dad, but the truth is the truth, and until you face it, you’re never going to be happy.”
She wanted to go off, tell him that she was happy—but when she opened her mouth, nothing came out. And he simply shook his head and walked out the door—and as it felt, out of her life.
“Men weren’t meant to be monogamous.”
As her father’s words rang in her head, Lauren pushed away all desire to go after Matthew. She told herself it was for the best.
All of her life Lauren had been a loner. She had a few male friends throughout high school, but the guys usually only wanted to date her and the girls despised her. Nor did she make much effort to get close to anyone. That’s why she was surprised at how quickly she and Vivian had bonded.
“Here you go,” Vivian said, handing her a glass of Moscato.
“Just what I need,” Lauren said, taking the oversize wineglass.
“Now, give me the whole scoop,” Vivian said, sitting down next to her.
Lauren had come over directly after Matthew stormed out. For the first time in her life, she wanted to cry over a guy, and that wasn’t cool. That’s why she had to leave and come hang out with Vivian. Of course, Vivian wanted all the details.
“So, what happened?”
Lauren let out a long sigh, then told her about their argument.
“Wow,” Vivian said when she was done. “Matthew really went there.”
“I know, right. I mean, usually it’s the guy who doesn’t want to get serious.” Lauren sipped her wine. “He just got really upset and said he didn’t want to waste his time. He wants more than I’m ready to give. He said he’s ready for marriage.”
Vivian shook her head. “And let me guess, you’re not?”
Lauren shrugged. The pain she felt inside was exactly why she didn’t want to be in love.
“Lauren, you’re thirty-four years old. At what point will you be ready for marriage?”
“I just see too many marriages falling apart.”
Vivian tsked. “That’s because outside forces are always trying to make these men think there is something better out there.”
Lauren didn’t know if that was a dig at her or what. She knew Vivian didn’t approve of her seeing married men, but outside of a few snide remarks, her friend had never stood in real judgment of her.
“Whatever. Did you know only fifty percent of marriages make it?” Lauren said. She’d heard that statistic wasn’t exactly true, but it’s the one that had been stuck in her mind for years. “That’s pretty sad.”
“That’s because people don’t know what ‘for better or for worse’ means. You’re supposed to work through the bad stuff.” Vivian’s voice turned nostalgic, as if she were remembering her own failed marriage.
“I’m just saying. Marriage isn’t for me.”
“Are you going to spend the rest of your life alone?” Vivian asked.
Lauren downed the rest of her wine, then said, “I’m alone, but not lonely.”
Vivian took issue with that idea right away. “Whether you want to admit it or not, you’re lonely. You go from man to man and get all this stuff, but what you’re really craving is real love.”
“Okay, Dr. Phil Vanzant.” Lauren rolled her eyes. If anything, Vivian and her failed marriage should make her understand why Lauren didn’t want to go down that road.
“Call me what you want. It can’t be fulfilling to know that you’re second in someone’s heart.”
So much for being nonjudgmental. “Wow! Way to make me feel good, Vivian. Remind me to come over here every time I need cheering up,” Lauren said, her voice full of sarcasm.
“I’m just keeping it real with you,” Vivian said. “And one day you’re going to run up on the wrong woman and you’re not going to be able to talk your way out of a situation. You need to give Matthew a chance.”
Lauren ran her finger over the rim of her glass. Her friend was right. Her lifestyle was getting old. And that maternal bug, which she never dreamed that she would have, seemed to be sneaking up on her. Lauren was about to say something when suddenly they were interrupted by a b
anging on Vivian’s front door.
“What the . . . ?” Vivian said, jumping up.
“Girl, who is that?” Lauren sat on the edge of her seat. The way the person was banging, Lauren thought it might be the police.
Vivian went to the door and peeked out the peephole. “Oh my God,” Vivian said. “It’s my ex.”
Lauren relaxed a bit. “Okay, and? You never said he was dangerous. Why are you acting like that?”
Vivian was nervously shaking her hands like she was trying to calm herself down.
“I’m not in the mood to deal with him now,” Vivian said.
“So, you’re just going to leave him out there?”
“Vivian, what’s going on?” he shouted. “Open the door. I see your eyeball.”
Lauren stood. “I can leave if you need to see him.”
“No!” she said a little too quickly.
This was definitely strange, because while Vivian couldn’t stand her husband, she’d never acted fearful of him.
“Do you want me to answer and tell him that you’re not here? I can play it off,” Lauren asked.
“No,” she said, still looking agonized.
“Vivian, what’s going on?” Lauren frowned because the whole scenario wasn’t making sense. “Are you scared of him?”
Vivian ignored her and shouted toward the door. “Go away. I have company.”
“And?” he replied. “I don’t care. I need to talk to you. I need these papers signed now.”
She walked over and eased the door open, then stepped outside. Their voices were muffled, but it sounded like they were arguing.
After a few minutes, Vivian walked back inside, a troubled look across her face. Lauren asked, “What was that about?”
“Long story,” she said. “My ex is moving and has to have my permission to move my son and I won’t give it to him. But he’s gotten a judge to order me to sign.”
“Wow.” Lauren wanted to note how that exchange just proved her point about marriage, but she didn’t want Vivian to get any more upset.
“I just can’t let him take my son away.” She slumped down on the sofa. “I hate him. I swear to God, I hate him.”
“How did your relationship with him get so bad?” Lauren asked after they’d sat in silence for a few minutes.
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