Surviving for Us

by Lauren Nicole

  “Goodbye, Chase. I’ll talk to you later.” She rises up on her toes and gives me another quick kiss before I’m out the door.

  I jump in my truck, and with one glance back at the girl who holds my heart, I shut the door and pull away.

  Chapter 19

  Angie

  Chase was so sweet the week I had the flu. He stayed by my side all week and never left. If I needed anything he was there getting it for me. I need to think of a way to thank him. Chase has been home for a month now, except the weekend he was at his unit, and I must say it has been absolutely amazing. We spend most of our nights together. Jenn is at Chris’s house most nights so we stay at my place. He is leaving again this weekend so Jenn is coming over for a girl’s weekend. It’s been long overdue for us.

  When Friday rolls around I begin to feel sick. I hope I’m not coming down with the flu again. These last couple of days I have been very sick to my stomach, and I can’t figure out why, hopefully it’s nothing. I make my way through the grocery store to get what we need for our weekend. We both felt like staying in tonight. Things are getting quite serious between Jenn and Chris and she doesn’t want to go clubbing without the guys there. Chase left early this morning to be at his unit. I miss him when he’s gone, but sometimes glad for the time away.

  He is turning out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me. Chase is slowly becoming my whole world, and I think I’m falling in love with him. No, wait, I take that back. I know that I am in love with him. I’m just scared to say anything. What if he doesn’t feel the same? I know if he were to leave me today I would be completely heartbroken. There would be no moving on from this. I thought the love I felt for Justin was real, but now with how I feel about Chase, I know that my young love wasn’t true love. What I feel now is something I want to feel for the rest of my life.

  Back in my apartment, I start to put the groceries away. I glance over to the kitchen table and see a dozen long-stemmed red roses sitting in a vase on the table. Hmm…that’s weird. Those weren’t there this morning. Making my way over to them, I pull out the card.

  Miss you already, beautiful.

  xoxo C

  Damn, he knows how to melt my heart. He must have delivered them while I was out today. When I left for the gym he was still getting ready to head out. I pull out my phone and text him.

  Me: Thank you for the flowers, they are gorgeous.

  He doesn’t respond immediately, so I go back to putting the food away. In a short while my phone chimes with a message. I look down and see his handsome face on my phone.

  Chase: You’re welcome. Nothing is more gorgeous than you. Miss you. xoxo

  The smile on my face is plastered there. He knows what to say to make me happy. I go back to making my famous buffalo chicken dip for tonight.

  Jenn arrives a short time later, quickly changing out of her work clothes before she joins me in the kitchen. “Hey, girl, how was your day?” she asks.

  “It was fine. I was off because the doctor is on vacation. So I went to the gym and did the grocery shopping.” I can see her staring at me out of the corner of my eye, a look of curiosity on her face. I’m sure it has to do with this ridiculous smile I’m sporting.

  “What’s got you so happy?”

  I nod my head over toward the kitchen table to show her the flowers. She jumps off the counter and makes her way over. After reading the card she turns to me with an amused expression. “Well aren’t you two just smitten.”

  I stick my tongue out at her and laugh. She, for one, should know just how smitten we are. If I had to choose one man today to live my life with, it would be Chase. I wouldn’t even second-guess myself.

  “I’m going to change real quick, while the food is cooking,” I say, making my way toward my room. I end up taking my time to change as my stomach starts to turn on me. Ugh, not again, I really need to figure out what is going on. Throwing on a pair of shorts with a tank top, I make my way back toward the living room. Jenn is flipping through the channels as I sit down.

  “You okay? You don’t look so good,” Jenn says.

  “I think so, not sure. My stomach has been turning on me these last couple of days.”

  The buzzer goes off, letting me know the dip is done. Jenn follows in behind me, grabbing the chips while I bring the dip into the living room. As soon as I sit down I can hear my phone ringing in my bedroom. I race back, answering it just in time.

  “Hey, you,” I answer, seeing it is Chase calling me.

  “Hey, beautiful, how are you?”

  “I’m okay, about to watch a movie with Jenn. How was your day?”

  “My day was good, just long. What’s wrong, are you okay?”

  “Just not feeling good, that’s all.”

  “Hopefully you aren’t getting sick again. Well, I’ll let you go so you can hang out with Jenn. Text me later.”

  “Okay, I’ll call you after the movie.” We say our goodbyes and I head back out to the living room.

  Jenn already has the movie set up and everything ready for us. We fill up on the buffalo dip while watching Pitch Perfect. I must have dozed off in the middle of the movie because when I wake up Jenn has everything cleaned and is watching something else. I didn’t think I was that tired, it must be from this bug I seem to have. Just as soon as I sit up, my stomach flips. I run to the bathroom and deposit everything I just ate into it. Jenn comes into the bathroom and places her hand on my forehead.

  “You don’t have a fever. Are you okay?” she asks with concern in her voice.

  “Yes, just been feeling nauseous and tired these last couple of days,” I say, getting up to brush my teeth.

  “If I didn’t know any better I would say you’re pregnant. This is how my sister was,” she says jokingly.

  I can feel my eyes get as big as saucers, as I stare at her like she has lost her damn mind. I take the pill every day and make sure it’s at the same time. There’s no way I can be… Right? Then the wheels start turning in my head. Oh shit, I was sick that week and had to take antibiotics, I know that it can sometimes affect birth control. I just stand there and stare at her like she’s grown two heads. I can’t be, can I?

  “Angie, are you okay? I was just joking with you.”

  “Umm, I actually think I might be,” I say quietly.

  Jenn wraps me in her arms. “Okay, let’s not freak out yet. I’ll go to the store and get a test and you’ll take it with me by your side.” She is already out of the bathroom by the time she finishes her sentence.

  In a daze I make my way to my bedroom to lie down and wait for Jenn to come home. My mind is going crazy with the possibility of me being pregnant. I attempt to push the thought out of my mind until I know for sure. I wake some time later and notice a bag on the nightstand, with the pregnancy test inside. I was completely out; I didn’t even hear Jenn come into my room.

  Inside the bathroom I open the box to read the directions. I know Jenn said she wanted to be here for it, but I need to do this alone. Once I finish I place it back on the counter to wait the five minutes. I feel like I’m going to be sick. I leave to grab a bottle of water from the kitchen. Jenn must be sleeping because all the lights in the house are off.

  I take my time walking back to the bathroom, scared of what’s to come. I take the test back to my bed before I read the results. I look down at the stick and inhale a deep breath when I see the pregnant sign.

  It takes me a minute to compose my thoughts. Oh God, what am I going to do? I am only twenty-two years old. All these emotions start running through my head at once—happy, sad, scared. We have only been dating for a couple of months. What if this isn’t what he wants? Can I raise a baby on my own? I know my family will be there for me no matter the decision I make, but it’s not helping me at this point. Lying back down on the bed, I allow my mind to come up with different scenarios. As if he knows I need him, a message comes through on my phone from Chase.

  Chase: Miss you, baby. Call you in the morning. xox
o

  I lie on my bed and wonder what will happen when I tell Chase. I know he said he would be there, but I just hope he stands by the words he’s spoken.

  Chapter 20

  Chase

  This past weekend away has been harder on me than normal. I’m waiting to head over to my unit for a meeting, but I have a feeling that something is about to happen. Thoughts of Angie fill my mind. I miss her like crazy on the weekends away. Luckily, today is Sunday, and I’ll see her tonight. When we spoke last night I could tell something was wrong, I just don’t know what, and I could tell she didn’t want to discuss it. My mind is going crazy with the endless possibilities.

  Getting out of bed, I throw my uniform on and lace up my boots. I make sure all my stuff is packed so I can leave quickly and get home to my woman. I make a quick run through the drive-thru and grab breakfast on the way to my unit. I make it there early and have time to talk with some of the guys until it’s time to line up in formation and find out what we are doing during the day.

  They end up not having much for us to do the rest of the day so we are free to go around two. I text Angie to let her know I’m leaving. She doesn’t respond, which makes me even more worried. I haven’t spoken to her since last night. I can’t wait to get back to see her and hold her.

  About an hour into my drive I get a call from my unit. Thinking I forgot something, I answer it. Never in a million years did I expect what he told me.

  “Hello.”

  “Is this Private First Class Johnson?” the man says.

  Right then my stomach drops, knowing what he’s going to say won’t be good.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “This is Sergeant Ryan. I am calling to let you know that your name is on the list to deploy in two months. We will contact you in the next week, letting you know when you need to come back for paperwork and when your training will begin.”

  “Yes, sir.” I’m surprised I was able to say those two words.

  “Have a good evening,” he says and hangs up.

  In just a span of a couple of minutes I feel like my world just crashed down on top of me. While I’m excited to be going, I’m also scared shitless. Angie. Oh God, Angie, what the hell am I going to tell her. She has become my world, and now I have to turn around and leave her. I never thought I would deploy this early into my career. I mean, yes, I knew it was a possibility, but I also thought it would happen much further down the road. What if I don’t make it home? What if something happens to her while I’m thousands of miles away?

  I spend the rest of the drive wondering how I’ll break the news to her, or any of my family for that matter. It’s not easy to tell the people you love that you are about to go off and fight in war. I just hope Angie can stick beside me through this. I can’t picture my life without her in it. Pulling into her driveway, I take a minute to sit there and gather my thoughts and decide upon not telling her right away. Once I have calmed down I make my way to her door, turning the knob I find it locked, so I end up knocking.

  “Hey, you,” she says.

  Man, she looks gorgeous just standing there. I lean in and kiss her deep, dropping my bag in the process, as I wrap my arms around her. I need the feel of her against me. I need her to know that she is the one thing I will fight like hell to come home to.

  “God, I missed you,” I tell her when I pull my lips away.

  We make our way into the house and sit on her couch. Sitting down on my lap she curls into me like she can feel something is wrong. We sit there for a long time, not saying anything, just me rubbing my hand up and down her back.

  “You okay, baby?”

  “Kind of. Let’s talk later. Right now I just want to enjoy you,” she says.

  Oh great, now I have to worry about what is wrong with my girl on top of the deployment coming up. We sit on her couch for a good hour or so.

  “Come on, let me get changed and we’ll go out for dinner.”

  She nods and we make our way to her room. I begin unbuttoning my shirt, feeling her eyes on me. I turn to look at her and see the desire in her eyes. Needing to feel her skin against mine, I yank my undershirt off and make my way to her. I grab the back of her neck and slam my lips against hers, backing her up until she meets the bed. Running my hands down her sides, I reach the bottom of her shirt and pull it up, breaking the kiss only for the second it takes to remove it.

  Laying her down on the bed, I trail my mouth down her jaw, over her collarbone, and start to lick the top of her mounds. My hands trail down her body, feeling the goose bumps I’m leaving in my path. Just as I’m about to undo her shorts, there’s a knock at the door.

  “Angie, you in there?” Jenn asks.

  “Fuck,” I whisper.

  Angie just starts laughing. “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.”

  I pull away from Angie, helping her up as I stand. “This isn’t finished. Here’s your shirt.”

  “We’ll make it up later,” she says, giving me a brief kiss. Angie makes her way toward the door, but before opening it she turns back and blows me a kiss. Her face is all flushed, making her look even more fucking beautiful.

  Jenn is still standing there, waiting for the door to open. She starts looking back and forth between the two of us; I’m sure putting two and two together. “Ugh, my bad,” she says, laughing.

  Shaking my head, I head to the bathroom for a very cold shower. I have my head tipped back and my eyes closed when I feel two tiny hands circle my waist. Bending my head down I see a very naked and wet Angie standing in front of me. I didn’t even hear her come in.

  “She’s gone.”

  That’s all she says before she starts kissing down my chest. Then she runs her hands down my hips and across to grab my very hard member. Her small hands feel incredible wrapped around me, running up and down my length. I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation, when I feel her mouth around me. “Holy shit,” I say. Damn, that feels fabulous. Her tiny hands start to rub my balls while her mouth works me up and down. I feel the tip hit the back of her throat while she continues to stroke the bottom half. My hands find their way to her head and I grip her hair. “Damn, that feels good, baby.” I moan out.

  I begin to feel tingling at the base of my spine; I won’t last much longer if she keeps up this pace. I don’t want to come in her mouth. Releasing my hands from her hair, I help her up and pin her up against the wall, smashing my lips to hers. She responds immediately to the kiss, her hands running over biceps and down my back.

  “You ready for me?” I ask while I kiss down her neck. When I feel her head nod, I reach down to lift her up and with one thrust I’m inside of her.

  “Chase.” She moans loudly.

  I continue to kiss up and down her neck while working my body over hers. It won’t take long for me to come and I’ll be damned if I do before her. Licking the pad of my thumb, I rub her clit, knowing this will bring her over the edge. I can feel her walls tighten around me. “Come for me, baby,” I whisper in her ear.

  With that she throws her head back and finds her release. In this moment she looks like a damn angel. Her eyes are closed and her mouth is in the shape of the perfect O. Seeing her with so much passion on her face makes me lose it.

  “Holy shit, Chase,” she says, coming back to Earth.

  “Holy shit is an understatement, baby. That was incredible.” I slowly slide her down my body.

  The water begins to turn cold so I grab the soap and wash our bodies quickly. Getting out of the shower, I grab us both a towel. I wrap mine around my hips and help Angie dry off. We make our way back into her bedroom to get dressed.

  “What do you want to do for dinner?” I ask her as we begin dressing.

  “I figured we could just stay in and order pizza. I’m not in the mood to go out.”

  I couldn’t agree more. There is so much on my mind; I just don’t know how to break it to her. It’s going to rip my heart out leaving her, but I have to do this. I’ve always wanted to go fight for my country. I ju
st never thought I would leave the one I love behind.

  My stalling continues after eating our pizza. Cleaning up two paper plates took longer than it should have. I know it’s time to tell her, but I’m selfish and don’t want to, she seems so happy. As soon as I tell her, I know her beautiful smile will disappear.

  “Angie, we need to talk.” I take her hand in mine and sit beside her.

  “Um, oh. O-okay,” she stutters out. I can tell she is nervous.

  “I don’t really know how to say this, so I’m just going to spit it all out at once. On the way home today I got a call from my unit, informing me that I’m deploying in a couple of months.” There, I said it, even though I feel like I’m going be sick.

  She just sits and stares, almost as if she didn’t understand what I just told her. But I realize she does when a single tear escapes and falls down her cheek. I lift my hand and brush it away.

  “Angie, baby, talk to me,” I say nervously.

  She bolts up and walks over to her window, staring out. This was not the reaction I was looking for. Getting up, I make my way over to her. Turning her around, I notice she is crying. She has yet to say a word to me and it’s killing me deep down inside. What she says next knocks me back on my ass.

  “I’m pregnant, Chase,” she whispers so low I almost didn’t hear her.

  Chapter 21

  Angie

  No, no, no, this cannot be happening to me right now. All my fears are coming true. Just when I thought I had it all figured out with the baby, he comes home and pulls the rug out from underneath me. I can’t do this alone. There are just too many questions I have at this time. God can’t be this mean to me by giving me a baby but yet taking Chase away.

  I feel Chase tense when I tell him about the pregnancy. Oh God, what if he doesn’t want us? What if he never makes it back home?

  “Angie, what did you just say?”