I smile over at Chase; he’s still beside me, holding my hand.
“I can’t believe I missed all of this, but I’m so glad I’m here for this, right now,” he says while rubbing my belly.
I know that our daughter was waiting for him to come home before she came. She didn’t want to be here without her daddy.
The nurse pages the doctor and comes back over to me and gets me set up for delivery. Chase is on my left, Jenn is behind me and my mother is on my right. I have everyone in here that I want. The nurse has me doing a couple of practice pushes before the doctor arrives.
“Okay, Angie, on your next contraction I want you to bear down and push for me. I will count to ten,” my doctor says. I start to feel one come on, so I push like she wants.
Forty-five minutes later and I’m still pushing, and quickly running out of energy.
“Come on, Angie, give me another strong push,” she says.
“I can’t, I don’t have it in me,” I say breathlessly, as my head falls back on the pillow.
“Angie, baby, look at me,” Chase says. I open my eyes to his. “You can do this, baby. Let’s bring our daughter into this world with this one push,” he says soothingly, while rubbing my head softly. I feel the contraction come on, so I bear down as hard as I can.
“That’s it, she’s right there,” the doctor says, that makes me push even harder.
“Okay, her head is out. Dad, if you want you can look. All right, Angie, one more big push and we will have ourselves a baby.” I push one more time and hear the softest cry ever. “We have a girl!”
I fall back on the bed and watch as Chase cuts her umbilical cord. They lay her on my chest. She completely takes my breath away. I can feel the tears run down my face.
Chase leans over and kisses me. “She is absolutely gorgeous. You did great, baby,” he says. The nurse takes her to get her measurements, and puts her under the warmer. Jenn and my mom follow her over there. When they are no longer focused on us, Chase gives me a kiss that knocks my socks off. There is nothing sweet about this kiss, oh no, this is hot and needy.
“Dad, do you want to come over here and get her? She is six pounds, ten ounces, and nineteen inches long. Congratulations, guys, she looks perfect. Angie, I’ll be back in the morning to check on you. Ask the nurse if you need anything for the pain,” my doctor says, right before she leaves.
Jenn and my mom go out and get Chase’s mom so she can come in and meet her. While they are out we discuss her name. Looking at Chase holding her makes me want to cry. You can see the love in his eyes. He will make one great dad.
As everyone comes back into the room, I say, “We would like to introduce you all to Ainsley Marie Johnson.” Chase hands her off to my mother, who is bouncing off the walls to hold her.
Chase comes back over to sit with me. “You did well today, baby. I’m so proud of you,” he says and kisses me softly.
“I’m just happy you got to be here for it. I know she was just waiting on her daddy to get here before she came into this world.”
As I lie here and look around the room, I can’t help the smile that breaks out on my face from all the love in the room. My mom is holding the baby with everyone around her, while Chase is by my side.
Chapter 28
Chase
What a day this has been. My whole plan was to surprise her at home with dinner tonight. Everyone was in on this, but little did I know our daughter would change our plans. When I got off the plane and checked my phone, I was grateful Chris was already waiting for me and could drive me straight there.
Seeing Angie sleeping was the best sight in the world. I think I sat there and stared at her for about ten minutes before waking her. She looked absolutely breathtaking with her swollen belly. I hated to wake her, but I needed to see her eyes and let her know I was finally home. I’m sure she’s been worried about me. I’m damn glad I was due to come home today. Seeing our baby girl come into this world was unreal. I’ll remember it for the rest of my life. I’m so grateful that I was able to be here to watch Angie give birth to her. It felt like all the bad I’ve witnessed over the last eight months was pushed out of my mind in the moment I saw her and held her for the first time.
I’m awestruck as I watch Angie feed our baby from her body; it’s incredible. There were so many days I thought I wouldn’t be here for this, or even get to see her grow up. Ainsley is absolutely perfect. Angie looks up at me, looking absolutely exhausted but content.
“Here, let me have her, and you close your eyes for a little bit,” I say, taking Ainsley out of her hands since she just finished. “Do you need anything?” I ask her. She shakes her head and closes her eyes.
I walk over to the couch and sit down with my beautiful daughter, the biggest blue eyes are staring back at me. She’s got her mom’s eyes and olive skin; she has my dark, thick hair. She already has me wrapped around her finger, along with her mother. “I have no idea what I’m doing, Ainsley, but I’ll try my hardest to do my best. I’m sure I will screw up a time or two, but that’s where your mother comes in and fixes it. I’ll never hurt you, and will beat anyone up that you don’t like. I’ll love you for the rest of your life. You will always be daddy’s little girl.” By the time I have finished talking she is asleep. I lay her on my chest and look over to Angie who is sleeping peacefully.
Picking up my phone, I go through my messages and respond back to people. A little while later the door opens and my dad comes in. He sees Angie sleeping so he sits down next to me. “Dad, this is Ainsley Marie,” I say, handing her over to him.
“Congratulations, son, she’s perfect. Glad you were able to make it. I’ll never forget the day you guys were born,” he says.
“Yes, I understand that completely now, too. I made it about an hour or so before she came. Timing couldn’t have been better.”
He stays for a little bit longer before he needs to head home. He promises me he’ll come by this weekend when we get home. Ainsley starts to fuss in my arms, I think she probably needs to be fed again. Just then my phone chimes with a message.
Chris: Hey. Jenn and I want to bring y’all dinner. What do you want?
Me: Whatever is fine. Take your time. Angie is about to feed her.
I’m extremely thankful we have friends like them. I stand up and make my way over to Angie. “My dad came by and sends his love. He says she is perfect,” I say, brushing the hair out of Angie’s face after I hand her Ainsley.
“Wow, I must have really been out of it. You should have woken me so I could have said hi.”
“No, baby, you were sleeping, and we didn’t want to wake you. Chris and Jenn are bringing us dinner. I know you won’t eat the food here, and you must be starving,” I say.
The nurse comes in to check on both my girls and to see if Angie needs any medication. She continues to feed her for about fifteen more minutes, and once done I take her to change her diaper. The nurse showed me earlier how to make sure she’s clean and put a diaper on. I don’t have a whole lot of experience in this field, but I’m trying my best. I hand her back to Angie when she’s all changed.
Chris and Jenn come in a little bit later with dinner. Jenn goes straight to Angie and takes the baby from her. “Give me my sweet baby while you guys eat your dinner.”
I laugh at her while I get Angie’s food ready, putting it on the little table and wheeling it over to her. I can tell she is still tired. Hopefully, she can get some kind of sleep tonight. I know she wants to exclusively nurse Ainsley, so I can’t help with the feedings, but I can help in other ways.
We all sit and talk for a little bit. The conversation turns to their wedding that’s just a couple of months away. It’s nice to just be able to sit and talk with them—I’ve been gone for so long and have really missed this. They stay for a couple of hours then promise to come back tomorrow to drop her car off so we can get home.
“You doing okay, baby?” I ask her when they leave, sitting down beside her on the bed.
> “I’m great. It’s so good to see you again. I’ve dreamed of this day for the last eight months. It’s hard to believe Ainsley is here and is perfect. My world couldn’t get any better,” she says, sitting up and kissing me.
I grab the side of her face and deepen the kiss, but make sure not to linger too long. “Baby, I couldn’t wait for this day to come. I was so worried I wasn’t going to be able to see her come into this world. Every night I went to sleep with thoughts of you on my mind. You helped me through the bad.”
We talk for a little while longer, but I can tell she’s getting uncomfortable and tired. “Baby, why don’t you take some meds after you feed her and get some rest. I can watch her. You did a lot today.”
“That sounds good. I am starting to hurt a little,” she says.
I page the nurse for her to get something to take while she starts nursing again. Little Miss Ainsley is an eater, although she does only eat for about ten minutes before she falls asleep. I take her and place her in the basket when she’s done and then help Angie to the bathroom so she can get ready for bed. She wants to take a shower, so I help her get in and wash her body for her.
Even though I haven’t seen her in so long, it’s hard not to stare at her. She doesn’t even look like she just gave birth. She looks absolutely amazing. I have to talk myself out of the thoughts in my head. This is not the time nor place. After she is all cleaned up, I help her change into some new clothes and lie back in bed.
She falls asleep not even ten minutes later. I just sit there and look at her and the baby. This is going to a big adjustment on my part. When I left I only had a girlfriend who was pregnant, and now I’m a father. I didn’t have the normal nine months to get used to it. I’m hardly sleeping at night since my return because of what I’ve seen and done. I’ve done something that haunts me, the nightmares are still a fresh remembrance of that horrid day. I’m sure it will get better with time, but right now it’s bad.
I turn on the TV to have some noise in the background while my girls sleep. If it’s too quiet in the room my mind will wander to all the bad memories. A little while longer, Ainsley starts to fuss in her basket. I pick her up before she wakes Angie. I walk over to the rocking chair and sit down with her. She instantly falls back asleep as I begin to rock her. Holding her takes away my fears, I’m not quite sure what it is, but it helps me.
Around midnight she starts to stir in my arms again. I walk her over to Angie. “Hey, baby, she needs to eat,” I say quietly, while running my hand gently over her hair.
“Okay, let me have her. Has she been up long?”
“No, she fussed earlier, but I rocked her back to sleep. Do you need anything?” I ask, continuing to rub her head.
“Just some water, please.”
I make my way to the station they have set up for patients. I get her some more ice and water. I grab her some crackers while I’m there too, thinking she may be hungry. She’s still sitting up nursing our daughter when I walk back into the room. “I grabbed you some crackers in case you were hungry,” I say, placing the crackers and water on the table beside her.
She smiles up at me. “Thanks, but I’m going to try and get some more rest when she’s done.”
Twenty minutes later she hands Ainsley back to me so I can change her diaper. I lean down and kiss her lips softly, taking our precious bundle from her. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you too, Chase,” she says as she closes her eyes.
After I get Ainsley all changed and back asleep, I lie down on the couch and pray for sleep to find me. It takes me almost an hour, but once I fall asleep I have no nightmares that night. I wake up around five and notice the girls still sleeping. The nurse comes in to check a couple of things but it doesn’t wake them up. I walk over to the baby and watch her sleeping—she looks so peaceful. I get the biggest smile just staring at her; I am one lucky guy to have these two amazing girls in my life. Let’s just hope I don’t screw it up.
The doctor comes in around seven and says she is healing well and if the pediatrician is okay with it we can go home later this evening. Most of the day is quiet; Jenn and Chris stop by around lunchtime to return her car and bring us some food. Jenn says she got the house all set up and she’ll swing by tonight to cook dinner. I honestly don’t know what I would do if they weren’t here helping us out. Around five o’clock we’re allowed to leave. Time to take my girls home.
Now the fun really begins.
Chapter 29
Angie
These past two weeks at home have been a lot to adjust to. Not only have I had to adjust to the baby, but also Chase being home as well. Let’s just say it’s been rough. Ainsley is doing so good with nursing, and I couldn’t be happier. She is still eating every two hours right now, but I’m slowly getting used to it. Having a baby isn’t easy, that’s for sure. I try to sleep when I can, but with everything else to do it’s not often I can nap.
Chase does as much as he can and is great when he helps out. I’m worried about him though. He won’t talk about his time over there at all. It’s not that I want him to spill his guts about it, but I can tell it’s bothering him. I’ve noticed he hardly sleeps anymore and most nights he needs a couple of beers just to get to sleep. He definitely isn’t the same guy as before. He doesn’t touch me as much as he used to either. I mean, I know we can’t have sex right now, but that doesn’t mean he has to be hands-off with me. He’s gone out a couple of times with the guys, just to come home smelling like the bar. I know he would never cheat on me, at least. He needs help but I’m just not sure how to bring it up to him.
I hear her start to fuss in her swing and make my way toward the living room where they both are. I stop in my tracks when I see Chase rocking her in the glider. Times like these makes me think everything is okay. He looks up and sees me watching him; he gives me his signature wink and goes back to Ainsley. I walk over to him and see her staring up at him. I know she’s my kid and all, but she’s beautiful. I could watch them both all day.
He stands up and hands her over. Kissing me lightly on the lips he says, “I’m going to start dinner while you feed her and get her down.”
He can be so sweet sometimes. “Okay, babe,” I say. I miss the times when he’s like this. I understand it’s a lot to adjust to. I can’t even imagine what he saw over there. I just hope he can get better and we can be the family we wanted. I’m going to try to talk to him tonight over dinner while she sleeps. I love nursing her; it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. My phone dings with a text, breaking my moment.
Jenn: Hey, girl, how’s it going? Chase being the same?
She knows everything that’s going on. She has been my rock.
Me: He’s good tonight, cooking dinner while I feed A.
Jenn: Good, I’m glad. See you tomorrow.
Luckily, I haven’t had any issues with breastfeeding, besides the typical soreness at first. I was concerned after hearing stories from other moms, but now know I worried for no reason. After she is fed and changed I lay her down in her bouncer while I finish folding the laundry. An amazing aroma comes wafting in from the kitchen. I don’t know what he is cooking but it sure does smell good. Out of the corner of my eye I see him going back and forth between the dining room and kitchen.
I watch him as he picks up the bouncer, taking her into the dining room. Then he comes back over to me, takes me by the hand and leads me over. I walk in and gasp. It brings me back to the first time he cooked for me. He’s got candles on the table and the lights low. “Chase, you didn’t have to do this.”
He turns to me and wraps his arms around me. “I know things haven’t been easy with me. I’m sorry for putting you through this. I’m trying to get better, but it’s just not working. Tonight I just want a dinner with you and me and nothing else. Let’s just forget everything tonight except us and the baby.” He kisses me deeply. It’s slow and sensual. He’s trying to show me his love with this one kiss.
“Sounds good,” I sa
y, when he breaks the kiss.
We sit to eat and actually have a great conversation. He made us buffalo chicken and potatoes. I try not to eat much of the buffalo chicken because I don’t know how Ainsley will take it. Sitting here with him makes me miss the times where nothing else matters but us. I’m happy the baby sleeps peacefully while we eat dinner.
After dinner, Chase cleans up while I put Ainsley to sleep in the bassinet in our room. I turn her baby monitor on and bring the receiver with me. My mom got us the video monitor as a gift. It makes me feel safer if I’m not in the room next to her. When I come back to the living room, Chase has a movie starting and a blanket on the couch. I sit down and curl up with him. I miss being snuggled up to him. The exhaustion hits me and I pass out, waking to him lifting me and placing me in bed.
“I’m just going to turn everything off and make sure the door is locked. I’ll be right back,” he says, kissing my forehead. I feel the bed dip a couple minutes later and Chase wrap his arms around me. “I love you so much, baby,” he says quietly in my ear so he doesn’t wake her up.
“I love you, too,” I whisper back. I fall asleep with a smile on my face.
I wake up and look over to the clock to see it’s seven in the morning. I shoot straight up; worried because Ainsley hasn’t woken up. Looking over to her bassinet, I relax when I see her sleeping quietly. I lie back down and notice that Chase isn’t in bed with me. I felt like we got somewhere last night. He seemed like the guy he was before he left us. He was sweet and so attentive. I miss those days. I know the guy I fell in love with is still in there, it’s just the matter of him finding himself again. I just don’t know how to help him.
A couple of minutes later she starts to stir, so I pick her up and begin to feed her. This is something that brings me peace. I forget everything going on in my life and focus only on her. I lean against the headboard and close my eyes. Hearing noises, I open them to see Chase walking in, looking like he just left the gym. I run my eyes up and down his body, and when I meet his eyes, I see a smirk on his lips.
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