Surviving for Us

by Lauren Nicole

  It’s finally Friday and Jenn’s bachelorette party tonight. I definitely need a night off with everything going on. My mom is coming in a little bit to pick up Ainsley for the night, so Chase didn’t come over. I miss him when he’s gone, despite the change in our relationship. I pack up her bags and ensure I pump enough milk for her. I’m beginning to transition her to a bottle during the day since I return to work next week. I don’t want to leave her, but I need to go back. I’m going to talk to Chase and see if he wants to watch her during the day. I’m ready to put my trust back in him.

  There is a knock at my door. It must be my mom.

  “Hey, honey. Where is my angel?” my mom asks as she walks in.

  “She’s in the swing. I’m just getting the rest of her stuff together.” I return to the nursery and finish packing her bag. My mother joins me a moment later with Ainsley in her arms.

  “How is everything going with Chase?”

  “Not too bad. He seems to be doing well. He hasn’t missed a day here, and seems like he really is trying to make this right. I’m just not ready to get back with him. I’m going to see if he wants to watch her when I go back to work.”

  I sit down and reach for her so I can feed her one more time before she leaves.

  “That’s good, Angie, it means he’s trying. Just follow your heart, it will never let you down.”

  “I just miss him so much, Mom. It felt right doing it at the time, but it also breaks my heart.” I can feel tears form in my eyes.

  “Everything will work out, I promise you. Finish feeding her so we can leave and you can get ready for a stress-free night,” she says, walking out of the room with Ainsley’s bag. She already has a playpen at her house, so she doesn’t need mine. But, knowing my mother, she will probably spoil her and not put her down at all.

  I look down at my girl. I’m going to miss her like crazy. I haven’t been away from her for more than an hour. I just hope I can make it through the night and not pick her up early. Since I’m the maid of honor I have to be there for Jenn. After she finishes eating, I change her diaper and strap her into the car seat.

  “I love you so much, baby. Please be good for grandma. I’ll see you in the morning,” I say, giving her one last kiss. My mother and I talk for a couple more minutes before she heads out. The house is too quiet. I sit down on the couch, already missing my baby girl. I can’t help the few tears that fall. My phone goes off with a text message; I pick it up and see it’s from Chase.

  Chase: I’m sure she’s gone by now. Just relax and enjoy your night. You deserve this break. xoxo

  He must have known I needed to hear that. He brings a smile to my face even when we are apart. I text him back.

  Me: Thank you. You guys have fun and be safe.

  We don’t know what the guys are up to this evening. They have kept it pretty quiet. I won’t lie and say I’m not worried about him tonight. I just hope he can control himself, I’m sure the alcohol will be tempting. I’m not against him drinking every now and then, but when it was an everyday thing it became a problem. I’m hoping that tonight he makes the right choices. We text back and forth a couple more times before I get up to get ready.

  When I step out of the shower there is a knock at my door. Who the hell can that be? I throw on my robe and look through the peephole to see Jenn standing on my doorstep. I throw open the door.

  “You don’t think I’m going to get ready without my girl, do you?” she asks, holding up a bottle of vodka.

  “Oh Lord, help us now.” We both laugh.

  We make our way to the kitchen and have a shot before heading to my room to get ready. While we get dressed Jenn asks me about Chase, and I tell her the same thing I told my mom.

  “He’s doing better, Ang. He’s been staying at our house. From what I’ve seen he hasn’t touched any alcohol. He misses you guys like crazy, and hates to leave you.” I can tell she looks torn with knowing what to say so she doesn’t come across as choosing sides. She shouldn’t worry about that though, I know she only wants what’s best for us both.

  “I hope so.” I sigh and finish doing the last touches of my makeup.

  Once finished getting ready, I stand in front of the mirror, putting my jewelry on. I must say that I look pretty good for having a six-week-old. But a lot of it has to do with the break up. I hardly ate at all and must have lost at least ten pounds just from that. So I’m pretty much down to what I weighed before I had my girl. I top the dress off with my pink stilettos.

  “Damn, momma’s looking good,” Jenn says, coming into the room.

  We make our way back to the kitchen and do a couple more shots. Nobody wanted to drive tonight, so I rented us a limo. She doesn’t know that part yet. The plan is for it to come here and then go get the other ladies. It’s about time for it to pull up, so I take her outside.

  When the limo stops in front of my house she turns to me. “Um, Ang. What is that?”

  “Surprise! I didn’t want anyone driving tonight, so I got us one.”

  She squeals and jumps at me, giving me a huge hug.

  As we drive to pick up the other ladies, I take this time to call my mom and check on Ainsley. Of course she is fine, but I still worry.

  Once everyone is present, I pass around the vodka bottle and they all fill their plastic shot glasses. I raise mine. “Okay, ladies, here is to a night of fun. This night is for Jenn; it’s her last big night out before she ties the knot. Let’s get crazy, but not stupid. I love you, Jenn,” I say as we all throw back our shots. When we pull up to the Japanese restaurant, I put a bride-to-be sash over Jenn and hand out penis straws to everyone. “Make sure you drink with these all night.”

  Dinner is a blast with all these girls. I don’t think we have stopped laughing the whole time. The drinks are flowing while the guy cooks in front of us at our table. This is Jenn’s favorite restaurant, so I made us a reservation. During dinner, my phone goes off with a message from Chase—it’s a picture of him and Chris. Holy fuck, he looks damn fine. I elbow Jenn and show her.

  “Damn, girl, they look good.” Before she can say any more her attention is directed elsewhere.

  I send him a message back with a winky face and put my phone away. We stay there for a little bit longer, just talking and having drinks. I must say I already feel a little buzzed, I know it’s because I haven’t drank in quite a long time.

  We make our way to the club to continue our party with dancing and more drinking. At this rate I will be drunk come midnight. I grab a bottle of water and chug it. We pull up to the club and pile out of the limo, or should I say, stumble out. I reserved us a VIP table for the evening. We have our own waitress, which makes it so much easier. I notice that two tables down from us is marked off with a reserve sign also. I wonder who that is.

  We dance and drink for about an hour before I need to use the restroom. When I make my way back to our table I stop dead in my tracks. The other reserved party has shown up, and of course it’s the guys. Just my luck, damn it! Now it’s going to be even harder to resist him when I’ve been drinking. Most of the girls are still on the dance floor, so I don’t think they’ve noticed the guys here.

  The waitress comes up to the table just as I sit down so I’m able to order another drink. I have my back to the guys, almost in hope that he won’t notice me. But no luck, I can feel him before I see him. I look over and sure enough, Chase is coming my way. He leans down and kisses me on the forehead, and, to my surprise, I don’t smell any alcohol on his breath.

  “You look beautiful.”

  “Thanks, you don’t look so bad yourself,” I say, running my hand up his arm. He takes a seat next to me, and damn, he smells good. This is going to be hard. So very hard.

  “How is she?” he asks. I know who he is talking about without him saying her name.

  “She’s good, I called my mom just before coming in. Listen, do you want to come over tomorrow? There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

  “Sure, I
can be there. Here come the girls.” He kisses my forehead quick and gets up to go back over to the guys. I am looking forward to him coming over tomorrow, so we can sit down and talk. I miss him like crazy, I didn’t think it would be this hard.

  Jenn comes over and raises her eyebrow at me; I just stick my tongue out at her. We order a round of shots. Downing the shot and my drink, we hit the dance floor yet again. I can feel his eyes on me the whole time. I look over to him and see him staring at me. I decide to be a little flirty with him, so I wink and shake my hips side to side. I can see the desire in his eyes.

  The song turns slow, so I make my way off the floor. Before I get too far I feel someone grab me, and when I turn around it’s Chase. He pulls me close as Chris Young sings, “The Man I Want To Be.” He holds me close, and without a word exchanged between us we maintain our gazes with each other. This song has got to be the most perfect lyrics for us right now. I know that he’s trying to be the man I need. It feels like just him and I and no one else. This is how it has always been with us—the outside world just disappears. The song comes to an end and he kisses me as close to my lips as he can. He turns and walks off the dance floor just as fast as he came on.

  I make my way back to the girls and sit next to Jenn. “Holy shit, girl, I can feel the sexual tension from here.” She fans herself for emphasis.

  “Shut up.” I roll my eyes but can’t help the smile that crosses my face. “I don’t know how much longer I can stay away without jumping his bones.” I’m just hoping that I can stay strong and stay away from him.

  We end up dancing and drinking for the next couple of hours. With a good buzz going back on, we hit the dance floor one more time. I feel two hands come and grab my hips. They’re smaller than Chase’s, so I know they aren’t his. I move to step away, but the guy tightens his hold on me.

  “Let me go,” I yell over the music. I look for Jenn and notice she isn’t there anymore.

  “Come on, it’s just one dance,” the man says. I’m about to rip him a new one when I see Chase and Chris walk up.

  “You have one second to remove your fucking hands off my girl,” Chase says, anger evident in his tone. He is clutching his fist to his side.

  “Who the hell do you think you are?” he asks.

  “Your worst nightmare if you don’t let my woman go,” he replies.

  The guy instantly lets me go, and Chase takes my hand, pulling me behind him. They end up staring at each other before the guy shakes his head and walks away. Chase turns around and places his hand on my face to tilt it up.

  “You okay, baby?” he asks, gliding his thumb across my jaw.

  Damn it, did he have to say that? I love when he calls me that. “Yes, I’m fine. Don’t worry.” Even I can tell my words are slurred.

  “You drunk?” he asks, concern etched across his face.

  “Just a little,” I say with a wink.

  He leads me back to the table and tells us to be safe for the rest of the night, even though they are still at their table. Taking one more shot, I flag down the waitress to get the final tab.

  “The gentleman over at the other table paid for it all. You ladies are good to go. Good luck,” she says, looking over at Jenn.

  We drop all the other girls off first, it’s now just Jenn and me left.

  “Thanks for the perfect night, girl. I had a blast,” Jenn says.

  I giggle; I think her words are as badly slurred as mine are right now. I can barely form a reply to her.

  We pull up to her house and Chris comes out to help her inside. As I ride home alone I’m starting to rethink that decision. I should just have the driver take me to my mom’s. I don’t want to be alone. It’s too late to ask now though because he pulls up to my driveway. And what I see shocks the shit out of me—Chase’s truck sits in my driveway. Time to go flirt and get what I want. My mind is telling me no but my heart and body are telling me something else. Now I just need to decide which direction I will go. Getting out, I stumble my way to the door.

  Chapter 32

  Chase

  Wow, what a night this was. I only had one beer the whole night. The therapy that I’ve been going to has been helping. I hope Angie can notice the change in me. I’ve hated having to leave my girls every night just to come back in the morning. I’m ready for us to be together again, but I know it’s too soon. Slowly, I’m becoming the man she needs me to be again. I will always have thoughts about overseas, but I just have to find a way to cope with it and have my family at the same time.

  I’m at the house waiting for her to come home. Damn, she looked good tonight in her dress and heels. It took everything in me not to throw her over my shoulder, caveman style. I hear the door open and she walks through, kicking her shoes off.

  “What are you doing here?” she asks, with a smile on her lips.

  Damn, it takes all I have not to go over to her and devour her. She looks like she did the night of Chris’s house party. Knowing she’s the mother of my daughter makes her that much hotter. “You were a little drunk at the bar, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  She walks, or should I say, sashays, her sweet ass over to me. I can feel my jeans getting tighter. She bends down, her cleavage is right in my face. It takes every muscle I have not to move. I move my eyes up to meet hers and see want and desire in them. This could be a good thing.

  “I’m going to go change. I’ll be right back.” She kisses me softly right beside my lips. She walks out of the room, making sure to add extra sway to her walk.

  Holy fuck, she just might kill me before the night is over. A couple of minutes later I hear her pump going off, guess that’s what she needed to take care of. She comes back about thirty minutes later, wearing nothing but a shirt and a thong. Yep, that’s it—she is trying to kill me. To my surprise she straddles me. I keep my hands on the back of the couch.

  “Ang, baby, what are you doing?” I ask hesitantly.

  She starts kissing up my neck to my ear. God, that feels good. She gets to my ear and whispers: “Come on, you know you want this, too.”

  I’m trying to be good here but she is making it difficult. “Angie, maybe we should wait. You had quite a bit to drink, and I don’t want you to regret this.” I have to force out the words, I want nothing more than to take her.

  “I’m fine, Chase, I didn’t have that much,” she says, trying to tug my shirt off.

  I know I shouldn’t be doing this. I should wait until she’s sober, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t feel good. My mind is telling me to stop this, but my heart wants this, and in the end my heart will always win. So fuck it, we are doing this.

  Sitting up, I tear my shirt off and claim her lips as mine. The warmth spreads through my body as our tongues collide and move as one. I run my hands under her shirt and over her back. Needing to feel her skin against mine, I break the kiss and tear her shirt off.

  “Wrap your legs around me, baby.” She does as I ask. I grab her butt and stand, making our way toward the bedroom. I have been waiting almost ten months for this day. The day to show her why we work so well together. Laying her down on the bed, I begin to kiss down her neck and to her breasts. Taking the weight of her breasts in my hands, I begin to knead them. I bite the top of her cleavage and lick over them quickly. Keeping one hand on her breast, I move my other hand down to my sweet destination. Reaching her thong, I rip it completely off with one tug.

  “God, Chase.” She moans as my fingers trail over the outside of her lips.

  “Angie, are you allowed to be doing this?” I know she has to wait for a certain amount of time after having a baby.

  “Yes, all clear.” Is all she gets out before I slam my fingers inside her.

  I bring my lips to hers and kiss her so that I swallow all her moans. I feel her start to tighten around my fingers, so I know she is close. Releasing her mouth, I move to her ear and whisper: “That’s it, baby, let go.” And she does. She looks breathtaking in this moment. Her eyes are close
d, cheeks flushed and my name is falling from her lips.

  “Chase, I need you.” She moans when she comes back from her high.

  “Are you sure? Because once I start I won’t be able to stop,” I say, standing up and taking my pants off. Reaching over to the nightstand, I pull out a condom and tear it open with my teeth, hesitating for her answer before I roll it on.

  “Yes, now,” she says.

  That’s my bossy girl coming out. I love when she is like this. I crawl back over her and spread her legs along the way. I can smell her arousal as I make my way over her. “You ready, baby?” I ask her as I rub the top of my cock over her entrance, trying to coat it with her liquids. The nod of her head is all I need. I push into her slowly, since it’s been a while.

  “Damn, baby, you feel good,” I say when I’m balls-deep in her. I start to move my hips slowly with hers.

  “Faster,” is all she says.

  I pull almost all the way out and slam back into her, repeating my motion over and over again. I won’t be able to last much longer. I can already feel the tingling in my spine, making me know I’m close. I lean up on one elbow and move my hand to her clit. I begin to rub it with my thumb as her walls close tighter around my cock. I start to thrust faster and faster to bring her to the point of her release “Come for me, Angie. Come with me, baby.” I moan out. I lean down and bite her nipple and she lets go, screaming out my name in the process. Two more thrusts and I’m falling with her. I empty everything I have into her. I come so hard I see stars.

  Leaning down, I kiss her like I’m reclaiming her. I’m not sure what tomorrow holds for us. She may wake up and regret this, but one thing I know is that there is no replacing her. I pull out of her and make my way to the bathroom. Grabbing a wet washcloth, I go back and clean her up then toss it in the hamper before crawling into bed with her.

  She rolls over and lays her head on my chest. Her breathing has already evened out so I know she’s sleeping. I lie there, wondering if she’ll be upset when she finds me in her bed in the morning. She wasn’t that drunk, so I’m sure she’ll remember this. To be able to connect with her like this, after everything I put her through, makes me think of what an idiot I was for almost throwing it all away. Never again will I put her through what I have these last couple of weeks.