Time Changes Everything

by Dozier, Melinda

  As they jogged down the sidewalk, steps in sync, Amanda´s breath puffed out in the pre-Thanksgiving air. A flurry of people surrounded a newsstand next to the stoplight and an elderly couple entered a corner bakery. Passing the door, she smelled the newly-baked pastries and her stomach rumbled. They crossed through a clear intersection directly to a running path at the edge of the park.

  Jake hadn’t said much, which was his custom. He always lost himself in running, as if he disappeared into another world.

  It was all Amanda could do to keep her mind on jogging, and not on the man next to her. He easily distracted her, with his heavy breaths as he picked up the pace of their strides.

  She broke the silence. “The city has a different life in the morning doesn’t it?”

  Jake slowed down to match Amanda’s steps, as if by instinct. “That’s one of the reasons I love my morning runs.”

  Amanda’s heart rate sped, and her breaths shortened. Vapor vented faster from her mouth. She slowed, catching her breath. “How often do you run?”

  “About five times a week, unless I have an early meeting.”

  Amanda followed Jake’s eyes. He looked over the path through the trees at a blonde woman who rollerbladed in the opposite direction. She couldn’t help but feel jealous. But why should she be? She was just an old friend to Jake, and a little squirt at that.

  Jake glanced at her. “Remember running around the lake at home? You always said you weren’t a good runner, but kept running with me before school.”

  “Truthfully, I hated it.” She chuckled. “I didn’t want to miss a chance to run with my cute neighbor.” Did she really say that aloud?

  “Hmm,” Jake replied with his forehead wrinkled. “How about now?”

  “Am I having fun with my cute neighbor?”

  “Nah.” He chuckled. “Do you hate it?”

  “It’s all right. Just out of practice.”

  He grinned. “You sure look like you’ve been working out.”

  Why did he say things like that? It threw her off. “I’m getting lightheaded. I have to stop and catch my breath.”

  Jake stopped with her and rubbed her back as she bent over. After a moment, he stood in front of her and lifted her chin. “Let’s take it slow.” He stared at her.

  He’s talking about running, right?

  “Come on. I’ll make it easy on you,” he said.

  The early morning sun reflected off the lake, in yellow and gold tones, as they ran by. The echo of their footsteps bounced from the pavement as they ran in unison.

  Amanda appreciated that they didn’t have to say anything. They soaked up the morning in each step they took, exploring new paths, and admiring the scenery.

  They glided down the path, and tranquility overcame her. As the run continued, Amanda could see herself doing this every day. She didn’t worry about her store, or what she had to do next for the fashion show. Not a concern entered her mind, only thinking about Jake and what their next step would bring.

  What the hell am I thinking? I don’t need interference. And Jake was definitely an interference. My promotion. Eye on the prize.

  Jake startled her from her thoughts. “Mandy, you there?”

  “Sorry, my mind’s occupied.” Amanda looked at Jake as he slowed down and pointed across the street.

  “There’s a bagel shop. You want to stop in for some coffee and a bite to eat?”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  They walked over to the bagel shop and he opened the door for her. “You did well. Better than our runs back home.”

  “The run let me rest my crazy mind for a while. Black Friday is sneaking up on us which means a lot of work.” She laughed under her breath. “Plus, I’ve acquired a new project which includes a lot of late nights and probably no sleep.”

  They stood in line and ordered their coffees and bagels.

  Escorting her to a small table in front of the window that faced the street, he asked, “So, tell me more about this new project.”

  “I’ve got big plans.” Amanda blew on her cappuccino.

  Jake reclined in his chair, one elbow resting on the backside and the other on the table. “Big plans, huh?”

  “I earned a major job promotion with the designer, Denalo.”

  “Denalo?” He looked up in thought. “Who is that?”

  She laughed. “He’s only one of the greatest designers around. I´m going to direct his fashion show in January to introduce his Valentine’s Day line.”

  “That’s a venture. When?”

  Amanda leaned forward and held her palms out as she explained. “I’ve planned to do something like this since college, to prove to everyone -- especially Mom -- that I could do this on my own.”

  “I’m impressed.”

  “Mom needs to realize I’m wearing my big-girl pants and I don’t need anyone else to make me happy. I emailed my parents last night and told them, but they don’t really know the details. The last thing I need is Mom planning the show for me.”

  “Your mom wasn’t that bad.” He drank from his cup, the steam rising into his lashes.

  She sighed. “Mom always ran the show.” She paused and put her head down, but she had to continue. Not one person knew her pent up feelings about her mom. For some reason they flowed easily with Jake, after seven long years. “When I graduated from high school, I decided to leave home for good and start something for myself. I had a plan the day I left home, and since then, almost everything has fallen into place.”

  “That’s admirable,.” He reached for her hand and squeezed.

  “I did it on my own. All of it.”

  “Not everyone can say that.” He locked his fingers with hers and rubbed her thumb.

  “Honestly, I got a little side tracked last year with my ex, Dominic, especially since my mom pushed me to marry him.”

  He coughed into his coffee cup. “Holy shit, you married him?”

  “No, I didn’t marry him. Really, you can be obtuse.”

  “But your mom wanted you to marry. So what happened with that?” Jake studied her. She could almost hear his brain crackle with anticipation.

  “I broke it off. I’m not really into the domineering type.”

  Jake nodded slowly. “Domineering like bossy? Or were you, you know, into that BDSM stuff?”

  She tore her hand away from him. “Men and their ideas.”

  He shrugged. “Hey, I read those Fifty Shades of Nutso books, and I wouldn’t mind.” He wagged his eyebrows. “You up to it?”

  “No wonder you haven’t had a serious girlfriend.” She tore off a piece of bagel. “And I can’t believe you actually read a book.”

  “I am a lawyer, you know. I do have brains.”

  “I meant those books.” When he raised an eyebrow, she continued. “So, what about you, mister know-it-all? Why don’t you have a girlfriend waiting at home who’s forcing you to be fifty shades fucked up?”

  Jake widened his eyes and laughed. “Whoa, Mandy Larson, such language.”

  She dabbed her finger on a dollop of cream cheese and licked it off her finger. “Well?”

  His eyes darkened. “As a matter of fact --” Jake leaned over and wiped a spot of cream cheese off the side of her lip. Her eyes shut for a brief moment and she basked in his small, intimate touch.

  When she opened them, a beginning of a smile tipped the corners of his mouth. “I don’t have a girlfriend, per se, but I date.”

  “Well, congratulations. Invite me to the wedding.” Amanda crossed her legs. Why did she let him get to her like that? Her body betrayed her in every way. She scratched a spot on the table and didn’t allow herself to look at him.

  “Like tonight for example, I have a date with a woman I met when I got my haircut a few days ago. There could be a real possibility of something.” Jake bit into his bagel.

  “Oh come on, what’s going on? Have you had a real girlfriend yet? You can’t count Leslie Deveroux from high school, either.”

  �
�I had a girlfriend in Dallas that lasted a few months.”

  She huffed. “You’re making progress then.”

  He rubbed his neck. “I hate to be tied down to just one woman. Been there, tried that. Doesn’t work.”

  “Really? Not even one?” Amanda set her coffee down.

  He sighed. “The last girl I broke up with practically stalked me for a month afterward. I can’t handle that kind of shit.” He pinched the top of his nose, between his brows. “I don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s sadness. It’s bullshit.”

  Amanda reached out and stroked his arm. “One thing I’ve learned on this adventure of mine is that we’re responsible for our own happiness. No one else can step in the way unless you let them.”

  Jake slid his chair up closer to her. “So, who was this man you almost married?”

  She bit down hard on her lower lip. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

  Jake lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. “I want to know. We used to know each other backward and forward.”

  The yearning to know everything she missed about him nagged at the back of her brain, too. She wanted to talk to him for hours and find out every detail about his life. Like the old days. “His name is Dominic. He’s from Paris. I met him while working at a fashion show. The end.”

  “And? What happened? Why wasn’t he the one?” His powerful blue eyes stared her down.

  “Who really is the one,? How do we know?” Every woman wanted to know that answer. Did he? They stared at each other like a showdown in an old western saloon. The coffee machines whizzed in the background.

  He lifted his palms in defeat. “Don’t ask me. I’m the womanizer, remember?”

  Was he really that cold hearted? He had to want to get married one day. He wasn’t the type to stay single his whole life; he deserved better.

  “Don’t you want to get married eventually?”

  Jake pointed a finger at her. “Uh-un, you’re changing the subject. We’re talking about you.”

  “I’m serious. You can only date around for a little bit. Doesn’t it get boring?”

  “Hey, it’s not my fault that I go on a few dates and lose interest fast.” His face crinkled up as he thought about it.

  Amanda tightened her hair in her ponytail and sat up straighter. She moved her coffee cup forward and placed her hand on Jake’s. “Have you ever had a connection with someone?”

  His face hardened and he sighed heavily. “Sure, when I’m on top of someone in the heat of the moment. Bet that’s not the kind of connection you hoped to hear about.”

  She inched forward. “No, really, Jake. You’ve felt something for someone, right?”

  “And if I haven’t? Something’s wrong with me?” He tore his hand away from her and folded his arms across his chest.

  “I’m just sad for you. Connections with people are what life is all about.”

  He rolled his eyes at her. “Connections also hurt people. Look at my mom. When my dad left us, it almost destroyed her.”

  She threw her arms in the air. “Yeah, but in the end it was for the best.” She closed her eyes, took a breath and opened them.

  Jake’s mouth clenched tighter, so she leaned toward him and pulled his body around to face her. Something forced her to continue because he needed her to. “Your mom found Gil and they’re happy. It happens all the time. Two people discover they love each other and learn to live with each other’s faults.”

  “What if someone’s fault is not sticking around?” He tried to face the window again and she placed her hand on his knee to stop him. With her gentle touch, he looked down, then grabbed her hand with his own. He studied her fingers. “If I found the right person, I’d never leave her, if I committed myself to her. But the commitment is what scares me.” He squeezed her hand and gazed into her eyes. “I never want to be responsible for someone else’s happiness. So I avoid even thinking about getting to that point –– commitment –– a relationship.”

  She slid an inch closer. “But you haven’t. Don’t you see? Once you give a woman any inkling of interest, you’ve already involved her emotions. You have her hooked, centered and taken. Most women are like that, and I dare say, men are too.”

  He placed his hands on her legs and rubbed her knee with a heart rendering tenderness in his stare. “The only emotion I feel is a physical release. I haven’t found a woman who’s led me to think different.” He cocked his head to the side. His hand moved up to stroke her cheek. “I’m a screw up, aren’t I?”

  She touched his hand on her face. “No, I’m just sad for you.”

  “Great. That’s not the feeling I want from you.”

  “What do you want from me?”

  He held both her hands and studied her, searching for an answer. “I don’t know, but something is here.” He brought her hand to his heart. “You feel it too, don’t you? Maybe it’s because we grew up together and we have a past. Shit. I’ve never even thought of telling anyone any of this boo-hoo crap, and here it is the next day after seeing you for damn too long and you open me up like I’ve been lost in the wilderness and you’re a pizza pie.”

  She threw her head back and let out a peal of laughter. “Interesting analogy, counselor.”

  He surveyed the cafe around them and swiveled away from her to face the window. “I’m serious, Mandy. You do something to me.”

  Her voice softened. “What can I do to help you feel different?”

  “You’re not responsible for me.” He snorted.

  “No, but the path you’re taking is a long, lonely one.”

  He held a finger up. “Both of us are lonely right now, can I point that out?”

  “But I know what a real relationship is and you don’t.” She winced at her audacity to say the truth aloud.

  “Bullshit. I know what a relationship is. I just haven’t found someone to have one with. I need someone who’s willing to take that risk on me. Someone I’m willing to do anything not to hurt. Someone that doesn’t bore me. It scares the shit out of me.”

  She shook her head. “Listen to yourself. You’re lonely.”

  “Anyway, you admitted to having a shitty relationship with that Paris dude, so you’re no expert.”

  Flinching back, she said, “I never said I was.”

  He nodded his head. “You’re preaching to me as if you knew all the answers.”

  She stopped his fingers from tapping the table. “Will you ever take that leap?”

  “We’ll have to wait and see.” He glanced sideways. “How about you?”

  She sighed, knowing she wouldn’t be helpless again. “I don’t plan on seeing a man in my life for a long time.”

  A melancholy frown flitted across his features. “We’re both screwed.” His expression darkened with an unreadable emotion and he took a deep breath.

  Amanda reached into her purse and pulled out one of her business cards. “Here’s my number, in case you have time to call me in between all your other dates.”

  Jake tucked the card into his wallet but didn’t smile at her joke.

  Why was he quiet? All of a sudden, the most serious talk she ever had with Jake came to an abrupt end. Just like that. She began to panic.

  As if he thought the very same, Jake rose. “I have to go.”

  She stood. “You’re going to run away again?”

  He jerked his head back and frowned. “I’m not running away. It’s just been a little bit too deep for me this morning.”

  “I’ve got to get to work, too.”

  He held the door open for her and they both walked through, stopping outside.

  Jake crowded her and looked down intently. His breath was warm on her ear. “You need to listen to your own advice, too. I think you’re just as lonely as I am.”

  Before Amanda could reply, he kissed her on the cheek, turned around and walked away.

  Chapter Four

  JAKE HAILED A TAXI and tried to think about the shitload of work that sat o
n his desk. But his mind meandered to Amanda -- again. She’d called earlier in the week to invite him to spend Thanksgiving dinner at her apartment, which surprised him. Since their jog in Central Park, they hadn’t spoken.

  The thought of seeing her again tightened his throat. He didn’t want to screw things up like he did during their last talk – the sissy talk they shared – the one that scared the shit out of him. Never in his life had he been so open with a woman. The minute Amanda prodded him with questions, he poured his soul out like a weenie.

  Jake couldn’t stop thinking about Amanda’s statements regarding her future. Of course, the idea of her running a major fashion show thrilled him. No doubt, she would succeed. However, Amanda’s unwavering decision to have no man in her life disturbed him.

  When the doorman let him in and escorted him to the elevator, Jake took a deep breath. In all his years, not once had he been this anxious about seeing a woman. Sure, Amanda was a childhood friend, but he meant it when he said she stirred something within him. He was about to find out what that something was.

  Amanda opened the door. “Welcome to Chez Mandy.”

  He stepped in and handed her the pumpkin pie he’d brought, just as the phone rang in the background.

  “I have to get the phone. Be right back.” Amanda excused herself.

  Contemporary furniture and blue walls with drapes over the windows decorated the apartment. Amanda’s touch was everywhere including her framed drawings that hung around the room. It used to take a lot of persuasion to get her to share her work, and now it was displayed for anyone to see.

  Jake strode over to a watercolor piece depicting the large sycamores in the Larson’s yard back home. It brought memories of home and a twinge of longing to be there, with Amanda, surged through him.

  He turned around and stopped short.

  Amanda leaned in the doorway of her kitchen. She wore suede pants and a white tuxedo shirt. A thick brown belt hugged her hips in all the right places, accentuating her flawless figure. She had an ease about her as she moved to him and asked, “What do you think?”