by L. Wilder
“He was here, Beckett... He was in my bedroom.”
“No one’s here, Lyssa. It’s just us.” He ran his hand down my back. “It was just a dream—a really bad dream.”
“It seemed so vivid. It was as if he were here, on top of me, and I couldn’t breathe. I was so scared.”
“You’re okay. I’m right here.” Beckett’s voice was calm and reassuring as he whispered, “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
“You promise?”
“You have my word. I’ll never let anyone hurt you again.” He eased me back off of him so he could see my face. His expression was marked with concern. “I think it’s time you told me what the hell is going on.”
“I can’t. If I do, it’ll change everything.”
“I have no idea what you mean by that.”
“I know, but you’re just going to have to trust me.”
His dark eyes narrowed in confusion. “What exactly do you think is gonna change?”
“You.” Over the past couple of weeks, Beckett had been my one true constant. He anchored me, made me feel like everything was going to be okay, and even if we were just friends, I liked the way things were between us. I was afraid if I told him what had happened with Lucas, he would treat me differently—like I was broken or damaged beyond repair. “You’ll change.”
“I’m sorry, freckles, but I’m not following.”
“Something happened to me, Beckett. Something that was out of my control”—I lowered my head—“and if you knew what that something was, you wouldn’t think the same way about me as you do now.”
“Are you kidding me?” He brought his hand up to my chin, gently lifting my head, and when my eyes met his, he whispered, “I think you’re an incredible woman, inside and out, and nothing you could ever tell me is gonna change that.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Try me.”
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I let out a deep breath. “I was sixteen when Lucas Brant asked me to go to Homecoming …”
I spent the next half hour rehashing everything that had happened that night. It wasn’t easy. No one knew except Clay and I hadn’t spoken about it since. I swallowed back the knot that was growing in my throat, and then told him about seeing Lucas in the parking lot as I was leaving work. I tried not to cry, but the tears came just the same. Even so, I was able to tell him everything, and when I finally stopped talking, he leaned over to me and took me in his arms once again. He quietly held me until I stopped crying, and then he softly kissed me on the temple. “I’m sorry that happened to you, Alyssa, but it doesn’t make me think any less of you. If anything, it makes me admire you even more.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because you’re a survivor. You didn’t give up. You didn’t let what happened to you stop you from living your life.” He looked down at me with emotion in his eyes as he said, “You’re a fighter, Alyssa.”
“Look at me, Beckett. I’m a wreck.” I don’t know what came over me. Maybe it was the fact that I knew I could trust him. He’d been there for me in so many ways, and I hoped that he’d be there for me when it counted the most. I reached out, placed my hands on his face, and as his eyes met mine, I whispered, “I’m so tired. I just want to have a normal life. I want to stop being so afraid. Please help me. Help me stop being so afraid.”
“What do you need me to do?”
I inched forward as I whispered, “This.”
I pressed my lips against his and kissed him. When his muscles grew tense, I feared he might pull away, but he didn’t. Instead, he kissed me back.
7
T-Bone
Night after night, I found myself standing on Alyssa’s front porch, having no clue what the fuck I was doing there. I felt this unexplainable pull to her that I simply couldn’t understand. I tried to tell myself that I was just looking after a friend in need. It was easy to do, too. I’d seen how distraught she was the night she’d come to the clubhouse to talk to Clay, and the days that followed were more of the same. Hell, she’d struggled to just get through the day. It gutted me that I didn’t know why. I thought I might be able to help if Alyssa would just talk to me, but anytime I brought it up, she always refused to discuss it.
I figured she just needed time, and I was doing my best to give it to her. It wasn’t easy. Seeing her hurting got to me, so much so, I’d even considered going to talk to Hyde. I’d seen the way he’d lost it the night she came to the clubhouse, so I had no doubt that he knew why. But I just couldn’t do it. I wanted Alyssa to be the one to come to me, and now that she had—that scared look in her eyes, the crying herself to sleep, and even her lack of relationships with other men—it all made sense. I finally understood why she was so broken, and even though I knew I was going down a rabbit hole, I couldn’t walk away—especially after that kiss.
Damn. It was the last thing I’d expected her to do, but holy hell, having her mouth on mine felt better than I could’ve imagined, and yes—I’d imagined it many times since the day I first laid eyes on her. Alyssa’s gaze never left mine as she reached for the hem of my shirt, eased it over my head, and tossed it onto the floor. Sensing my apprehension, she placed the palm of her hand on my bare chest and said, “I know you’re worried about the fact that I’m Hyde’s sister and all that it entails, but this has nothing to do with him or the club. Here ... in this house, it’s just you and me.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“If you’re going to say that you’re too old for me, you’re wrong. You being older is one of the reasons I want to do this with you.” Her brows furrowed. “Don’t you get it? I know I can trust you to do this right. I know I’m asking a lot, but I need this. I need you, Beckett.”
She slowly lifted her t-shirt over her head, exposing her flawless skin and perfectly round breasts. It was then that I realized her scars weren’t in plain sight. They were hidden deep within where they took longer to heal, which made me wonder if following through with her request was the right thing to do. Alyssa, on the other hand, didn’t have the same doubt. “I want it to be you ... only you.”
The second the words slipped from her mouth every ounce of resistance I had left in me vanished, leaving me completely helpless to fight the urge to have her. I reached up, slipped my hand around the back of her neck, and pulled her close as I pressed my mouth against hers. Her lips were warm and soft, and each swirl of her tongue made the blood rush straight to my cock. I knew I needed to take it slow. After what she’d been through, the last thing I wanted was to scare her or push her, but it wasn’t going to be easy.
I hadn’t wanted to admit it, not to myself or anyone else, but Alyssa got to me in a way that no woman ever had—maybe it was the fact that she was so incredibly beautiful or maybe it was simply the way she made me feel whenever I was with her. I’d intended to keep things simple, but the second her lips met mine, I knew everything between us was going to change, yet it didn’t stop me from lowering my mouth to her ear. “I want to erase all those bad memories…every damn one of them.”
I ran my lips leisurely from the curve of her jaw down to her shoulder as she rasped, “Yes.”
She felt so damn good in my arms. I continued trailing kisses past her collarbone as her arms reached for me, pulling me towards her as I lowered my mouth to her breast. Heavy breaths and low moans filled the room as I raked my tongue against her nipple. Her head fell back, leaving no doubt that she liked having my mouth on her. With her eyes closed, she mumbled, “You have no idea how good that feels.”
Goosebumps prickled across her skin as my fingers worked their way across her abdomen, through the waistband of her sleep pants. A small whimper escaped her throat as my fingers trailed further down between her legs; she was just as turned on as I was. But when I grazed across Alyssa’s center and her entire body tensed, I knew then that I was taking things too fast. Hoping to assure her, I lowered my mouth to her ear as I whispered, “I’d never hurt you.”
>
“I know. I’m okay.”
“You can trust me ... Let me make you feel good.”
I kissed her, long and hard, taking pleasure from the sounds of all her little whimpers and moans. When I felt her body start to relax, I slid my fingertips inside her and had just begun to stroke her when she moaned, “Oh god, Beckett.”
I could feel my need for her building, burning deep inside my gut. Fuck, it was more than I could take. I wanted to be inside her, but first I needed to make sure she was ready for me. I sat up and reached for the waistband of her pink satin panties. Her eyes widened, not with fear but anticipation, as I started to ease them down her long slender legs. That spark of anticipation quickly faded as I settled back on the bed with my head between her legs. “Wait ... What are you—”
“You gotta trust me, Alyssa.”
She nodded, then silently watched as I slid my hands under her ass and pulled her towards me. A light hiss slipped through her teeth and her head fell back when I started to kiss along her inner thigh. Alyssa’s fingers dug into the sheets and her back arched off of the bed as I pressed the flat of my tongue against her sensitive flesh. “Yes!”
Her eyes clamped shut as I continued to nip and suck, teasing her clit with my mouth. It wasn’t long before her legs started to tremble. I realized then that she was letting go, giving in to the moment and even relishing in it. I increased the pressure, and her breath quickened. I knew she was getting close when she started to writhe and gasp for air. The feeling was foreign to her and she tried to resist, but no matter how hard she tried to fight it, she couldn’t stop the inevitable torment of her building orgasm. “That’s it, baby. Come for me.”
Seconds later, her head fell back as her entire body jolted with her release. Still in a haze, Alyssa looked up with wonder in her eyes. Damn, I’d never in my life seen a more gorgeous sight. Unable to wait any longer to have her, I stood up and started to remove my jeans. “Do you ... um ... have protection?”
I didn’t answer. I simply reached into my back pocket and took the condom out of my wallet; as soon as I’d rolled it on, I lowered myself back onto the bed. My breath became strained as I hovered over her. She looked so damn beautiful lying there beneath me, and I couldn’t imagine wanting her more than I did at that moment.
“You sure about this?”
“Yes,” she whispered as she brought her hands up to my face. She pulled me towards her, pressing her mouth against mine, kissing me. I knew she was ready, and I gently slid deep inside her. She inhaled a deep breath, holding for a moment as she adjusted to my size. I stilled, listening as she exhaled slowly, and after tilting her hips forward, she was ready for more. I started to rock against her body, slow and steady. Fuck, she felt so damn good—so tight and warm and wet. I had to pause for several breaths just to get a grip on myself before I exploded right there on the spot. “You’re incredible, Alyssa—every fucking inch of you.”
“Beckett,” she whispered.
The longing in her voice as she said my name spurred me on. I started to move once again, driving into her until I found steady pace. I watched her every move, listened to every moan and whimper, making sure that I was giving her exactly what she needed.
The muscles in her body grew rigid, her chest stilled as she held her breath, and I knew she was close again. I increased my pace, just enough to push her over the edge, and soon after, her fingernails dug into my back as her entire body grew taut. Seconds later, I heard the sound of air rushing from her lungs as she fell limp in my arms.
I continued to drive into her, the tight grip of her body bringing me closer to climax with every thrust until I finally came inside her. I took a moment to catch my breath, then lowered myself down on the bed and pulled her over to me. The room stilled as she nestled into my side and rested her head on my shoulder.
Our breaths started to slow, and just as the lustful haze began to fade, Alyssa looked up at me with tears in her eyes as she said, “I didn’t know it could be like that.”
“What’s with the water works? You okay?”
“I’m more than okay.” A soft smile crossed her face. “In fact, I’ve never been better.”
A sense of peace washed over me as she laid her head back down on my shoulder and curled up next to me. Feeling better than I had in weeks, I closed my eyes and listened to the soothing sound of her breathing, and it wasn’t long before we both drifted off to sleep. It was early when I woke up that next morning, and a smile crossed my face when I found Alyssa still nestled up against me. She looked so damn sweet lying there, and I hated the idea of leaving her, but I didn’t have a choice. If I was going to talk to Riggs before work, I needed to get moving. Doing my best not to wake her, I eased her off of me and onto the pillow before slipping out of the bed. I gathered my clothes from the floor and quickly got dressed. I stepped back over to the bed and kissed Alyssa on the forehead, then turned to walk out the door. I hadn’t gotten very far before I heard her say, “Sneaking off so soon?”
“Not sneaking off, babe. I’ve gotta get to the garage and didn’t want to wake you.”
“Oh, okay.”
I walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. “I want you to know that what happened last night is going to stay between us. I won’t say a word about it.”
“I know, Beckett. I wouldn’t have asked you to ... you know, if I wasn’t sure that I could trust you.” A strange look crossed her face as she sat up in the bed. “Do you regret it?”
“Regret what?”
“You know ... being with me. Did you do it because you wanted to or because you felt sorry for me.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” Seeing the doubt in her eyes gutted me. It got to me even more that I was the reason it was there. I’d never been good with the romantic shit. I always seemed to say the wrong things, do the wrong things, and in the past, it never really mattered. Deep down, I knew the women I’d pursued were just a flash in the pan, but Alyssa was different. I actually cared about her, and I didn’t want to fuck things up any more than I already had. I reached out and brushed a loose strand of hair from her face. “I’m not a man who does things I don’t want to do.”
“But—”
“No buts, Alyssa. I’ve been coming here every night because I wanted to, and I was with you last night because I wanted to be with you. Hell, I’ve never wanted anything more.”
“Good ... So, I didn’t mess things up between us?”
“Not a chance.” I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. “Now go back to sleep, and I’ll check in with you later.”
“Okay.” As I stood to leave, she smiled and said, “Have a good day, Beckett.”
“You too, beautiful.”
On my way out, I locked the door, then headed out to my bike. On the way to the clubhouse, I thought about everything Alyssa had told me about the night of Homecoming. I thought about the anguish in her voice as she talked about that asshole forcing himself on her, the tears that fell as she told me how helpless she’d felt when she couldn’t stop him, and how she’d never told anyone except Clay about what’d happened to her. She also mentioned how Clay had gone and beat the living hell out of the guy, but it did little to suppress my need to seek my own revenge on him. That overwhelming need is what drove me to go find Riggs. When I got to the clubhouse, it was still pretty early and I was worried that he might not have made it in yet, but as luck would have it, he was in his room working on something for Gus. As soon as he saw me entering the room, his brows furrowed.
“Something wrong, brother?”
“I need you to do something for me.” I sat down next to him as I continued, “I need all the information you can find on a guy named Lucas Brant.”
“What is it with this guy? Hyde was just asking about him the other day.” He pushed his chair back from his desk and turned to face me. “Does he have something going on with his sister?”
“I can’t get into it right now, brother. I just need to get all
the information I can on this guy.”
I hadn’t realized that Gus had come into the room until I heard him ask, “And what exactly are you planning to do with this information?”
“Don’t know just yet.”
“Hyde know you’re looking into this fella?”
“No.” I knew he didn’t like my response. It was written all over his face. Before he could try to talk me out of pursuing this guy, I told him, “This doesn’t have anything to do with him.”
“If it involves his sister, then I’d say it has plenty to do with him.”
“Hyde had his chance to fix this thing with Lucas, Prez.” I stood up and took a step towards him. “You know me well enough that I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think it was the right thing.”
“Going behind Hyde’s back isn’t the way to go about this.”
“How about this? I won’t do anything with Lucas before talking to him.”
“I have your word on that?”
“You know you do.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I turned my attention back to Riggs. “I’m gonna need everything you gave Hyde.”
After a few strokes of the keys, his printer started shooting out page after page. When it was done, Riggs grabbed the stack of papers and offered it to me. “This is everything I’ve got.”
I took a moment to flip through the pages, then said, “I’m gonna need you to track his phone and credit cards. I want to know every move this motherfucker makes.”
“You got it.”
“Appreciate it, brother.” Before leaving, I turned to Gus and asked, “You got a minute?”
“Yeah, let’s go down to my office.”
I followed him down the hall, and once we’d made it to his office, he closed the door behind us. “This about the girl?”
“It is.” I waited for him to sit down, then said, “Things just got really fucking complicated, and I’ve got no one to blame but myself.”