by L. Wilder
“I don’t know, Hyde. She might be a pain in the ass, but she’s your sister.” Concern marked Murphy’s face as he asked, “We have no idea if Booker knows about her and if she’s in danger, then—”
“I did everything I could, Murph. Fuck, I all but told her that we were at war, but she made it clear that she didn’t want to be a part of my life or the club.”
His response caught me by surprise. Alyssa had told me many times that even though her uncle, Viper, was the president of the Ruthless Sinners in Nashville, she didn’t know a great deal about the MC life. In truth, she knew very little. Regardless, whenever we talked about Satan’s Fury or the brothers, Lyssa always seemed generally pleased that her brother had found his place with us. She didn’t seem to have any apprehensions or concerns, so the fact that she’d told Hyde that she didn’t want any part of the lockdown or the club didn’t make sense to me. Curious if Hyde knew what had spurred the change, I asked, “Did something happen between you two?”
“Nah, not that I know of, but that’s the thing with Alyssa. Nothing really has to happen. She just gets something in her head and runs with it.” He shrugged. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’ve just gotta face the fact that she’s got her own life, and if she doesn’t want to be a part of mine, I can’t force her.”
“I know you’re frustrated and all, but we can’t leave Alyssa as an open target. If she won’t come here, then we’re gonna have to send a couple of prospects over to keep an eye on her ... at least until the lockdown is over.”
“Yeah, that might be a good idea.”
“I’ll talk to Moose, and if he’s good with it, I’ll send a couple of them over there tonight.”
“I appreciate it, brother.” He took a step towards the door and said, “I don’t know about you boys, but I’m about to find my girl and call it a night.”
Murphy chuckled as he replied, “Right behind ya, brother.”
Once Hyde had gone inside, I looked over to him and said, “Let me know what Moose says about sending a prospect over to Alyssa’s place.”
“He’s not gonna be happy about her not coming here, but not much Hyde can do.” Murphy shook his head as he continued, “At this point, Alyssa isn’t an ol’ lady, and unless that changes, it’s up to her to decide what she’s gonna do.”
“My ol’ lady or not, I care about what happens to her. She needs to get her ass over here where I know she’ll be safe,” I argued. “Fuck this. I’m gonna go talk some sense into her.”
“Hold up, now. It’s after midnight. She’s probably in bed, and more than likely, nothing’s gonna go down tonight with the Genocide ... not with everything else that’s going on. You might as well wait until tomorrow.”
As much as I wanted to go over to Alyssa’s place right then, I knew Murphy was right. She had work, and I needed to meet up with the brothers early the following morning. It was simply too late to go flying over there. With all the shit happening with the club, I had no idea when I’d be able to get over to her place, but like it or not, I needed to wait. “Damn, you’re right again.”
“I usually am,” Murphy replied with a smirk. “Come on, brother. Let’s call it night.”
I followed him inside. He walked down to his room to be with Riley while I trudged to mine alone. As I lay down on the bed, I knew I wasn’t going to get much sleep. I’d gotten used to having Alyssa by my side, but I’d soon discover that being without her was a feeling I’d have to get used to.
14
Alyssa
It was officially the night from hell. I just wanted to go home, crawl into bed, and pretend that nothing had happened—that I hadn’t actually seen my brother and Beckett kill those people. I knew it was crazy to think I could simply forget about something like that. I just didn’t want to believe that either of them were capable of doing something so awful, so cold and heartless, especially when I cared so much for them both. No matter what was going on in his life or mine, Clay had always been there for me. He was the best brother and a good man. The same held true for Beckett; he had done nothing but shown me kindness and affection like no other. It broke my heart to discover that neither of the men I loved were actually who I thought they were.
I was barely keeping it together as I pulled up to the house. I’d just gotten out of my car and was walking towards the front door when my phone started to ring. I looked down at the screen and wasn’t surprised to see that it was Jack. Even though I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, I knew I had to answer. I promised him that I’d let him know when I got home, and after what had happened, I was sure he had to be worried. With a deep sigh, I swiped the phone and answered, “Hey, Jack. I’m home, and I’m okay.”
“Damn, girl. You had me scared half to death,” he fussed. “I thought you were going to do something stupid like follow those guys or something. Where’d you go?”
“I was ... I was just kind of freaked out and wanted to get the hell out of there.”
“Oh, good. I can’t blame you for boltin’. Hell, I would’ve gotten the hell out of Dodge, too, if I could,” he scoffed. “Seems like this shit is happening more and more around here.”
A part of me felt guilty for doing it, but I had to ask, “Did you know the people who were shot?”
“I didn’t know them personally, but I knew who they were. Everybody does. They made sure of that,” he grumbled.
“What do you mean?”
“They’re all members of the Fallen Ones. Just a local gang that’s always stirring up trouble. A couple of the guys who got hit last night had just gotten out of prison a few weeks ago, and they were already back at it.” Sounding hurt and resentful, he continued, “Nothing new. That’s just the way it is around here.”
“I’ve never seen anything like that.”
“I didn’t figure you had. It’s one of the reasons why I felt so bad about having you bring me home.” I could hear the anguish in his voice as he said, “You never would’ve seen any of that if you hadn’t had to bring me home.”
“It’s not your fault, Jack. No way you could’ve known what was going to happen.”
“No, but I knew it was dangerous for you to come here, and—”
“Jack, really, I’m fine,” I said while opening my door and stepping inside. “Stop worrying about it.”
“That’s easier said than done.”
“I promise it’s okay.”
“Well, if things keep going well at work, maybe Tony and I can find a place in a safer neighborhood.”
“That would be great.” I glanced over at the clock, and when I noticed the time, I said, “Look, it’s really late. I’ve gotta work in the morning, so I better let you go.”
“Okay, again, I’m sorry about tonight.”
“I know. Go get some sleep.”
“You do the same.”
“Good night, Jack.”
After I ended the call, I locked the door, dropped my keys and purse on the table, and headed to my room. I took a long, hot shower, hoping it would help to clear my head. Unfortunately, it did little. Even as I dried off and put on my pajamas, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. All of it. Every second of it kept flashing through my mind as I crawled into bed. I was on the verge of crying again when I heard a knock at my door. Panic washed over me. I wasn’t ready to see Beckett. I needed time to think about what I was going to do, so I just lay there, hoping that he’d get the hint and go on home. Unfortunately, there was a second knock and then a third. Realizing that he wasn’t going to leave, I got out of bed and went to answer the door. To my surprise, it wasn’t Beckett who was standing on my front porch; instead, it was my brother. Suffice it to say, I wasn’t exactly thrilled about seeing him either.
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to get you,” he answered.
“And why would you do that?”
“You need to come to the clubhouse. We’re going into a lockdown.”
“A lockdown?”
“Yeah. It�
�s where all the brothers and their families come to the clubhouse,” he explained. “Being under the same roof is the best way to make sure everyone is safe.”
Assuming this all had something to do with what had happened earlier tonight, I asked, “Safe from what?”
“I can’t get into all that. It’s club business, Alyssa. That’s all you need to know.” His tone was hurried, like he didn’t want to take the time to actually talk to me, and it was aggravating him that I was wasting time. “Now get your stuff and let’s go.”
“No, Clay. I’m not going.
“What the fuck, Lyssa?”
“I’m sorry. Do what you gotta do and all, but I’m not going to be a part of all that.”
“Have you lost your mind?” He was getting angrier by the second, and I suddenly got why the brothers called him Hyde. My brother had a short fuse, and when things didn’t go the way he thought they should, he’d struggle to keep his rage in check. Tonight was no different. It wasn’t like I didn’t understand why he was so angry. Clay had no idea that I’d seen what had gone down tonight, so he didn’t understand why I was resisting his attempt to help me. “You’re my sister. There’s a chance that you might be in danger, and I’m here trying to make sure that nothing happens to you—just like I always do.”
“I get that.”
“Then why are you giving me fucking lip about it?”
“Because you wouldn’t even be standing here if it weren’t for Satan’s Fury—the very club that you think will keep me safe.” As I stood there staring at him, I was reminded of the moment the light from the car’s blaze shined on his face. My brother, a man who I thought could do no wrong had done the unthinkable. It was easier to believe that he’d been made to do it, that someone or something had forced his hand, and it made me angry to think that the club might’ve put him in that position. That thought led me to say, “The whole thing is crazy. I wouldn’t need to be kept safe if you weren’t with them.”
“Oh, so you suddenly got a problem with Fury?” His green eyes burned with hostility. “Now that’s funny, ’cause you sure as hell didn’t have a problem with them when they were getting you this house and giving you all the fucking furniture you’ve been using!”
“I appreciate what they’ve done, you know I do, but that doesn’t mean I want to be pulled into whatever it is you’ve got going on with them.” I crossed my arms and tried to keep my voice steady. “I’m trying to make a life for myself here ... a life of my own, and I can’t do that when you’re pushing your brothers and your club on me. I don’t want any part of it, and honestly, I want a break from you for a while.”
“I don’t get you. Where the hell is all this even coming from?”
“It’s not coming from anywhere,” I lied. “I’m just telling you that I want a life without any interference from you or your brothers.”
“There’s something you’re not telling me.”
“Just go, Clay!” I shouted. “Go live your life, go do your thing, and let me do the same.”
“Fine. You want space? You want a life of your own? You got it!” he snarled, then turned and stormed down the front porch. “I sure hope you know what you’re doing, Sis, ’cause I sure as hell don’t.”
I didn’t respond. Instead, I simply closed the door and locked it, then stood there for a moment, listening to the sound of his bike’s engine roaring to life in the driveway. Once it finally faded in the distance, I turned off the front porch light and headed to my room. As soon as I crawled into bed, I pulled the covers over my head and started to cry. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d cried so much. I was just so hurt, so angry, and I couldn’t seem to get a grip on my emotions. I lay there sobbing until I finally ended up dozing off, only to wake the next morning tearing up again. I went into the bathroom to wash my face, and when I saw myself in the mirror, I gasped. My eyes were all puffy and blistering red, just like my cheeks and nose. I shook my head and whispered to myself, “Damn, girl. You need to pull it together.”
I swallowed back the last of my tears as I placed a washcloth under some cold-running water and pressed it against my swollen eyes. I left it there for several minutes, then having no other choice, I started to get ready for work. Half an hour later, I was downing my second cup of coffee as I rushed to the restaurant, not exactly looking forward to being there. I was exhausted and depressed, and without Jack there to distract me, I feared it would be a long, dreadful night. Thankfully, that wasn’t the case. From the minute I arrived, we had a steady flow of customers, so I stayed busy the entire day and night.
By the time my shift was over, I was beyond exhausted. I didn’t waste any time grabbing my things out of my locker and heading out to my car. I could barely keep my eyes open as I drove home. I was so focused on taking a hot bath and slipping into bed that I hadn’t thought about the possibility of seeing Beckett. I just assumed that he would’ve spoken to Clay, and after hearing what I’d said to him, he wouldn’t come over. I was wrong.
When I pulled up in my driveway, Beckett was sitting on my front porch swing. Damn. I got out of the car, and as soon as I started walking up the front steps, he stood and met me at the front door. As luck would have it, he looked unbelievably hot in his black leather cut and faded jeans. He hadn’t shaved in a couple of days, and I had to fight the urge to reach out and run my hand over the bristles of his beard. His dark eyes were filled with pain as he took a step closer. “Hey, Beckett. I, umm ... I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.”
“I didn’t figure you were.” His eyes met mine as he said, “I talked to Clay. He told me about your conversation last night.”
“If you talked to him, then why did you come?”
“I wanted to hear it from you.”
“What exactly do you need to hear from me?”
“Well, for starters, you can tell me that you don’t want anything more to do with me or the club.”
This whole damn thing had me racked with emotion. I was mad that he was putting me on the spot, but at the same time, I wanted to cry and plead with him to make me understand why he’d done what he did to those men. Maybe there was a good reason, but I doubted it would’ve been enough to change my mind. I knew I couldn’t tell him what I’d seen or how I really felt, so I said, “I don’t have anything to do with the club, Beckett. That’s your thing and Clay’s, not mine. I just don’t want to get pulled in any more than I already have.”
“And what made you decide that our life is so bad ... that it isn’t good enough for you?”
“It’s not like that.” I inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to figure out the right thing to say to him. “I just need a break. I need time to figure out exactly what I want, and I can’t do that unless I’m on my own.”
“Didn’t seem to have a problem with that the last couple of months.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say. We had a good run of it and all, but it’s over.” My chest ached as I said the words. I’d fallen for Beckett. I loved him. I’d wanted a future with him, but in just a few moments, everything had changed. “Besides, we’d agreed that we were going to keep this thing between us simple. We’re just supposed to be friends, and it’s become more than that.”
“So, nothing happened. You just decided this without even talking to me about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Beckett. It is what it is.”
His face grew red with anger as he snapped, “That’s bullshit and you know it.”
“Don’t make this any harder than it already is, Beckett,” I replied calmly. “You said it yourself that being with me was going to make things complicated.”
“But that didn’t stop me. Complicated as it was, I fell for you anyway.”
I knew he cared for me, but until that moment, he’d never actually said the words out loud. I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest, making me wonder if I was making a terrible mistake. I loved him. There was no doubt about that, but it wasn’t that
simple. There were things about him that he’d kept hidden from me, and now that I knew the truth, I wasn’t sure how I felt anymore. “I don’t want to hurt you. That’s not my intention, especially after all you’ve done for me, but I just can’t do this anymore.”
“So, that’s it. Just like that. We’re done.”
“Yeah, I think it’s for the best.”
“For you or for me?” His eyes dropped to the ground as he declared, “’Cause I can tell you now, it sure isn’t the best thing for me.”
“It is. You’ll see that in time.”
“Been around the block enough times to know you’re wrong about that, freckles.” He leaned forward, kissed me on the forehead, then said, “I’ll respect your wishes. I won’t come around anymore, but if you ever need me, I’m just a phone call away.”
Biting back my tears, I watched him walk down my front steps and get on his bike. I had to fight every fiber of my being to keep myself from calling out and begging him to stay, knowing I had to let him go. I couldn’t bear to watch him ride away, so I rushed inside and closed the door behind me, then ran to my room and lay across the bed. As the tears streamed down my face, I thought back to something my mother once told me—“There are three things you should never break: promises, trust, or someone’s heart.” Tonight, I’d broken all three.
15
T-Bone
I left Alyssa’s place feeling completely defeated. I tried to get her to talk to me, to tell me what was going on in her head, but she refused. She’d had it set in her head that it was done, and there was no changing her mind. Needless to say, it didn’t set well with me. In fact, it hurt like hell. It was like my fucking ribs were broken. I could barely breathe, and no one could see the pain I was feeling. The hardest part was forcing myself to let go of the dream of what could’ve been. As crazy as it sounds, I thought we actually had something. I sure as hell hadn’t felt anything close to how I did when I was with her. Like she said, “It is what it is.” I had no one else to blame. I’d let myself fall for a woman I knew I could never have, and I would have to face the consequences—starting with Hyde.