Asylum

by Lily White

  He hesitated, still searching my face for any clue that I truly wanted him by my side. Whatever he found, it must have been enough. From one second to the next, he changed from the standoff physician to the loving man I remembered from the previous night.

  His fingers were wrapping into my hair as his mouth covered mine, moving slowly at first, but building with intensity with every stroke of his soft lips over mine. His tongue brushed across my lips seeking entrance and I opened to him, allowing him to deepen the kiss. His other hand gripped my knee, pulling my legs apart so that he could move between them, pressing our bodies together. I couldn’t move because of the jacket, so I wrapped my legs around his waist, tightening them together in order to pull him even closer against me.

  I moaned when his hands slipped up my thighs, his thumbs pressing hot trails into my skin from above my clothes. The way he was touching me, the strength he used to grip me, it wasn’t like the night before. I’d awoken something in him, or perhaps I’d broken something. Without warning, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me from the desk and rushing me to one of the separate rooms. I didn’t care which room he choose, just prayed that it had a bed. But then again, a chair would do as well. I’ll never forget what he’d shown me could be done on a chair.

  After being dumped on the soft mattress of the black room, I heard the metal rings scrape along the track when he pulled the curtain closed. There was barely any light in this room, especially with the blanket of midnight he used to conceal us from the rest of the therapy room. He strolled back to the bed, locking me in his sapphire stare and smiling in a way that promised the torment of his pleasure.

  “Not slow…please, I can’t handle it again.”

  He cocked his head to the side and laughed. “I’ll do what I want, Alex. And by the looks of you, there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. If I want it slow, I’ll take you slow.”

  The bed dipped and his hand was covering my mouth, quickly replaced by his lips when I stopped attempting to talk. With the tip of a single finger, he pushed me onto my back and I fought against the restraint of the straight jacket. I didn’t want to pull away from the sensual and fiery kiss, but the jacket was driving me mad because it kept me from touching him, from helping conduct this seductive dance, the most basic and primal of acts that could occur between a man and a woman.

  Forcing my lips away from his, I begged, “The jacket…please remove the jacket.”

  He grinned down at me, a playful sparkle gleaming in his eye. With the corner of his lip crooked in a sadistic smirk, he shook his head and answered, “Oh, no beautiful. I think I’d like to keep that on for right now.”

  Not giving me a second to complain, he flipped me over on the bed, pushing my head down onto the mattress, while using his other hand to grip my hip and pull my ass up to rub against the evidence of his arousal. His hips bucked against me and he wasted no time tugging my pants down to my knees, exposing me to him while the jacket left me no ability to fight back.

  I listened for the sound of his belt being loosened. I expected him to push himself inside, spreading me open with the thickness of his cock, but instead what I felt was the soft warmth of his lips planting light kisses up my legs, parting them with his hands until he could lick along the insides of my thighs. He was taking his time again, and I felt the bed vibrate with his laughter each time I groaned at the slow heat he was building inside me.

  I bucked back with my hips, desperate to be filled. What I got instead was the slick heat of his mouth, covering me so that his tongue could flick out to lick along my core, tasting me and savoring me while he took his time priming me for whatever it was he intended to do next.

  I cried out, my legs shaking from the masterful way his mouth moved over me. His tongue dipped down to tease at my clit and he would pull it back up again to circle it along the outer rim of my core. My breath left my lungs, completely blown out of my body when I started to climax. I tried to pull away, too embarrassed to peak so fast, but he grabbed my legs, holding me in place while he continue to nip at the sensitive flesh and allowing his tongue to work at the skin and nerves bringing me to a point where the pleasure boiled over.

  I couldn’t think or speak. My mouth opened wide on a silent scream when he dipped his tongue inside me, forcing it in and out until the bed was shaking in time with my body.

  I came, fast and hard. He sucked it down, licking between the skin until I was clean. His hands continued to grip my legs as he pushed himself up on his knees, landing a teasing lick on my ass before pushing up entirely. I jumped, not used to the sensation and he chuckled before saying, “My turn.”

  The sound of his belt buckle being pulled apart was swift before I felt the material of his pants slip down his legs to puddle on mine. He didn’t waste a second before shoving his cock inside me, sinking himself so deep that it forced my body forward. His movements inside me started slow at first, each stroke building with speed and force until the slap of skin between our bodies was the only sound that could be heard.

  He gripped my hips, moving me over his cock. The muscles of my body gripped him, holding him in, but letting go when he pulled out only to shove inside deeper than he’d been before. He found his release, shoving inside to a depth that broke me apart once again, our mutual climax milking him of everything he had to give.

  Releasing my hips, he caged my body with his arms, allowing the weight of his chest to fall on top of me. His breath was heavy; his mouth trailing light kisses up my neck. I collapsed, no longer able to support our weight, my head rushing with a mix of euphoria and sated bliss.

  A smile lit my face when he curled up beside me, tugging me closer to him before wrapping his arms around my body. I wanted to fall asleep in those arms and was barely able to keep my eyes open as we both lay there allowing the passion to drain away and our hearts to reclaim their normal rhythms.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.

  ― Albert Einstein

  “I guess we should begin your therapy at some point.” Half joking, he pulled at the straps of the straight jacket, finally setting me free.

  Rolling over after he’d released the ties at my back, I looked up at him with an amused expression, watching intently as he unbuckled the front ties and pulled the halves of the jacket apart.

  Cocking an arrogant brow, he asked, “Oh, what have I just found?” He bent down, biting one of my breasts softly over the cotton shirt.

  I laughed when he playfully jerked his head around like a dog who’d found a new toy. “Those would have come in handy a few minutes ago.”

  “Ahhhh, I see your point, but I think I’ll be keeping the jacket around for those moments when you aren’t behaving.” A quick wink and he lifted his head, bringing it down again to plant a light kiss on my lips.

  “You need to eat, but after that, we’ll be completing another session. Your brother is expecting answers.”

  I groaned, not wanting to ruin the moment by returning to the nightmare. “Can I just eat in here?”

  “I’m afraid not. But I promise you that I’ll ensure Terrie doesn’t leave your side. I have some work to get done, but I should be ready to go in about two hours.” Looking down at me, he made a funny face, before saying, “I shouldn’t have taken the jacket off of you. Terrie will need you restrained in order to escort you around.”

  “How long do I have to stay restrained? I hate being around Joe and not having a way to defend myself. Even if there are other people around, I don’t trust that he won’t do something to get me alone.”

  His expression was blank as he stared back at me. I imagined the cognitive wheels turning in his head.

  “I can break policy for you, Alex. However, if I do so, you’ll need to promise me to behave. I don’t need another incident like Emerson…”

  The thought struck me that I didn’
t really know what happened with Emerson. The last thing I remembered was being in Ali’s room, Dawn starting the fight and being dragged away by the man I supposedly killed.

  “What happened to him?”

  “You really don’t know?” He studied me for a moment, considering everything he knew about my condition and adding in the new piece to the puzzle.

  “What is the last thing you can recall about that night?”

  I shrugged. “Emerson dragging me out of Ali’s room. After that, it’s like a blank screen. I don’t remember much until waking up the next morning.”

  What I was saying was true…mostly. “I remember the hooded man being there, but I don’t remember why.”

  Nodding his head, he reached up to stroke his chin. He always did that when thinking and I took the opportunity to look him over. He was a masterpiece. His body was tight and toned in all the right places, his broad shoulders and neck supporting a head as flawless as the rest of him. My eyes followed the line of his nose down to full lips that were expertly used to pull every bit of sexual gratification from my body. I shuddered at the thought of the skill of his tongue and I was caught off guard when he spoke again.

  “It is possible that the mix of adrenaline with your medication could have caused you to black out. It’s rare for things such as those to happen, but your mind isn’t fully stable right now as it is. With a weakened cognition, the mixture most likely played into your inability to recall information. You spoke of the hooded man when they found you, but I’m not sure how any of that is possible.”

  He opened the curtain to walk back out in the main area, and turned back to me as he crossed the threshold to say, “I’ll tell Terrie to stop using the restraints. But I want you to be sure to stay with her at all times. Even when in the rec room, try not to wander off too far. Not until I’ve had a chance to get the evidence I need to fire Joe. After he’s gone, I’ll start working on the others, but without any physical proof, it will take time.”

  “I understand.” Knowing that Terrie would be near me, and knowing that I wouldn’t have to wear the chains or the jacket, I felt better about having to leave the therapy room.

  He nodded once and replaced the mask of the cool and collected doctor. I hated to feel that distance between us again, but I knew what was truly between us had to be hidden from every person in the asylum.

  . . .

  “We can’t let you eat too much tonight, Alex, due to the therapy you’ll be undergoing soon. There’s a chance you’ll vomit from the medication he gives you, so it’s best you just stick with a light dinner.” Terrie squeezed my arm as she led me through the cafeteria.

  Nobody else was in the room and I was spooked by the emptiness of the space. It was a large area with identical tables lined in three rows spanning the room. At the front were two doors and behind a wall, was the cafeteria line. The walls were painted the standard white in this place, the paint so old that pieces were flaking off in the corners, revealing the grey cement blocks beneath. The tube lights above us flickered, but the different frequency of light made the wavering illumination more sickening to endure. Even though I walked smoothly and at a steady pace, it felt like my body jerked with each split-second flicker of the bulbs.

  After selecting a sandwich and a bottle of water, I sat with Terrie at the first table we came to.

  Terrie talked about anything that came to her, telling me about her children and grandchildren, about books and movies that she liked, and about the Christmas presents she was knitting for her relatives. I nibbled at the food, listening intently.

  After a while, she ran out of things to tell me and the conversation turned to the subject of Dr. Hutchins.

  “So how is the therapy going, Alex? Dr. Hutchins tells me that you’re progressing every day. It appears you might not have amnesia after all, at least not as bad as we always thought it was. I’ll admit I’m surprised at the sudden shift in your condition.” Tapping me lightly on the head, she said, “Maybe your brain just needed a little bit more time than usual to repair itself.”

  “It’s going good, I guess. I haven’t really talked to Jer –“

  Catching myself, I flinched to realize I’d almost referred to him in a less than professional manner. Luckily, only Terrie heard me and I didn’t think she would think anything of it, but I still couldn’t take the chance.

  “Dr. Hutchins. I haven’t really talked to Dr. Hutchins about most of it. He seems happy with my progress, so I’ll trust his opinion.”

  Knowingly, she nodded and placed her hand on my shoulder in a show of support. “You’re such a lucky girl. He’s taken such a special interest in you.” Her palm smoothed up and down my back and I took comfort in the gesture. “If I’m not mistaken, I think that you might be taking a special interest in him as well.”

  Shock tore through me, fear that she would tell other staff members about what she thought was going on. Breathing in a calming breath, I tried to downplay my reaction, appearing as if I’d never considered Jeremy as anything more than a doctor.

  “He’s very professional and he appears to love what he does. It’s nice to have someone I can talk to. I hope he’s able to figure out what’s caused all my issues and hopefully correct them.”

  She smiled. “I’m sure, dear. It’s nice to know you have people in your corner. Especially when considering everything you’ve been through. It would be such a shame to be thrown into a place like this and have nobody in the world that cares about your well-being.”

  Leaning into her, I took the liberty to rest my head against her shoulder. She wasn’t my mom, but it didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy the motherly quality about her. Besides Jeremy, she was the only person I could trust in this place, and for that I was thankful.

  “We’ll take good care of you, Alex, and before long you’ll be walking out of this place a new woman. In the meantime, you’ll just have to put up with this place and work to put your mind back together. I have complete faith that once Dr. Hutchins is done with you, you’ll know nothing but happiness for the rest of your life.”

  It was an odd statement, but I brushed it off. Terrie was always the optimist and I was beginning to realize that the perpetual happiness that bubbled out of her was just her way of dealing with the bleak outlook that hovered in this place on a cloud of oppression and shame.

  Silence fell between us while I finished my food. After I swallowed down the last of the water, Terrie grabbed my hand and pulled me up with her as she stood from her seat.

  “Well, we should get you back to the room. Dr. Hutchins will be returning soon.

  . . .

  By the time we returned, Jeremy was waiting at the circular desk in the center. Terrie walked me as far as the door before waving goodbye and leaving Jeremy and I alone in the room.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I answered.

  He stared at me from behind the desk, his white physician’s jacket covering his shoulders and his wire-rimmed glasses over his sapphire eyes. Stubble shadowed his cheeks, and a smile played over his lips. With messy hair that looked like it hadn’t been combed since we’d both crawled out of bed, he rose from his chair and strode across the space to where I was standing. I watched him walk, feeling weak in the knees at the way his body moved.

  Finally reaching me, he took my hands in his and stared down into my face for a second or two before asking, “Are you ready for this?”

  “No.” I wasn’t going to lie this time. It would have been a wasted effort. I knew he could tell how scared I was by the way my hands trembled in his.

  “At least you’re being honest. While you were out this morning, I had one of the rooms changed to look like the one you saw in the photo this afternoon. I don’t want you to be scared and, as always, I’ll be there for you if anything is too much for you to remember. The props in the room are only there to spur your sensory memory.” He paused, mulling something over in his head before adding, “Although, now that I’m almost positive we aren’t
dealing with amnesia, I’m not sure it’s that form of memory we’ve been triggering.”

  While leading me to the new room, he explained what he thought about my condition. “I believe you’ve been repressing memories. Trauma, especially when it’s committed in a person’s youth, can have a profound effect on the ego and the psyche. Sometimes, when the trauma is too terrible to endure, the mind has a way of blocking that information from conscious thought. It’s not something a person intends to do; it’s more like a natural instinct outside of our control. Yours has been more severe than is common, but I think with the repeated traumatic events combined with the brain injury, you’ve suffered some cognitive difficulties that are exceptionally rare and unusual.”

  “Is it something that can be fixed?” With a cautious tongue, I asked the question. It scared me to think that it was something clinical and normal that was causing the memory disturbances I’d suffered.

  “I think it is. It’ll take time obviously, but with effort and counseling, there’s a strong possibility that your functioning will be restored to a normal level.”

  When we reached the room, he pulled aside the curtain and I barely recognized the space. I hadn’t paid much attention to the photo Dain had shown me. Looking around, I noticed the cheap, utilitarian furnishings and thick green carpeting in the room. The bedspread was a horrid floral print that matched the drapes. “Is this a hotel room?”

  “A copy of one, yes. We were more fortunate in this situation that the setting wasn’t as elaborate as it had been at Bobby’s house. A single room will do fine to kick start your memory.”

  I frowned when I thought about remembering CJ’s death. He’d been a good friend when we were younger. We’d spent hours playing together on the street where we lived and I could almost smell the aroma of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies that seemed to permeate the walls of his house. His mother had been a good friend of mine, so there was always ample amounts of time we had to play together. He had a large tree house that his father had built for him in the backyard and we would always pretend like it was our own house.