‘I was working late and overslept if you must know.’
‘You don’t need to explain to me.’
Kate peered into the pram. Lily was fast asleep.
‘I spoke to James this morning.’ Susie fussed about with Lily’s changing bag. ‘I’ll make some lunch; why don’t you go and grab a shower?’
‘You don’t need to.’
But Susie was already in the kitchen taking a loaf of bread out of the fridge.
‘It’s no trouble, I want to help.’
‘But I’m fine.’
‘Kate…’ Susie paused, bread knife in hand, ‘I know James has walked out.’
‘It wasn’t like that. Is that what he told you?’ Kate slumped into a chair and yawned.
‘He said he’s moved out for a while to give you both time to think, but sometimes that’s a bloke’s way of—’
‘You make it sound worse than it is.’
‘Did he tell you he’s not eating?’
‘Not exactly.’
‘Well he’s not. Anyway, I told him to grow up.’
Kate didn’t answer.
‘I think it’s about time, don’t you?’ Susie examined Kate’s face as she spoke. Probably hoping for a reaction.
‘I need to ring my mum.’ Kate forced herself out of the chair.
‘Okay, but you know you can’t bury your head.’
‘Don’t tell me what to do.’ Kate glared at her.
‘Oh.’ Susie stopped. ‘I’m sorry, have I upset you?’
Kate sloped off to the living room with Susie’s words trailing after her like bad breath. She dialled the number. The monotonous dialling tone made her head throb. She rang off and tried again. It wasn’t like her mother to ignore the phone for this long, especially when she’d asked her to call. She should have tried calling again sooner. What if she’d fallen over and couldn’t reach it? She’d have to go round there.
After her shower, Kate went back to the kitchen in search of food. A mug of peppermint tea was ready for her on the table next to a plate of toast soldiers.
‘Sorry. Automatic pilot.’ Susie grinned. ‘I was helping out at a toddler’s party this morning, I’m still in little people mode.’
‘I have to go out in a minute.’ Kate turned the plate of toast to find a piece which wasn’t soaked in butter.
‘I need to go into town anyway. I promised James I’d call in on you.’
‘He asked you to?’ Perhaps they had other secrets between them.
‘Well sort of. I called him to see if he would make it to badminton this week and he said he didn’t have his kit with him, which is when he mentioned he was staying at Mac’s place.’
‘So you’re checking up on me?’
‘It’s not like that.’ Susie tidied away the butter and loaf of bread. ‘Aw, did he send you flowers?’ She smiled, pulling the cardboard box out of the bin and placing it next to the recycle box. She peered inside and took out the cellophane wrapping. ‘Oh, do you know the flower is still in here?’ She pulled out the remnants of the long-stemmed rose.
Kate wanted to scream at her to stop interfering. ‘It wasn’t from James so don’t ask. And as you can see, I’m absolutely fine.’
‘Okay.’ She pushed the stem back in the box and closed the lid. Susie had her back to Kate now, hands deep in soapy water, washing Kate’s dishes from the night before.
‘I think it’s good that you told him,’ Susie said.
Kate swallowed a mouthful of tea. It tasted like a boiled sweet. Her palate seemed to be changing; she couldn’t bear the smell of anything sugary.
‘I mean he’s going to have to make a decision now, isn’t he?’ Susie carried on.
‘You told me he’d change his mind.’ Why had she confided in her?
‘He will, when he realises what he’ll lose.’
‘You don’t know that. Why is he so against having a baby?’
Susie’s hands stopped washing. ‘Something happened to his brother Ben when they were kids. I know he blames himself for it.’
‘I knew they’d fallen out, but he hasn’t told me why.’ Kate bit a toast soldier in half. Yet again, a shared secret between them.
‘I’m sure he will when he’s ready. He will come back to you,’ Susie said over her shoulder, ‘I promise.’
‘So he’s told you what happened?’ Rage flared through her. Was there anything she didn’t know about James?
‘Years ago, yes.’
‘How can you be so sure he’s going to accept this baby when—’ The cloying taste of cold butter was stuck to the roof of her mouth. She wanted to retch.
‘I can see him now, being amazed at the sight of his own baby.’ Susie gazed out of the window.
‘Can you really?’ She chucked down the piece of toast.
‘It’s so different when it’s your own; the love is overwhelming.’
‘How can you have the front to say all this?’ Kate shoved the plate away.
‘I’m sorry, have I done something wrong?’ Susie twisted round, hands dripping.
‘You and… James… were expecting a baby and he made you get rid it.’
A plate fell from Susie’s hands and clunked into the sink. ‘He told you that?’
‘You never even mentioned you dated.’ Kate pushed the plate further across the table.
‘I couldn’t see any point.’
‘You both kept it from me. Pretended you were only friends.’
‘We were young; it was a long time ago; there didn’t seem any reason to bring it up.’ Susie wiped her hands on a tea towel. ‘It didn’t mean anything.’
‘Getting rid of a baby was easy, was it?’
‘No, I didn’t mean that. We agreed it was a mistake. He didn’t want it and I didn’t feel anywhere near ready or willing to be a mother.’
‘So you happily told me he’d change his mind knowing full well he wouldn’t want a baby, that he’d leave me if I didn’t have an abortion,’ Kate shouted.
‘That’s not true!’ Susie came towards her, arms outstretched.
‘Why are you always defending him?’
‘I don’t know, he’s my friend. I care about him.’
‘You mean you still have feelings for him?’
‘Not like that. Honestly, Kate.’ She wiped her nose. Was she crying?
‘Okay, so tell me what really happened with his ex. Was it him that gave her the ultimatum, not the other way round?’
‘No, what I said was true.’
Kate backed away. ‘I think you should go.’
‘Kate, please, I really think he’ll be okay, given time. You should see the state he’s in.’
‘You’ve seen him this morning?’ She blinked in disbelief. Another cosy little chat.
‘He called in on his way to work. He’s in a bad way.’
‘And he sent you to check up on me.’
‘He loves you more than anything.’
‘Did he love you?’
‘No not really, we thought it was love at first, of course we did, but we were kids, it wasn’t serious.’
‘But you got pregnant.’ She ground her teeth. Her jaw clicked. The thought of James being intimate with Susie sent needles of jealousy searing through her. And they were still keeping each other’s secrets. Susie knew more about James than she did.
‘We both knew straight away that it wasn’t what either of us wanted.’
Kate wanted to believe her, but why hadn’t she told her sooner?
‘I’ve not even told Harry.’ Susie cast her eyes down at her trainers. ‘You won’t mention it, will you?’
Kate shook her head. She wasn’t exactly the best person to preach about honesty. The truth could hurt people as she knew too well. If only she could talk to Susie about Paul, ask her what she should do. But how much could she trust her?
Their conversation was interrupted by the telephone ringing. Kate strode into the hallway.
‘Mrs Marshall?’ She recognised the voice but couldn’t pla
ce it straight away.
‘Speaking.’ Kate pressed the receiver closer to her ear.
‘It’s Mrs Connell… your cleaner.’
‘Oh yes, hello.’
‘I’ve been on your mother’s doorstep for the last fifteen minutes.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. Isn’t she there?’ Kate walked into the living room.
‘She’s in all right.’ Then after a pause. ‘Your mother won’t let me in, Mrs Marshall.’
‘Oh goodness.’ Kate tried to grasp what Mrs Connell was saying. ‘How odd. Are you sure?’
‘I’m very sure.’ Mrs Connell sounded exasperated.
‘And she’s definitely there?’
‘I called through the letterbox and she told me to go away; how’s that for you?’
‘Really?’ Strange, her mother had been pleased with the extra help.
‘Well I never, I said to myself. How rude. Quite uncalled for, and she said a certain word – something I’m not able to repeat, I can tell you that much for nothing,’ she paused, ‘in all my years—’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Kate cut in. ‘I can assure you this is not like her at all. It’s very odd indeed. Look, you go home, Mrs Connell, and I’ll come over to see what’s going on.’
‘Will I still be paid for today? I mean I’ve been standing here for quite some time and before that I was standing at the bus stop for at least twenty minutes all in all. It’s a waste of my day. I could have been cleaning another house.’
‘Yes, yes, don’t worry, I’ll still pay you and I’ll be in touch again shortly. And thank you for letting me know, I do appreciate it.’
‘Much obliged to you,’ Mrs Connell said and rang off.
Kate took her coat off the peg and returned to the kitchen where Susie was finishing her drink. ‘I have to go.’
‘I need to get on too,’ Susie said. ‘I’m sorry you had to find out. I don’t know what James was thinking. It’s not something either of us is proud of.’
For a second their eyes met and the air round them dragged time to a halt.
‘It’s my mother,’ Kate said, going back into the hall. She opened the cupboard under the stairs and pulled out James’s badminton kit.
‘I hope she’s all right.’ Susie took the bag from her.
Kate threw Susie a glance to tell her she wasn’t about to share the details with her.
‘I am really sorry.’
Kate held the front door open while Susie backed the pram out with Lily still asleep.
‘I’ll tell James you’re fine then.’
‘Tell him what you like,’ Kate said and followed her out.
She locked the front door, got in her car and drove off.
Chapter Eighteen
A light rain suddenly became stabbing and drenched Kate as she ran from the car to her mother’s porch. She closed the noise off behind her and took out the front door key. It seemed strange that her mother had let the angel’s trumpets wilt and not mopped the chequered tiles. They were normally gleaming.
‘Mum,’ she called as she unlocked the front door. She stood and listened for an answer. The faint sound of music was coming from the kitchen. ‘Are you here, Mum?’ She took off her coat and hung it up, running her hand down the arm of her dad’s tweed jacket next to it. Was her mother keeping it? In the mirror, she ruffled her wet hair in a half-hearted attempt at shaking off the rain.
Slowly, she opened the kitchen door. The sound of an orchestral version of Debussy’s Clair de Lune filled the room, but her mother wasn’t there. She switched off the radio and called out again. The shroud of silence gave no clue as to where she might be. Then, as if roused by the lack of noise, Elizabeth emerged from the living room, stooping in a strange shape over her stick, as if weighed down by a yoke across her shoulders.
‘Mum, are you all right?’
‘Careful,’ Elizabeth whispered, putting a finger to her lips, ‘they’ll push your head under the water again.’ She pointed to Kate’s wet hair. ‘Come in here with me.’ She beckoned.
‘Who are you talking about?’ Kate checked round them. The living room felt too warm and stank of body odour and unwashed clothes.
‘They’ll be looking for you. Best stick with me.’
‘Who will?’
‘Don’t be silly now, you’re already soaked through.’
‘That’s because it’s raining outside.’ Kate had never seen her act so strangely before.
Her mother turned to her, finger to her lips. ‘No need to be afraid. We’re all in this together.’
They sat on the sofa in the darkened room, the strong musty smell hanging in the air. A hairline of light seeped through the velvet curtains. The trailing ivy on the plant stand in the corner looked half dead.
‘They’re all bullies.’ There was fright in her mother’s wide eyes.
‘Who is? Who are you talking about?’
‘The nurses of course.’
‘There aren’t any nurses here, Mum. Look, I’ll show you, we’ll go round the house together.’
‘No,’ Elizabeth grabbed the hem of Kate’s skirt in her fist, ‘you can’t go up there, they’ll try and drown you.’
Kate stood up.
‘I won’t let you!’ Elizabeth shouted, holding on to Kate’s arm.
‘I’ll be all right, I promise.’
‘But that man might still be here.’
‘What man? Mum, look it’s okay, I’ll stay with you, but I think I should call a doctor.’
‘Not the doctor, not the doctor.’ Elizabeth’s eyes became wild and roving.
‘Mum I need to use the phone.’ Kate eased herself away from her. In the hall she picked up the telephone. The line was dead. She traced the wire under the table. It had been pulled from the socket. ‘Why have you unplugged this?’
‘It wouldn’t stop ringing,’ Elizabeth whispered, gripping the door frame.
‘I was trying to ring you. You left a message asking me to call you. You said it was important. Don’t you remember?’
Elizabeth didn’t answer.
‘This is silly. I’ll call the doctor in my car.’ Kate slipped on her coat, picked up her handbag and took the battered old address box with her.
In the driver’s seat, she took out her mobile and pressed the letter ‘D’ in the line of alphabet tabs. The lid popped up revealing an ancient sheet of paper full of names and numbers underlined or crossed out. ‘Doctor’ was at the top of the second page. She dialled the number and asked for a GP to come to her mother’s house.
‘Is the patient mobile?’ asked the morose voice on the end of the line.
‘You mean can she walk? Then yes, I’d say so,’ Kate said.
‘So is she able to come to the surgery?’ said the voice.
‘Not really. I think she’s… well it’s hard to explain because she’s not herself, she’s not making sense, like she’s delirious and her movements are restricted.’
‘The doctors are very busy today, Mrs Marshall. I can put a request in for Dr Maltby to come out to your mother at the end of surgery, but bear in mind he has other visits to make—’
‘Which will be what time?’
‘This is assuming he is not called to a higher priority case.’
‘But this is serious. How long will we have to wait?’ Heat rose from her neck to her face.
‘Surgery ends at five thirty p.m. He has scheduled visits until six thirty p.m., so anywhere between then and eight p.m.’
Kate looked at the car clock: 1.52 p.m. ‘That’s far too long.’
‘There’s no one else available.’
‘Fine, don’t bother.’ Kate hung up and chucked the phone on the seat.
Back in the house, she tried to persuade her mother to get in the car so she could take her to A & E, but Elizabeth refused to leave. Kate went into the kitchen and shut the door. Should she ring James? Would this count as encroaching on their break from each other? But who else could she call who would understand? She dialled his number. The line
was engaged, so she hung up. Damn, now what? A few seconds later, her mobile rang.
‘You called?’ James asked.
‘Sorry, I didn’t want to bother you, are you in a meeting?’ She tried not to sound in a panic.
‘About to go into one. Is everything okay?’
‘It’s Mum, I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I think she’s delirious. She keeps talking about a nurse trying to drown her and something about a man being in the house.’
‘Kate, Kate, stop a sec, have you called a doctor?’
‘Yes, of course, but he wouldn’t be able to get here for two hours, maybe more and she won’t get in the car.’
‘Call an ambulance.’
‘But she won’t leave the house.’
‘You need to call an ambulance. They’ll know what to do. I’ll meet you at the hospital.’
‘Will you?’ A lighted fuse zipped through her body along with the ridiculous thought that perhaps she could persuade him to come home.
‘I’ll get there as soon as I can.’ The line cut off.
Kate looked at her mobile and dialled 999.
* * *
When James arrived at the hospital, Kate waved him over. She was sitting in a side room of the emergency unit waiting to hear the doctor’s verdict.
‘She’ll be all right.’ James wrapped his arms round her.
‘It was like she didn’t know who I was.’
‘Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it.’
‘When she didn’t answer my calls, I assumed…’
‘There’s no point going over that now.’ James covered her hands with his.
‘But I should have called back sooner.’
A nurse walked into the room and crouched in front of Kate. She sat up and looked searchingly into the nurse’s eyes.
‘We suspect your mum has had a heart attack, which has triggered pneumonia.’
‘Oh God. Is she going to be all right?’ Kate clenched James’s hand.
‘We’re still assessing her condition. Her temperature has gone sky high, which is why she is delirious. We need to stabilise her first.’
‘Can I see her?’
‘For a few moments. She may not recognise you.’
A Mother Like You Page 11