by S. J. West
“You can’t possibly compare my feelings with that buffoon’s.” Brand sounded so offended I wasn’t sure I wanted this conversation to continue. “He’s completely infatuated with you. It’s not the same thing as love.”
“But you said yourself you’ve never been around anyone like me before. How can you be so sure what you feel for me is real?”
Brand cupped the side of my face with one of his hands. The look in his eyes told me how much what I said hurt him, but I think he understood how my doubts were hurting me too.
“You do have an affect on me, I admit. But my love for you goes so far beyond just feeling contented. I don’t know how to tell you how much I love you to make you truly understand. Even if you didn’t have the ability to curb the hunger for blood I’ve felt since I was exiled here, I would still love you. I would still want to marry you. The connection we have with one another goes beyond any physical pleasure. Don’t let Will’s jealousy taint the love you have for me. You have to know how much he wants you for himself. He’s still in love with you, Lilly. I don’t know if he said these things to provide a way to change your feelings for me or if he said them to hurt me because I’m taking you even further away from him. But please, don’t doubt my love for you. I can’t stand to think you consider my love so feeble.”
I felt ashamed. How could I have admitted to him that I doubted his feelings were real?
“I’m sorry,” I said pulling him to me, hugging him tight. “I’m so sorry. Forget what I just said.”
Brand pulled away from me and looked into my eyes. “No, I can’t. I won’t. If I have to spend every day for the rest of your life proving how much I love you, I will.”
“I know you love me.” I could tell he knew I was telling him the truth. “It’s probably just the fact that you’re so perfect. I can’t understand why you would want to be with someone like me except for this power I have that makes you feel almost human.”
Brand just shook his head at me like I still didn’t understand the true depth of his feelings. “One day you’ll know that isn’t why I love you. For now, all I can do is tell you and show you how much you mean to me.”
He held me close. We stayed like that, silently willing the other person could physically feel the love we had for the other until Tara came back into the room.
Chapter 8
I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up on my school work. Brand ended up helping me understand more than just reading the pages in my text books did. Since he had lived through the things my world civilization class discussed, he was able to give me a first hand account of the events I needed to know about. And his knowledge of math and science helped me understand a few concepts that had been eluding me all semester. Catching up on my school work didn’t take nearly as long as I had feared at first.
Malcolm came to visit me near supper time and brought in some contraband food for us to eat from a local restaurant. He also happened to bring his chess game.
We told him about the results of Allan’s genetic work up on me. He seemed as excited about the intriguing data as Allan had been.
“I was hoping I could talk you into a game,” he said to me while Tara and Brand were cleaning up after our meal.
“That sounds like a good idea,” Brand said. “I need to go help Malik move his things into his new apartment.”
“Which apartments is he moving into?” I asked.
“Lakewood Gardens,” Brand said. “He’s anxious to get settled as soon as he can.”
“Mind if I come with you to help?” Tara asked.
“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind that,” Brand replied trying to hide his smile. He came over to me and gave me a kiss that literally took my breath away.
I heard Malcolm clear his throat, loudly. Brand pulled away with a satisfied grin on his face. “I’ll be back as soon as we’re through. Don’t tire her out,” he said to Malcolm. “I plan to continue that kiss when I get back.”
Malcolm lifted a dubious eyebrow at Brand. “I’ll try not to think about that while we enjoy some private time together. You know I don’t get Lilly to myself very often these days.”
“Just keep her safe,” Brand almost ordered, going to stand beside Tara.
“Ready?” he asked laying a hand on her shoulder.
“Yep.”
When they left, Malcolm set up the chess board on the wheeled over-bed table I usually ate my meals on.
“Malcolm,” I eyed my friend hesitantly, not sure I should open up this can of worms but needing to know the answer, “how would you describe your feelings for me?”
Malcolm stopped what he was doing and looked at me quizzically. “What exactly do you mean, dearest?”
“Would you say you feel like you’re in love with me?”
“Why are you asking me this? Are you having doubts about marrying, Brand?” He asked hopefully.
“No,” I quickly said, not wanting to give him the impression that my feelings for Brand were wavering, “something Will said to me this morning keeps bugging me.”
“And what would that be?”
“He said Brand’s feelings for me are just because of the way I make him feel when he’s around me. So, I wanted to know what your true feelings were for me. Would you say you think yourself in love with me?”
Malcolm was thoughtful for a moment and crossed his arms over his semi-bared chest as he considered my question.
“I wouldn’t take the things Will says to heart if I were you, dearest. His kind are so used to twisting the truth to get what they want I doubt even he realizes he’s doing it. I admit that the way you make me feel content with myself is extremely addictive. I’ve made no secret about that. But, it’s not the reason I care for you.”
“Why do you care for me so much?”
“Well, we have a lot of fun together don’t we, at least when your over protective fiancé isn’t around? I can be myself around you which is something I haven’t been able to do in quite some time. You’re my friend. I don’t have many of those.”
“But would you say you’re in love with me?” I pressed. I needed to know.
“Are you asking me because you have those feeling for me or because you’re just trying to judge how true Brand’s feelings are for you?”
“I love you as a friend,” I replied not wanting to give him the wrong impression.
“Well, that’s something I suppose,” Malcolm murmured somewhat disappointed. “If those feelings ever change into something deeper, I’ll answer your question.” He continued to set up the chessboard. “Until then dearest, I’d rather keep my feelings to myself. You’ll either have to believe Brand or not. There isn’t much I can do to prove that he loves you. He has to do that himself.”
I was slightly frustrated with Malcolm’s obtuse answer. Why was it so hard to just tell me how he felt? He either felt like he was in love with me or not. But I didn’t want to push the issue. He wasn’t the only one who had few friends. I enjoyed his company too.
About an hour and a half later, Brand, Tara and Malik appeared in my room.
“Hey,” I said to the trio. “Get everything moved?”
“Just need to move my car,” Malik answered, eyeing Malcolm with open distrust. “Everything all right here?” He asked, keeping his eyes on Malcolm as he began to put up the chess game.
“You don’t have to worry about me, Malik,” Malcolm said unable to hide his irritation. “I’m a reformed vampire or hasn’t that been explained to you?”
“No, I’ve been told about you,” Malik answered but sounding like he didn’t quite believe what he had heard. “It doesn’t mean I trust you around Lilly. I don’t know you that well yet.”
“And then there were three,” Malcolm mumbled continuing to pack up the game but handling the pieces more roughly than before.
“Malcolm is a good friend of mine,” I told Malik. “He’d never do anything to harm me.”
“If you say so,” Malik replied, keeping his eyes on Malcol
m not trying to conceal his disapproval of the friend I had chosen.
“I think I’ll be going, dearest,” Malcolm said giving me a quick kiss on the lips.
My eyes fell on Brand as Malcolm stood upright and tucked his chess game under an arm. Brand was displeased with Malcolm’s show of affection but kept his emotions reigned in.
“What time are we going to interrogate Izzi?” Malcolm asked.
“As soon as Lilly is discharged,” Brand answered, keeping his voice level. “I’ll call you tomorrow when we have a more definite time.”
“Then I’ll see you all tomorrow.” Malcolm quickly disappeared.
“Listen,” I addressed Malik, “I know you’re supposed to be my fairy godfather or whatever, but you need to understand how important Malcolm is to me. He’s my friend. If you’re going to be a part of my life now, you need to understand that. He gets enough grief from Brand and Will. He doesn’t need to be getting it from you too, especially since I know him a hell of a lot better than I know you. He’s earned my friendship and loyalty. You haven’t.”
“I’m sorry if I upset you, Lilly,” Malik said seeing how irritated I was at his treatment of my friend. “It’s just my nature to be suspicious of anyone my charge comes into contact with. Malcolm’s a vampire. I’m sorry but that puts him at the top of my list of suspicious characters.”
“I don’t like him that much either,” Brand admitted. “But Lilly’s right. He is her friend, whether I like it or not. He wouldn’t hurt her or I wouldn’t leave her alone with him. If I can trust him, you can trust him.”
“I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, for now. He would be the first Watcher I’ve ever heard of who successfully stopped drinking human blood after he’s tasted it. It’ll take a while for me to fully believe he isn’t a danger to anyone.”
I noticed Malik glance Tara’s way when he said his last sentence.
“We just came to drop Tara off,” Brand said to me. “I’ll help Malik move his car and come right back. It shouldn’t take but a few minutes.”
“I’ll be fine,” I reassured him.
Once Malik and Brand were gone, Tara came and sat on the side of my bed.
“Ok, spill, girl.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“What was going on when I came in here this afternoon? It looked like you and Brand were making up from a fight or something.”
“I guess we were, sort of.”
“What happened?”
I explained to Tara Will’s theory on why Brand fell in love with me so fast and my subsequent talk with Brand about the subject. I also mentioned my talk with Malcolm.
“Well I’m glad you didn’t try to keep it from Brand,” she said. “But Will’s gonna get an earful the next time I see him. I swear that boy just doesn’t know when to give up. You know I love him like a brother but I agree with Malcolm. I think the demon part of him just wins out sometimes. Brand loves you, girl. I don’t know why you feel like you’re not good enough for him or whatever. Just be happy that he does.”
I didn’t want to linger on the subject anymore. So I decided to change it.
“Hey, you never told me where Will took you the other night after that business with Simon.”
“He took me to Disneyland. You know how I’ve always wanted to go to Disneyworld, but it was just too late to go to Florida. So he took me to the one over in California since it was still open.”
“That was nice of him.”
It reminded me of how thoughtful Will could be. Was he just acting out of jealousy casting doubt on Brand’s feelings for me like everyone seemed to think or was he acting like the best friend I once knew so well? What Will had said was plausible. Brand and Malcolm might not even realize their feelings were being clouded by my power over them. We still didn’t know everything about me. Could there be something else about me which would cause Watchers to fall in love with me? Even Justin had said he wanted to keep me for himself when I was his prisoner. And Robert, well, I didn’t want to think about that episode in my life but even he had been affected by me enough to almost go against Justin. Maybe Will wasn’t that far off the mark. But how could I know for sure?
When Brand made it back to my room, Tara gathered up her things and said she would be back the next day to help me check out of the hospital.
After she was gone, I silently watched Brand as he packed up my school books and the few personal belongings I had to make my departure from my sterile prison as fast as possible the next day.
Did he really love me? It was a question which kept running through my mind even though I didn’t want it to. And I felt like a traitor to his love for doubting it. I knew he thought he loved me, but was it real? I hadn’t doubted it until Will brought up the possibility that his feelings for me were just a by product of what I was. Did it matter if that were the case though? Wasn’t love usually caused by feeling comfortable in someone else’s presence? So comfortable that you could relax and simply be yourself? Perhaps I shouldn’t worry about why Brand loved me and just accept the fact that he did.
“Could you stop that for a minute,” I said to him.
He dropped the book in his hand and came to me. “Is something wrong?”
“No, I just wanted you closer.”
With a pleased smile, he crawled into the small bed, wrapping his arms around me.
“I’m really tired of being here,” I sighed tightening my hold around him sinking deeper into his warm embrace. “I want to be home.”
“It’s only one more night,” he soothed, rubbing his hand up and down my back.
“But your bed is so much more comfortable than this one.”
His hand stopped moving against my back. He drew away from me slightly to look into my eyes. “Is my house home for you?”
“Yeah, I guess it is,” I said, surprised by the fact that I did indeed think of Brand’s house as my home. Honestly, wherever Brand was was home to me but his house was where we spent the most intimate of our time together. “Is that all right?”
“It’s more than all right, Lilly.” He hugged me even tighter. Before I knew it, we were laying in Brand’s bed. The room was dark but that didn’t bother me.
“Thank you,” I sighed, relaxing completely for the first time since I had woken up from my coma. I fell asleep in his arms, but our night together didn’t end there. Brand shared a dream with me which followed through with his earlier promise about continuing a certain kiss.
When I awoke the next morning, I was back in my hospital bed. Brand was still holding me.
“Good morning,” I said, smiling up at him.
“How did you sleep?” He asked with a roguish grin on his face.
“Well, besides feeling like I need a cold shower this morning, very well.”
“Cold shower, uh?” He kissed my lips gently and started to trail a series of warm kisses down my neck. “I have a better idea, if you’re interested.”
My pulse raced. I was glad they didn’t have me hooked up to a heart monitor anymore. I was sure it would cause an alarm to go off at the nurse’s station. I felt like I might hyperventilate under the assault his lips were making across my throat.
I heard the distinct sound of a man clear his throat come from somewhere inside my room.
Why did it seem like we were always being interrupted? It was almost like we had a big neon sign go off over our heads every time we tried to have an intimate moment together, alerting whoever was paying attention that we were getting too close.
Brand sat up and looked behind him. When I looked around Brand, I saw Allan standing in the exact spot he stood the last time he visited.
“Sorry,” he said in an honestly contrite voice. He was wearing his lab coat this time with a pair of green rubber gloves and the same white face mask he used on his previous visit over his mouth. “I suppose I should have called first. Please accept my sincerest apologies for interrupting.”
Brand stood from my bed, discreetl
y adjusting his clothing. “No, Allan. It’s good of you to come. Do you have the results for us?”
“Yes, I thought you would want to know what I found out right away.”
“And what did you discover?” Brand asked.
“Her mother has the same mitochondrial DNA sequence as Lilly but she doesn’t have any of the angelic DNA sequences which give Lilly her powers. It has to be assumed that Lilly inherited those from her father. I would still like to get a sample of the grandmother’s DNA, if at all possible,” Allan requested, “just to confirm my findings.”
“We need to find your grandparents,” Brand said to me. “It’s the only way we’ll be able to figure out where your mother’s family originated.”
“How long will you be in this location, if I might ask?”
“We’re leaving this morning, I hope,” Brand answered. “But you are welcome to come to my home anytime you want. Just call me and I’ll take you there so you know where it is.”
“Very thoughtful of you,” Allan looked at me. I think he was smiling beneath the mask. “Glad to see you made a full recovery, Lilly. Please don’t hesitate to call on me if I can be of further assistance to you in the future.”
“Thank you, Allan.”
“Well, I’ll let you two get back to what you were doing.”
After Allan left, I couldn’t help but laugh a little.
“Well, you heard the man,” I said to Brand, trying to look as alluring as I could in a hospital gown. “We should get back to what we were doing.”
Just as Brand was about to crawl back into bed with me, a nurse came into the room and completely spoiled the mood. A little while later, Malcolm, Tara, Will and Malik came in which doomed my chances of another romantic interlude with Brand before I left the hospital. It was just as well. I would rather be in our own bed to continue further explorations anyway.
It didn’t take very long to check out of the hospital. Some of my doctors came by to wish me well before I left, but if you asked me any of their names I couldn’t tell you one. All I wanted to do was get out.
As soon as we got into Brand’s car, he phased us to Malcolm’s house. Malik traveled with Malcolm and Tara with Will in their respective vehicles. We were all pretty anxious to find out what information Izzi could tell us.